confused_gf Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 5 years ago I was seeing this guy on and off. Wasn't sure how serious he was and didn't want to get my heart stepped on so I kept him at an arm's length even though I was falling madly in love with him slowly but surely. We slept together once and it was so passionate and intense I will never forget it. Unfortunately, it ended right when it was about to begin. He told me he was in love and then after that night abruptly disappeared. I followed up with him to no avail. He later denied ever telling me he loved me. Years later I've talked to him and he changed the story, he now remembers telling me he loved me but he only meant it "as a person". I have gotten advice from my brother who believes that because I didn't say it back, he took it as rejection and this is a guys way of dealing with it. Either way I felt like the obvious lying and storytelling is just disrespectful. So we got into a heated argument and he blocked me on FB. At the time I thought I was soooo over him and didn't care. Very wrong indeed! A couple years later and I still think about this guy all the time. I dream about him. It feels like I never left him at all sometimes. I've told myself numerous times not to visit his social media but I can't keep myself away. I don't really have too much interest in other men. But why won't he just admit that he told me he loved me? Like what is the big deal with that. Isn't this very immature? I feel like I want him so bad yet I don't even want to talk to him until he just admits it already. But it looks like that may never happen. Am I wrong for standing my ground? Should I just move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 (edited) You seem more obsessed than in love. The guy gave you a line to get in your pants then bolted. Edited January 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 5 years after a one night stand? It sounds like you need to get out and date more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Isn't this very immature? So is your starting a heated argument with him over whether he said he loves you. And your stubbornness in insisting you must 'win' this argument. What sort of message does that send him? It tells him you're crazy enough to start a fight over anything that's on your mind, no matter how small or far in the past. No wonder he blocked you! Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and let things go. Even when you believe you're in the right. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 I feel like I want him so bad yet I don't even want to talk to him until he just admits it already. But it looks like that may never happen. Am I wrong for standing my ground? Should I just move on? Goodness me, yes. What other choice do you really have? It's been over for years. I hate to tell you this, but you probably don't even really cross his mind all that much anymore. I would imagine he's dated and slept with other women by now and long ago closed the chapter he had with you. Why he didn't admit he said he loved you isn't relevant at this point. Was it immature? Maybe. Did you also behave immaturely? It sounds like you did to some extent. Does it matter now? Not really. The point is that he vanished and didn't pursue a relationship with you, and his stance apparently hasn't changed since then either. Let it go, girl. Delete him from your social media so you can stop fixating on him. It's not healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 5 years after a one night stand? It sounds like you need to get out and date more. It was not a one night stand, we continued to date and hang out after we slept together but I can see why I would have given this impression. I guess I would agree with you, but I've moved on and been with other guys and he still sticks out to me for certain qualities. If I could change my feelings I would! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 So is your starting a heated argument with him over whether he said he loves you. And your stubbornness in insisting you must 'win' this argument. What sort of message does that send him? It tells him you're crazy enough to start a fight over anything that's on your mind, no matter how small or far in the past. No wonder he blocked you! Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and let things go. Even when you believe you're in the right. Yes, I've learned my lesson here. I guess I am just a very literal and straightforward person. It can get me in trouble. But to me it isn't a small matter to tell someone "I love you". To me that is very sacred and serious. I feel like if you say it someone you owe them some sort of honesty and respect even if you had a change of heart. And I feel like the lie is a very deliberate way of saying "Oh well, you rejected me so I'm going to get back at you. There!" When I don't feel like I've wronged him at all. That's what irritates me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 You have built him up in your mind as Mr. Perfect, the ideal guy who got away. Until you let go of that false image you will always wonder. You have to accept the fact that he's human & imperfect just like the rest of us & had you two continued then you would have been better able to see his flaws. Your brother may have a point . . .if this was a relationship & the guy laid his soul bare, confessing his love for you only to be met with silence, of course he took that as rejection. Nevertheless, if he really had been the love of your life, at the time the words would have come back out of your mouth. They didn't. So even then some part of you knew this wasn't a good relationship for you. He's just a guy. Remember that. Stop idealizing him & let go already. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Elpida. Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Forget about it and move on. If he was really in love, he would not have bolted nor let five years go by. Some people are just *******s and no amount of analyzing or wondering why he was not a more decent person is going to change anything. Oh my gosh, if I sit and think back to guys I dated five years ago, I think to myself "wow I completely forgot about him!" - they don't even cross my mind any more. You are dwelling far too much and likely he has forgotten or doesn't even think about it. Sorry to say. Just you are wasting time obsessing when there are hundreds/thousands more guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 You have built him up in your mind as Mr. Perfect, the ideal guy who got away. Until you let go of that false image you will always wonder. You have to accept the fact that he's human & imperfect just like the rest of us & had you two continued then you would have been better able to see his flaws. Your brother may have a point . . .if this was a relationship & the guy laid his soul bare, confessing his love for you only to be met with silence, of course he took that as rejection. Nevertheless, if he really had been the love of your life, at the time the words would have come back out of your mouth. They didn't. So even then some part of you knew this wasn't a good relationship for you. He's just a guy. Remember that. Stop idealizing him & let go already. All very good points. That's the hard part. We never achieved that level of intimacy that really allows you to get comfortable and a little bit complacent toward a person. The "I love you" really came as a shock to me. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and I really needed the time to process. Again, maybe I am just odd. Because I have been in that situation before (I told a person I loved them and they didn't say it back immediately) and I basically just took it as the person needed more time? I didn't use it as an excuse to start punishing them passive aggressively. I guess I made a fatal error Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 Forget about it and move on. If he was really in love, he would not have bolted nor let five years go by. Some people are just *******s and no amount of analyzing or wondering why he was not a more decent person is going to change anything. Oh my gosh, if I sit and think back to guys I dated five years ago, I think to myself "wow I completely forgot about him!" - they don't even cross my mind any more. You are dwelling far too much and likely he has forgotten or doesn't even think about it. Sorry to say. Just you are wasting time obsessing when there are hundreds/thousands more guys. Thanks, I needed to hear that... Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Isn't this very immature? If I'm being honest, the only immaturity I see here is your rabid obsession about someone who may have uttered something in the heat of the moment many years ago and whom you've now made live to regret. Come on. You think you're the first female ever in the history of humankind that was sold a bill of goods by some guy whose ultimate goal was to get himself some girlie action? Sure you got along and had fun and enjoyed each other's company, but if you think for one minute that his ultimate goal WASN'T to get sex, you'd likely be very, very wrong. That's what most young people DO. And a lot of the time, that's what guys do - tell the girlies what they want to hear because it gets them rewarded for their sugary words. It's been happening since the dawn of time. Hell, it even happens in your 40's and 50's, trust me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 You can forget about it if you allow it. For whatever reason you cling onto this past memory...discover it, then squash it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I think you are really overthinking this OP. Obviously, he has moved on with his life. You need to do the same. Let it go... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 You sound like an obsessed person when you talk about him. You built him up as being Mr. Perfect and chances are he's not. You're sad and lonely and not liking the fact that you were rejected. If that's the case, all you can do is be an adult and walk away from it. Do you want to be talked about? Do you want to be sending the guy presents, showing up places he is, all because you just want what you want? I have some news for you, you will not get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 (edited) 5 years ago I was seeing this guy on and off. Wasn't sure how serious he was and didn't want to get my heart stepped on so I kept him at an arm's length even though I was falling madly in love with him slowly but surely. We slept together once and it was so passionate and intense I will never forget it. Unfortunately, it ended right when it was about to begin. He told me he was in love and then after that night abruptly disappeared. I followed up with him to no avail. He later denied ever telling me he loved me.<SNIP> Girl let him go. He a) he had sex with you and told you he loved you but abandoned you and then b) lied about ever saying it. Y'all don't sound like y'all was exclusive I could be wrong? Date other men. When you find someone who actually loves you because he not only says it but he is showing you as well your going to wonder wth was I so caught up on lying pos over here. Move on. Edited January 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 When you find someone who actually loves you because he not only says it but he is showing you as well your going to wonder wth was I so caught up on lying pos over here. This! When we reestablished contact it was all pretty alright but he still maintained his lying! I felt like he was gaslighting me and I just lost my cool. Like what is the big deal with just being honest? I'm surprised so many here are apologetic toward a bold faced liar. Its as if men can't even be held accountable for anything they do... Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 This! When we reestablished contact it was all pretty alright but he still maintained his lying! I felt like he was gaslighting me and I just lost my cool. Like what is the big deal with just being honest? I'm surprised so many here are apologetic toward a bold faced liar. Its as if men can't even be held accountable for anything they do... Yea he sounds like a narcissist to me. Don't waste anymore time on him Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 This! When we reestablished contact it was all pretty alright but he still maintained his lying! I felt like he was gaslighting me and I just lost my cool. Like what is the big deal with just being honest? I'm surprised so many here are apologetic toward a bold faced liar. Its as if men can't even be held accountable for anything they do... What accountability do you expect him to take, 5 years later? Crap happens. Sure, it sucked. But it's over. You need to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goth-gal Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 You should see a therapist. Sorry this story doesn't seem that normal. You have to work on whatever issue you have that 5 years later you're still pissed over someone saying he loves you (or not) and still pinning for him. We only live once. 5 years is a LONG time to obsess over ANYONE. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 What accountability do you expect him to take, 5 years later? Crap happens. Sure, it sucked. But it's over. You need to move on. Nothing too elaborate, just hey yeah you know I said what I said. Sorry if I led you on or if you got hurt by you know...expecting anything from me at all! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 You should see a therapist. Sorry this story doesn't seem that normal. You have to work on whatever issue you have that 5 years later you're still pissed over someone saying he loves you (or not) and still pinning for him. We only live once. 5 years is a LONG time to obsess over ANYONE. I'm not offended and I do. Like Curiousroxy my therapist also suspects he is narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Nothing too elaborate, just hey yeah you know I said what I said. Sorry if I led you on or if you got hurt by you know...expecting anything from me at all! If you are waiting for him to apologize about something that happened five years ago... you are probably going to be waiting a really long time. He has inevitably moved on with his life - it’s likely that he does not know you are feeling this upset and/or he has no memory of the event because it obviously meant more to you than to him. The votes are unanimous here... YOU are holding on to and unhealthy attachment to this poor guy. Let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 this poor guy boo hoo Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Nothing too elaborate, just hey yeah you know I said what I said. Sorry if I led you on or if you got hurt by you know...expecting anything from me at all! Do you sincerely believe that might happen someday? What does your therapist have to say about your inability to let this go? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts