Author confused_gf Posted January 19, 2019 Author Share Posted January 19, 2019 Do you sincerely believe that might happen someday? What does your therapist have to say about your inability to let this go? Well when it comes to him I've learned to expect the unexpected. There were definitely times in the past where I thought we had wiped our hands completely clean of each other only to have him come beckoning me yet again. He is a musician and about a year after all the drama he posted a very weepy love song online lamenting the loss of our relationship. At the time I took it as a clear indication that I could have him back if I wanted him. But I opted out as I was moving out of state and wanted a fresh start. So is it impossible? No. But I had to say my piece and do my due diligence to make sure he knows that I know what I know and that's that. No more gaslighting from Mr. Casanova. If he is indeed a narcissist then another pertinent question would be: is it possible for a narcissist to change? Most anybody would say no here. My therapist hasn't made any comments about my "obsession" other then to help me talk through the deeper nuances of being in a toxic relationship or with someone who potentially has a personality disorder. But who knows, maybe I'll ask her that... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 (edited) My therapist hasn't made any comments about my "obsession" other then to help me talk through the deeper nuances of being in a toxic relationship or with someone who potentially has a personality disorder. But who knows, maybe I'll ask her that... That's where you should be focusing. This isn't about him anymore, really. It's about you and freeing yourself of something that is long done and over. Does your therapist know this all happened 5 years ago? If so, I find it odd that he/she is willing to diagnose someone they've never met with narcissism and yet have made no comments about your own behaviour. A therapist who is worth their salt is going to be focusing less on the third party and his supposed personality disorder and more on their patient who clearly needs their help, with all due respect. Edited January 19, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 That's where you should be focusing. This isn't about him anymore, really. It's about you and freeing yourself of something that is long done and over. No wiser words have been said... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Like Curiousroxy my therapist also suspects he is narcissist. The fact you're discussing this 5-year old relationship with your therapist (and have the username "confused_gf" when the BF is long, long gone) indicates you're simply stuck, emotionally speaking. Breaking through that barrier should be your focus, not wondering about him, his motives or distant reasons for doing what he did... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 This! When we reestablished contact it was all pretty alright but he still maintained his lying! I felt like he was gaslighting me and I just lost my cool. Like what is the big deal with just being honest? I'm surprised so many here are apologetic toward a bold faced liar. Its as if men can't even be held accountable for anything they do... Why would he have to lie to you at this stage? He barely remembers saying "ILY" and it was said once during moment of passion. He has told you he didn't mean it the way you took it which was he was in love with you and he's not. What is so hard to understand about that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 Why would he have to lie to you at this stage? Because for some its more convenient to tell a girl you love her, ghost her, and make her look crazy so you don't have to take any accountability or feel the slightest tinge of rejection. That's why If he didn't remember at all a month after the fact when I called him, how do you think he suddenly remembered several years after the fact when I followed up with him but with a different story this time. How does one interpret someone telling you "I love you" while grabbing you and kissing you goodnight after a night of dancing and making out. As a friend? As a "person"? Whatever "that" means. I even paused and looked at him after he said and he restated "Yeah...I love you." He remembers and he remembers clearly and I held him accountable for it. Crucify me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 (edited) I feel like I want him so bad yet I don't even want to talk to him until he just admits it already. But it looks like that may never happen. Am I wrong for standing my ground? Should I just move on? You're wasting your precious heart and energy on a guy that you really don't know at all! You're in love with a fantasy! The guy you thought he was doesn't exist. Please, stop chasing after him! He isn't interested and you're hurting yourself badly by not getting over him. If you can't do this on your own then please seek therapy to help you process this and how to let go. 5 years way too long! You're missing out in life and missing other opportunities to meet guys and have relationships. Edit to add, just read your latest post... He is playing you like a fiddle now, and sadly it seems like you're eating it up. Find some self love and self respect and RUN away from this guy. He is not a kind person. Edited January 20, 2019 by whichwayisup 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts