Otter2569 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 This is the first time I am going over after learning last week that the daughter was sexually abused by her father. It happened a while ago but she just came forward last week. She is getting professional and legal help and appears to be very strong about everything. Her mom told her that I know about what happened. Tonight when I see the girl, I do not know what to say: do I act normal like nothing happened? or Do I say something letting her know that I support her coming forward and what happened to her was wrong? My personality is to be quiet in emotional situations when I do not know what to say. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Just give her a hug and say something like, "I heard you've had a tough couple of weeks and just wanted to tell you I'm proud of your strength." So sorry she's going through this . 8 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I think I'm a bit like you, Otter, I get it and wouldn't know what to say, either. What CO suggests seems pretty brilliant to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 CO - thank you! That is just perfect!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Just say you’re sorry and that you are there to talk to or if she needs anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 This may be a cause to her overeating issues. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 This may be a cause to her overeating issues. June, was thinking the exact same thing... Most important thing now is support and moving forward with what ever help she needs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) My former MIL was obese before gastric bypass surgery, which was successful. I don't know the psychology behind it, but she did attribute the weight problem to the sexual abuse she experienced as a child. Maybe it's just as simple as emotional eating to heal the pain. Edited January 25, 2019 by CautiouslyOptimistic 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Most important thing now is support and moving forward with what ever help she needs.Otter, . You are a wonderful and loving big brother/step-dad/uncle (however you see your role at the present time). I would offer that it's fine to say, "I don't know what to say...what do you need right now?" or, "I'm out of words, will a hug help?" or just, "How can I help?" Also, and regardless of her age, sometimes we 'adults' forget that the younger ones know perfectly well, just from their own 'gut instinct' or 'intuition', exactly what they need, that will be best in any given moment or span of time, to help them heal, overcome, succeed, be happy. I'd offer to keep asking and checking in with her. CautiouslyOptimistic, I wish there was a 'quadrupple like' button...I'd click on it 8 times, for your suggestion (post #2). Just perfect and brilliant! . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 This is the first time I am going over after learning last week that the daughter was sexually abused by her father. It happened a while ago but she just came forward last week. What is the legal situation? Has he been charged or removed from contact with her? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 Otter, . You are a wonderful and loving big brother/step-dad/uncle (however you see your role at the present time). I would offer that it's fine to say, "I don't know what to say...what do you need right now?" or, "I'm out of words, will a hug help?" or just, "How can I help?" Also, and regardless of her age, sometimes we 'adults' forget that the younger ones know perfectly well, just from their own 'gut instinct' or 'intuition', exactly what they need, that will be best in any given moment or span of time, to help them heal, overcome, succeed, be happy. I'd offer to keep asking and checking in with her. CautiouslyOptimistic, I wish there was a 'quadrupple like' button...I'd click on it 8 times, for your suggestion (post #2). Just perfect and brilliant! . Thank you Ronnie, I just wish I knew what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 What is the legal situation? Has he been charged or removed from contact with her? Mr. Lucky The father lives many states away and luckily he was not very involved. They are going through the legal process as we speak and talking to authorities. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Thank you Ronnie, I just wish I knew what to do. Yes, it's difficult when there is absolutely no 'mechanical fix' or intellectual one, and everything depends upon subjective, intuitive and emotional means to overcome and get through. I would offer that what you are doing is everything that you can do. You do not need to try to do anything more or different...other than just keep continuing to support her in exactly the way that you've already been doing. You're already doing it! . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 So we (GFs daughter and I) never actually discussed the "issue" until yesterday. Not that I chickened out, the situation was not really right: everyone has been all nice and comfortable so why upset this. Yesterday the two of us started talking when she brought "it" up...thanks to your advise we had a very open and lengthy conversation. I shared a story from my childhood so she would know she is not alone. l told her how brave she was coming forward (and how I never did), how this is not her fault, we are here for her and never would have sent her to stay with him if we ever thought this would happen. We also talked about the importance of self help...I think I rambled here and there but it was an open, honest talk and I could tell we both felt better afterwards. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Yesterday the two of us started talking when she brought "it" up...thanks to your advise we had a very open and lengthy conversation. That's just awesome, Otter! Thanks for updating us with your good news. Also brave of you to have shared your story with her, so kudos for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 I think I rambled here and there but it was an open, honest talk and I could tell we both felt better afterwards. I can tell you from experience, you don't have to be eloquent, you just have to be there. Well done... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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