Author Insoc Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 (edited) Sorry, but I avoided "separated" men like the PLAGUE when I was doing OLD. <SNIP> I think how you think is how 99.9% of the women on Match think, which makes sense, I just wonder if Currently Separated Women also have the same mark on them? I see them often, one woman I dated was separated for 2 years, she met a guy and it went exclusive for a year, guess Men don't care as much as Woman? My soon to be Ex already has a 35 year old BF, she is 52 he has no issues with her status and they are having sex already, she had to tell me they are active. I said I hope it lasts. We are not getting back together, even before she did this it was cut in stone. Seems Men always get the s**t end of the stick in things, which is a bit unfair but oh well? Edited January 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 (edited) Yep very similar sitch , was , and age too. l took 3yrs to myself after we separated and we divorced through that some time. sometime later l went on date site for a brief one, at first it was like that but once l got the hang on it there were actually too many chicks didn't know which way to turn or talk to next some really decent girls too. Because of the confusion and no one l met even being close in RL , l got off it. Later l met someone, hard sitch though and we couldn't work it out then later someone new agan. She's incredible . But forget this 50 thing ok , because once l got the hang of being single again if anything there were too many women and it got really confusing for awhile especially after being married 20 yrs. And yeah a lot were only separated but l wasn't gonna be one of their fkg monkey branches l think they call it. Make sure she's in a good place too and mentally sorted because a lot of them are a real mess. You'll be just fine don't worry about a thing. Good luck. Edited January 17, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I know that there are people who have sort of done the emotional work that needs to be done after you divorce while they were still married, but there are also people who have not done that work yet. You never know which you are getting when you meet strangers, and as a single person who is dating, it's less risky to choose someone who is already divorced. If I were you, I would try being just friends with women at this stage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
What_Did_I_Do Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 (edited) Sorry, but I avoided "separated" men like the PLAGUE when I was doing OLD. The truth of the matter is that separated = unfinished business.<snip> Yup ^^^ exactly this. Whether you feel it or not, you are still dealing with the aftermath of your M, in some form or another. The 50+ year old ladies who are a little more experienced in the dating world, have run across a Currently Separated man who is either still pining for his stbxW or horribly bitter about how she and her crooked lawyer are taking him to the cleaners and leaving him penniless. No thanks. I avoided the CS profiles completely. Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote and fix spacing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I have never met any one who is an "old looking" anything, nor would I tell them that to their face, even if I thought so. Everyone is "young looking"... Try not to aim too high, it just tends to lead to frustration and disappointment, be realistic. Whatever you're smoking I want some. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 OP, I was in the same boat as you and I didn't wait. I think everybody moves at their own pace and some people deal with things differently than others. There are women who would date you who do know their worth, it all depends on circumstances. In my experience I ended up with someone before I was divorced, she was and is a high value woman. We were friends for years before my divorce so she had a good idea of what was going on and the type of person I was. You might find yourself someone in person who can figure out what you are about, it is often the high value person who can figure such things out. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I just wonder if Currently Separated Women also have the same mark on them?I would say no. I dated several separated women in my late twenties and all of the separated women within my circle of friends had no trouble getting dates on OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 While looking back I know I shouldn't have dated when separated, (I was emotionally unavailable although I could not see it at the time) I think you should prepare yourself because you will realize that dating sucks no matter what your status is. I'm sad to tell you it will keep being frustrating after you divorce. I don't want to discourage you, just giving you a reality check. l found this was really common in women when l started meeting them again. l actually even told a couple of them to just go home and chill for a few years,no way they were ready. One of them even text me 6mths later and thanked me. And l remembered her and she was such a mess back when l couldn't even believe she was trying to be out there yet. You know , l get the panic feeling and worry l had it too, but you know, we gotta do what we gotta do it's best all round. And another thing l noticed was the ones that didn't , just ended up with their head spinning chasing their tail and in even more of a mess anyway. Saw that a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Insoc Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 (edited) <snip>But forget this 50 thing ok , because once l got the hang of being single again if anything there were too many women and it got really confusing for awhile especially after being married 20 yrs. And yeah a lot were only separated but l wasn't gonna be one of their fkg monkey branches l think they call it. Make sure she's in a good place too and mentally sorted because a lot of them are a real mess. You'll be just fine don't worry about a thing. Good luck. In reality, I wish I never signed up for Match and did not date till after our Divorce is final which will be in 3 months or so. I don't know if I have enough patience to wait 3 years, everyone's situation is different, we don't have kids, our Divorce should have happened a few years ago, we stayed together thinking it would change but it didn't, no intimacy in 5+ years, that is no Sex, sleeping in different rooms and lot's of fighting and arguments, my ex didn't work in a few years so financial strain started to be an issue. My soon to be Ex also went online and cheated on me, though it was only cybersex with a scammer, she hided it from me, though I really don't feel it's the same as coming home an finding your spouse in bed with someone, it's not. So to say the least, emotionally I'm already ahead of the curve here than with most people. I'm actually more emotionally upset over a woman I met a few months ago via long distance that didn't work out, she made me happy but the timing wasn't good and we broke it off. I just came to a realization, that my status "CS" is not helping me, so I had to retract and hold off, I had some people tell me to not do that, I may miss "the one", but after a few months with OLD and my results (not the best) I think it's best to be patient. I also have a lot on my plate with this divorce, and things to sort out for myself, I'm living in rented room in a house with a few other guys who are divorced or single, I hate divulging that to a date, it looks bad so I plan to move out and get my own place in the summer which will look better if I want to invite a date over, I have my own place. So for now, I have a lot against me and it's not fair to someone else to bring them into my "I am in a World of S**t", Gomer Pyle from the film "Full Metal Jacket" quote. I'm holding out hope, I can hang on and wait it out till the Summer to start again and can list my status as "Divorced", one thing this Divorce Process has done is made me very impatient and my situation is not good, I have a tendency to think I can start to look again, but stop myself. Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Insoc Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 (edited) OP, I was in the same boat as you and I didn't wait. I think everybody moves at their own pace and some people deal with things differently than others. <snip> I hate waiting, because I have been so unhappy in my relationship/marriage for a long time and am emotionally available, but logistically not. The fact I'm living in a rented room at the present time (temporary) doesn't make me look too marketable on top of being CS. I tried it, had a few dates met some people local and far away, nothing seemed to be too serious, but I feel as hard as it is, I need to be patient and just wait it out for the better, probably the hardest thing I have done in a while. Patience is not on my side now, that is probably the hardest thing I have to deal with. Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Insoc Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 I would say no. I dated several separated women in my late twenties and all of the separated women within my circle of friends had no trouble getting dates on OLD. That's what I thought, my soon to be Ex already has a BF, guy is 16 years her junior too, doesn't seem to care about her status. It seems unfair but that's how it is, I'm actually supportive of her because I want her to move in with the guy so I can pay less support. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 I want her to move in with the guy so I can pay less support. Child support or spousal support? Child support doesn't work that way, FYI. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Insoc Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 Child support or spousal support? Child support doesn't work that way, FYI. We have no kids, so cohabitation (if my ex moves in with her BF) = reduced support per my Lawyer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 You're vulnerable to making rash decisions that probably won't work out well. Indeed. Vulnerable to rash decisions like long distance relationships with women you have never met who sext with you after two days - women you believe to be “authentic” despite all the warnings from other posters on this board. Insoc, you may well feel ready to date now but you’re going to have a hard time finding a woman who wants to date a “married” man - albeit, in the process of divorce. Give it time. And, be safe. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 My soon to be Ex already has a BF, guy is 16 years her junior = red flag #1 doesn't seem to care about her status = red flag #2. Just because she has moved on quickly doesn’t mean it’s a healthy relationship or that it is going to last. Probably far from it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Insoc Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Indeed. Vulnerable to rash decisions like long distance relationships with women you have never met who sext with you after two days - women you believe to be “authentic” despite all the warnings from other posters on this board. Insoc, you may well feel ready to date now but you’re going to have a hard time finding a woman who wants to date a “married” man - albeit, in the process of divorce. Give it time. And, be safe. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is... Well the 1st one appeared to authentic, if she wasn't she should get the Academy Award for Catfish of the Year. She even said initially she doesnt' date CS men and also said a few times I need to date local, or not date and get through my divorce first. So I don't know if that was all leading me on tactics or what? I agree with you on my status, it's not helping. Even after my Divorce is final, I'll still have Women who will ask me how long I have been divorced and burn me at the stake saying it hasn't been that long, so I should wait till I'm 60 (10 years) to date again, lol, no! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 It's hardly surprising women who want a LTR are not going to want to be "the rebound", or want to suffer the effects of your divorce baggage, or want to be part of a long line of "casuals" until you find your feet again. You are atm a loose cannon and any woman worth her salt will avoid you. It is not her fault that you may be 60 by the time you get your act together and be worth dating... she is protecting herself. BTW. Hankering after long distance, iffy women makes you look desperate and you are ripe to be taken advantage of by scammers and the like. You need to calm down and look closer to home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Insoc Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) I actually meet several who have "CS" in their profiles or are CS themselves that avoid the issue, I just chatted with one last night, when I brought of the CS status, saying I'm in the same boat, she went poof lol. I also met some women who lied to be about being divorced, they told me after a few days they were separated, I won't go there I'm honest maybe too honest, but that's me. If I'm single till I'm 60, then so be it. Priesthood is always an option lol. Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Remove quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
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