Ex posting Er, “inspirational memes”

[Twizzlestick]

It’s been a 9 days since I spoke to my ex. The last phone conversation was pleasant the day the removals men returned her furniture, she ending it with her usual “speak soon” (code for I expect you to call). I decided that was a good time to withdraw and vowed that I wouldn’t call her again.

 

Now we’re still friends on Facebook and Instagram. I know I’ll be scorned for not deleting her/evaporating pictures and burning her effigy in the garden but bare with me..

 

My reasons are thus.. every situation is different. The way my mind works is I can’t quite face that yet. A lot of it is dignity. We had 11 years and it was an undramatic ending, just extremely drawn out with her prevaricating. The other reason is she took the ending as an opportunity to kick me down, rather unjustly citing respect reasons. My pride is extremely low..

 

I feel to delete her off social media would look petty. I know what someone who’s no longer in your life should matter, but rather her thinking I’m a kicked dog booting her off would look childish and that bothers me. Can’t help it. I’ve decided a Facebook/insta blocking and photo delete session will come in due course and look less reactive or jouvenile. Rightly or wrongly, how I feel I look does have an impact on my extremely fragile and low self esteem right now.

 

Anyway to the point!!..

 

It’s been 9 days without me ringing. The last 3 days she’s gone into a campaign of posting those frigging annoying trite wisdom “memes” and quotes. All to do with “the only thing you regret is taking too long to make a decision” or “buy that plane ticket, date that guy, take that job because these things are worth it”.

 

It’s been every day and I know for a fact she is aiming at me (she previously asked if I saw her “xyz” insta post). She usually post on insta but I freshened up my Facebook page with a change of pic and noticed within a few hours she’d moved to posting a new “meme” on FB. So I kind of realise it’s meant for an audience of one. It’s a bit obvious.

 

The question is I can’t fathom out why. I’ve hardly harangued her, or begged. Just a bit of inital feeling out where she is and saying to call me if she changes her mind. But now has been the longest she’s not heard from me. We have no more business, her stuff being returned. It’s almost like she feels to keep sending the message it’s over. Like “if you didn’t know, did I say it’s over??”. I’ve not said a word for 9 days, don’t plan to.

 

Alternatively something makes me wander if this is a ploy to get me to ring. By telling our group of friends how she’s moving on, instill the old panic and get me ringing. She’s made no bones she likes my attention. The counsellor/psychologist said there’s traits of covert narcissism going on with us also showing up post break up. Could be true.

 

Anyone had this? You leave an ex be and they start a campaign of memes?

 

I’ll admit my hand did reach for the phone when I read the latest one but I stopped myself. Reaslised if any of the above is right, best let her stew in her own juices. Peoples emotions run all over I guess. Part of me thinks if you’re posting memes about stuff you usually aren’t feeling it, rather it’s something you’re trying to tell yourself. I mean if you genuinely didn’t give a fxxxx you wouldn’t bother

Edited January 24, 2019 by Twizzlestick

[d0nnivain]

It's not petty to delete an EX. Having that connect is continuing to hurt you.

 

If you burn your hand on the stove you don't put it back just to prove how tough you are.

 

You are hurting yourself by reading her posts & worrying about what she's doing / thinking / feeling. If you are not emotionally ready to severe that link, at least unfollow her so her stuff doesn't automatically show in your feed.

 

Before social media she still would have been having all those same feelings & gushing about trite wisdom. You just would not have known & that would be better for you.

[elaine567]

All to do with “the only thing you regret is taking too long to make a decision” or “buy that plane ticket, date that guy, take that job because these things are worth it”.

 

When people make big decisions they often want to tell the world about it. So such memes are par for the course.

You see it as being aimed at you but it is usually aimed at anyone who is in a similar position to the one she was in, and it is designed to tell them moving on IS possible, "I did it, you can do it too..., do it today!"

Carpe Diem basically.

 

Stop monitoring her social media, nothing good will come of it.

[Wallysbears]

Hide her from your feed. You don't need to unfriend her but stop subjecting yourself to seeing those and stop wondering what they mean.

 

Go out and do something with your time rather than be on social media.

 

 

Hang in there.

[Rayce]

Sounds like head games to me. That is why I deactivated my social media all together. I was tried of trying to decipher everything that my ex was posting! Talk about driving yourself crazy. I totally understand why you are doing it... it's like a drug really.

[Twizzlestick]

Thanks, I’ve hidden her from my feed.

[Morello]

I think the earlier you delete her, the better. You will feel even more 'silly' for deleting her in like 2 months when you realise it's doing you harm.

 

Unfollowing her works only if you're strong enough not to go to her timeline to check it out.

[basil67]

C'mon Twiz, unfriend her.

[Twizzlestick]

C'mon Twiz, unfriend her.

 

You’re right. My God, I’m not a good one at lieing to myself, or anyone.

 

You know how I’ve sold it to myself? Weird. When she dumped me, she turned the knife. Said some low things. Unjust things. I had this notion I would gently start popping pics of me enjoying life come the spring and summer. Me in a hot air balloon. Me on my mountain bike. Me when I get my promotion. Me with my friends, smiling. Me back at the gym. All these Benjamin button constructs. Bloody Pitiful. Makes a pitiful read.

 

The motives? Hope. That’s honest. And also pride and self respect. Wrongly I felt the need to not let her lasting image of me be the one she crystallised.

 

I’ve tried unfollowing, but I’ve discovered this morning that when waking up that is no obstacle, my semi awake hand side steps my still asleep self control, reaches for the dog and bone and I’m picking her name out. Just to see when she was online, to see if she’s posted, to feel that minuscule connection.

 

I’d rationalised she’s unlikely to have a new Man before she moves country in August, that I have until then before the nuclear risk of seeing a male face. But that’s not true, people do anything. And all it would take is any man, any strange face, anytime and I’d be swirling into panic.

 

Blimey. I know by unfriending she’ll take that as an act of war. I know what rational people think of it, it’s not petty etc, but I know her. And I know coupled with NC she’ll def never ring again. That is war to her.

Edited January 26, 2019 by Twizzlestick

[todreaminblue]

i think you might be overthinking....i feel....that a lot of times with exes you subconsciously want them to be thinking of you when they post things and you try to find the most fragile thread of duality relating to the two of you..hiding her from your feed as another poster has suggested i feel is the best thing for you to do ...it doesnt matter who the posts are aimed at.....does it? what ismost...is you stop wondering who they are for....deb

Edited January 26, 2019 by todreaminblue

[Minneloa]

But it's not an act of war. It's an act of self-protection. Like a poster said above, try to focus on what would benefit you, rather than on how she might react. You might be surprised how, after the initial anxiety, unfriending might bring you a sense of relief.