Author ShaunaN Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 Shauna, is there a reason why you are not including his parents in the planning? I know they are older but if anyone should be included, perhaps it’s them... And please, either you eat something and try to get some sleep or your body will force you to do it. I know it’s hard, but there are some things that can not be ignored... get some takeout and some sleeping medication from a doctor, if needed. They are arranging the flowers, they are helping, they just can't do much due to health and such. I did fall asleep last night, got about 4 hours in. I'm not really hungry. I have to get out of this house, its all reminding me of him. Not that its bad its making me so upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 I went and saw Ste in the funeral home, they have dressed him really smart in his suit, He is wearing one of his favourite ties. Spend a bit of time talking and it felt like he was talking, Told me off for not eating or sleeping. So I've ordered a take away. Its only from the chip shop but still its food. I've spoke with Ste's friend in Holland, He is going to help contact all his friends. What am I to do? I feel so lonely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 I’m glad they’ve taken care to have Ste look good. Have you given any thought to what you’ll be wearing? You’ll want to look good in honor of him, as his wife, won’t you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 I’m glad they’ve taken care to have Ste look good. Have you given any thought to what you’ll be wearing? You’ll want to look good in honor of him, as his wife, won’t you? Not sure. I don't even know I guess black is the traditional clothing choice? Ste would have me wearing Royal Dutch blue. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 Then that’s what you should wear, maybe a royal dutch blue blouse or scarf? Whatever you decide don’t spend a lot on your attire because you’ll probably never wear it again. At least that’s been my experience. Have you rested today? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 Then that’s what you should wear, maybe a royal dutch blue blouse or scarf? Whatever you decide don’t spend a lot on your attire because you’ll probably never wear it again. At least that’s been my experience. Have you rested today? I've had a bath and rested in there. Not slept. As for the scarf. I was thinking of asking one of Ste's mates to see if he could get me a scarf from the airline. Ste would have loved that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 The take away turned up. Ate most of it, it was horrible Might just get a Chinese tomorrow. I've got myself tucked up in bed. Its a big lonely bed Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 I hope you get some restful sleep tonight, Shauna xo The scarf idea is lovely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 1, 2019 Author Share Posted May 1, 2019 I hope you get some restful sleep tonight, Shauna xo The scarf idea is lovely. Its 6am UK time, I've been up 2 hours I must have got an hour or 2 all night. So much running through my mind. Even as far as "Will the funeral make Ste proud" Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 1, 2019 Share Posted May 1, 2019 Shauna anything you do is good by him. I think he’s made that more than clear. Didn’t Ste leave instructions on how he wanted things to be handled? Have you shared the directions with the planner? I’m sure that whatever you do will please Ste. He loved you so much and from your postings here it’s easy to understand why. Please go easy on yourself, I think that’s what Ste would want most of all. When are your parents getting in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 1, 2019 Author Share Posted May 1, 2019 Shauna anything you do is good by him. I think he’s made that more than clear. Didn’t Ste leave instructions on how he wanted things to be handled? Have you shared the directions with the planner? I’m sure that whatever you do will please Ste. He loved you so much and from your postings here it’s easy to understand why. Please go easy on yourself, I think that’s what Ste would want most of all. When are your parents getting in? Parents are coming on Friday. They wanted to come earlier, they just couldn't afford the flights and time off from work. We've spoke. Ste's wishes were to be scattered at Amsterdam Airport Schiphol. I've been told its illegal to scatter there. I don't feel very loveable. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 1, 2019 Share Posted May 1, 2019 Parents are coming on Friday. They wanted to come earlier, they just couldn't afford the flights and time off from work. We've spoke. Ste's wishes were to be scattered at Amsterdam Airport Schiphol. I've been told its illegal to scatter there. I don't feel very loveable. Isn’t there a sea close by? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 1, 2019 Author Share Posted May 1, 2019 (edited) Isn’t there a sea close by? Its about 50-60 miles away or from Amsterdam Airport? Edited May 1, 2019 by ShaunaN Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 1, 2019 Share Posted May 1, 2019 Its about 50-60 miles away It’s just a few minutes in air distance. Find a spot most of the planes from that airport will fly by. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 1, 2019 Share Posted May 1, 2019 Aren’t some of Ste’s friends pilots? Could one them possibly fly you around near there with the urn secured and opened? I don’t know if that’s a possibility, maybe even an opened box strapped on or something could work and let the wind disperse them. I’ve never even heard of getting permission, we just went ahead and did what we wanted to do. Some of my sister’s ashes ended up on her favorite beach, I doubt that’s okay but it’s where she wanted to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 1, 2019 Author Share Posted May 1, 2019 It’s just a few minutes in air distance. Find a spot most of the planes from that airport will fly by. https://scattering-ashes.co.uk/general/some-dutch-authorities-are-ripping-people-off-for-scattering-ashes/ That really puts me off. Plus I will sound really selfish, Scattering him in Amsterdam I won't have anywhere to go to see him. The cemetery we've looked at is under the flight path. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 2, 2019 Author Share Posted May 2, 2019 I didn't sleep again last night I feel so tired now. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 (edited) I didn't sleep again last night I feel so tired now. Meditate in bed. If you don't know how, find someone to give you a quick tutorial. Cliff Notes ('mercan cultural reference) version: Get in 'normal' sleep place and position: at night, in bed, in dark room, lying down, comfortable Have a mantra - one word important to you. Best if you pick your own. But I'll pick one for you if you post a response and ask me to Have another word. Call it 'word 2'. Adding a second word is my personal modification to the way I meditate to fall asleep. It's not strictly 'in the rules' Think your mantra as you exhale. Think your word 2 as you inhale. Try to restrict your conscious thoughts to only your mantra and your word 2. Be as passive as you can with your conscious focus on the words - this is about focus rather than concentration Research on the physiological 'relaxation response' concludes that even if you don't fall asleep (I do), you will relax. Best wishes Edited May 2, 2019 by nospam99 Link to post Share on other sites
josi334 Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 Shauna - try taking some melatonin to sleep. Melatonin is helpful for a few a nights. Here in the US is sold over the counter, not sure in the UK. When the funeral ceremony will take place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 3, 2019 Author Share Posted May 3, 2019 Shauna - try taking some melatonin to sleep. Melatonin is helpful for a few a nights. Here in the US is sold over the counter, not sure in the UK. When the funeral ceremony will take place? Its on Tuesday Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 4, 2019 Author Share Posted May 4, 2019 Parents here, mums trying to take over saying I am not in control. She's trying to tell K to go away as she "isn't family" its stressing me out. We had it all arranged. She is trying to undo everything. I did go out for dinner on thursday with K. Ended up sleeping over (Actually slept for a bit) at her flat. We shared so many stories. I learnt so much about Ste. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 4, 2019 Share Posted May 4, 2019 Parents here, mums trying to take over saying I am not in control. She's trying to tell K to go away as she "isn't family" its stressing me out. We had it all arranged. She is trying to undo everything. I did go out for dinner on thursday with K. Ended up sleeping over (Actually slept for a bit) at her flat. We shared so many stories. I learnt so much about Ste. Oh sorry to hear your mom is not understanding of Ste’s relationship with K? Does she not know K is more than family to him? So she’s like your sister-in-law (or more!). Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 4, 2019 Author Share Posted May 4, 2019 Oh sorry to hear your mom is not understanding of Ste’s relationship with K? Does she not know K is more than family to him? So she’s like your sister-in-law (or more!). She does but thinks its weird they were that close and nothing went on. She honestly doesn't understand the deep relationship they had. Nor does she understand why we both are going to wear the airline scarf. Feels like my mum is trying to change everything. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 4, 2019 Share Posted May 4, 2019 Tell your mother you appreciate her concern and opinions but that you know what was important to Ste and wish to honor him in ways he would have appreciated. She isn't going to change anything unless you let her. Hang in there Shauna. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 4, 2019 Author Share Posted May 4, 2019 Tell your mother you appreciate her concern and opinions but that you know what was important to Ste and wish to honor him in ways he would have appreciated. She isn't going to change anything unless you let her. Hang in there Shauna. I'm not, I do think mum has upset K. So I'll have to go see her. K meant the world to Ste. Even though we were married I have/had to respect that. They grew up together, they said they were family. I can't change that. They had a special bond and love. I do know K has been really upset because of Ste's passing, SHe's been really quiet, just said "Ste would know how to fix this" Link to post Share on other sites
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