Please Help A Brother Out.

[Pyro]

Hi all

 

I will try and summarize this the best that I can.

 

This involves, my brother, his GF of three years, and myself. I discovered this new hotspot on Thursday nights. I go each and every week. I took my brothe and his GF with me and we all loved it. Next week comes and my brother decides that he doesn't want to go anymore on Thursdays because he has to be at work early the next morning. Well, I am not as responsible as him in terms of getting enough sleep:o His GF still wants to go and everyone is fine by that. So we go, meet some friends up there and it's all good.

 

A few weeks go by, same scenario, just my brothers GF,some friends, and myself up at the bar. Well, my brothers GF drinks a few too many one particular night and she tells me that I shouldn't have trouble finding a new GF because I am cute. It kind of shocked me, but i brushed it off. She later told me that she felt embarassed by what she told me and that she probably shouldn't have said that.

 

After that night, she unexpectidely started texting me. I never had got any texts from her before. The texts were fine, no flirting or anything like that, just normal conversation.

 

Then there was last night. She met me and my friends up at the bar and we had a good time. We leave a few hours later and my brothers GF said that she was too drunk to drive, so I called up a friend that lives nearby and we went there for a while for her to sober up. On the way there, she tells me that " I love your brother very much, but I also kind of have a crush on you". I didn't know what to say to that. A short time later she tells me that she is embarassed and she shouldn't of said anything. i told her that it was cool and no big deal.

 

Well, what do you all think? I don't want to say anything to my brother because then we will all feel uncomfortable around each other, plus I mean nothing has happened between me and her. But, I will probably start to feel weird around her because of what was said.

[RainyDayWoman]

if it was an innocent crush, she wouldn't have told you.

 

your brother needs to know.

 

will he turn it around on you if you tell him, especially if she denies it?...which she will..

 

i would hate to see her get to him first and try to clear her own name and blame it on you.

 

i'm really sorry.....i can imagine how awkward it must be.

[Pyro]

if it was an innocent crush, she wouldn't have told you.

 

your brother needs to know.

 

will he turn it around on you if you tell him, especially if she denies it?...which she will..

 

i would hate to see her get to him first and try to clear her own name and blame it on you.

 

i'm really sorry.....i can imagine how awkward it must be.

 

My brother is not the type to turn it around on me. We are very much alike. I have known her for three years and she is an honest person. I can't see her denying it. As awkward as it is, I should be able to blow past this. It is just weird because it happened last night.

 

If this continues, then i will definitely say something to him, but she was pretty embarassed last night, so maybe it will stop.

 

Thanks for your input RainyDayWoman.

[elijahBailey]

dude, I wouldn't tell my brother if I were in your situation. It's just simply cos it's not a biggie at this point of time. Like you said, it's just a crush, so I would spare my brother the awkwardness at this point. But if she doesn't stop, then well.... that's different.

 

on the other hand, it sure sounds like she's more into you than into your brother and that could seriously complicate the situation. But I know I wouldn't give up my own brother over a chick.

[RainyDayWoman]

 

Thanks for your input RainyDayWoman.

 

any time, hun.

 

let us know what happens, if anything does.

 

in the meantime, i would just make it a point to stay away from her in social situations when your brother's not around.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

Let me ask you this: If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to know if you were your brother? It sounds like it will be a matter of time before she gets herself drunk and in trouble with you or somebody else. She should not go partying and drinking without your brother.

[Spectre]

Tell your brother, why would you want him to be with the kind of trash who would try to go for his brother? and if she wasnt trying to hint something she wouldnt of said anything

[Pyro]

Thank you all for the responses. i have been so busy to respond sooner.

 

Unfortunately, it has gotten worse.

 

Earlier tonight, we went out to celebreate a mutual friends bday. Once again, my brother opted not to go. She got drunk and said some more things. No physical contact whatsoever. I am going to talk to her tomorrow and tell her that she needs to chill out with the drinking because the only time that she says anything to me is when she is drunk.

 

I definitely would not give up my brother for any girl. Nothing is going to happen. i will make sure of it.

 

I still plan on not telling my brother anything because nothing seriously bad has happened.

 

If the roles were reversed, I would definitely feel uncomfortable about everything. Hypothetically speaking, I guess that as long as nothing serious were to happen between my brother and my GF, I would rather not want to hear about it. Awkwardness would be the least of it.

[loony]

Thank you all for the responses. i have been so busy to respond sooner.

 

Unfortunately, it has gotten worse.

 

Earlier tonight, we went out to celebreate a mutual friends bday. Once again, my brother opted not to go. She got drunk and said some more things. No physical contact whatsoever. I am going to talk to her tomorrow and tell her that she needs to chill out with the drinking because the only time that she says anything to me is when she is drunk.

 

I definitely would not give up my brother for any girl. Nothing is going to happen. i will make sure of it.

 

I still plan on not telling my brother anything because nothing seriously bad has happened.

 

If the roles were reversed, I would definitely feel uncomfortable about everything. Hypothetically speaking, I guess that as long as nothing serious were to happen between my brother and my GF, I would rather not want to hear about it. Awkwardness would be the least of it.

 

She is getting drunk on purpose so she has an excuse when she tells you about her feelings. You shouldn't underestimate the strength of her feelings for you, if you ignore the whole thing it might become worse. You know what they say, still waters run deep. Her feelings for you are strong and at the same time she doesn't know how to solve the situation and so what she does is, make her confession when intoxicated and leave the problem solving to you. I think there's a great deal of desperation involved on her side, because she very likely knows that she will not get together with you as most guys would not date a brother's ex.

 

She's not going to stop and next time it might not only be about talking but about getting closer to you physically. So, before it gets worse, you might want to have a talk with her. I'm not sure if she is open to rational arguments anymore as I suspect she has fallen head over heels for you and there's not much that can hold her from herself, but you can still give it a try. Tell her clearly that you're not interested in her, also let her know that you care more for your brother than for her, so no matter what she does, it's not going to work out. You won't start an affair with her behind your brother's back, because this is unethical and also you are simply not interested in her. You have to make it very clear that you don't want to deal with lies and deceit, because otherwise she might think that she only has to spark enough interest from your side to reach her goal. She will be either interested in you enough to make a clean break up with your brother and then continue pursuing you (ok, the situation would still not be great, but it would nonetheless be better than having her as your brother's girlfriend go after you) or she will come to her senses somehow and decide that her feelings for your brother are stronger and she prefers to have a stable relationship with him (than pursue someone with whom she won't have a chance anyway.)

 

If you go out with her again after this talk and she continues to act like this, then you should tell your brother about it. It means that she has trouble to commit fully to the relationship with him and he should know it.

[Bryanp]

I am sorry but I think you are being disrespectful to your brother. Shouldn't your brother know that his girlfriend gets drunk everytime she goes to a party without him? Shouldn't your brother know that his girlfriend is hitting on you everytime she gets drunk at a party without him? I would never treat my brother the way you are treating him. Does he not have the right to know what kind of girlfriend he has? Why do you disrespect your brother this way?

How can you not see this?

[Pyro]

If you go out with her again after this talk and she continues to act like this, then you should tell your brother about it. It means that she has trouble to commit fully to the relationship with him and he should know it.

 

You stole the words out of my mouth Loony. I am going to talk to her about everything and I'll see how she acts afterwards. Definitely, the first indication of her previous behavior and I will let my brother know about what's going on.

 

I know that not everyone agree's with me on my decision. Some would want me to tell my brother. Like I said before, nothing seriously bad has happened. She has flirted with me, which I do not like and that is why I am going to talk to her. I have not done anything in the least bit to flirt back. I would not disrespect my brother like that.

[Outcast]

Generally the best idea is to first warn the person who's misbehaving and give them a chance to fly straight. If they don't it's time to escalate. There's no reason his brother needs to know until/unless he gets a lot more serious. It seems she's still just a gf (as opposed to live-in partner or fiancee) after three years. If she doesn't wise up and if he starts thinking marriage, that's a different situation and will require a different strategy.

[Pyro]

Generally the best idea is to first warn the person who's misbehaving and give them a chance to fly straight. If they don't it's time to escalate. There's no reason his brother needs to know until/unless he gets a lot more serious. It seems she's still just a gf (as opposed to live-in partner or fiancee) after three years. If she doesn't wise up and if he starts thinking marriage, that's a different situation and will require a different strategy.

 

Couldn't agree with you more outcast. This is going to be the one chance to give her to fly straight. If she doesn't change, then it's plan B.

[Bryanp]

O.K Riddler,

 

One last time. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you have expected your brother to tell you that your girlfriend gets drunk everytime she goes to a party without you and that has flirted twice with your own brother? I am sorry but by not telling your brother you are indeed disrespecting him. This is just my opinion.

[mutton]

man...it's a pretty weird situation to be in huh? I for one would be pretty cautious and wouldn't want to start a lot of bad blood in between your brother, his gf, and you. It could lead back to one heck of a headache if you do tell him and it's not necessary. Especially since the man that she is attracted to is you and not another man outside of the family. Then again, it's not cool to keep secrets like that.

 

Also, your brother must not know her very well to not know that his own girlfriend of three years has some guy-crush tendencies. He probably won't be too surprised if you bring it up if she doesn't start to control herself with the drinking. If she cares about her own relationship, she'll know better.

 

I actually knew a friend with tendencies to have crushes on not only on her boyfriend's brother but also every cute guy she comes across. She announces her love for her bf (they have been together for 4+ years, but has cheated on him (kissing/making out but no sex) a record of 3 or more times. The worst part of it is that her bf only found out about the last time she cheated and continues to stay with her (he wanted to marry her a while ago but she wasn't ready). This girl was also intensely mad at the guy who told her bf about the cheating as if she felt she did nothing wrong either. Her only excuse is that she's messed up. My point is, for some people these actions come naturally and I hope that your brother's gf is nothing like my friend. If she is, your brother ought to get out of this relationship as soon as possible and find a cool gal that will be devoted to the relationship as much he is.

[Pyro]

O.K Riddler,

 

One last time. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you have expected your brother to tell you that your girlfriend gets drunk everytime she goes to a party without you and that has flirted twice with your own brother? I am sorry but by not telling your brother you are indeed disrespecting him. This is just my opinion.

 

Like I mentioned in a reply above, if the roles were reversed and that my GF was saying stuff to my brother and as long as it was all the same, which by that I mean my brother doesn't say anything back to her and he plans on talking to her and telling her that she needs to stop, I personally would not prefer to hear it, again as long as it just stops at where I am stopping it in my situation. The aftermath would involve lots of complications and awkwardness on everyone's part and that can easily be avoided by having a talk and stopping it before it escalates.

 

She doesn't get drunk everytime that she goes out without him. It has just been more common recently and I am going to talk to her to cool her down.

 

Like i said above, i know that not everyone is going to agree with me on my decision. That is how us humans are. We are all different.

[Pyro]

man...it's a pretty weird situation to be in huh? I for one would be pretty cautious and wouldn't want to start a lot of bad blood in between your brother, his gf, and you. It could lead back to one heck of a headache if you do tell him and it's not necessary. Especially since the man that she is attracted to is you and not another man outside of the family. Then again, it's not cool to keep secrets like that.

 

Also, your brother must not know her very well to not know that his own girlfriend of three years has some guy-crush tendencies. He probably won't be too surprised if you bring it up if she doesn't start to control herself with the drinking. If she cares about her own relationship, she'll know better.

 

I actually knew a friend with tendencies to have crushes on not only on her boyfriend's brother but also every cute guy she comes across. She announces her love for her bf (they have been together for 4+ years, but has cheated on him (kissing/making out but no sex) a record of 3 or more times. The worst part of it is that her bf only found out about the last time she cheated and continues to stay with her (he wanted to marry her a while ago but she wasn't ready). This girl was also intensely mad at the guy who told her bf about the cheating as if she felt she did nothing wrong either. Her only excuse is that she's messed up. My point is, for some people these actions come naturally and I hope that your brother's gf is nothing like my friend. If she is, your brother ought to get out of this relationship as soon as possible and find a cool gal that will be devoted to the relationship as much he is.

 

You are damn right it's a weird situation.

 

At this point I don't feel that it is necessary to tell him since she has not tried anything on me. Only words were said. So I feel that it has not become a critical situation. I will talk to her and hopefully it will be the end of it.

 

I sure do hope that she still cares about her relationship. I really thought that she did, but after these incidents, I have to second guess myself.

[RecordProducer]

Hi! I think the whole point is: did she make a little mistake by letting you know about the crush cuz she got drunk or is it an indicator of her unfaithful personality?

It's not a sin that she likes you and finds you cute. It's not even such a big sin that she got drunk and admitted that and said she was sorry. But if you were not her BF's brother, perhaps she would sleep with you. So what's more important is what stands behind her little actions.

 

She could be only a drunk human (still dangerous because she loses control) or simply a cheater that suddenly showed her true colors.

 

I think by talking to her you would only open her eyes and make her careful about it, but she might as well act like that with others too. So you better let her do it again and then tell your brother. But don't tell her "It's no biggie!" next time. Because three times WILL be a biggie.

[Pyro]

Hi! I think the whole point is: did she make a little mistake by letting you know about the crush cuz she got drunk or is it an indicator of her unfaithful personality?

It's not a sin that she likes you and finds you cute. It's not even such a big sin that she got drunk and admitted that and said she was sorry. But if you were not her BF's brother, perhaps she would sleep with you. So what's more important is what stands behind her little actions.

 

She could be only a drunk human (still dangerous because she loses control) or simply a cheater that suddenly showed her true colors.

 

I think by talking to her you would only open her eyes and make her careful about it, but she might as well act like that with others too. So you better let her do it again and then tell your brother. But don't tell her "It's no biggie!" next time. Because three times WILL be a biggie.

 

Hello back to you.

 

I believe that she made a mistake by telling me how she feels. She did apologize afterwards about saying it. Like I mentioned before, they have been together for over three years now. I have never seen any indication of her being any sort of cheater. It just so happened that the first time that she said anything to me was the first time that her and I were away from my brother and she was drunk. She has never made any indication to me before about how she feels about me. It obviously is a case of liquid courage.

 

So you think that i shouldn't talk to her about it and let her do it again? Then I should tell my brother? I thought that not saying anyhing would be best for everyone since nothing drastic has happened.

 

Thanks for the advice RP.

[RecordProducer]

I thought that not saying anyhing would be best for everyone since nothing drastic has happened.

 

For now. But you never know what may happen. Don't forget you're HIS brother, not hers.

 

I don't know if you should tell your brother; then she will be mad at you and basically it will be a problem. After all, she is just a girlfriend. If she cheats on him with someone, she will be out of his life. But if they get engaged or if this repeats, I think you should tell him.

[Kitteney]

So what's up with your brother?

Why does he back out of activities?

Why does he encourage/or fail to discourage her to go out with you?

Am I the only one who thinks the brother might gettin' a little action on the side? Afterall, he'd have all of the free time in the world to do whatever/whomever he wants because he knows his gf is getting plastered and she is safe in your hands.

 

Something just doesn't ring true here. Three years? No shacking up? No ring, no date? Isn't the point of dating to find a mate, settle down, have kids, etc. ? Just makes me wonder, that's all.

 

Regardless, it doesn't excuse her behavior. And if I were you, I wouldn't allow myself to be caught alone with her. I would even stop going out with her in a group situation.

[Pyro]

For now. But you never know what may happen. Don't forget you're HIS brother, not hers.

 

I don't know if you should tell your brother; then she will be mad at you and basically it will be a problem. After all, she is just a girlfriend. If she cheats on him with someone, she will be out of his life. But if they get engaged or if this repeats, I think you should tell him.

 

That was my first plan all along. If this happens one more time, then I am telling him everything. I just think that because I haven't told her yet how I feel about everything that it is right to give her this one chance to get back on track.

[Pyro]

So what's up with your brother?

Why does he back out of activities?

Why does he encourage/or fail to discourage her to go out with you?

Am I the only one who thinks the brother might gettin' a little action on the side? Afterall, he'd have all of the free time in the world to do whatever/whomever he wants because he knows his gf is getting plastered and she is safe in your hands.

 

Something just doesn't ring true here. Three years? No shacking up? No ring, no date? Isn't the point of dating to find a mate, settle down, have kids, etc. ? Just makes me wonder, that's all.

 

Regardless, it doesn't excuse her behavior. And if I were you, I wouldn't allow myself to be caught alone with her. I would even stop going out with her in a group situation.

 

I am not sure if I mentioned it before, but they do live together. My brother is just so busy with work and school that they agreed not to consider marriage for the time being, which may be the best thing for him.

 

My brother is not shady at all. He use to be a big screw up. Now he is so content on getting his career started and to stay out of trouble. I know my brother and he wouldn't pull anything behind her back.