Author ShaunaN Posted March 24, 2019 Author Share Posted March 24, 2019 It’s really not fair to you either if you won’t get a good sleep. Don't get me wrong they are the best nights sleep when I'm cuddled up and last night I slept so well. If I have to go back on the chair I will. I even got breakfast this morning, The nurse brought us 2 breakfasts. I ate mine so quickly Ste gave me his. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 24, 2019 Author Share Posted March 24, 2019 Today has been a low day. I'm feeling sorry for myself and not feeling the best. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 It’s probably mental fatigue Shauna. Your life got very heavy, and very “real” if you will, very quickly. It’s wonderful that you have all these people looking after you though. Some of the ones you’ve spoken about seem like they’d be there for you for anything, if you only just asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 It’s probably mental fatigue Shauna. Your life got very heavy, and very “real” if you will, very quickly. It’s wonderful that you have all these people looking after you though. Some of the ones you’ve spoken about seem like they’d be there for you for anything, if you only just asked. A lot of people who say they'll be there disappear quickly. I've got my parents, Ste's parents and his best friend. I've asked for help several times and the silence is deafening. Last night was not a good night. The majority of nurses know that my husband is not in the best of places so they turn a blind eye to a lot of things, like me being in bed with him (In fact they brought him a wider bed) as long as we don't "have relations" as one nurse put it. Last night we were cuddling and I fell asleep again. I really don't mean to or to cause trouble. I was asleep and was awoken by a nurse having a go at me for getting into bed. I tried to say "I'm sorry I'll get on the chair" but she was going crazy. Apparently people like me cause infection. My husband said to the nurse "Don't speak to her like that!" She tells him to calm down. Ste turns round and says "Right I'm going, get me my medication and we are off". I have to calm him down. He tells the nurse he wants to see her boss in the morning. I get in the chair and haven't been able to sleep the rest of the night. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 It’s only a couple more weeks until he comes home. The hospital has done a good job it seems, for most purposes. Most seem to go over and above what is normally expected regarding rules and whatnot. Of course you’re going to encounter someone here or there who may give you a hard time with his immune system being compromised the way that it has. They’re trained to speak up about anything they recognize as being a risk to their patient. Hang in there. It’s just a few more weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 It’s only a couple more weeks until he comes home. The hospital has done a good job it seems, for most purposes. Most seem to go over and above what is normally expected regarding rules and whatnot. Of course you’re going to encounter someone here or there who may give you a hard time with his immune system being compromised the way that it has. They’re trained to speak up about anything they recognize as being a risk to their patient. Hang in there. It’s just a few more weeks. Don't get me wrong 99% of the nurses are brilliant, This particular nurse went beyond pointing things out. I've never seen Ste get this mad before nor did I expect him to protect me this much. I'm trying to hang in there. It is just very very hard. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 I know it’s hard. Just try to keep your eyes on the prize of him coming home soon and the things you’ll do together without the overhead you have now. Don’t mind that nurse. She’s not coming home with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 There is a balance at play ... Humans deprived of intimate touch with their partners can suffer. Half of your husband's battle right now is morale ... and hope ... that he keep his morale and mood up ... keeps his flame of hope alive. The doctors should tell you that cuddling with him is bad if that is indeed the case ... not some random nurse. Wow, your man, I say again, is a prince. He stood up for you ... Yes, he had the right to stand up to this nurse. You can get clarification from a doctor, one of his top doctors--your husband can ask for that--about the cuddling. My guess: the doctors probably think the risk of cuddling is minor compared to the benefit of being touched with your loved one when you're in for long-term hospitalization. Sorry that happened to you, Shauna. You're doing nothing wrong. And your mood, sorry ... but yes, it's going to go up and down ... for one, you're exhausted ... two, there is genuine reason to feel scared and sad. Watch your mood and see how it is over the longer term. What I love, though, is that your husband will tell you if he thinks you're suffering. Hugs! Can I bug you about getting another massage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 The cuddling all night is fine as long as Ste is getting enough sleep. A nurse's job is to advocate for the patient. Sometimes nurses have to step in and tell visitors to back off sometimes for the good of the patient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 There is a balance at play ... Humans deprived of intimate touch with their partners can suffer. Half of your husband's battle right now is morale ... and hope ... that he keep his morale and mood up ... keeps his flame of hope alive. The doctors should tell you that cuddling with him is bad if that is indeed the case ... not some random nurse. Wow, your man, I say again, is a prince. He stood up for you ... Yes, he had the right to stand up to this nurse. You can get clarification from a doctor, one of his top doctors--your husband can ask for that--about the cuddling. My guess: the doctors probably think the risk of cuddling is minor compared to the benefit of being touched with your loved one when you're in for long-term hospitalization. Sorry that happened to you, Shauna. You're doing nothing wrong. And your mood, sorry ... but yes, it's going to go up and down ... for one, you're exhausted ... two, there is genuine reason to feel scared and sad. Watch your mood and see how it is over the longer term. What I love, though, is that your husband will tell you if he thinks you're suffering. Hugs! Can I bug you about getting another massage? We spoke to the doctor, The doctor is totally fine with us cuddling. The doctor actively encourages it. He did say after chemo that kissing could be bad for me if fluid was to transfer but again if we are careful there is no issue on his part. Ste explained about me cuddling up at night and me falling asleep cuddled up. The doctor did say I need to change my PJs every few days and he noted he had a bigger bed so thought it was happening anyway and he has no objections. as long as I don't pull the pipes out of hand or hurt him and no "hanky panky" as apparently the battlelaxes might get upset I'm not used to people sticking up for me. He stood up for me against the doctor. He said he wants the nurse to come and apologise to me or he will take it further, and then he said "if she comes in tonight and kicks off again, She'll quickly learn what a watch list is as she'll be on one". Not sure if he was joking or being serious. I have to admit I am very tired. The chair isn't comfortable. but I did what I needed to do and will do it again if I have to, They want me to see a doctor for a check up. I'm still waiting it shouldn't be too long. I can't justify another massage, like he ordered these two PJs for me. I shouldn't have told him I liked them. I can't justify him spending on me https://www.bouxavenue.com/loungewear/nia-slogan-pyjama-set/204947_75TQ.html?cgid=1000500#p=2&start=31 https://www.bouxavenue.com/loungewear/off-duty-lounge-set/204964_30HT.html?cgid=1000500#start=1 The cuddling all night is fine as long as Ste is getting enough sleep. A nurse's job is to advocate for the patient. Sometimes nurses have to step in and tell visitors to back off sometimes for the good of the patient. He gets enough sleep few times I've heard him cry out but I wasn't in bed with him then Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 (edited) I've submitted some coursework for a university course I've been doing. I have an exam coming soon and I feel like I'm going to fail it. I haven't studied much. Ste said to tell them about him so I can get credit. I would feel guilty doing so. He then asked when my graduation is, as he says he will be there. I hope he is and he is well. We then got a bit deep. I said if I got to be 10% as clever as Ste I would he happy (Because he gets to fix systems on aircraft and such, plus he has some qualifications I can only dream of getting). He said that I am clever and I need to stop putting myself down. Edited March 25, 2019 by ShaunaN Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 I've submitted some coursework for a university course I've been doing. I have an exam coming soon and I feel like I'm going to fail it. I haven't studied much. Ste said to tell them about him so I can get credit. I would feel guilty doing so. He then asked when my graduation is, as he says he will be there. I hope he is and he is well. We then got a bit deep. I said if I got to be 10% as clever as Ste I would he happy (Because he gets to fix systems on aircraft and such). He said that I am clever and I need to stop putting myself down. I think you may get an extension to do the exam on a later date with a legitimate excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 I think you may get an extension to do the exam on a later date with a legitimate excuse. They will still make me sit it at the same time, They'll give me extra time and extra credit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 Up super early again Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 So I went for a shower this morning, I was getting changed and I started having a nose bleed. I already feel low, stressed and not myself this was the last thing I need. Plus getting up at 5am isn't helping me Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 Doctors has been they had sent him for an ECG as they are worried about his heart The doctor also checked me over, he seemed worried about me. Told me to look after myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 Tell your professor about the medical emergency your husband is going through. That's the equivalent of YOU going through a medical emergency. See what arrangements can be made. I teach ... someone tells me about half the stress you've got and I extend time, give them an incomplete and allow them to finish later ... or write not to registrar asking them to let the student withdraw without penalty. The key and I know this sounds strange, you need to spell out enough detail ... your husband has been hospitalized with X condition, taking chemo. You've been living a the hospital for how long. Don't just say your "family member" hasn't been feeling well. Spell it out ... not in detail, but in specificity. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 The doctor also checked me over, he seemed worried about me. Told me to look after myself. That’s because you need to take better care of yourself. You are only human... Listen to us. Listen to the doctors and nurses. Don’t be a martyr. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 Tell your professor about the medical emergency your husband is going through. That's the equivalent of YOU going through a medical emergency. See what arrangements can be made. I teach ... someone tells me about half the stress you've got and I extend time, give them an incomplete and allow them to finish later ... or write not to registrar asking them to let the student withdraw without penalty. The key and I know this sounds strange, you need to spell out enough detail ... your husband has been hospitalized with X condition, taking chemo. You've been living a the hospital for how long. Don't just say your "family member" hasn't been feeling well. Spell it out ... not in detail, but in specificity. I will do. I've done the work, just not really studied for my exams that are coming up. I think I'll have to have a meeting with Student services. That’s because you need to take better care of yourself. You are only human... Listen to us. Listen to the doctors and nurses. Don’t be a martyr. I'm not, Ste needs me and I want to be there for him. I just try my best. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 Ste needs me and I want to be there for him. I just try my best. Yes, we get that and you HAVE BEEN there for him--in a big big way. But ... one way to be there for him ... is to take care of yourself ... You just need to refuel the energy tank ... being a way from him for a hour isn't the end of the world. Even taking a day where you get tons of sleep at home ... or at his place ... and call him ... and talk on the phone with him ... or visit him a short time--even that is fine! ... He will feel great ... that you're taking some time to replenish your energy. I get that taking a break is hard and will seem "selfish" ... but it's basic self-care ... which is different than "selfish." ... and you know I'm going to bug you again ... schedule that next massage. Tell your husband that your have online friends telling you to take a day to yourself ... a day you'll talk on the phone ... and may visit him for an hour. Tell him we suggest that ... and I bet he will insist on this. And get another massage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 Today has been a good day, I spoke to Student Services, The doctor offered to write a note explaining everything. They said it will be fine if I just submit the note. Ste got his best mate to take me to lunch which was really nice. and the proudest moment, they took Ste to physio to see if he could walk as he has been bed/chair bound and he walked I cried. There appears to be no damage to his brain. The doctor also said his ECG shows his heart to be ok, just been weak because of everything. Proud wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 Yes, we get that and you HAVE BEEN there for him--in a big big way. But ... one way to be there for him ... is to take care of yourself ... You just need to refuel the energy tank ... being a way from him for a hour isn't the end of the world. Even taking a day where you get tons of sleep at home ... or at his place ... and call him ... and talk on the phone with him ... or visit him a short time--even that is fine! ... He will feel great ... that you're taking some time to replenish your energy. I get that taking a break is hard and will seem "selfish" ... but it's basic self-care ... which is different than "selfish." ... and you know I'm going to bug you again ... schedule that next massage. Tell your husband that your have online friends telling you to take a day to yourself ... a day you'll talk on the phone ... and may visit him for an hour. Tell him we suggest that ... and I bet he will insist on this. And get another massage. I live with Ste now, I used to spend 3 nights a week there but since all this I've moved all my stuff in. I guess it all links back to him not leaving me and sticking by me when I was in trouble at work. His "Leave no one behind" mentality has stuck with me. He has done a lot for me. I just try and be there for him and the best I can be. I do feel selfish though I feel I'm using him for uni gain, He looks after me and I just want to look after him He tells me to go for lunch, Go get air and such. I do need to get the post from the house and try the car. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 So Ive talked with Ste, He asked me what I got my mum for mothers day I totally forgot. He has gone and booked me a flight to go see her. So he is forcing me to get time away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 (edited) Consider it this way Shauna, HE recognizes that you need to have more balance in your life, even if you do not. That’s why he is encouraging you to leave and do what you need to do, for yourself. And frankly, he probably wants a little time to himself. He must be exhausted, his body is fighting a war and he rarely gets a moment to himself, even if it’s just to rest. Edited March 28, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 28, 2019 Author Share Posted March 28, 2019 He said he enjoys having me around and I let him have time and such. I want to be there if something happens, I worry about him Link to post Share on other sites
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