Ex sent an apology text...Now I'm seriously PO'd...

[Emmafive]

To give a little background we broke up in October of 2017. We loved a lot and wanted to get married but things just weren’t working out and I ended things. In the spring of 2018 I wanted to reconcile and he was pretty cold and wishy washy. Eventually he got angry and told me to move on. We haven’t spoken since May 2018. He had pictures of us still up from a wedding where we were really happy and very lovey dovey. He removed them from my social media. A few weeks ago I unfollowed him, his friends, and family. So now this brings me here.

 

Last night at 12:10 AM he sends me a text. “Have you been to *insert restaurant name* recently at all?” This particular restaurant was our spot. It’s where we always went, it’s were we reconciled the first time… So wtf?

 

I didn’t respond until almost 12 hours later. I said “Nope. You? Hope all is well”. Then a few minutes later he replies and says, “Was there last night. Just thought about you. Been feeling guilty about the way I ended things. I just had a lot of unresolved resentment that affected the way I went about things. Sorry this is so out of the blue. Just wanted to apologize that’s my only intention”.

 

We haven’t spoken in nearly a year. I clearly moved on. For goodness sake I removed ALL of his friend’s and family, even his mother, so clearly I severed any ties to him. Now I’m just annoyed. Then he just HAD to bring up a place that was special to us? Really? He couldn’t have just apologized right off the bat without sending me that stupid, “have you been here lately” nostalgic text? Not even opening with hey? I felt like his apology wasn't even apology. The man responded in 5 minutes and just seemed rushed. Idk. All I know is I am SO pi$$ed

[nolanola]

I can understand that would be upsetting, especially out of the blue. I'm a little confused why you're angry. Is it because he said this by text? Is it because he seemed to be trying to manipulate your emotions by bringing up the restaurant? Or because he seemed rushed? Or just generally leftover anger at him from the relationship?

 

My take on this? He wanted to reach out and was unsure how or if you would respond. When you did and didn't bite his head off, he figured he was good to go ahead with his apology. I'm guessing he was also feeling nostalgic and that's why he brought up the restaurant. I might be in the minority on here, but I think most exes, even the ones we hate, think of us and our relationships with fondness from time to time.

 

It does suck that he has thrown you for a loop by inserting himself in your life again. Look at it this way: you've been moving on and clearly he's still stuck on the past and your relationship.

[preraph]

He's yanking your chain, seeing if he can still make you sentimental, probably to give himself a boost of some sort.

[zawadi16]

I can understand that would be upsetting, especially out of the blue. I'm a little confused why you're angry. Is it because he said this by text? Is it because he seemed to be trying to manipulate your emotions by bringing up the restaurant? Or because he seemed rushed? Or just generally leftover anger at him from the relationship?

 

My take on this? He wanted to reach out and was unsure how or if you would respond. When you did and didn't bite his head off, he figured he was good to go ahead with his apology. I'm guessing he was also feeling nostalgic and that's why he brought up the restaurant. I might be in the minority on here, but I think most exes, even the ones we hate, think of us and our relationships with fondness from time to time.

 

It does suck that he has thrown you for a loop by inserting himself in your life again. Look at it this way: you've been moving on and clearly he's still stuck on the past and your relationship.

 

I agree with everything except the bold. If he genuinely wanted to apologize he would've just lead with the apology. Genuine apologies aren't contingent aren't how you think someone will respond. You just do what's right.

 

I think OP taking so long to reply made him think OP just wasn't that interested. I million and one dollars if she had replied sooner he wouldn't have said it was his intent to only apologize. What would've happened if OP didn't respond or responded negatively? He would've never apologized aka him reaching out wasn't his real intent.

[Emmafive]

He's yanking your chain, seeing if he can still make you sentimental, probably to give himself a boost of some sort.

 

Yanking my chain? Why do you say that? I just thought he was genuinely reminiscing.

[manfrombelow2]

Yes I can see clearly that you were pissed.

 

So he replied in just 5 minutes and you, out of anger, interpreted it as "being (seemingly) rushed."

 

But what if he took hours to reply back to you? You would accuse him of making you wait on purpose.

 

In short: You would find reasons to hate him either way, no matter what he does, no matter what he says, and no matter how he says (or does) it.

 

Bottom line is, you are still holding too much resentment with this man, and because I don't know every detail of your story, I will not blame you for that. After all, emotions are what we can never control.

 

The man responded in 5 minutes and just seemed rushed. Idk. All I know is I am SO pi$$ed

[basil67]

I think your anger is out of proportion to what he did. Perhaps there's something else going on in the background?

[zawadi16]

I think your anger is out of proportion to what he did. Perhaps there's something else going on in the background?

 

I disagree. He sent a weak apology and lead with a sentimental place after OP made it clear she wasn't interested in communicating with him (removing him & his family) and had moved on. He knew she had moved but still decided to reach out. He was selfish and as another poster said he was yanking her chain by mentioning their old spot. He at least should have the decency to do it at an appropriate time of the day. He was better off not saying anything at all. Wanting to assuage his guilt at this expense of someone else is very selfish and I understand why OP would be pissed.

Edited January 21, 2019 by zawadi16

[Bromeo]

He's yanking your chain, seeing if he can still make you sentimental, probably to give himself a boost of some sort.

 

No, he’s apologizing. He didn’t ask to meet up, or for a reply. Highly doubt after all that time he’s still playing games. It’s more than most of us here on LS get.

 

I get it op, an apology brought all the old feelings to the front and made them fresh. You are still hurting and holding on - following his social media, observing when he takes pics down, etc, and that’s ok, but use the apology to let go and close the chapter. Social media is quite the devil.

 

I’m 2.5 into the bu and 2 years nc of my own, and in a way, way better place. I only ever see her pop up on my suggested friends list, and it’s always with a new guy. I hit remove at that point. Lol

[Sgthaytham]

So sorry... this was meant to be a separate post.

Edited January 21, 2019 by Sgthaytham

[FMW]

I get the anger, OP, it's completely understandable. It's because you still have feelings for him, you still hurt over the relationship ending.

 

And his saying that wanting to apologize was his "only intention" is kind of a slap in the face. After so many months of no contact he reaches out to ease his guilt but seems to be saying he's not looking for any further communication or contact. Just wanted to dump it on you and run. I'd be PO'd too.

[Emmafive]

I think your anger is out of proportion to what he did. Perhaps there's something else going on in the background?

 

It's not. He was, what some would label emotionally abusive to me. He would get angry with me for everything. My friend was dancing with a gay guy and he got angry with me. He wouldn't speak to me, got angry, then accused me of not being loyal. He was angry and barely spoke to me for 2 days because of that. He was insecure about his looks then get angry at me and said horrible things about me like I'm the worst at xyz. He would lash out and said things about my body and would even tell my friends these things. He got angry because I hadn't replied to an emoji and labeled me a liar. When we first started seeing each other, about 3 weeks into knowing each other he asked about my zodiac sign-which he claimed he knew nothing about astrology. He said he saw a future with us and asked me about my thoughts and I answered honestly that I wasn't sure if I was looking for a serious relationship. 2 days later he texted me and apologized but he didn't want to continue because "you're a Leo and Leo's like nice things". So he likes to make up off the wall things to protect himself.

 

His ex cheated on him repeatedly but would tell me he trusted her more and I was the issue. A guy friend of a my friend leaned over to speak to me because the music was loud and my ex got angry with me and accused me of acting suspicious with her friend. He broke up with me the next day. This is just to name a few small things. His behavior progressively got worse. He would run and tell my friends things and try to mess up our friendship. He told my best friends I lied to them because I would tell them I was going to the store, but wouldn't go right away, so in his mind I was lying to them. That was the last straw. I said he needed to get therapy. He lied about going and said the therapist after one session told him that I was the issue and he didn't want to go back because "I'm afraid he's goin to tell me to break up with you". When I stupidly tried to get back together with him we would agree to meet up and speak about how to fix things, if I didn't respond quick enough he would lash out and say I can't do this, it's not a good idea to see each other. Then later would say we can still meet up but this I'm not going to change my mind. If you already know you don't want anything then why try to meet up? Would meet up talk for almost 2 hours then ask if I wanted to get dinner, end the dinner saying he just needed time to think because he deemed me a liar, even though he said, "I know you would never cheat but I just don't trust you".

 

He sent me apologies before. Saying "when I fall in love I get obsessive and paranoid. I'm sorry. I'm not expecting anything but I just wanted to apologize". We were back together weeks later. After our last break up he said he had mentally moved on. I said okay and walked out. He then proceeded to send me 6 messages over a course of 24 hrs. all in paragraphs apologizing. A week later he sent me a message saying "this was hard for me". After we tried to reconcile the last time (9 months ago) he told me to move on. Everyday after that he continued to look at every last one of my post on Insta story (I should've blocked him then). Who tells someone to move on and starting the very next day watch their every move?

 

So again, no, I don't think my anger is out of proportion. He said he still had a lot of resentment aka he still believes I was the issue. I did nothing wrong and he knew it (why he refused to go back to therapy and made up reasons why not to go back). This was a bull$hit apology in my eyes. He saw that I moved on by unfollowing him and just had reach out to relieve his own "guilt". I walked on egg shells afraid to say and do things because I knew he would get upset and I absorbed all of it and internalized what he said. I started to believe I really was the issue. It took me a long time to get over him. I even met someone else and fell in love (although it didn't work out). I can't help but feel he knew I had moved on and me unfollowing him triggered him and he hit panic mode. He knew. He still blames me after all this time.

 

So I know Bromeo said he doubts after all this time he isn't still playing games but he was EXTREMELY insecure and I was his emotional punching bag. He never thought he was wrong. That has not changed. So I would not be surprised if he did mention being sentimental to yank my chain. He was a very good man, but had/has A LOT of issues that only professional help will cure.

Edited January 21, 2019 by Emmafive

[Leojax]

OP, at first I thought he was genuinely apologizing. After your update I’m not so sure. I believe he’s trying to weasel his way back in.

[BC1980]

If you're that upset, you haven't moved on. Once you've moved on, a text like that won't be much on your radar. It does sound like he was genuinely apologizing. It's okay to be angry about that or feel however you feel, but know that means you haven't moved on from him emotionally. It might be a good idea to block him if you don't want to receive text messages.

[zawadi16]

If you're that upset, you haven't moved on. Once you've moved on, a text like that won't be much on your radar. It does sound like he was genuinely apologizing. It's okay to be angry about that or feel however you feel, but know that means you haven't moved on from him emotionally. It might be a good idea to block him if you don't want to receive text messages.

 

There wasn't a genuine thing about his apology. Please, sending it after midnight and brining up a place that was special to them, and waiting to apologize after she indicated that she had moved on? He could've waited for a decent a time to send that message. This guy clearly has a history of yo-yo'ing with OP and when she doesn't do what he likes he gets upset and says things to save face.

Edited January 21, 2019 by zawadi16

[d0nnivain]

It's annoying that he did that. He unburdened himself at your expense. Try to let it go. He's out of your life. How he feels about anything is irrelevant in your life. Remind yourself that he is inconsequential & he's behind you. Let go. Then resume your normal life without him.

[stillafool]

If you're that upset, you haven't moved on. Once you've moved on, a text like that won't be much on your radar. It does sound like he was genuinely apologizing. It's okay to be angry about that or feel however you feel, but know that means you haven't moved on from him emotionally. It might be a good idea to block him if you don't want to receive text messages.

 

I agree with the above. I don't see a reason to get upset over an apology. Just accept it and keep it moving. At least he's sorry. If it bothers you hearing from him just block him from reaching you.

[zawadi16]

I agree with the above. I don't see a reason to get upset over an apology. Just accept it and keep it moving. At least he's sorry. If it bothers you hearing from him just block him from reaching you.

 

Her update explains her anger. The man treated her like and was emotionally abusive and has a history of doing this apology crap to her. Thus being disingenuous.

[BC1980]

There wasn't a genuine thing about his apology. Please, sending it after midnight and brining up a place that was special to them, and waiting to apologize after she indicated that she had moved on? He could've waited for a decent a time to send that message. This guy clearly has a history of yo-yo'ing with OP and when she doesn't do what he likes he gets upset and says things to save face.

 

I don't know his history with her, but, if he has a history of yo-yoing her, she should block him. The text seems fairly benign to me, an outside observer. She's obviously got a lot of anger towards him, which is normal after a breakup, but there's nothing to be gained from remaining open to contact from him.

[nolanola]

OP, after reading your update, you have every right to be angry at this guy. That back story definitely adds to the picture. Probably the best thing would be to just cut him off, block him, whatever you need to do to ignore him. He clearly has learned nothing and likely won't anytime soon.

 

Sorry he's dredging this crap up again. Ugh, what a terrible feeling. Let him be and give it a few days -- I think after a bit you'll be glad he's not your boyfriend anymore and will feel a little better.

[stillafool]

Her update explains her anger. The man treated her like and was emotionally abusive and has a history of doing this apology crap to her. Thus being disingenuous.

 

Then he should have already been blocked.

[LenaBean94]

Then he should have already been blocked.

 

 

...ok. People make mistakes. OP said in her update that she should've blocked him then. Where's the dislike button?

[Blanco]

I get the anger, OP, it's completely understandable. It's because you still have feelings for him, you still hurt over the relationship ending.

 

This was my thought before seeing this post.

 

If you had totally moved on, something like this would be, at best, annoying. But to be actually upset/angry over it? Either you haven't moved on as much as you tell or yourself or you're still holding some resentment toward him.

 

Mind you, those things aren't the same as wanting to be back with him. You can still very much want no relationship with an ex and still not be over them because you're still holding on to powerful emotions such as resentment.

[Blanco]

...ok. People make mistakes. OP said in her update that she should've blocked him then. Where's the dislike button?

 

OK, so the OP has now blocked the ex's number, correct?

[LenaBean94]

OK, so the OP has now blocked the ex's number, correct?

 

Am I OP? No, I’m not. How am I supposed to know?