Being set up [on dates]

[ZA Dater]

So there ya go.

And you were hardly expecting a gf out of it so it doesn't matter what league she's in anyway.

 

l think a couple of 1000 of us have also suggested though you look further a field and this is the second one in a few weeks from somewhere else that finally you've enjoyed.

case at rest.

 

 

 

The forum can collectively laugh at me but it was nice someone giving me some attention.

[chillii]

Nah mate sorry if that came across that way it certainly wasn't intended .

Me l'm happy you've had another nice encounter actually it's really good news.

 

l know they haven't gone anywhere but that doesn't matter for now at least it's shown you you can meet women you like .

[edgygirl]

I feel you want some hot or good looking girl (that’s what you usually talk about in your posts) but at the same time you complain about women who don’t appreciate your good traits (financial stability and intellect or so?). Maybe just maybe you’re looking for the wrong traits in women? I feel a more intellectual woman would be more satisfying to you than someone who looks “hot” or “out of your league” which seems to be your ongoing themes on whether someone is attractive to you.

 

I have a very good idea of what is gettable for me and what isn't, she falls into the latter category. Its telling I started Bumble and surprise I got the same sort of matches I got on Tinder, i.e. people I don't find attractive at all. There is no coincidence here.

[ZA Dater]

I feel you want some hot or good looking girl (that’s what you usually talk about in your posts) but at the same time you complain about women who don’t appreciate your good traits (financial stability and intellect or so?). Maybe just maybe you’re looking for the wrong traits in women? I feel a more intellectual woman would be more satisfying to you than someone who looks “hot” or “out of your league” which seems to be your ongoing themes on whether someone is attractive to you.

 

I don't see why I can't have both. It's not a one or the other choice in my mind. I have absolutely no interest on going out with people I don't find attractive, done that too often.

[ZA Dater]

Update on this.

 

Yet again I bought into a lovely idea which turned into one massive disappointment.

 

Spent quite a lot of time with her at a party on Sat, she got me to dance which is something I don't normally do, saw her yesterday briefly, asked her out on a date "I will confirm tomorrow" guess what most of "tomorrow" is now gone and not one word from her.

 

It was great to spend time with her because she seemed to accept me as being awkward and shy.

 

But quite what I was thinking that I could actually get anything to work with someone I found attractive I don't know. For me dating is normally just seeing people I have zero interest, people who aren't all that nice to me and ultimately just a complete waste of time.

 

So yes, fantastic for a while but ultimately I cant compete with the guys she can get. Boils down the same thing it always does, ladies pick, guys hope to be picked by someone they like.

 

Same result over and over, at least I got to feel like I was getting somewhere for 3 days and enjoyed spending time with her but at the end of the day I am just not good enough.

 

Not sure why I bother. Back to Tinder, OKcupid, Bumble and the absolutely horrendous matches I get.

[nospam99]

saw her yesterday briefly, asked her out on a date ''I will confirm tomorrow'' guess what most of ''tomorrow'' is now gone and not one word from her.

 

Dating 201, dude: there are two possibilities. Maybe she's flaking and maybe she's testing. You're the guy. Cover your base for the second possibility. Text (or message or email) her (do NOT phone).

 

'Hey, I missed our date confirmation yesterday. Are we still on?'

[ZA Dater]

Dating 201, dude: there are two possibilities. Maybe she's flaking and maybe she's testing. You're the guy. Cover your base for the second possibility. Text (or message or email) her (do NOT phone).

 

'Hey, I missed our date confirmation yesterday. Are we still on?'

 

 

 

Not interested in chasing. I am not grovelling at someone's feet and begging for a date. Clearly something better has cropped up.

 

 

I was just stupid to think someone of my level of or lack of desirability could date someone like this who has many options.

[elaine567]

Not interested in chasing.

Ok so you want "the best", yet are not interested in competing to get it, so where do you think that will lead?

No man is entitled to a woman, "just because" he showed up. Few men are "that" attractive, few women have no other options.

Chasing is part of the game.

[ZA Dater]

Ok so you want "the best", yet are not interested in competing to get it, so where do you think that will lead?

No man is entitled to a woman, "just because" he showed up. Few men are "that" attractive, few women have no other options.

Chasing is part of the game.

 

Sure, I cant compete against some model looking dude living in $5mil apartment. What the point really, she wasn't even the best, she was just nice, actually got along with her and she seemingly didn't find me too weird.

 

No, all this was, was once again me being used for being kind.

 

"Its great J is so giving, lets use his kindness but that's all that's good about him"

 

Frankly I have nothing to compete with, all I have is a unique outlook on life and that's not enough, there are more negatives to me than positives.

 

 

For once I thought being me was enough and for once I actually in the context of spending time with a lady felt comfortable to be me.

Edited January 29, 2019 by ZA Dater

[elaine567]

Sure, I cant compete against some model looking dude living in $5mil apartment.

Who can? But that is not the real world. Most guys are just competing against other ordinary guys...

 

Frankly I have nothing to compete with, all I have is a unique outlook on life and that's not enough, there are more negatives to me than positives.

Ok so you identify the negatives and try to do something about them. No-one is expecting you to be some all dancing all singing guy with a witty repartee and a beautiful face and body... You are not trying to get every woman swooning, you just need one.

I guess a load of the guys here who do very well or have done very well dating women are nothing special in reality.

They have just made the best of what they have and that is what everyone has to do.

[Wallysbears]

I really wish you wouldn't be such a Debbie Downer.

 

If this carries over into your life and interactions with people then it is definitely impacting your ability to get dates.

[ZA Dater]

Who can? But that is not the real world. Most guys are just competing against other ordinary guys...

 

 

Ok so you identify the negatives and try to do something about them. No-one is expecting you to be some all dancing all singing guy with a witty repartee and a beautiful face and body... You are not trying to get every woman swooning, you just need one.

I guess a load of the guys here who do very well or have done very well dating women are nothing special in reality.

They have just made the best of what they have and that is what everyone has to do.

 

 

 

That's what I am competing against in this instance.

 

 

I actually don't care anymore "she is lovely, she is perfect for you", this same rubbish every time, get me to believe in an idea which is a heck of a lot better than anything else I can find and stupidly ONCE again I fell for this hook line and sinker.

[ZA Dater]

I really wish you wouldn't be such a Debbie Downer.

 

If this carries over into your life and interactions with people then it is definitely impacting your ability to get dates.

 

 

 

Walk a mile in my shoes and you might feel very differently.

[elaine567]

That's what I am competing against in this instance.

Well, very few men would expect to win there, so you can hardly beat yourself up over it...

If she is into rich male model types, then what did you really have in common with her?

 

She did however take you out of your comfort zone a bit, so not all bad.

[ZA Dater]

Well, very few men would expect to win there, so you can hardly beat yourself up over it...

If she is into rich male model types, then what did you really have in common with her?

 

She did however take you out of your comfort zone a bit, so not all bad.

 

There has been no upside at all. All these experiences do is drive me further and further towards being more and more bitter.

 

It was nice though to actually get some attention from someone I did like, albeit I suspect it was only ever going to be "friend zone". Was good to just be me for the change without having to tailor myself to try and fit in, she didn't seem to care that I didn't fit in.

 

But still ultimately got nowhere.

[NuevoYorko]

There has been no upside at all. All these experiences do is drive me further and further towards being more and more bitter.

That's your choice. Not a good one, by the way. "Bitter" is one of the most unattractive qualities a person can have. It shows, whether you acknowledge it or not.

 

It was nice though to actually get some attention from someone I did like, albeit I suspect it was only ever going to be "friend zone". Was good to just be me for the change without having to tailor myself to try and fit in, she didn't seem to care that I didn't fit in.

 

But still ultimately got nowhere.

Interpersonal relations are rarely as goal oriented as you think. They don't have to "go somewhere." They exist in the present. Your relentless bitterness and self pity are preventing you from living in the moment.

 

I think you are depressed and if you address that, you might have a better time of it.

[ZA Dater]

That's your choice. Not a good one, by the way. "Bitter" is one of the most unattractive qualities a person can have. It shows, whether you acknowledge it or not.

 

Interpersonal relations are rarely as goal oriented as you think. They don't have to "go somewhere." They exist in the present. Your relentless bitterness and self pity are preventing you from living in the moment.

 

I think you are depressed and if you address that, you might have a better time of it.

 

Frankly I don't care what people deem to be attractive or not. Time after time I really try and the end result is always the same so why bother?

Everything in life is goal orientated if you think about it, well in my opinion anyway.

 

Perhaps if I paint myself purple with white dots I'd have a better time of it.

 

I am despondent yes because no matter what I do the outcome isn't any different. It might not seem like it but I do try and I know NOBODY who has luck as bad as mine.

 

What worse this time is I really opened up, this is why I don't because never, ever has it not fallen apart like a pancake falling on the floor.

 

From yesterday handing me a date and smiling and telling me "this is our first date" to ignoring me today.

 

Most of me is convinced this was some contrived plan by my friends which was never going to work. But as always for a time I had everything I wanted but never for long enough.

[ZA Dater]

Why do I feel so bad?

 

Well because for a few days I could be me around a lady, she laughed at me, with me and just accepted me for me, she complimented me, she encouraged me and it was nice to spend time around someone who didn't dismiss me because I am awkward or because I am different.

 

It was good to do things together.

 

Now I am back to the reality of crappy tinder, Ok cupid, bumble and the virtually no decent prospects there.

 

For a few days I had some sort of hope I would be able to enjoy something like this for a fair amount of time (a week would have been a win) BUT as always its ME, always me the issue, I cant ever compete with anyone so I am the choice of nobody who has any degree of choice.

 

I enjoyed some attention which I hardly ever get. Honestly perhaps I can see why guys go to strip clubs, for attention, its a crass, horrid objectification environment but if you never get any attention from anyone I guess you don't have much choice. Unless you are so desperate that any attention will do. Any attention has never worked for me, much like eating a tasteless plain cake doesn't work for me either.

 

I guess I'll just have to move on but I do wonder why I bother, until I have great experiences like this, but they are so rare, to maybe amount to 2% of all my dating experience.

 

There are many punishments in life, being lonely is one of the many horrible ones.

[brigit87]

Now I am back to the reality of crappy tinder, Ok cupid, bumble and the virtually no decent prospects there.

 

 

yep. If i were you I'd stop using those dating apps.

[ZA Dater]

Which leaves me with pretty much no choice but actually I think that would be better than these choices I have at the moment.

Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of prior post

[brigit87]

Which leaves me with pretty much no choice.

 

Not true.

 

It just leaves you with real life choices instead of these dating apps which don't seem to help you out.

[alphamale]

OLD has one goal and that is to line the pockets of its investors

[nospam99]

Am I the only one here who has noticed that the OP IS NOT TRYING???!!! He says he is trying but when it's time for him to turn words into actions he's too 'special' to 'chase' a woman by so little as a follow-up text to ask to confirm a date. Yes, she may ghost him. But his definition of 'trying' does not come anywhere close to mine.

[ZA Dater]

Am I the only one here who has noticed that the OP IS NOT TRYING???!!! He says he is trying but when it's time for him to turn words into actions he's too 'special' to 'chase' a woman by so little as a follow-up text to ask to confirm a date. Yes, she may ghost him. But his definition of 'trying' does not come anywhere close to mine.

 

I did send her a text and got no response.