933KJL Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 This is not like me to post this type of post, but, I am so conflicted right now. I am my mother's Power of Attorney--she is 82 suffers fromAlzheimers and is in a great nursing home in Florida. I fly down to see her every month. Last month she had (of all things) an ingrown toenail that was removed. Well it got infected and now, I have had to make the most difficult decision of my life. She can have her foot amputated and given her conditon has a less than 50-50 shot of coming out of the surgery alive. The alternative is to keep her comfortable and let the infection take its course. So, now I have talked with her doc, my sister, and my aunt, and essentially I need to write a letter to the nursing home to tell them to let her die. To cease all medications and only administer what Hospice Care recommends in terms of pain relief. I just killed my mom and I feel like s***! Thanks for letting me vent/rant! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 To [nursing home] I [your name] acting as [your mother’s name] power of attorney, am directing [nursing home, doctor, staff] to fulfill my mother’s wishes in keeping her comfortable and allowing her to pass away with dignity. Include the necessary legal information and your name and then get the letter to them. 933KJL, I do know how you feel. I’ve been in that spot with my sister-in-law, father, and with my own mother. I’ve been called so many times to her side thinking that it was her time and trying to not feel like a murderer. My mom is still with us (lives with us) and I am her durable and medical power of attorney. I know her wishes for herself. During the Terry Shivo feeding-tube news last summer we talked about what to do if she required a feeding-tube and somewhat to my surprise, mom said ‘no’ she would not want one. A few months ago I had to make that decision when she was in the hospital and ever fiber of my being said “yes” put in a tube! But I couldn’t and I didn’t – and mom pulled through that hurdle without it and thanked me. I am willing to bet that if your mom were able she would say something like this to you “Thank you. You listened to me and you know this is what I want for myself. I’m just so very sorry that it is hurting you so much. I never wanted to cause any hurt to you.” I have to remind myself, and you have to remind yourself too, that this is the hardest decision that you will make and that your mother is PROUD of you for it and appreciates it more than she could ever say. You are sparing her further pain and indignity and suffering. Unfortunately, it is breaking your own heart, and often doing the right things for the right reasons brings forth a lot of heartache. I am so sorry, 933KJL. Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Do they feel there is any hope at all with antibiotic treatment? I'm a nurse and I have seen some pretty massive infections clear up with big gun antibiotic therapy. I guess my thought is that you want her to be comfortable, and at some point, if she is left untreated, she'll become septic, (if she isn't now) and that is a very hard thing to go through. I'm so sorry you're going through this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Kitteney Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Wow, I feel really bad for you. It's so hard to know what to do. My ex mother-in-law has alzheimer's. Even after divorce, my exhusband and I still discuss her care and how to handle possible scenarios that may develop over the remaining years of her life. I trust that since you are in charge of her legal matters and medical care, you have a good idea of what her wishes would be. It's not easy to decide to withdraw medical care. I had to make that decision with/for my own mother a few years ago. She had a drug-resistant staph infection that she picked up while in the hospital, she went into septic shock and it eventually led to her death. Know that alzheimer's is a terminal disease so regardless of which course you take, you are not a murderer. If you haven't already done so, I would like to suggest that you contact your local alzheimer's association office. Good luck to you and I will say a little prayer tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Maria46 Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 You are not a murderer. You are following your mother's wishes of quality of life, not quantity. Take care!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 933KJL Posted September 17, 2005 Author Share Posted September 17, 2005 No, I do not think I am a murderer, and this is her wish, but it does not make it any easier. The toe apparently is "black" and she had been dosed up on antibiotics for a month (different ones) without any of them working. Actually the doc is pretty straight forward and he said that if it were his mom, he would probably lean towards non-intervention as well. All of her financial and legal stuff is in order, but I tell you, this is the LAST time I agree to be anyone's Medical Power of Attorney. Thanks to you all! Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 933KJL: I am my mom's Durable and Medical Power of Attorney, as well. She is 81. No, it isn't easy, which is why your mom gave you the authority. She trusts you. I can't add to what the others have said, but I certainly can empathize with you. {{{BIG HUGS}}} Lil Honey Link to post Share on other sites
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