alli Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 about 2 weeks ago,i found an email that my husband had sent to a coworker stating that he missed holding her as he had the night b4 and an email from her asking to see if he could change his schedule to work with her and that "it could get hot" if he did. then he sent one to a girl to meet him@walmart and i saw them 2gether(i thought they were acting strange at the time), but didn't find the email til later. so after i saw an email from a dating site he went to, i made up a fake prohile and started sending him emails to see what he's up to. he has asked my fake profile to meet him. what can/should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Show up and tell him that he has a choice: he either stops what he is doing and go to marriage counseling to save his marriage, or he continues and you will divorce him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 i made up a fake prohile and started sending him emails to see what he's up to. he has asked my fake profile to meet him. what can/should i do? Well, there are many ways of handling this... One, you can set up the date, hide and wait till he shows up and then confront him right then and there. Abit impulsive and could (no no, will) cause a huge public scene. Two, you can log everything he does and then print it out, wait for the right moment, ask him if he's cheating on you...IF he has the balls to say no, then you give him everything that you printed out. If he admits it then you try to work on the marriage and find out why he is doing what he did... Three, Just tell him you know all that he is doing and he has 2 choices, be an open book with you and get to Marriage Counselling or he can live somewhere else. Sorry to hear about your situation, that is very sad. Hang in there and keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 He obviously intends to cheat on you. Whether he already slept (probably yes) with someone or will makes no difference. He is looking for women as if you don't exist. What you will do depends on your feelings about infidelity. You may divorce him, discuss it with him, go to MC, cheat on him or let him cheat... If you deprive him from sex then he chose to cheat on you instead of divorce you. Maybe he doesn't love you anymore, but stays for the sake of your kids (if any). Maybe he is bored with your sex life. Finally maybe he is just a cheater that wants to have some fun on aside. If you play games, you will be hurt, just know that. You can ask him from your fake profile if he is married and many other things, but if you intend to divorce him, just confront him. However if you want to save the marriage, I would advise you to ask him a lot of questions (from your fake profile). You might change your mind about saving your marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
passing by Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 Print out the email to and from the co-worker and to the Walmart girl (Meeting at Walmart? Such class!) before he goes and erases them. Chances are if he has one personal ad he probably has more. I would try to get additional evidence. Look into a P.I. and if you can't afford one, at least check out he history files on your computer. Check his cell phone bills and credit card bills. Snoop in his car or truck when he's asleep (hey, I did it). Snoop when he's on the phone, all of that, I know it's distasteful, but you have to treat this like war, the evidence you have against him is your only defense when he starts trying to wiggle his way out of things.. and he will, believe me. Get as much info as you can so there can be no denying what he's doing. Save any phone numbers and check them out. Call them up from a pay phone and see if a woman answers. See what you can dig up before you confront him. Gather your evidence, then present it to him. Do not hesitate to throw him out on his can if he starts lying and you can't stand it. He'll come back ready to talk things out, if he loves you, and if he doesn't who needs a cheating hound anyway? The cardinal rule for all cheaters is DENY DENY DENY. They will deny it, no matter what evidence you come up with so it has to be strong. Be prepared for the fall-out for there is nothing a cheater hates more than being found out. He will be angry, start yelling or try to blame it on you, he might feign a mental breakdown (mine did, the stinkin' coward), threaten to leave forever...so forth. Accept none of the blame whatsoever and don't fall for any of his tricks. Make him accept full responsibility for what he is doing. He thinks he can walk all over you. Show him different. The man will cheat on you as long as you allow it. If you want it to stop, you have to draw the proverbial line in the sand and show him you will no longer accept this kind of disrespect OR be prepared to deal with his cheating for the rest of your married life. I'm sorry you're going through this. I have been there too. It isn't easy. You will have to be very strong to get through it all. Take care of yourself. Find a good confidant (your mother, a trusted friend or sister), but don't tell everyone like I did for it will come back to haunt you. See a doctor for stress as you must stay healthy enough to take care of your children. If you have no children, you are lucky when it comes to affairs, as you can leave for awhile and get your head together or throw him out for awhile, without them suffering. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 If you have no children, you are lucky when it comes to affairs, as you can leave for awhile and get your head together or throw him out for awhile, without them suffering. For a while?!?!?!?! As in forever! Link to post Share on other sites
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