How to get over a broken heart

[Alwayscats]

Hi there

 

I’m really struggling at the moment. I’ve posted before about my ex

Partner but now after 8 months of waiting for him as he asked me to wait for him. I am no longer waiting anymore but am really struggling to get over it. I’ve changed my mobile number so he can’t keep contacting me and I’ve come off Facebook temperaorily but any tips on how to get over a broken heart will greatly help as all I can think about is how much my body aches for him :/ I need to heal. I don’t even get why I love him so much I was only with the guy 3 months :/

 

Thank you

[Beachead]

Hey OP,

 

I've been there many times. Understanding what's going on with you first of all will be a great help to you.

 

It's harder than it needs to be for you because your ex left things open ended with you which gave you hope. It was a cruel thing to do and this is largely why you believe you still "Love" the guy. The truth is, love isn't at play here at all. Hope is to heartbroken person what heroin is to an addict. It's destructive. We latch onto it because it makes us feel good. It allows us to get away from the thought of a terrifying reality and allows us to embrace a false fantasy. You grieve this beautiful picture you've made in your head of who he is and what you wanted the relationship to be...not what actually was. Him leaving things open ended makes it that much harder for you..which is why it is a cruel thing to do.

 

What I've found when I've dealt with my own breakups is to keep things simple. Black and white. I very rarely entertain the grey. Assuming he broke up with you, I then say you gave him the best you had to give and he evaluated all of it and decided it wasn't for him. In leaving you, he chose to embrace the possibility of meeting someone else more suitable for him. It wasn't a decision he made on the spot. He thought about it for awhile before he did it. If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. All you can do is go with what you know for sure today..and that is he's gone and as far as you know, he isn't ever coming back. What choice do you have but to go on with your life? If you continue to hold on, you are holding onto yesterday while he's embracing tomorrow. He's not losing out. You are.

 

That's how I would think about it. Now, what do you? You take it one day at a time. This is Day 1 for you.

 

Block him off of all social media and delete his number. Let yourself feel and work on rebuilding yourself.

 

Journal and express your pain to people here, a trusted friend, maybe a therapist. Journal out your thoughts by freewriting without editing or formatting. It helps you pour everything that's in your head onto paper. This is actually more important in the beginning. The next part to this is you want to rebuild yourself to regain your well-being. Work out. Go to the gym. Get physical. Discard those activities, people, things you don't want and bring in new things that bring you joy. Don't give in to peoples expectations. You need to be selfish for awhile to refill your tank because you're likely depleted. If you choose activities, make sure they're ones you either enjoy, that bring you passion, that challenge and grow you. It'll take your mind off of things. Also, set goals. Longterm, intermediate term, and short term goals. This will give you a plan that'll get you focused. Make sure you write it all out in great detail. Writing makes it clearer and specificity with goals means you'll think about specific ways to accomplish them. You're going to need some time alone to think about it.

 

Generally, when you return your focus to you, you'll start to feel more in control again. All the merit that comes from that self-investment will return to you, confidence, new people, new skills, positive energy etc. A lot of things.

 

 

- Beach

Edited January 17, 2019 by Beachead

[Alwayscats]

Hey OP,

 

I've been there many times. Understanding what's going on with you first of all will be a great help to you.

 

It's harder than it needs to be for you because your ex left things open ended with you which gave you hope. It was a cruel thing to do and this is largely why you believe you still "Love" the guy. The truth is, love isn't at play here at all. Hope is to heartbroken person what heroin is to an addict. It's destructive. We latch onto it because it makes us feel good. It allows us to get away from the thought of a terrifying reality and allows us to embrace a false fantasy. You grieve this beautiful picture you've made in your head of who he is and what you wanted the relationship to be...not what actually was. Him leaving things open ended makes it that much harder for you..which is why it is a cruel thing to do.

 

What I've found when I've dealt with my own breakups is to keep things simple. Black and white. I very rarely entertain the grey. Assuming he broke up with you, I then say you gave him the best you had to give and he evaluated all of it and decided it wasn't for him. In leaving you, he chose to embrace the possibility of meeting someone else more suitable for him. It wasn't a decision he made on the spot. He thought about it for awhile before he did it. If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. All you can do is go with what you know for sure today..and that is he's gone and as far as you know, he isn't ever coming back. What choice do you have but to go on with your life? If you continue to hold on, you are holding onto yesterday while he's embracing tomorrow. He's not losing out. You are.

 

That's how I would think about it. Now, what do you? You take it one day at a time. This is Day 1 for you.

 

Block him off of all social media and delete his number. Let yourself feel and work on rebuilding yourself.

 

Journal and express your pain to people here, a trusted friend, maybe a therapist. Journal out your thoughts by freewriting without editing or formatting. It helps you pour everything that's in your head onto paper. This is actually more important in the beginning. The next part to this is you want to rebuild yourself to regain your well-being. Work out. Go to the gym. Get physical. Discard those activities, people, things you don't want and bring in new things that bring you joy. Don't give in to peoples expectations. You need to be selfish for awhile to refill your tank because you're likely depleted. If you choose activities, make sure they're ones you either enjoy, that bring you passion, that challenge and grow you. It'll take your mind off of things. Also, set goals. Longterm, intermediate term, and short term goals. This will give you a plan that'll get you focused. Make sure you write it all out in great detail. Writing makes it clearer and specificity with goals means you'll think about specific ways to accomplish them. You're going to need some time alone to think about it.

 

Generally, when you return your focus to you, you'll start to feel more in control again. All the merit that comes from that self-investment will return to you, confidence, new people, new skills, positive energy etc. A lot of things.

 

 

- Beach

 

Thank you for this message I really appreciate it:) I’ve changed my mobile number and deleted my Facebook after reading this. I’m taking some time out for me thank you x

[stillafool]

Why have you been waiting 8 months? For what?

[d0nnivain]

Acceptance that it's over is always step #1. You have held out hope for 8 long months & that has kept you emotionally tied to him. Think about it -- you have been waiting almost 3x as long as your 90 day fling lasted.

 

So dispel the idea that you have been healing for 8 months. Your healing starts now that you have resigned yourself to the truth; it's over for good.

 

Step one: mourn. Go ahead & have a good cry. Tears are cathartic.

 

Step two: disconnect. You have already done that.

 

Step three: purge. Get rid of all the mementos, pictures etc. If you can't throw the stuff out or delete it, save the pictures to a thumb drive or a cloud. Then put everything in a box & tape the box shut . . . I mean really go to town on taping it so it's a giant p.i.t.a. to open. Now stuff the box in a deep corner of the attic or your biggest closet. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

Step four: self care. Take long baths, go for a walk, read your favorite book, play with a cherished pet. Do nice things for yourself. Spend time with supportive friends & family.

 

Step five: move. Rearrange your living space & shake up your routine so it doesn't remind you of him. Also exercise.