Author mincrafter Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 I am not at all using the other woman anymore. Since the first post of this thread I did a self evaluation and decided that I needed to tone things down. Thats why there has been no sex since then although there's been plenty of oppurtunity. And I have been explicit enough to her that she doesn't have to see me anymore when I am not decisive about what should I do. And if she wants she can date others too. She still wants to have a friendship. She has no one close enough to share the most deepest thoughts other than me and thats why she values our friendship very highly. Trust me the intensity of our relationship now is not even 20% of what it was 2 months ago. And I am not ready to lose her friendship either, not right now. And although my wife started doing things sometime ago, she had no empathy for me after DDay. That is when I feel I started losing my love for her and it ended completely when I felt the full intensity of my relationship with the OW. The relationship with the OW is not even 1 year old but the combination of the betrayal and all the bad feelings associated with it and then finding that I am wanted by some other person more than my WW has killed the love for my WW faster than it should. Given this, I still don't want to exit this marriage until I am completely done. I feel like I am getting to a point when my emotions will stabilize to normal and I will have a more clearer perspective on what I want in my future going forward. There's no reason for me to rush for a divorce right now. My children need me on my best to make the best decision regarding our family. And as time goes on and I let myself cool down, I feel like I am getting there eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mincrafter Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 (edited) The person that has a RA no longer holds the moral high ground. And, with your WW doing all that a WW can do to repair the damage. Combined with you knowing how much pain and damage an affair causes. You choose to ignore this and have your own affair. This puts you below your WW on the moral high ground. Your WW has owned what she has done and is working to repair the damage. You are doing more damage with your cheating and false recovery. I don't think I am doing more damage. Your absolutist idea of how my WW is doing everything and so I need to jump with both feet will only be true for me if I felt that she was doing it own her own. She was on full blaming mode just like all the MOWs on how its the husband who has driven the marriage to the ditch. I can put a hand on my heart and say I absolutely did not. Is it my resentment talking? Yes. But then again I feel that she only started doing the work when she realized what she was about to lose when I went to the lawyer and was no longer giving it any care. And then my detachment is what made her work harder to bring me in. It feels more self preservation to me than making up for the wrongs on her own accord. And she knows this although she denies intentionally hurting me because she claims she was as confused as me and blaming me was her defensive mechanism at work so that she didn't have to feel the awefulness of what she did. Edited March 5, 2019 by mincrafter Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 You are so clearly done with your marriage, maybe it's time to admit that to yourself. Sometimes there is just too much damage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 You are effectively now blaming your wife for YOUR affair while criticizing her for blaming you for hers. do you not see that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 I'm not really getting that, what I'm getting is he simply don't care to explain his actions, meaning he is done. But still angry that his wifes actions led them here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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