NC Stories

[MeadowFlower]

Alright, I know there are probably already threads on this

But can people please share briefly here their experiences with being a dumpee from dating or a relationship, going NC, and then what happened when your ex contacted you. How long, etc.

[Orokotikki]

If you are really in NC they cannot contact you.

 

NC doesn't mean you just don't reply, it means their messages and signals cannot reach you (cannot contact you).

 

That is the difference between NC and just ignoring someone, although the use of NC as abbreviation tends to get bandied about even for the latter.

 

The two of you are unable to contact each other because preventative measures.

[nolanola]

Alright, I know there are probably already threads on this

But can people please share briefly here their experiences with being a dumpee from dating or a relationship, going NC, and then what happened when your ex contacted you. How long, etc.

 

Usually months, if not longer. Depends on the situation. The ironic thing about NC is that if you're doing it correctly (meaning focusing on healing, bettering yourself, etc) by the time they reach back out to you it will be easy to ignore them because you won't care as much. I don't know what you would call it, but somehow they seem to know when you stop thinking about them and that's when they contact.

 

Every ex I've ever had (of significant duration) has come back at some point. Usually it's after I've moved on. One came back 18 years later! My most recent ex texted me after a month of NC, but I ignored it because it was total BS and did not address anything of significance. Many exes will reach out to kind of poke you to see if they get a response. Could be for a bunch of reasons: they're lonely, their new relationship didn't work out, they saw something that reminded them of you, they actually miss you, whatever. Usually it's some nothing text like "hey". This is very common and you can probably find a million stories like this on LS. People refer to this as "breadcrumbs". IMO, these messages don't deserve a response. If they actually make an effort to try to apologize, talk things out, get back together ('I want to get back together"), you can consider it. But otherwise, I'd say plan on never hearing from them again and try as hard as you can to get on with your life. It is extremely hard, but easier than hoping.

[MeadowFlower]

I don't know what you would call it, but somehow they seem to know when you stop thinking about them and that's when they contact.

 

Every ex I've ever had (of significant duration) has come back at some point.

 

 

Yes I've read that, about them seemingly kinda sensing when you've moved on..

 

What do you classify as significant duration?

[nolanola]

Yes I've read that, about them seemingly kinda sensing when you've moved on..

 

What do you classify as significant duration?

 

More than a few months. Enough that I got to know them and shared things with them.

 

There are some guys that I went out with a couple of times. Some of them I liked, most of them I didn't see a future with -- those guys I haven't had come back. But I'm ok with those...LOL

[MeadowFlower]

Is it okay to block then on FB? Will they be put off at any chance of coming back, if they find out?

[nolanola]

Is it okay to block then on FB? Will they be put off at any chance of coming back, if they find out?

 

Honestly, this is something you really can't control. You have to do what is best for you to have some healing. If you need to block them so you don't see their updates/pictures or whatever, then do it. Don't get stuck in the mud because you keep internet stalking them (this is part of NC by the way -- no looking at their profiles!!!). The sooner you can break all ties, even if you don't totally block them, the faster you will feel better. At least in my experience. I'm sure there are some people out there that can stay in contact with their ex and are fine, but for 99.99% of the rest of us, it's not possible.

 

Ask yourself honestly - can you avoid looking at his profiles or pictures? If not, then block him. You can always unblock him later down the line when you feel better.

[PolyPocket]

Is it okay to block then on FB? Will they be put off at any chance of coming back, if they find out?

 

In the digital age, nothing is impossible if an ex really wants to come back and be a part of your life again. FB is not the only possible way for someone to contact you if they're really determined, so blocking him shouldn't be a factor if that's what you need to do to heal. It sounds to me like you're still putting importance on how he would feel if you distant yourself, but it's really not about him at this point. That's what NC is for......it's about you, not him. I know this is a difficult process, but sometimes erasing exes from your life is the best move if you are looking to truly move on. I'm doing the same thing too, but I get the advantage because my ex was never on FB, so cutting him off was easy by just erasing his number from my phone.

 

Not too long ago tho, when him and I first broke up, I signed up into a dating app to meet someone new and found him there. I was hurt, it was like the worse FB status you never want to see your ex post, so I deleted my account so he would never find me and accidentally be "matched" with me again. After a few days, he contacted me for another chance......but as we all know now, that did not work out as well. My point to this is that none of those matter. You gotta do what you gotta do, and if your ex wants you in his life again, he will find another way to get to you.

[nolanola]

In the digital age, nothing is impossible if an ex really wants to come back and be a part of your life again. FB is not the only possible way for someone to contact you if they're really determined, so blocking him shouldn't be a factor if that's what you need to do to heal.<snip>

 

@polypocket, ugh I didn't know that happened!! I would have probably vomited if I was on Tinder or something and came across an ex!!

Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[PolyPocket]

@polypocket, ugh I didn't know that happened!! I would have probably vomited if I was on Tinder or something and came across an ex!!

 

Hi Nola! How have you been coping sweetie?!

 

Yes, we’ve broken up before, and it was absolutely the worst feeling in the world seeing him there. He even used my favorite picture of him that he took for me during one of his out town trips, and the “what are you looking for” section described me to a T.......which made me feel100x worse. It was very much him, but being advertised for someone else.

[Fekenaws]

can people please share briefly here their experiences with being a dumpee from dating or a relationship, going NC, and then what happened when your ex contacted you. How long, etc.

 

 

Experience: Very loving relationship, perhaps too much so on my part. Dated from 8 months to 1.5 years depending on where you draw the line. She broke up with me, gave me full closure, and disappeared. I went NC after breaking up, the first 2 months were awful but I got better slowly with each passing day.

 

I'm currently approaching the 4th month of NC, we haven't said a word to each other since we broke up. We didn't block each other's numbers, FB's, or Snapchats. All I "heard" from her so far is that I got a single FB like from her and 2 snap story views.

 

I assume she wants to be friends, which she was really adamant and crying about during the breakup when I told her that didn't work for me, but I have no room in my life for another friend. She can reconcile if she wants to and she knows that, but her silence speaks volumes.

 

It's worth noting that I have not reciprocated any of her indirect contact. I'm not playing the "internet pen pal" game.

[nolanola]

Hi Nola! How have you been coping sweetie?!

 

Yes, we’ve broken up before, and it was absolutely the worst feeling in the world seeing him there. He even used my favorite picture of him that he took for me during one of his out town trips, and the “what are you looking for” section described me to a T.......which made me feel100x worse. It was very much him, but being advertised for someone else.

 

Hi polypocket!! I don't want to highjack the thread, but it's been a rough few weeks. Feeling a bit better now.

 

What you said reminded me that with an older ex, I once told him this shirt he had looked really good on him. Then one night after we broke up I saw him at a bar with his friends, obviously looking for women...wearing the shirt. Ugh.