Do you think my wife cheated?

[Jack]

Does this sound like my wife once messed around on me?

 

She and I are doing OK, but she's always been a bit of a flirt and has always told me she's very much a sexual being. She's told me she's thought of others when we make love and didn't mind if I did, that if I ever died she'd probably date someone just for sex, etc.

 

A few years ago, she was restless with the marriage, with the idea of being married. She went to country western dance halls regularly with girlfriends, but always came back at a decent hour. She wanted a little space and I said ok, for awhile. She and her girlfriends would go out of town, too, on a few weekends. Then one day I answered the phone and a guy asked for her. She talked to him for a minute but cut him off. I asked her about it and she said it was a friend of her friend, Alice. She said he asked her if she wanted to go get coffee, and she turned him down. She had quite an "Oh, no!" expression on her face when she hung up. About that time, I put my foot down and asked her when this dance hall thing was gonna stop, and she said she would quit going. Said she was getting "too into it."

 

About that time she also became more adventurous in bed, doing a couple of little things she'd never done before. I asked her where she learned that and she didn't answer.

 

She's told me she's never messed around on me. We saw a counselor separately and together last year. In one of my individual sessions, I asked the counselor about all this. The counselor had already had several sessions with my wife. I told the counselor it still bugged me a little that she might have messed around. The counselor didn't say yes or no to whether my wife had cheated, but said what difference did it make and I should move on. I realize the counselor is bound by confidentiality, but she also could have just said "no" and that would have been the end of it...it would have been very reassuring to me.

 

Does it sound to you like she did anything more than flirt in the dance halls? Should I ask her, even though this happened a few years back? Thanks.

[Tony T]

People on this forum aren't psychic and I think it would be terribly dangerous to listen to people speculate on whether or not your wife messed around.

 

I'm solidly with your counsellor. It would make no difference at this point one way or the other. Move on with your life.

 

Legally speaking, the statute of limitations on most everything is up after two years. So just forget it.

 

But, for heaven's sake, don't be asking the world what they think. I shake in my shoes thinking that you could be influenced by some stranger who read your post and decided to guess on whether your wife screwed around on you or not.

 

Hell, you're right there and you don't know!!!

 

If you absolutely must know, ask her. But it sounds like you're the type of person whose life would be destroyed by an affirmative answer. Think long and hard before you ask.