Date in hospital/after hospital

[BaileyB]

Wonderful news. I wish him continued healing...

[ShaunaN]

Todays not a good day

 

We had a visit from the doctor, A bit of good news is the doctor is looking to send him home in a few weeks so thats good.

 

However, he has said they think based on the statistics he won't live past 3 months, and if he does it will be no more than 5 years. He did say this is all based on stats.

 

I'm destroyed. I just got into his bed with him and cuddled up.

[amaysngrace]

I’m so sorry Shauna. Medicine is advancing all the time and certainly his age needs to be taken into account. I’m guessing he’s a relatively young man?

 

That may work in his favor.

[ShaunaN]

I’m so sorry Shauna. Medicine is advancing all the time and certainly his age needs to be taken into account. I’m guessing he’s a relatively young man?

 

That may work in his favor.

 

He is 31. Hopefully medicine will advance but in such a small space of time?

[amaysngrace]

I don’t know, maybe he’ll have more time than you think. What did the doctor base that timeline on? Statistics according to what?

 

Are they still going to treat him aggressively or are they strictly giving palliative care now, do you know?

[BaileyB]

Hugs Shauna.

 

Even doctors can’t predict the future. Just take it day by day, and love each other. Sometimes, that’s all you can do...

[ShaunaN]

I don’t know, maybe he’ll have more time than you think. What did the doctor base that timeline on? Statistics according to what?

 

Are they still going to treat him aggressively or are they strictly giving palliative care now, do you know?

 

They are fighting it aggressively. The timeline is based on previous stats of cases.

[ShaunaN]

Hugs Shauna.

 

Even doctors can’t predict the future. Just take it day by day, and love each other. Sometimes, that’s all you can do...

 

I have to admit its destroyed me to the stage where I want to give up.

[BaileyB]

I have to admit its destroyed me to the stage where I want to give up.

 

I have been there. I know.

 

Don’t make any decisions right now. Let this news sit with you for a while, cry it out, and talk to a social worker. See how things go as he recovers from the surgery. Hugs.

[ShaunaN]

I have been there. I know.

 

Don’t make any decisions right now. Let this news sit with you for a while, cry it out, and talk to a social worker. See how things go as he recovers from the surgery. Hugs.

 

Whats to think about? I'm potentially seeing the man I love die in front of me.

 

There is nothing I can do.

 

I want make things comfortable for him, take this away. I can't though.

 

I'm looking at things to have to make him happy. I'm even trying learn things about aircraft so he can nerd out a bit. I got stuck at why planes are painted as skyteam. I didn't even know there was an airline called that.

 

I can't even learn about a hobby he is in to.

 

I am a rubbish wife and person.

[BaileyB]

Whats to think about? I'm potentially seeing the man I love die in front of me.

 

There is nothing I can do.

 

I want make things comfortable for him, take this away. I can't though.

 

I'm looking at things to have to make him happy. I'm even trying learn things about aircraft so he can nerd out a bit. I got stuck at why planes are painted as skyteam. I didn't even know there was an airline called that.

 

I can't even learn about a hobby he is in to.

 

I am a rubbish wife and person[/Quote]

 

Shauna, I understand the feeling of helplessness when you watch someone you love suffer in a hospital bed and there is nothing you can do to make him better.

 

I get it. You have been given devastating news, it steals the breath from your body and your knees don’t feel like they will support you anymore. You are feeling all things right now - fear, anger, sadness, pain. I get it.

 

But, this is not about you. If you want to feel like you are a rubbish person and wife - more power to you. But after you have had your pity party, I hope you are able to put a smile on your face and go back into that room.

 

You have the ability to do something that no doctor can. You can be there with him, such that he doesn’t have to go through this alone. You can provide comfort, care, companionship, and love at a time in his life that he needs it the most. You are the one person who he wants by his side through this journey.

 

Not everyone can do this, and if you can not... that is ok. If you need to take a break for a while, take that break. If you need support - and you do - ask for it!

 

You wanted to be his wife... well, your husband needs you now. I hope you take the time you need to gather your strength, and you focus on finding the best quality of life he can have, for as long as possible.

[BaileyB]

And Shauna, if I may... go home and get some sleep. You are exhausted and you are emotional. You are not thinking clearly given the physical and emotional stress you are experiencing... please, go home and have a glass of wine, cry, call your best friend, and get some sleep.

 

I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - this is a marathon, not a sprint. Nobody can maintain the amount of time you have been spending at the hospital and stay healthy and strong. Take some time to decompress, tomorrow is another day.

[josi334]

My heart breaks for you Shauna - Please do not loose hope - doctors are not God. They have to be realistic to their patients but they are not God.

 

Few years ago I watched a documentary in a tv channel called Veria Living. The documentary was about this young girl who fought an aggressive brain cancer. She had to go though so many rounds of chemo that in the end she asked her parents that she did not want to do it anymore, so her parents refused to give up. They went to see a naturopathic/alternative medicine doctor ( it was her in the US) and this doctor suggested she cut down/out sugar from diet and also gave her infusion of vitamins and minerals. The girl survived and the cancer had disappeared. Few years later, the cancer came back in her leg so she did chemo and followed the protocol that the naturopathic doctor had given before. Again, she beat the cancer. When the documentary was filmed she had been cancer free for about 8 years.

So maybe you can look into seeing an naturopathic/functional medicine practitioner to do some alternative treatment together with the regular he is getting if you can afford. A lot of the cancer patients don't die from the cancer per se but more from immunocompromised immune system.

 

Also, my friend's aunt had cancer and the doctors had given her 6 months to live - she ended living more than 8 years and she was an older lady.

 

 

Hope you can find strengthen - don't give up. Be strong.

Hugs

[FMW]

A man I loved very much, and still do although our relationship is over, was given 9 months to 5 years to live, he has liver cancer. That diagnosis was just under 3 years ago.

 

He is very active as a musician and the last I knew still very involved in physical activity (hiking, golf, ice skating). He's on bi-weekly chemo treatments through infusion therapy. He's enjoying his life, he's living with a heightened awareness of everything.

 

You can give up or you can use that heightened sense of the importance of every day to really live and share your lives. You are a team, he is counting on you for support and inspiration.

 

You need to start really concentrating on getting sufficient sleep, eating nutritious food regularly and physical activity - all the basics you have to have covered in order to have anything to give to HIM.

 

You can't change the situation so please don't waste precious time in the mode of giving up. THIS is your life, this is his life. Live it, don't waste it.

 

You know we all are sending you hugs and positive energy.

[some_username1]

Shauna, I understand the feeling of helplessness when you watch someone you love suffer in a hospital bed and there is nothing you can do to make him better.

 

I get it. You have been given devastating news, it steals the breath from your body and your knees don’t feel like they will support you anymore. You are feeling all things right now - fear, anger, sadness, pain. I get it.

 

But, this is not about you. If you want to feel like you are a rubbish person and wife - more power to you. But after you have had your pity party, I hope you are able to put a smile on your face and go back into that room.

 

You have the ability to do something that no doctor can. You can be there with him, such that he doesn’t have to go through this alone. You can provide comfort, care, companionship, and love at a time in his life that he needs it the most. You are the one person who he wants by his side through this journey.

 

Not everyone can do this, and if you can not... that is ok. If you need to take a break for a while, take that break. If you need support - and you do - ask for it!

 

You wanted to be his wife... well, your husband needs you now. I hope you take the time you need to gather your strength, and you focus on finding the best quality of life he can have, for as long as possible.

 

Bang on.

 

Think of it this way: there are loads of good people who will end up going through this same ordeal alone. Frightened, uncertain, aching for comfort and they will have to face it by themselves because they were surrounded by weak people who abandoned them when they were needed most. You aren't weak, you have made it so far already and shown great dedication and resolve to basically live in a hospital because you care enough to be there.

 

So with respect I would suggest that you put the introsepction aside and if you want to see this through think nothing more than how you can be a re-assuring presence and make each day better than the previous one. You have to cram a lifetime of positive memories together into what could be weeks and it will be a challenge...but if there is anything positive to cling to it is that you at least have this time at all. If the surgery had gone wrong there could have been so much left unsaid.

 

Also, everyone has got stories of a loved one that lasted longer than they were initially given credit for by the doctors. It seems so common in fact that such prognoses are likely just setting your expectations to prepare for the absolute worst case scenario. Either way, take it one day at a time for now. Look after yourself and your husband and be strong- you've got this.

[Lotsgoingon]

So sorry to hear the terrible news from the doctors. I guess it's good that he can go home ...

 

That's an awfully wide estimate they gave you ... I wonder if they can narrow that window ... 3 months to 5 years ... that's not helpful to you guys ... Literally 3 months left you live your life one way ... 5 years left, you live your life in a different way.

 

You are not a failure ... You are not God ... and if you had the power to cure him, you would have cured him yesterday ... But may I get corny here for a bit ... I truly believe that deep love is transformative ... Just be yourself and he will experience closeness and bliss beyond what most people might experience in much longer lifetimes.

 

You are such a gift to him ... a precious gift ... I know you don't feel that way right now, but you are a jewel ... that's why so many of us here admire you.

 

One asset you have ... your man can think! ... He can really think and plan ... So he'll help you figure out what to do ... how to be ... the guy woke up and had put money in your bank and wanted you to go home to sleep.

 

Let yourself cry ... this is a loss. You can feel the loss ... and carry some hope about treatment (despite what the doctor said) at the same time.

 

Hugs to you ... and tell your man I'm sending him a hug as well!

[mark clemson]

I am a rubbish wife and person.

 

Shauna, got to say, that is one of the LEAST true statements I've seen on LS (and trust me there are some doozies in other sections). Take care of yourself and try to stay strong. No one knows what the future holds. Enjoy and make the best of the time you DO have; possibly it will be longer than you think.

[Double Helix]

Hey Shauna,

 

I am sorry to hear about your husbands prognosis. Try to stay positive and enjoy the time you guys have. It is import for your husband to stay positive and not give up mentally so he has the energy to fight the disease/ cope with aggressive treatment. My uncle also had an aggressive brain tumor and he lived several years longer than expected. In the end he didn’t die because of the tumor, he was actually tumor free at the point of his passing. He passed away due to a lung infection (but he had also lost the joy of living as most of the hobbies he had were impossible for him to do , he was a very sporty person, liked driving. As he had many surgeries on his brain and his reaction time was decreased, he couldn’t do all these things anymore that he loved and somewhat gave up). What I am saying is that you being by your husbands side, staying positive and supporting him will do him a lot of good and might help him a lot mentally to keep on fighting. I know it is not easy for you and I am impressed by how well you have coped so far.

 

Also, why don’t you ask your hubby to tell you about airplanes and tell you about all the things he knows instead of you trying to learn it by yourself and get frustrated? Maybe he will enjoy speaking about it and seeing that you are taking an interest. It might be more fun for you too than reading about it on your own. Just a suggestion.

 

You are a wonderful wife and person !!

[ShaunaN]

Thank you for your kind words.

 

I'm just at a loss at what to do. I'm trying so hard but it seems we are getting a lot of set backs. My husband is surprisingly being calm and collective.Today he got an e-mail forcing him to go back from his manager saying they can't sustain the sick pay for much longer nor is it fair on his colleagues.

 

We did talk about planes this afternoon, He explained what Skyteam was, A lot of work he does for a particular airline they have "skyteam" written on a lot of things. He said this image best sums up Skyteam

https://static.skyteam.com//contentapi/globalassets/homepage/carousel/cabincrew_alt_1440x800_1st_slide.jpg

 

We talked about the worlds oldest airline too. Never knew planes were that old

 

He has this folder in his (what I describe) as a flight case. He asked me to take it out and shown me the magazine, this was a in-flight magazine, from an airline he does a lot of work for. we looked through it and there was an article about him, "Meet our Man from Manchester" and a whole article about him. He shown me some old photos of him at different airports.

 

He shown me some photos of him at this museum in Lelystad. He has talked about Lelystad before, He said if he was to die I should go there to feel close to him and to speak to Old Man Jaap.

 

I was thinking when he gets out of hospital when he is up to it we fly over to Lelystad so he can show me everything he was telling about and he can introduce me to "Old man Jaap". Ste told me a story about the first time he went to this museum and met Jaap, apparently he was touched that an English man travelled all the way to his museum to see the planes. They become friends and e-mail each other. I thought it was sweet.

 

One thing that did strike me as strange. Ste said if it turns out he doesn't have long, he wants to see his days out in Holland, Its the only place he has ever felt accepted.

[ShaunaN]

and someone has broke my glasses.

 

Great, have to go get a new pair tomorrow.

[amaysngrace]

When are they saying he may be discharged? And has his vision improved?

[ShaunaN]

When are they saying he may be discharged? And has his vision improved?

 

They are talking 2 weeks max and he says its improving. He recognises me

[ShaunaN]

You'll all be pleased to know I am actually leaving the hospital for a few hours to go to the city centre today.

[amaysngrace]

Going to the city to get new glasses??

 

That’s awesome that his sight is improving. I’m glad you’re getting out of there for a while too. It’ll be good to have a change of scenery.

 

Hopefully you’ll keep a good balance these next two weeks, a good balance all around.

[ShaunaN]

Going to the city to get new glasses??

 

That’s awesome that his sight is improving. I’m glad you’re getting out of there for a while too. It’ll be good to have a change of scenery.

 

Hopefully you’ll keep a good balance these next two weeks, a good balance all around.

 

Yeah, my old ones were broken by someone Ste gave me his card and told me to put the cost on to it and to get myself anything else I need and to get something to eat.

 

I'm meant to be looking after him