dante95 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) Greetings to all. I was in a problematic relationship for quite a while and while I loved and still love my ex I wasn't ''in love'' anymore. I craved for the feeling of excitement and passion which I only had once in my life and not with my ex. Anyway, given that I am not the best ''hunter'' out there one day I started talking with a girl from my Uni and I instantly fell for her. Long story short, we started dating as I had broken up with my ex and all things seemed pretty well. We kissed and I believed in myself and set my insecurities aside, as she objectively was, let say, of higher calibre so far as looks are concerned. Then after a week she broke up with me, saying she wasn't ready for a relationship. I acted with indifference and egoism, and wished her the best, although I felt broken and as a toy which was used for whatever reason and then thrown away, although she tried to convince me that this wasn't the case. I instantly used NC from the get go of the break up aside from wishing her a happy birthday. I healed for a while , been three months so far, putting her out of my mind until I started talking with another beautiful girl. Thing is, the whole flirting thing led me straight into thinking of the girl I fell for. I started again the stupid and immature ''stalking'' on social media and the whole thing rebounded if this makes any sense. While I know I won't be back with the dumper, I don't feel like flirting, or dating, or anything. What are your thoughts for the whole situation? I know I didn't handle it well but c'est la vie. Please forgive my mistakes as English is not my mother language. Thanks in advance. Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 Ok, you asked for my thoughts,...so I can give them,...right? First, your English seem really good to me,...very good. Now the bad part... You are very needy and insecure, so you need to get a handle on that. That is pretty much it. It is certainly what drove away the new girl. Let me summarize with phases from your post that show this: 1. I am not the best ''hunter'' out there 2. I started talking with a girl... and I instantly fell for her. 3. I believed in myself and set my insecurities aside [No, not really. As soon as you have to "say it",...it is no longer true] 4. She objectively was, let say, of higher calibre [She's out of my league] 5. Then after a week she broke up with me, saying she wasn't ready for a relationship. I acted with indifference and egoism, and wished her the best, although I felt broken and as a toy which was used for whatever reason and then thrown away [This is way way way over-invested for just knowing someone a week] I know I didn't handle it well but c'est la vie.I often recommend a book by Corey Wayne called "How to be a 3% Man". You are not "in a relationship" after a week. She is not your GF after a week, so she couldn't break up because there is nothing to break up from. All she really did was stop it from going any further before it did become something. She did not break up because she did not agree to being in a relationship to start with,...that is why she actually said, "she wasn't ready for a relationship",...meaning she did not consider herself to be in one and didn't want to be in one with you. This tells me that you were pushing the relationship idea on her immediately and by the end of just one week she pushed back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dante95 Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) Thanks man, though hard what you said is true. Appreciate that. I'd like also to add that I never pushed for anything serious. Hell I even send only a few messages per day in order to avoid just that, being pushy. How and if she reached the conclusion that I had somehow been pushing her is beyond me though. Edited January 23, 2019 by dante95 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 I even send only a few messages per day.Should only be one or two a week. Get the book I mentioned or read it online. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dante95 Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) Aight thanks again mate. Your advice was really helpful. In retrospection I may have messed the whole thing up. Anyhow life goes on and so should I. Edited January 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) Young man, "a few messages PER day" is already too much. Not only did it communicate that you were pushing her into a relationship, it also scared her away because it made you appear too pushy and needy in her eyes and mind. I never pushed for anything serious. Hell I even send only a few messages per day in order to avoid just that, being pushy. Edited January 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 If you don't learn anything from your failures, then you have failed for NOTHING. Don't ever forget that young man. Best of lucks. Anyhow life goes on and so should I. Link to post Share on other sites
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