JuneL Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 Maybe he can pay for your mother to visit you instead? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 28, 2019 Author Share Posted March 28, 2019 Maybe he can pay for your mother to visit you instead? Ste's already paid. I'll go over. I just worry. Hope I'm not boring anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 I like his idea ... you go to go to see your mom ... Brilliant idea ... I keep making the same point--this guy is a prince! Time away will be good for you ... just get on an app and figure out how to call him ... you'll probably want to call him multiple times during the day ... But yes, a break "at home" (assuming your birth home is a peaceful place) will be a good change of scenery for you ... Look at it this way Shauna. Being away for a few days will allow you to think ... because you'll have a little distance ... and you may even come up with ideas of how to go forward ... But let your mom take care of you when you're there! And sleep ... sleep ... and sleep and sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 You do what you need to do, sweetie. Post, snooze, travel. Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally you should be doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 29, 2019 Author Share Posted March 29, 2019 I had to pop out for a few hours this afternoon, Needed to withdraw some Euros and I popped home, I feel like absolutely rubbish. Woke up on the bed and I feel so down, tired and flu-y I said to Ste I will stay at home tonight. I've cleaned the house, eaten, had a bath and gone through the post. Ste's got a letter saying he is being made redundant Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 What’s that suppose to mean? Redundant? What a horrible thing to say about someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 29, 2019 Author Share Posted March 29, 2019 What’s that suppose to mean? Redundant? What a horrible thing to say about someone. He is losing his job at his current employer. https://www.totaljobs.com/advice/what-is-redundancy Ste said he would be ok. He will get work. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 Well at least he won’t have his healthcare cut off or have to pay ten times his contribution to remain on it since you’re in Europe. Over here he might not even be picked up by cobra due to having cancer. So when do you leave to go visit home? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 Well at least he won’t have his healthcare cut off or have to pay ten times his contribution to remain on it since you’re in Europe. Over here he might not even be picked up by cobra due to having cancer. So when do you leave to go visit home? He could get Obamacare (there’s a reasonable cap for out of pocket maximum) and would probably be eligible for subsidy, if he was in the US. Or he could get health insurance through the OP (his spouse). Cobra would be way too expensive. Of course, he’s in the UK with free public healthcare. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 29, 2019 Author Share Posted March 29, 2019 Well at least he won’t have his healthcare cut off or have to pay ten times his contribution to remain on it since you’re in Europe. Over here he might not even be picked up by cobra due to having cancer. So when do you leave to go visit home? Tomorrow afternoon. I'm flying to Dublin, he has hired me a car to get to mums. He also handed me his credit card and said to take her for lunch and if I need anything whilst back home. The NHS is excellent. You can look up the prices of treatments and we did it and figured out it has cost the NHS 6 figures, its cost us nothing. Ste isn't worried about money or a job. He said he can get another job. Someone we worked with said that whilst others were "empire building" Ste was getting the contacts and getting his name to the right people. I've offered to pay Ste for the flight and car he said no. He said he doesn't want me skimping on lunch. But I feel so so bad using his card and even taking the flight/car Ive got a massage booked in for tomorrow. Hopefully I feel better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 That trip sounds lovely! Be sure to show your mum the picture on the card, I’m sure it will warm her heart Safe travels! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 29, 2019 Author Share Posted March 29, 2019 That trip sounds lovely! Be sure to show your mum the picture on the card, I’m sure it will warm her heart Safe travels! Im nervous to go back home Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 I fell asleep after my last message, just woke up and I feel terrible. full of a headache and feel like I could sleep more. Felt so weird being here all alone and sleeping in my now actual bed. I feel guilty sleeping here without him Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 Longest since I was at uni back home I've slept in this late. (I fell asleep again) I feel under the weather. Got my massage soon and I'm going to get my massage and have to find a gift. Before seeing Ste and heading to the airport. Anyone got any ideas at what to get? Ste suggested a bracelet Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 “I've offered to pay Ste for the flight and car he said no. He said he doesn't want me skimping on lunch. But I feel so so bad using his card and even taking the flight/car” ^ This seems to be a recurring issue...Just curious: Is it common for married couples in your culture to have completely separate finance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 “I've offered to pay Ste for the flight and car he said no. He said he doesn't want me skimping on lunch. But I feel so so bad using his card and even taking the flight/car” ^ This seems to be a recurring issue...Just curious: Is it common for married couples in your culture to have completely separate finance? Yes and no. Our generation it is. Our elder generation it isn't. Because of the way things have happened, we haven't integrated finances yet. He has added me on to his credit cards which he can do over the phone/web. His bank account/debit card we have to go in for the checks to be done. He has something called a "relationship manager" (with the bank not for us!) so we have to go see him and I can then move over to his as his account has more features than mine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 Shauna he probably feels like he has very little, if any, control over anything under the present circumstances. As your husband he wants to take care of you (just as you want to take care of him and are doing so by your presence at his bedside) and he has very few ways of doing that right now. Financially assisting you to take care of yourself and visit with your family is important to him. Let him do it and learn to accept it gracefully as his wife. Stop focusing on your own misplaced guilt. This makes him happy - let him be happy to care for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 Yes and no. Our generation it is. Our elder generation it isn't. Because of the way things have happened, we haven't integrated finances yet. He has added me on to his credit cards which he can do over the phone/web. His bank account/debit card we have to go in for the checks to be done. He has something called a "relationship manager" (with the bank not for us!) so we have to go see him and I can then move over to his as his account has more features than mine. Oh I wasn’t talking about the technical aspect. It’s a little odd that you would feel bad for spending your husband’s money. I only know one married couple who would each pay separately when we go out to eat together. It was quite strange, tbh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 Oh I wasn’t talking about the technical aspect. It’s a little odd that you would feel bad for spending your husband’s money. I only know one married couple who would each pay separately when we go out to eat together. It was quite strange, tbh. I just feel guilty because I don't feel I have contributed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 Shauna he probably feels like he has very little, if any, control over anything under the present circumstances. As your husband he wants to take care of you (just as you want to take care of him and are doing so by your presence at his bedside) and he has very few ways of doing that right now. Financially assisting you to take care of yourself and visit with your family is important to him. Let him do it and learn to accept it gracefully as his wife. Stop focusing on your own misplaced guilt. This makes him happy - let him be happy to care for you. I guess its due to me not feeling I've contributed to the pot so to speak. Nothing really has been in his control with regards to hospital etc. I don't want him thinking I see just his bank balance. I'm in the airport lounge. Never been in one of these before. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 I guess its due to me not feeling I've contributed to the pot so to speak. Nothing really has been in his control with regards to hospital etc. I don't want him thinking I see just his bank balance. I'm in the airport lounge. Never been in one of these before. Does he feel guilty that you’re spending so much time and energy caring for him? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 I guess its due to me not feeling I've contributed to the pot so to speak. Nothing really has been in his control with regards to hospital etc. I don't want him thinking I see just his bank balance. I'm in the airport lounge. Never been in one of these before. Remember, you have been married for two weeks! In that time, he had a major surgery, almost died twice, and he was essentially in a medically induced coma for days... All good things - like the merging of finances - come with time... Have a good trip! Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 (edited) Does he feel guilty that you’re spending so much time and energy caring for him? You have done a lot more to him than you ever realize. If I recall, you had only been together for about a year before getting married, right? I hate to say this (and my apologies for being blunt), but some may argue that it was a little selfish of him to ask you to marry him, knowing that you might end up becoming a young widow soon. Edited March 30, 2019 by JuneL Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 I'm not complaining, I guess I just need to loosen up on things I know I've done a lot. He does a lot for me, I love our partnership. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 I'm here safely. Flight I was sat at the front, had the seat next to me empty, got given drinks and something to eat (Told it was their business class). Was one of the first on and off the plane. Got the car and at my mum and dads now. Mums spoiling me, ran me a bath and we are having a few drinks together, She was genuinely shocked I come over in a nice way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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