Women's minds are tricky

[Woggle]

Do you really think that all women want the six pack, muscled, handsome, Hollywood looking guy?

 

Women are as diverse and different from each other as men are. Just like not all men want the same thing neither do all women. Some women are not into what you describe just like not all men are into blond bombshell types. The one constant though is from what I notice women have a hard time being attracted to a man they don't respect. If you want a happy relationship with a woman she has to respect you.

[SophieG]

Women are as diverse and different from each other as men are. Just like not all men want the same thing neither do all women. Some women are not into what you describe just like not all men are into blond bombshell types. The one constant though is from what I notice women have a hard time being attracted to a man they don't respect. If you want a happy relationship with a woman she has to respect you.

 

I agree. But one poster keeps giving the advice to go to the gym, bulk up, fix your face, teeth, etc. And I don’t think this is sound advice because not everyone wants to date that type of man. Having a six-pack, perfect smile and such, won’t garantee dates or relationships.

[Tamfana]

Sometimes, people who are anxious or uncomfortable about the variability and complexity of people desire a simple answer or easy equation to calm their fear or anxiety, their emotions.

 

 

 

That’s probably why there are so many books and articles about decoding the other sex. They sell because of that desire for easy answers not because there is some easy answer.

 

In my experience men and women in general are equally emotional and logical.

[GorillaTheater]

I agree. But one poster keeps giving the advice to go to the gym, bulk up, fix your face, teeth, etc. And I don’t think this is sound advice because not everyone wants to date that type of man. Having a six-pack, perfect smile and such, won’t garantee dates or relationships.

 

No, no guarantees, but honestly, it's not going to hurt. It's be better if the men were doing it for themselves rather than than to snag a woman, but let's face it, doing these things is probably going to help more than

 

not. If nothing else, improving their appearances (reasonably, not excessively) may increase their confidence in getting out there, lack of confidence being most guys' biggest issue.

[Garcon1986]

Everyone wants as close as possible to the full package as they can get. I can approach Southern belles as much as I want and as confidently as I want, but I will get no dates. Let’s all continue to learn how to date better

Edited January 22, 2019 by Garcon1986

[manfrombelow2]

I think what he meant is guys should do everything in their power to improve themselves everyday, and that includes improving your physical side.

 

And there's nothing wrong with that.

 

Do you really think that all women want the six pack, muscled, handsome, Hollywood looking guy?

[manfrombelow2]

Finally. Thank you brother.

 

I think that, when men create threads like this one, it isn't so much to irritate the women who read it, but to help men who may be struggling to understand women.

[loversquarrel]

No, no guarantees, but honestly, it's not going to hurt. It's be better if the men were doing it for themselves rather than than to snag a woman, but let's face it, doing these things is probably going to help more than

 

not. If nothing else, improving their appearances (reasonably, not excessively) may increase their confidence in getting out there, lack of confidence being most guys' biggest issue.

 

This^. It certainly can't hurt to have good looks to go with the great personality.

[littleblackheart]

Sometimes, people who are anxious or uncomfortable about the variability and complexity of people desire a simple answer or easy equation to calm their fear or anxiety, their emotions.

 

That makes sense.

 

To be fair, modern day dating seems geared towards exacerbating those feelings of anxiety.

 

Your life made public on social media, extra pressure in finding 'the One' by numbers, 'performance' anxiety, 'competition' anxiety', acute feelings of inadequacy when things don't pan out as planned, isolation, societal changes making gender roles more fluid (a good thing but at a cost to some), a certain feeling of entitlement, etc... all these things add up.

 

But at the same time, statements like 'women don't know their own minds' don't really help close the gap between expectations and reality.

[Shining One]

Women and men know what they want.

 

Often, they exhibit this very clearly with their ACTIONS even if their words may not clearly show it.

 

People aren’t apt to say out loud “I’m not into you”...but body language and how they react will clearly show this.

 

Unfortunately, not many people are good at understanding nonverbal cues.

I think a lot of complaints stem from the situations in which words and actions are in direct conflict.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think a lot of complaints stem from the situations in which words and actions are in direct conflict.

 

Yes, but women don't have the corner on this.

[Shining One]

Yes, but women don't have the corner on this.

Agreed, but men who date women are going to experience this primarily from women. Personally, I've never experienced this from male associates. My girlfriend says she's experienced it from both men (she's dated in the past) and women (friends). I've heard similar from female friends in the past.

 

If you don't mind, can you provide an example of a man's actions being in direct conflict with his words that you've experienced? I'm curious as to what it looks like from the woman's side.

[thefooloftheyear]

I agree. But one poster keeps giving the advice to go to the gym, bulk up, fix your face, teeth, etc. And I don’t think this is sound advice because not everyone wants to date that type of man. Having a six-pack, perfect smile and such, won’t garantee dates or relationships.

 

While technically you aren't wrong but you can only control the things you can control...

 

I have a fit/muscular body and have been this way my entire life, just because I like to train and take care of myself, not to appeal to anyone in particular...That being said, no woman ever said it was a negative..Never....Some/most may or may not have cared, but it was never considered a negative.

 

I mean, if you really connected with a guy and he happened to have a good physique would it deter you? I am guessing no, but you probably would if he was a slob, right??

 

Also, I think people like to give this advice, because for both sexes, getting in shape tends to boost confidence and well being..Fit people tend to have this invisible "force field" they walk around with,,,Its intangible, but its no BS...

 

So while it is cliche, it is one of the few things one can do that pretty much can't hurt....even if it really doesn't help that much..

 

TFY

[goth-gal]

I know everyone is jumping on OP for the post sounding slightly misogynistic... but in truth it made me wonder.

 

I always THINK I want a man who texts/calls me often, basically that keeps communication "on" and that I feel I can write him as much as I want as well.

 

But I got a guy like this this week and I wanted to throw my phone on the wall as it wouldn't stop blinking with his messages. To the point I had to question if he was love bombing me. He got offended and unmatched me.

 

I think we believe we know what we want... but sometimes we don't really. But I'd imagine men are the same.

[SevenCity]

<snip>

But I got a guy like this this week and I wanted to throw my phone on the wall as it wouldn't stop blinking with his messages. To the point I had to question if he was love bombing me. He got offended and unmatched me.

 

Good example and one to which many women can relate.

 

I, as well as many men, don’t go through buyer’s remorse like this. When I find a quality I wished for in a woman, I’m ecstatic when I get it.

Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[goth-gal]

Men who are too fit or artificial turn me off big time. Generally they are not that smart or intellectual. Actually when I see model-like males online I swipe left immediately. Last person I slept with was super fit and sincerely too thin for my taste to the point of turning me off.

 

I like meaty manly guys - think baseball players or a bit chubbier. They're not that fit, or what people think of as fit. It's hard to work on getting that body... they just ARE. I also like slightly chubby men. To each their own. Saying all women want a six pack or someone fit is delusional.

 

But one poster keeps giving the advice to go to the gym, bulk up, fix your face, teeth, etc. And I don’t think this is sound advice because not everyone wants to date that type of man. Having a six-pack, perfect smile and such, won’t garantee dates or relationships.

Edited January 23, 2019 by goth-gal

[goth-gal]

Saying day after day for 14 days he wants to see you but not booking a date.

 

can you provide an example of a man's actions being in direct conflict with his words that you've experienced? I'm curious as to what it looks like from the woman's side.

[Garcon1986]

Just today I displayed awesome body language to a woman going the opposite way down the stairs and got a beautiful smile in return, and chatted with her dogs a little bit as well as her.

 

I then talked with a wonderful Iranian friendgirl of mine and we had an excellent conversation. She's unfortunately taken but definitely marriage material in my eyes.

 

I then got full on rejected by a spectacular single lady in the hospital I work, by her flashing me the "creep get out of my life face", when all I did was teach, be respectful, smile, and have welcoming body language. She actually physically walked to the other side of the hallway to specifically get away from me. I haven't even so much as asked her out.

 

All I can do is make women feel comfortable around me, escalate when I can, and be unfailing in my dedication to get married. Going to work on being more fit in the meantime. What TFY said is right; when I wear a three piece suit, my body language is helluva lot brighter and welcoming than when I don't. Looking sharp in itself helps confidence.

 

Dating game was never easy!

[elaine567]

I like meaty manly guys - think baseball players or a bit chubbier. They're not that fit, or what people think of as fit. It's hard to work on getting that body... they just ARE. I also like slightly chubby men. To each their own. Saying all women want a six pack or someone fit is delusional.

I think a lot of women like that type of a guy.

[goth-gal]

Please leave one for me :lmao:

 

I think a lot of women like that type of a guy.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If you don't mind, can you provide an example of a man's actions being in direct conflict with his words that you've experienced?

 

One of my good girlfriends is a divorced mom of two school-aged kids. She's been dating a never-married/no kids man, over 50, for over a year and a half. He's said time and time again he wants a relationship with her, wants to move forward and get to know her kids, consider being a family someday. But his actions say the exact opposite. He's extremely selfish with his time. I do think he wants to want the things he tells her he wants, but he really doesn't, and it shows. (He's obsessed with his cats, has to be there every morning to make sure they are fed even if he stays at her house overnight, won't plan things in advance in case it's a nice day for his favorite outdoor hobby, is almost always high, etc.)

[manfrombelow2]

What women find attractive, and what women are actually attracted to are not neccessarily in match.

 

For example, most women here all say they would love the guy to text them the very next morning. The same way they would love a guy to bring them flowers in the middle of the night. Or sing them a love song over the phone. Or anything that has been popularly branded as "romantic acts".

 

But are they actually attracted to the guys doing those acts? That's another story.

 

So yeah. Here's where we should draw the line between actions that women find "romantic & sweet" and actions that actually turn them on romantically & sexually.

[Shining One]

Saying day after day for 14 days he wants to see you but not booking a date.

One of my good girlfriends is a divorced mom of two school-aged kids. She's been dating a never-married/no kids man, over 50, for over a year and a half. He's said time and time again he wants a relationship with her, wants to move forward and get to know her kids, consider being a family someday. But his actions say the exact opposite. He's extremely selfish with his time. I do think he wants to want the things he tells her he wants, but he really doesn't, and it shows. (He's obsessed with his cats, has to be there every morning to make sure they are fed even if he stays at her house overnight, won't plan things in advance in case it's a nice day for his favorite outdoor hobby, is almost always high, etc.)

I don't see either of these as directly conflicting words and actions. In both cases, the men could actually want those things but isn't really interested in putting effort towards it, possibly hoping the women will make the effort. It comes across as uncertainty and/or laziness to me.

 

When I think of direct conflict, this example from my past comes to mind: A woman I was seeing periodically told me we needed to stop having sex... as she straddled me and started undressing herself. Her words said "no sex" and her actions said "yes sex"... a direct conflict.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

For example, most women here all say they would love the guy to text them the very next morning. The same way they would love a guy to bring them flowers in the middle of the night

 

Where do you keep getting this flowers in the middle of the night thing? I'd be pissed if someone interrupted my sleep for that.

[Wallysbears]

What women find attractive, and what women are actually attracted to are not neccessarily in match.

 

For example, most women here all say they would love the guy to text them the very next morning. The same way they would love a guy to bring them flowers in the middle of the night. Or sing them a love song over the phone. Or anything that has been popularly branded as "romantic acts".

 

But are they actually attracted to the guys doing those acts? That's another story.

 

So yeah. Here's where we should draw the line between actions that women find "romantic & sweet" and actions that actually turn them on romantically & sexually.

 

 

Here is where I think this goes wrong:

 

Woman: attracted to guy A, likes him...they've gone out a few times and he sends flowers and a sweet note on a regular Tuesday. She finds this romantic and a turn on.

 

Woman: guy B. Woman goes on one date with a guy, feels 'meh' about him, he sends poetry and flowers professing his "admiration". This is creepy.

 

 

Same ACTION gets different reactions.

 

Does this make sense?

 

It isn't about the ACTION as much as it is about the guy not 'reading' the situation/woman.