Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 This is in no way looking for advice based on my ex cheating on me (that was given in a specific thread), but for you personally, if you discovered that your boyfriend. girlfriend, partner, husband or wife was cheating on you/had cheated on you, would you forgive them or would you be unable to? Personally I've always believed in giving second chances, but when it comes to being unfaithful then I couldn't - even if your partner told you about it or worst still, didn't! Over to you ladies and gents. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Maybe the better question is when in my life could I forgive it and move on. When I was younger and still single the answer would be no. Once I was married 15-20 years and I saw this happening to other people, I had my opinion change. In your situation, I would never forgive the cheating. You are supposed to be near the peak in your life for passion for each other. If it is not good enough then, it will never be good enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Given the time I have been married and all hurdles we helped each other thru I could say yes I would. Thats just me. Would my wife if it were me that cheated? The way she is wired there is a good chance she would not be able to. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 In theory: A one-off confessed straight away in an otherwise working relationship? Probably. Anything other than that, probably not. ExH cheated before we separated; I didn't know but left him anyway for a mountain of other stuff. I contemplated getting back together after some severe 'hoovering' from him and last thing I wanted was to be divorced - I found out he was cheating and left for good. The cheating wasn't what made me leave him, in truth, but it was the last straw; infidelity wasn't the worst thing about him by quite a margin but it's still a deal breaker because I wouldn't do any version of it myself; I'm not wired to be able to deal with more than one person at a time, and even one is a struggle tbh. That's the only reason I wouldn't accept it. I've seen many a long-term couple survive it just fine, though. I guess everything is possible when there is too much to lose. **** happens that you can't always control. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Betrayed&Stayed Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 You're combining Forgiveness and Reconciliation. One could Forgive their cheating partner and decide to move on (Not Reconcile). Forgiveness is difficult. Reconciliation is infinitely more difficult. Reconciliation depends on the persons involved, the context, history, etc. Anyone early in the relationship without much invested, it's best to just walk away. This includes a marriage without children. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Yes, I would. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 No, I could not. One time would be a deal breaker for me. I value loyalty over everything else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 In a dating situation I could forgive a single incident, but not an on-going other physical relationship In a marriage I could forgive an EA without a 2nd thought. A PA. . . I doubt it but I could overlook one drunken kiss but not much more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Experience has taught me you don't actually know what you would do until you are faced with it. If you've never surprised yourself by your reaction to something then you probably either haven't lived long enough or you haven't faced a large enough shock to your system. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 In my situation - yes. That doesn’t mean I could forgive all cheating etc. it’s not a black and white issue, nor are two situations the same. Some kiss someone at drunken party, others live dual lives for decades. So in the end it depends, but I was cheated on, and able to forgive. The actions of the cheater post discovery are as important as the nature of the transgression as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 if you discovered that your boyfriend. girlfriend, partner, husband or wife was cheating on you/had cheated on you, would you forgive them or would you be unable to? I made every effort to forgive and work past my ex wife's affair, so I guess my answer, especially with kids involved, is yes. However, I quickly learned it really wasn't up to me. Whomever cares the least holds the most decision making power in a relationship... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 ln black and white, no . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 There's some interesting responses here and neither are right or wrong, it's down to the individual whether they could forgive or not - albeit a very personal decision. I know what some of you mean when you say that you won't know how to feel unless you were put in that situation yourself. I am simply speaking from experience and appreciate that for some people it would be hard to know what you'd do in these circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 I would forgive if i believed that my guy was remorseful...and would be willing to go to counselling with me......because no matter my forgiveness.forgiveness is not a get of goal free card.... its place you move on from that takes you to a higher forward emotive plane...thats forgiveness...a place of peace and moving forward ..my trust in him would be broken however and that's where repairing the relationship would have to start with counselling and two people that are meant to stay together.....would be able to told in effort and time ..deb Link to post Share on other sites
RevengeOfTheCuck Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 No cheaters don't regret anything nor do they deserve my forgiveness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 No cheaters don't regret anything nor do they deserve my forgiveness. I agree and in my case my ex girlfriend never even apologised for cheating, instead turning the blame onto me for snooping on her phone where I discovered the messages. It was a deal breaker for me, the trust has gone forever and I'd always be wondering at the back of my mind when/if the next time would be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Depends on the circumstances, but in this case, let us say consciously and willingly cheat. Forgiving is easy--there is no need for hard feelings or anything like that--, but that does not mean that the relationship would continue. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Absolutely not - once trust is broken you can't get it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 I can forgive it but I would not stay with that person. Forgiveness is about allowing oneself to let go of pain and move forward with their own life. Forgiveness is not for letting the other person "off the hook" so to speak. It does not mean that trust is restored or that one should set themselves up for more hurt and for the eggshell dance that would ensue for a long, long time if they stayed with each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 It would depend on many things. Was it one time, or an ongoing affair? Were there extenuating circumstances? Do I bear any blame for being a poor spouse, and had she attempted to get me to change anything, but was ignored? Barring such mitigating scenarios, I'd be unlikely to forgive, much less reconcile, even if she showed true remorse and a willingness to fix things, because I could never forget or fully trust her again, and that's not how I want to live. Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 I guess it depends. If it were just emotional maybe depending on the extent of it. If it was physical probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 I can forgive it but I would not stay with that person. Forgiveness is about allowing oneself to let go of pain and move forward with their own life. Forgiveness is not for letting the other person "off the hook" so to speak. It does not mean that trust is restored or that one should set themselves up for more hurt and for the eggshell dance that would ensue for a long, long time if they stayed with each other. I couldn't have said it better myself. I have forgiven and I could always forgive, but I will never stay. Once the greatest part of the relationship is gone it is never the same, it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
goth-gal Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 If it was ongoing, probably not. I also find emotional affairs worse than physical ones. People are attracted to others, better not to act on it, but I think we all have the potential to be attracted to others even when we're paired. But being emotionally involved with another woman is what REALLY feels like a huge betrayal to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Depending on the circumstances, I could forgive it, but I would never trust or respect or love the person the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Its always easiest to say how you would react to a situation you haven't been in. Circumstances make all the difference in the world. I believe its easier to forgive someone who owns thier F-up. I believe its easier to forgive someone who you can see and feel are upset for having hurt you. Truth is some are worthy of forgiveness, many are not. However forgiveness and continuing the relationship are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
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