Women's minds are tricky

[DKT3]

what women find initially attractive and what ends up being a long term attraction are two very different things.

 

I believe every woman can relate to this....you met a guy, not all that attractive or at least not one you think boy, I want to RIP his shirt off now. You get to know him and certain aspects of his behavior and personality begins to pull you closer. Now, all of a sudden he starts to become more physically attractive. You tell a girlfriend this and her response is really ( as she looks at you as if you have six heads).

 

This is why I often say women are far better human beings than us men. They can see past a lack of primal attraction, while many men will put up with horrible behavior from great looking women and not pay any attention to average looking great women.

 

So to say women are complicated and dont know what they want is BS. what they want is a man who treats them well. The confusion came because so few of us actually do.

[chillii]

l use to think women are better human beings than men but sadly , they've been knocked of that perch after a lifetime of seeing between the lines and observing 100s of women around me over the years.

Sometimes they are , but sometimes men are too and more often than not these days l'd trust any any good man in any situation long before l would even consider trusting most appearing to be good women.

 

Sadly over this last 5 or 10 yrs l actually think they're worse than men , especially when it comes to the opposite sex , marriage , relationships , morals in the end .

Just seen too many do too many just gobsmacking things , destroy their own families in worse ways than you could imagine, or literally go mad, single mothers , you name it and much more, even mother in laws, sisters, right across the board, even 80yr olds.

 

So nope, they're well and truly of my pedestal .

l've had many a wiser man than me over the years say things like most women are really just crazy underneath when it's all said and done, which l use to cringe at , but this last few year l often think those guys weren't some twisted bitter mess after all , they were just smarter than most.

Edited January 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BaileyB]

So nope, they're well and truly of my pedestal.

 

This woman doesn’t want to be on a pedestal. She just wants to be loved and treated with kindness and respect.

 

Are there “good” and “bad” women, sure there are. Just like there are “good” and “bad” men. Human beings are complicated. People make mistakes and life can be really hard sometimes.

 

I’m sorry that you have been treated badly chillii. But, try not to become too bitter. Not all women are bad.

[chillii]

Nice to hear Bailey hope you have or get what makes you happy.

But even around LS , what we read about often boarders the ridiculous with many.

 

And hell yeah you sure right about that one life is hard but nah myself l haven't been treated too badly at all but there have been some big and disappointing surprises along the way though non the less for sure.

Things are more about how l've just been amazed at what l've seen observed in people ,the whole shebang or heard about over the years, totally gobsmacked.

Pedestal's nah, wrong term really l've never really had any woman on pedestals as such and yeah l agree l don't wanna be on one myself either , have been and don't like it at all. But l did for most of my life until the last 5 or 10yrs consider most outwardly decent women, way more moralistic and good at the core than men overall though.

[Moves Like Jagger]

To start my post, I have to say that the women here give great advice compared to the women on other websites.

 

I refuse to condemn the OP because I can understand the frustration that he feels. When struggling guys ask women for advice, a lot of women tell him to be yourself and that love happens when you are not trying. The women don't give any advice about how to flirt or how to be a better conversationalist. The only conversational advice they give him is to ask a lot of questions. These types of cliches describe the advice given on a lot of different, non-Loveshack.org message boards.

 

Then you have another website where women constantly complain about how they hate getting harassed. These women are correct that women should not be harassed. However, there is a time and a place to make that statement. Telling struggling guys that are shy and insecure about street harassment will only make the struggling guys worst because they are too afraid to show off the best parts of their personality for fear of creeping out a woman. These struggling guys need to be more social and not less social.

 

You see a lot of guys who look robotic and serious around women. They don't smile. They show no emotion and speak in a monotone voice while they fire off a bunch of mundane questions at girls. Then you have the social guys who are laughing and smiling around women. They crack jokes, tell stories, and give their opinions. One guy told me that he had to meet this waitress. He loved the thrill of the chase. Instead of telling guys to express themselves and to be present in the moment, a lot of women tell guys to ask the same interview questions in a robotic, monotone voice.

 

Sometimes, I think of guys that follows traditional, women's advice. You see a guy dressed like a little kid approaching a women. Showing no emotion and speaking in an overly polite, monotone voice, he starts asking a woman some interview questions. Polite, the woman answers his questions before she asks him questions. After a few minutes, she darts her eyes around the room before she talks to another person in the area.

 

Then you have the bad boy that is social with everybody. He has the audacity to make statements instead of asking a billion questions. He does crazy things like cracking jokes instead of asking the same questions of "Where are you from?" and "What do you do?". He then does something aggressive by giving his opinion about certain things. The guy then does the bad boy thing of teasing her. Then he does a crazy thing like complimenting her instead of asking another robotic question. To top it off, he does the player thing of telling her that he is now going to leave to get something to eat and that she can tag along if she wants.

[basil67]

Then you have the bad boy that is social with everybody. He has the audacity to make statements instead of asking a billion questions. He does crazy things like cracking jokes instead of asking the same questions of "Where are you from?" and "What do you do?". He then does something aggressive by giving his opinion about certain things. The guy then does the bad boy thing of teasing her. Then he does a crazy thing like complimenting her instead of asking another robotic question. To top it off, he does the player thing of telling her that he is now going to leave to get something to eat and that she can tag along if she wants.

 

Yep, I'd date him. But why do you call his moves 'bad boy', 'crazy', 'aggressive' and 'player'? To me, he sounds like a regular guy who's comfortable talking with women.

[manfrombelow2]

You hit the nail Basil67,

 

There are no "bad guys", just guys who knows what to do.

 

But why do you call his moves 'bad boy', 'crazy', 'aggressive' and 'player'? To me, he sounds like a regular guy who's comfortable talking with women.

[2.50 a gallon]

What hasn't been mentioned is the effect love chemicals can have on a woman.

Example my Ex-Fiance.

She must have said no to my asking her out a half dozen times. She flat told me I was too old, too poor, etc. And she had two other guys she was dating, one for over a year that she was thinking of getting engaged to. And another who was going to be just a short fling.

She agreed to go fishing with me, as she had never been fishing and it would be a good way to work on her tan, as she had two big dates that coming weekend.

When she caught her first fish, she wanted to eat it, which lead to her coming over to my place, drinking a bottle of wine, and onto a great night of sex.

The next day I answered a knock at my door to find her standing there with a pizza in hand and wanting a repeat of the previous nights sex. And her two other boyfriends were history. She was mine

[JuneL]

The guys thinking that women’s minds are tricky may likely be those who have difficulty reading subtle body language and cues, and they just want to have a step-by-step manual to follow.

[DKT3]

The guys thinking that women’s minds are tricky may likely be those who have difficulty reading subtle body language and cues, and they just want to have a step-by-step manual to follow.

 

Haha most women are not very subtle, if you know what they are.

 

Yes, you are correct. Understanding female body language lowers your odds of being rejected which increases your confidence with and comfort around women.

[JuneL]

Haha most women are not very subtle, if you know what they are.

 

Yes, you are correct. Understanding female body language lowers your odds of being rejected which increases your confidence with and comfort around women.

 

That’s precisely the thing. If you’re the right receiver for her wavelengths, the signals sent to you are like thunderbolts. But for a receiver that cannot decode her wavelengths, only some disturbances are detected; from his perspective, the signals are random or mixed or unstable...

[alphamale]

Haha most women are not very subtle, if you know what they are.

 

Yes, you are correct. Understanding female body language lowers your odds of being rejected which increases your confidence with and comfort around women.

 

I totally agree with this

[manfrombelow2]

Congratulations, you just discovered the power of the formula:

 

HANG OUT - HAVE FUN - HOOK UP

 

That's the formula. You took her to go fishing (hang out), you and her caught a fish which she wanted to eat (have fun) and you cooked it at your home, where you eventually have sex together (hook up).

 

That's the formula. After all, love is all about having fun, laughing and relaxing.

 

When she caught her first fish, she wanted to eat it, which lead to her coming over to my place, drinking a bottle of wine, and onto a great night of sex.

The next day I answered a knock at my door to find her standing there with a pizza in hand and wanting a repeat of the previous nights sex. And her two other boyfriends were history. She was mine

[2.50 a gallon]

thaygiaogiang

 

 

Don't discount the power of the love chemicals.

At the time of our first date she did not have much of a sex life. The few times she had had sex, had not been that great. Five minutes and it was over. While with me, it lasted for more than and hour and she had several O's.

The next day she was supposed to go to dinner with the guy she had been dating for over a year that night. But her body took over and flooded her brain with love chemicals, that were designed for just me.

Yes she wanted a repeat of the great sex we had had the night before, but that was only part of it, as her brain also wanted to cuddle with me. It is called infatuation.

[todreaminblue]

women are meant be a mystery wrapped up in good hair mixed with brains and have the capacity to blow guys minds with dot dot dot....and this is where i...say .....what?...deb

[basil67]

You hit the nail Basil67,

 

There are no "bad guys", just guys who knows what to do.

 

You’re kidding, right? You don’t believe there are guys who use and lose? Ones who tell lies and give fake promises? Ones who treat others like garbage?

 

I had a friend who could spot a bad guy from a mile off and make a bee line for him. Then they treat her badly and she’d complain about how all men are bad. She married a drug dealer and we lost contact.

 

Those same bad guys, the rest of us could also spot them a mile off and avoid like the plague.

 

And yes, there are bad girls too. Cunning women who will use a man. She will know your dating rules and beat you at them if you underestimate her smarts,

[manfrombelow2]

I was not saying "There are no BAD GUYS in this world."

 

I was saying: "There are no'bad guys' in the game of dating."

 

Two totally different things.

 

Let me know if you still don't understand. I'll gladly explain more to you. No offense.

 

She married a drug dealer.,

[basil67]

No, I don't understand. Bad guys are also date. They lie and they cheat and they abuse while they are dating.

Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of prior post

[Wallysbears]

Congratulations, you just discovered the power of the formula:<snip>

 

This is a formula for initial dating. Not love and life partnerships.

 

Love and life together have a LOT more going on than hanging out, hooking up and having fun.

 

Is that a part of it? Absolutely. But ask any person that is successfully in a relationship or married for any period of time and they will tell you that there is a LOT more to the equation then those simple steps.

Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Wallysbears]

I was not saying "There are no BAD GUYS in this world."<snip>

 

There are most definitely men that are very good at dating and are also bad men.

 

Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum and isn’t initially apparent when dating.

Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[ericw899]

what women find initially attractive and what ends up being a long term attraction are two very different things. <snip>

 

Ok so my therapist (female) always talks about this idea of me going out with a woman who isn't very attractive on paper, but if I go out with a couple times, I may gain attraction for her. For men, does this happen? Because in my opinion a man is attracted to who he is attracted to, and many times we aren't attracted too much to other things such as confidence levels, how she talks, etc. Not to say those things are good or bad, but I feel like if a guy goes out with an ugly woman in his mind, no matter how much he sees of her, his attraction won't change.

Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Interstellar]

<snip>

 

So yeah. What women think they want and what they actually want are totally different.

 

Absolutely. Ask them the type of guy they actually had a long term relationship with and this is what you’ll hear: “well, i can’t quite figure out where I stand with him.”, “he plays too many games.”, “he’s funny, he really makes me laugh.”

Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[NuevoYorko]

Agreed. Few women in my experience respond positively to what they describe as what they really want.

Perhaps you misunderstood what they told you, or executed it poorly.

[JuneL]

Perhaps you misunderstood what they told you, or executed it poorly.

 

^^^This.

 

When a woman says she likes to hear from you, it doesn’t mean you have to blow up her phone and act all needy and clingy.

[Shining One]

When a woman says she likes to hear from you, it doesn’t mean you have to blow up her phone and act all needy and clingy.

What about women who say they want a man who is / does X but then chooses to date a man who is not / does not do X? I saw this a lot with my female friends. Heck, my sister is a perfect example of this and she's in her early thirties now.