Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I'm trying to flexible because unless I settle, I will continue to be alone. Kudos to you... You realized that you need to make a change to affect a different outcome and you are doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 You don't have to settle but it's good that you are being open to trying a different method. Pace yourself here. Go slow. There are no expectations for this meet. You can shake hands hello or not touch at all. Establish your boundaries. Talk about the fact that you want to get to know somebody but do not say you "want to be friends first." There is a difference & platonic is not an option. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I'm trying to flexible because unless I settle, I will continue to be alone. I'm tired of being alone. The problem with this attitude is it isn't fair to the person you "settle" for. No one wants to be with someone who only settled for them because they didn't want to be alone. Would you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 The problem with this attitude is it isn't fair to the person you "settle" for. No one wants to be with someone who only settled for them because they didn't want to be alone. Would you? I see what ur saying. What do u suggest I so instead based on the info I provided? Also I wouldnt tell my partner I settled for them. I would take that to my grave. As long as they believe i chose them, they will be happy. And I will be happy having someone that loves me and wont have to be alone. Life isnt about fairness. If it was I wouldnt have to settle in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 The problem with this attitude is it isn't fair to the person you "settle" for. No one wants to be with someone who only settled for them because they didn't want to be alone. Would you? I agree, I doubt any guy would want to be the one you settled for because you did not have anyone. This is not fair to the guy at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Also I wouldnt tell my partner I settled for them. I would take that to my grave. As long as they believe i chose them, they will be happy. And I will be happy having someone that loves me and wont have to be alone. Life isnt about fairness. If it was I wouldnt have to settle in the first place. The above is the single most selfish thing I have seen on this site... Do you see how selfish you are being? Totally unfair to the guy. It is a total lie that you are with him, you are with him solely for your selfish reasons.... I think you really need to reevaluate yourself and dating... Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 There is a WORLD of difference between "settling" and being open to meet with people (especially via OLD) that you may not feel an oh my god, instant attraction to based on a photo/writing you see via OLD. I wouldn't suggest that you build a life with someone that you aren't attracted to...but I will definitely suggest that you go out on at least a first date with someone that you may feel 'meh' about when reviewing an OLD profile/looking at an OLD photo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) The above is the single most selfish thing I have seen on this site... Do you see how selfish you are being? Totally unfair to the guy. It is a total lie that you are with him, you are with him solely for your selfish reasons.... I think you really need to reevaluate yourself and dating... People are selfish and do self serving things all the time. It isnt a bad thing. I was dumped and left alone because someone was selfish and didnt want their happiness hindered, even tho I was happy and in love in the relationship. It was selfish and self serving for him to leave but that's how people are. Settling as long as the guy is happy with me isnt a bad thing. If he believes that I chose him, then it doesnt matter. In his reality, he is my ideal and perfect mate. The point of this thread was going on a date with someone I'm not attracted to, and how I'm not attracted to most men.I feel like its moving away from that and I'd like to get back on track. Edited January 25, 2019 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 As for the date I dont have many expectations. Just meeting a new person is all it is. I'm gonna try and keep my head space there. I can update later if anyone wants to know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 There is a WORLD of difference between "settling" and being open to meet with people (especially via OLD) that you may not feel an oh my god, instant attraction to based on a photo/writing you see via OLD. I wouldn't suggest that you build a life with someone that you aren't attracted to...but I will definitely suggest that you go out on at least a first date with someone that you may feel 'meh' about when reviewing an OLD profile/looking at an OLD photo. Of I dont feel attraction in the first date with someone on OLD, do I keep seeing them? What is the cut off point? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 If I wasn't at all attracted to a person after a first or second date, then I politely declined any further dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Water seeks its own level... If you could secure a "more attractive" guy, then logic would dictate that it should have happened by now and vice-versa for the guy. Although this guy may not be perfect (in your eyes), you may not be perfect (in his eyes). In the end, you both may be "settling". Who knows... Together (you two) may enjoy each other's company and get along famously. Keep an open mind and positive attitude and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Water seeks its own level... If you could secure a "more attractive" guy, then logic would dictate that it should have happened by now and vice-versa for the guy. Although this guy may not be perfect (in your eyes), you may not be perfect (in his eyes). In the end, you both may be "settling". Who knows... Together (you two) may enjoy each other's company and get along famously. Keep an open mind and positive attitude and see where it goes. Hmmm that makes sense. Maybe I'm just ugly. Idk. But I didn't think I was. And I never dated or talked to men I thought were above my level if that makes sense. Guys that are too hot are dangerous lol. Well except one. Yeah in terms of settling I think that is what happens with most people. I'm trying to be open minded. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Maybe I'm just ugly. Yeah in terms of settling I think that is what happens with most people. I'm trying to be open minded. I am not saying you are ugly... please don't think that. Just as your date is not ugly, either... He is probably just average looking. And yes... I do think people settle. Of course I want a "Christina Hendricks" look-a-like, but I'm certainly not attractive enough to secure a hot woman like that. As my girlfriend wanted a much hotter and richer guy, but settled for me. In the end, we get along well and have been dating for 7 years. So maybe "unattractive average guy" will be someone that you get to know and enjoy his company. I am glad you are keeping an "open mind". Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 If I wasn't at all attracted to a person after a first or second date, then I politely declined any further dates. What is a good way to gauage if attraction has grown or will grow? Link to post Share on other sites
T-Rexus Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Have you gone on the date yet? Online dating can be a bit rough. The hardest thing is that it's essentially two strangers meeting for the first time, and there is all the pressure about it being a date. The only real suggestion is to just relax and see if this guy is a decent person and if there is anything you like about him. It's also a good idea to keep your expectations low. Link to post Share on other sites
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