It’s been 10 months since he left me for her and I’m still really depressed!

[Arieslove93]

I’ve been really having a terrible time trying to get over my alcoholic ex who left me for another woman. He was such a charmer, showered me with affection and attention. He lost his job a couple months in of us dating and looked to me for help which I didn’t mind being there for him and helping him as much as I could but it seemed as though he wasn’t really doing his part in looking for a job so eventually I got tired of supporting him and his habit he started cheating on me which obviously I didn’t know at the time and eventually broke up with me to be with her because she would do anything for him by him whatever he wanted when he wanted he could easily manipulate her and control her. 10 months later they are still together in expecting a child I am really still hurt by this whole thing I just can’t believe that someone can be so insensitive to someone’s feelings and deliberately hurt them and not even care. It’s not fair that a person who hurt someone so bad and doesn’t even have a care in the world gets to move on and live life with another woman like they didn’t do anything wrong and I’m here still grieving I cry a lot it really hurts but this is the worst pain ever. 10 months later they are still together and expecting a child I am really still hurt by this whole thing I just can’t believe that someone can be so insensitive to someone’s feelings and deliberately hurt them and not even care. It’s not fair that a person who hurt someone so bad and doesn’t even have a care in the world gets to move on and live life with another woman like they didn’t do anything wrong and I’m here still grieving I cry a lot it really hurts but this is the worst pain ever I just don’t know how to get through this he really broke me down and I don’t know how to get through this. I really love him a lot and I try my best to help him but I just couldn’t take care of him and I feel like I shouldn’t have to I did what I could for as long as I could but at that point I felt that he really needed to get a job and be a man. Now I am here crying all the time as I watch him be happy with another person and it really hurts my heart my soul. People don’t really take relationships and love seriously these days I think it’s all a game people play with love a lot and he don’t realize how bad a person can break or become so broken because of love. I just need answers I need help advice please.

[stillafool]

Do you really feel that you don't deserve anything better than an alcoholic, man child cheater, who expects women to pay his way while he drinks his liver out type of guy? Is this all you see in your future? Girl, get down on your knees and thank God you aren't the one giving birth to his child. Instead of one child to take care of she will have 2. Once her attention is on the new baby he will start looking for his next woman to take care of him. Make sure that woman isn't you.

[frigginlost]

I’ve been really having a terrible time trying to get over my alcoholic ex who left me for another woman. He was such a charmer, showered me with affection and attention. He lost his job a couple months in of us dating and looked to me for help which I didn’t mind being there for him and helping him as much as I could but it seemed as though he wasn’t really doing his part in looking for a job so eventually I got tired of supporting him and his habit he started cheating on me which obviously I didn’t know at the time and eventually broke up with me to be with her because she would do anything for him by him whatever he wanted when he wanted he could easily manipulate her and control her. 10 months later they are still together in expecting a child I am really still hurt by this whole thing I just can’t believe that someone can be so insensitive to someone’s feelings and deliberately hurt them and not even care. It’s not fair that a person who hurt someone so bad and doesn’t even have a care in the world gets to move on and live life with another woman like they didn’t do anything wrong and I’m here still grieving I cry a lot it really hurts but this is the worst pain ever. 10 months later they are still together and expecting a child I am really still hurt by this whole thing I just can’t believe that someone can be so insensitive to someone’s feelings and deliberately hurt them and not even care. It’s not fair that a person who hurt someone so bad and doesn’t even have a care in the world gets to move on and live life with another woman like they didn’t do anything wrong and I’m here still grieving I cry a lot it really hurts but this is the worst pain ever I just don’t know how to get through this he really broke me down and I don’t know how to get through this. I really love him a lot and I try my best to help him but I just couldn’t take care of him and I feel like I shouldn’t have to I did what I could for as long as I could but at that point I felt that he really needed to get a job and be a man. Now I am here crying all the time as I watch him be happy with another person and it really hurts my heart my soul. People don’t really take relationships and love seriously these days I think it’s all a game people play with love a lot and he don’t realize how bad a person can break or become so broken because of love. I just need answers I need help advice please.

 

First, breathe.

 

Second, realize that there are some people that do not take relationships seriously nor do they know how to "love". No matter what you do for them, they won't see it as the way you meant it. They are damaged and there is nothing that you can do to change that. At the top of that damage pile are cheaters. Cheaters have two options: Change (which nearly none of them do) or continue to cheat.

 

Third, realize that baby or not, he is not going to change who and what he is at his core, and cheaters don't change in 10 months without some serious therapy. Sure, things look happy unicorns and rainbows for him, but it's all an illusion. The curtain will come down in due time.

 

What you need to do is realize it is not you which made him leave, you are a better person than him, and try your hardest not to follow his life.

 

Once his current love situation implodes (and it will) then you can follow his life. And even laugh.

 

Stay strong!

[Redhead14]

"my alcoholic ex"

 

Sweetie you are pining away for a man who is selfish and incapable of loving anyone or anything besides ALCOHOL. The new woman is a doormat, allowing herself to be used by him, and likely co-dependent going by what you've said. She didn't get some prize of a man. Try to have some empathy for her too. She's allowing herself to go down a road that will likely become painful for her as well. When she finally wakes up to the mess she's taken on and starts drawing boundaries, he will move on from her as well.

 

"I try my best to help him but I just couldn’t take care of him"

 

He was supposed to be a boyfriend/adult partner, not your child. Taking care of an alcoholic is outside of pretty much everyone's skill set. You don't have the ability to help an alcoholic. Over time, you would find yourself, and likely did, drained emotionally, mentally and financially. He has to want to help himself.

 

Count yourself lucky and get on with your life. He does not deserve to have this kind of power over you.

[d0nnivain]

Take a long hard look at what you "lost": a lazy alcoholic cheater who wanted you to support him. You should be thanking your lucky stars you are not having a kid with this overgrown child.

 

Recognize that you are not mourning him. You are searching for a relationship because like many people you want to be loved. Wanting love is a good thing. Looking for it in the wrong places causes more pain.

 

Dust yourself off & think about ways you can meet an honorable, hardworking trustworthy partner who is worthy of your generosity.

[nolanola]

Bookmark this page. Re-read the advice you have been given above every day. Everything they said x 100.

 

You dodged a bullet. One day you will see this. I understand the sting of rejection but this guy did you the best thing he could have done by breaking up with you. Someday he is going to cheat on this new woman and treat her like crap and she will really be stuck, because they will have children together. At least you can walk away and have no ties to him.

[preraph]

There's a long history or alcoholics leaning on other people to get by and he is no different. You need to count your lucky stars it was her and not you who is having a baby with him! He will be absolutely unreliable and a bad influence on the child. She's stuck with him now.

 

He has an addiction. All he cared about is setting himself up to get someone to take care of him like his mother, who probably won't anymore if she's smart.