Author ironpony Posted February 18, 2019 Author Posted February 18, 2019 Yeah I have a gf now, which probably makes him yearn for one more because of that.
Olivia_daviss Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Just try to help him develop some social skills I don't think it would be a good idea to set him up with someone because if it didn't work out the situation would get even worse can I ask are you an attractive person if you get a lot of attention and he gets none that would make it worse
Author ironpony Posted March 9, 2019 Author Posted March 9, 2019 Oh sorry, are you asking if I am an attractive person?
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 But after years of trying, he hasn't been able to find one woman of a normal IQ that is interested in him. What do you think? no "normal" (whatever that is) woman is going to be able to care for him for decades. would you want to take care of someone with schizophrenia for the rest of their life? his only hope is to date someone like him. birds of a feather flock together for a reason. have him join support groups and meet other people his own age and abilities
greymatter Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 no "normal" (whatever that is) woman is going to be able to care for him for decades. would you want to take care of someone with schizophrenia for the rest of their life? his only hope is to date someone like him. birds of a feather flock together for a reason. have him join support groups and meet other people his own age and abilities I don't agree and autism is nothing like schizophrenia. It's not a mental health condition. These fall into completely different categories.
todreaminblue Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 We don't know how intelligent the OP's brother is but as he functions like a 8-9 year old according to his brother, then that is not really conducive to dating "normal" women in their late twenties. He needs professional help here IMO. he functions at 8 or 9 in social settings in ops words.....not overall in life....he is good at mathematics and machines according to op which points to a guy with intelligence in my opinion....with a lack of social skills compounded by his autism....deb..... 1
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 I don't agree and autism is nothing like schizophrenia. It's not a mental health condition. These fall into completely different categories. both are genetic conditions that are chronic and will never get better, they may be controlled thru various means but they will never be "normal" whatever that means
Author ironpony Posted March 10, 2019 Author Posted March 10, 2019 Okay thanks. I think he just feels really ashamed of himself and needs a confidence boost with the opposite gender. He keeps asking for me to help but I don't know what to do... Do you think that maybe he got laid, he may get a confidence boost? I remember when I lost my virginity, it gave me a real confidence boost way back, but is that common for a lot of guys, especially shy guys who feel that all women don't like them?
littleblackheart Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 OP, can you clarify - does your brother live on his own and cares for his own needs? Plenty of autists live a completely 'normal' life in couples with NTs of various levels of intelligence themselves (the implication that by comparison, NTs are all intelligent is just laughable, frankly). Of course he can 'learn' coping mechanisms that would make his life easier, but it depends on where he places on the spectrum not in terms of 'intelligence' but in terms of how independent he is.
Author ironpony Posted March 10, 2019 Author Posted March 10, 2019 He lives with our parents and cannot support himself for various reasons. For one reason he is very susceptible to scams for one. One time he was scammed out of money and if we leave him alone in a place where he is alone and can answer the door himself or answer the phone himself, he will be scammed again, so we try to not allow it to happen again since he lost thousands of dollars the one time. That's just an example, but he doesn't seem to feel ready to live on his own either.
greymatter Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 both are genetic conditions that are chronic and will never get better, they may be controlled thru various means but they will never be "normal" whatever that means Having worked 1:1 with schizophrenic patients, and having someone in my immediate family who has high functioning autism, gives me the perspective to assert that you are comparing apples to oranges in my personal and professional experience.
Wallysbears Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Autism does not mean that a person has a low IQ or low social skills. It is a spectrum with a million points and every individual with autism is different. There is no one size fits all answer. There are hundreds of autism support groups on social media and Facebook. Point him towards one of those. They have get together and lectures and skills workshops, etc
todreaminblue Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Okay thanks. I think he just feels really ashamed of himself and needs a confidence boost with the opposite gender. He keeps asking for me to help but I don't know what to do... Do you think that maybe he got laid, he may get a confidence boost? I remember when I lost my virginity, it gave me a real confidence boost way back, but is that common for a lot of guys, especially shy guys who feel that all women don't like them? i dont think him getting laid is the right sort of confidence boost....could actually be detrimental to increasing his social awareness....i feel more social interaction with his clothes on would really help...maybe at a video game convention with people who would be willing to talk to him about his love for video games..or groups dedicated to video games..... .having common interests other than sex with the opposite gender would really help him...i feel that pretty strongly....making friends ..would be so helpful, much better than sex for him..people he could eventually chill out with ....talk to and interact with..progressing possibly to a meaningful intimate relationship with someone special who enjoys his company....deb
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 assuming he is a virgin the problem with getting him laid (from a sex worker I assume) is that he will see how great sex is and start wanting it all the time. this will cause HUGE problems for you and the family. I don't even know if an escort/call girl will accept him as a client
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Autism does not mean that a person has a low IQ or low social skills. It is a spectrum with a million points and every individual with autism is different. There is no one size fits all answer. There are hundreds of autism support groups on social media and Facebook. Point him towards one of those. They have get together and lectures and skills workshops, etc I know a family that has a high functioning autistic spectrum child. She still requires constant supervision and assistance.
littleblackheart Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Sigh. When you know one person on the autism spectrum, you know one person on the autism spectrum. Spectrum. That's your clue. OP, your brother's lack of life skills and independence are his major hurdle. As I said in a previous post, prepare yourself (and him) for the eventuality that this may not happen. Other than guide him and give him helpful social cues / life skills / get him to have a solid friendship base, there is nothing you can do. You sound like you have his back; that's quite cool in itself.
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 I know a family that has a high functioning autistic spectrum child. She still requires constant supervision and assistance. High functioning means high functioning for a person on the autistic spectrum, not high functioning for a "normal" person.
littleblackheart Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 High functioning means high functioning for a person on the autistic spectrum, not high functioning for a "normal" person. Double sigh. No, high functioning means high functioning for a human being. High functioning, for me = a full-time job that holds some status, a PhD, 2 kind, thoughtful, academically bright kids I raise on my own, life-long friendships, extremely close family ties, no support whatsoever (financially or otherwise). I go out when I feel like it, I don't get bogged down by societal rules, I don't backstab, prejudge, assume, gossip, or pretend to care or know when I don't, I have solid morals and a strong sense of fairness. If you don't have personal experience or knowledge (which is totally fine if a bit too obvious), you could try a little empathy which, ironically is meant to be the domain of the 'normal' people... Or even better, before posting on ASD, why not spend some time either genuinely getting to know people on the spectrum? I'm more than happy to help by DM. 2
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 i'm going to have to start calling you DR. littleblackheart
littleblackheart Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 OP, have you considered forums who are specifically geared towards families dealing with ASD ? They may have good insight into helping you and your parents deal with your brother's specific needs (not just the dating part), or at least offer some support. 1
greymatter Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Double sigh. No, high functioning means high functioning for a human being. If you don't have personal experience or knowledge (which is totally fine if a bit too obvious), you could try a little empathy which, ironically is meant to be the domain of the 'normal' people... Or even better, before posting on ASD, why not spend some time either genuinely getting to know people on the spectrum? I'm more than happy to help by DM. Thank you LittleBlackHeart for articulating this (to me, it's stating the obvious, even though to many/most it doesn't appear to be). Well said. 1
devilish innocent Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Okay thanks. I think he just feels really ashamed of himself and needs a confidence boost with the opposite gender. He keeps asking for me to help but I don't know what to do... Do you think that maybe he got laid, he may get a confidence boost? I remember when I lost my virginity, it gave me a real confidence boost way back, but is that common for a lot of guys, especially shy guys who feel that all women don't like them? If he can't get a date, I think the only way he could get laid would be if you hired somebody to sleep with him. Unless you want to deceive him, he would know what you'd done. I don't see how that would help him feel better about himself. Besides, it's illegal to hire somebody for that. People have been convicted and lost their jobs for soliciting a prostitute, so it's a risky business. I don't think it would be worth it. I remember seeing a news show about an autistic couple who were married and had met through a support group for autistic people. It seemed to work for them. It's a shame they don't have more groups for autistic people to meet each other.
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Double sigh. No, high functioning means high functioning for a human being. No it doesn't. You may be extremely "high functioning" but that is just anecdotal and individual to you. It has nothing to do with the general use of the term. High-functioning autism (HFA) is a term applied to people with autism who are deemed to be cognitively "higher functioning" (with an IQ of greater than 70) than other people with autism.
littleblackheart Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Treble sigh This wiki definition has been challenged countless times on account of the fact that 1. it is actually near impossible to measure the IQ of non verbal autistic people and 2. every single case of ASD is anecdotal.
Wallysbears Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 No it doesn't. You may be extremely "high functioning" but that is just anecdotal and individual to you. It has nothing to do with the general use of the term. No. HFA does NOT have anything to do with IQ. It has to do with functioning as a human. HFA individuals are just that....high function the same as a neurotypical person that is HF.
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