Logo Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 This is in no way looking for advice based on my ex cheating on me (that was given in a specific thread), but for you personally, if you discovered that your boyfriend. girlfriend, partner, husband or wife was cheating on you/had cheated on you, would you forgive them or would you be unable to? Personally I've always believed in giving second chances, but when it comes to being unfaithful then I couldn't - even if your partner told you about it or worst still, didn't! Over to you ladies and gents. Despite my recent post in another section of this board where I put my momentary lapse of judgment about this on full display, since the day I found out that I was cheated on (I found out without her telling me. She was not planning on telling me), I am still uncertain how to start forgiving her. The specific way it was done, made me and leaves me feeling violated. I don't know how to start forgiving the deed that was done. I have accepted that it happened and moved on. I can only rationalize it and convince myself that she didn't know any better, or that she had her limitations and shortcomings. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 I'd like to believe that I would not and just move on from that relationship but I think IRL if it happened I would look at what the shape the relationship is in first, if it's shot then why but if it is otherwise in good shape then yes... I also think saying NO in the present day also doesn't mean after the relationship is over and each side has grieved that forgiveness isn't possible.. sure it is... It can take time to forgive, but asking someone to forgive right after it happened and saying NO can be a protection mechanism. Link to post Share on other sites
Isle Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 It would depend on the dynamic of the relationship. If, for example, I'd treated an ex terribly and given her good reason to cheat, then yes I would forgive; in fact I'd hold myself responsible. Otherwise, no. Never. Link to post Share on other sites
The Dude Abides Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 When my wife and I were planning our wedding, we initially decided on a catholic ceremony even though I wasn’t catholic. We met the priest to start the pre-cana process (I’m not sure if this is the correct terminology ) and one series of questions had to do with our opinions of what we would do if, once married, the other spouse committed adultery. I recall I filled out the forms as “absolutely not, would not stay married, etc” and my then-fiancé filled out “likely would forgive and try to work through a process.” (We didn’t end up following though with the catholic ceremony, BTW). In the twenty five years since then, I have changed a little. I recently admitted to myself that I could (possibly) forgive and try to stay together, if God forbid, my wife committed adultery. I think for me the fine distinction would be whether the adultery was limited versus extensive in duration and whether or not I was certain there was full disclosure and sincere remorse and willingness to commit 100% to never going through that miserable situation again. With that said, I think we both work hard everyday to keep the love alive between us, to keep family and home happy and intact, and generally be good to each other. Rather than getting complacent with each other, I think the longer we are together the more we try to make sure the above question never has to be put to the test. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 No. I could forgive and move on but not forgive and stay. Period. Tried that once. Won't try it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 I HAVE tried to make it work with a cheating ex husband and I tried with an ex boyfriend. Couldn't do it and I decided that once a man cheats that's it the relationship is over for good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 19, 2019 Author Share Posted January 19, 2019 For me, if a cheater wasn't sorry for their actions after being caught, then I'd end it there and then. No ifs or buts, they knew what they were doing and they need to face the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Why not? Give your partner a second chance also means giving yourself a second chance, too. After all, forgiving is another required factor in love. But it doesn't mean you're a bad person just because you can't forgive them. I'm just saying, "Why not?" Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I've always drawn a distinction between forgiveness and reconciling. I'm perfectly capable of forgiving someone, for my own benefit since I learned long ago how a grudge can eat me alive, and at the same time never speaking to that person again because, likewise, I just don't need the negativity they bring to my life. In my marriage, the way it is now? I'd totally forgive my wife and immediately start divorce proceedings. "Hey, no hard feelings. See ya." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 This is in no way looking for advice based on my ex cheating on me (that was given in a specific thread), but for you personally, if you discovered that your boyfriend. girlfriend, partner, husband or wife was cheating on you/had cheated on you, would you forgive them or would you be unable to? Personally I've always believed in giving second chances, but when it comes to being unfaithful then I couldn't - even if your partner told you about it or worst still, didn't! Over to you ladies and gents. I'm a woman. As much as I'd like to I wouldn't be able to get over it. I would forgive him; but I'd have to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I don't know and I pray I never have to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 I'm a woman. As much as I'd like to I wouldn't be able to get over it. I would forgive him; but I'd have to move on. I am in agreement with you there. I wouldn't be able to see them in the same way ever again, the trust has been totally destroyed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 I definitely would not forgive my girlfriend cheating on me. Relationship would be over. I am in agreement with you there. I wouldn't be able to see them in the same way ever again, the trust has been totally destroyed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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