Having a person over without notifying wife a sign of disrespect?

[NightCircus]

My wife and I are temporarily living at my business location. A house I bought and remodeled is almost finished. We have been married for 20 months and our relationship has not been good the last couple of years. She stopped working shortly after getting married due to fibromyalgia and never feeling well. All the finances fall solely on me. We separated a couple of times and the last time she came back to me while I'm living at my business location. My business location has 2 separate buildings with each housing a separate seasonal business which only happen during the summer and fall. The main building my wife classifies as her home. Anytime one of my seasonal workers happens to drop by and she sees them she starts getting bent out of shape. I have a friend/worker who helps me in the off season at times. If he parks in front of the 2nd building 75 feet away and when we are over there then its harder for her to argue with me. Yesterday I am working on a serious project regarding the water supply out back behind the main building. My friend showed up and parked in front of the main building and just walked on back behind the main building where I was at. My wife drove up an hour later and gave her sign of great displeasure. She went on inside and shortly there after sent me 3-4 texts about how I disrespected her for not letting her know somebody was here and how the end was near. Of course I could have let her know but I was wet, muddy, and tired from what I was doing. Even if I told her someone was there she would have told me to get screwed.

 

A few times when we weren't getting along she would leave early for the day. Then text later that afternoon she was coming back around 4pm saying that normal people quit at 4pm so there should not be any workers there. Another time she came to the 2nd building and was fuious with me when I didn't text her back quickly. She yelled at me loudly. I had 2 helpers there at the time who decided they better clear out pretty quickly.

 

A rub to the situation is that she will find a fault with virtually every person around me. Not long ago I was told that I couldn't have a single female worker around during the off season. While I'm not disagreeing with that point, I always made sure that my friends wife was not there without him just to avoid any issues with insecurity. However to a degree it does start affecting your ability to conduct business. My wife pointed out my friends fb page and showed me how trashy she thought him and his wife were. As of a few weeks ago my friends wife is no longer to come around even if she is with her husband.

 

Is it disrespectful to my marriage to carry on my business everyday as I have always done? If it was up to my wife there would be absolutely no a single person around to bother things. She hates my fall business and calls it mental abuse. I'm like you came back to stay with me in this location while at the same time she won't lift a finger to even sweep the floor of the house I spent much time and money remodeling alone. My business peaked when we started dating and has declined roughly 10% each year ever since. I get entrenched about it more and more each year as I'm taking the hit on everything. Her point of view is strictly relationship and emotions. From there the gaps seem to get wider and wider.

[loversquarrel]

I stopped after the first paragraph. If you've been having problems the past couple of years why did you get married in the first place? I think you might want to consider untying that knot as you two seem like you aren't exactly a good fit for each other.

[d0nnivain]

You wife knows nothing about running a business. I know no one who knocks off at 4 pm & every business owner I know works 24/7/ 365. I did work on my HM! 2 years ago DH took me to Hawaii for my birthday & I spent one full day in the business center at the hotel doing work. Every day I had at least an hour on the phone.

 

Yes it is disrespectful to show up with a buddy in tow expecting your SO to play host without advanced warning but in your situation these people work at the location. They are not their as social guests who need to be entertained.

 

Your wife should be thanking her lucky stars that you are willing to work so she doesn't have to.

[Wallysbears]

What kind of "buildings" are you living in?

 

You say it is "temporary" but what does "temporary" mean?

 

How much privacy does your wife have?

 

 

These all are factors I'd need to understand to have input here.

[NightCircus]

What kind of "buildings" are you living in?

 

You say it is "temporary" but what does "temporary" mean?

 

How much privacy does your wife have?

 

 

These all are factors I'd need to understand to have input here.

 

What I have is 2 commercial metal buildings. The main one has a few rooms up front. Its not setup in how a house would be setup but does have a bathroom/shower. My wife has her own room. Nobody ever goes inside this building. They are both on the fringe of town in a rural area with some privacy towards the rear from passersby. But the only time she goes outside is straight to her car.

[Wallysbears]

Your wife is miserable because she's living in a commercial metal building and not a home.

 

How much longer will this situation last?

 

 

I'd be a miserable b*tch also if I was living in a few rooms of a commercial building for any extended period of time. Especially if i had an autoimmune disease such as fibro.

[elaine567]

I could be wrong but did you promise her her own home and now she is having to make do and is living in the middle of your business?

Is she some sort of diva moaning about perfectly adequate accommodation or is she a woman at the end of her tether feeling like she is slumming it... with no end in sight...

[NightCircus]

Your wife is miserable because she's living in a commercial metal building and not a home.

 

How much longer will this situation last?

 

 

I'd be a miserable b*tch also if I was living in a few rooms of a commercial building for any extended period of time. Especially if i had an autoimmune disease such as fibro.

 

We were together for 3 months after getting married. Some of my family near us were causing issues so she demanded this fancy apartment near our home. I reluctantly coughed up money for a lease of nearly $900 month which is espensive where we are. It had rooms for her kids to stay but they didn't hardly stay there since internet and tv were never hooked up and stayed with their dad instead. I was to stay at my business location like I always had. At the same time I'm paying $300-$400 per week in her living costs partly consisting of 2 pack of cigarettes a day and whatever prescription pills she could find. Fast forward 6 months and she cant manage to ever open the electric bill or give it to me when its due. Her electricity gets cut off. She then comes and stays with me at my business location. In the meantime the weather turns very cold for a couple nights, the pipes freeze and breaks in that apartment. This causes at least 25k in water damage to this apartment. I get tangled up with the landlord with the threat of getting sued so I pay the difference in the insurance premium and deposit and I am let out of the lease. My wife says I got lucky with that. She stays with me for about 10 days. She has a couple small dogs running around my shop building crapping and urinating on the concrete and never cleaning up after them. It gets rough after a couple days. Tensions rise and she says she is leaving. The only place she has to go is stay with her exhusband(because that is where her kids have always stayed since we got married). Shes stays there for about 6 months and decides to come back to my business location where I live. In the meantime I'm spending quite a bit of time and money remodeling this house large enough for us, her kids, and my son. I have told her several times if you don't like then leave. There is a house that you can cleanup and turn the heat on. Call it done and move into it. I'm not spending another dime on it...that was like 3 months ago. It still sits there empty.

[Mr. Lucky]

The only place she has to go is stay with her exhusband(because that is where her kids have always stayed since we got married). Shes stays there for about 6 months and decides to come back to my business location where I live.

 

Huh? She lived platonically with her ex or they resumed their relationship for 6 months?

 

I'm with loversquarrel, seems you've been pounding a square peg into the proverbial round hole since Day 1 of your marriage. Just doesn't seem meant to be...

 

Mr. Lucky