Author ShaunaN Posted May 5, 2019 Author Share Posted May 5, 2019 I went to see K, You could tell she has been crying, She said she's decided not to come. She doesn't feel wanted or welcome and she'll grieve for Ste in her own way. We talked. Turned out my mum said a few things that upset K. I told her I wanted her there, Ste would demand she was there. Its really upsetting me that the one person that Ste would want there the most (I know I'd be on that list but Im not including myself on this list) doesn't want to come. People are starting to fly in for it and the one person Ste wants there I can't say is coming. I'm already so down this is making me worse. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 I went to see K, You could tell she has been crying, She said she's decided not to come. She doesn't feel wanted or welcome and she'll grieve for Ste in her own way. We talked. Turned out my mum said a few things that upset K. I told her I wanted her there, Ste would demand she was there. Its really upsetting me that the one person that Ste would want there the most (I know I'd be on that list but Im not including myself on this list) doesn't want to come. People are starting to fly in for it and the one person Ste wants there I can't say is coming. I'm already so down this is making me worse. I think your mum owes her an apology. It’s a terrible thing to have to do, but I think I would insist on it and tell my mum she is not welcome at the service if she doesn’t. K should feel welcome at the service. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 I agree with Bailey. This is something that will stick with K, and with you, forever. Don't let your mother place this stain on what is supposed to be in honor of Ste. Tell your mom respectfully but firmly that she needs to apologize to K. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 5, 2019 Author Share Posted May 5, 2019 I think your mum owes her an apology. It’s a terrible thing to have to do, but I think I would insist on it and tell my mum she is not welcome at the service if she doesn’t. K should feel welcome at the service. I totally agree. K has more right than anyone to be at the funeral. I've told mum she needs to apologise. I agree with Bailey. This is something that will stick with K, and with you, forever. Don't let your mother place this stain on what is supposed to be in honor of Ste. Tell your mom respectfully but firmly that she needs to apologize to K. I won't I really do want K to be there. Ste and K were important to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 5, 2019 Author Share Posted May 5, 2019 Mum has offered to apologise to K and cook her some dinner tonight. I had this weird and unsettling thought. I own this house. but it doesn't feel like mine. I'm really upset Ste never carried me over the threshold. I'm traditional like that. We have the "Reception for the body" service tomorrow at 6pm. I am really not wanting it to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Not slept again. Today is not a good day, I really do not want to say bye to Ste. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Today is a public holiday here in the UK. A day Ste should be bugging me to go to the airport. Instead I'm getting ready for his funeral that starts this evening. I'm destroyed. I wish he was here now. I've got nothing nor am I anything. Had a few visitors so far. One of Ste's friends from Amsterdam kept saying he didn't stop talking about me or K and how with us two anything was possible. How he knew how to fix the electronics. How his smile would always be present and he just knew what to do. Then he said he doesn't know if this Jaap is coming. Because no one has really heard from him. Ste really wants me to go see him so I guess he meant a lot to Ste, I hope he manages to come. I am going to feel very lonely after tomorrow, I feel everyone will just go and I'll have this house and it'll just be me. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 Ste will always be with you Shauna. You can speak to him and he’ll hear you. Wishing you much strength and love for the day xo Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 What you're feeling is natural and normal. In my experience, this is the worst part, the in-between, waiting for the final goodbye. Yes, you will feel lonely with the loss of Ste, it's something deeply personal that you will have to work through. But it will ease with time. Right now just focus on one day at a time. I know it doesn't seem possible, but you WILL feel better. This is a temporary state of acute grief. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Ste will always be with you Shauna. You can speak to him and he’ll hear you. Wishing you much strength and love for the day xo I feel I've been talking to him and he hasn't been replying I went to see him and he looks as smart as when I first fell for him. Someone did send us a pizza for lunch, Didn't eat much of it. Wasn't the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Terrior Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 Hi Shauna I'm so so sorry that Ste has died. What a very great loss. You might be surpised how the funeral goes. I found myself smiling at my husband's funeral as the stories told brought him to life again in a way. Yes sadly people will go back to their old lives leaving you to work out how to live your new one. Grief felt like chaos to me. I felt like I just had to wait forctge world to start to make sense again and after a while it did. Wishibg you strength and peace tomoorow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Hi Shauna I'm so so sorry that Ste has died. What a very great loss. You might be surpised how the funeral goes. I found myself smiling at my husband's funeral as the stories told brought him to life again in a way. Yes sadly people will go back to their old lives leaving you to work out how to live your new one. Grief felt like chaos to me. I felt like I just had to wait forctge world to start to make sense again and after a while it did. Wishibg you strength and peace tomoorow. I wish he was still alive. After tomorrow I'll be on my own, I'll have no one Link to post Share on other sites
fishlips Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 Wishing the best for you. I'm sure Ste would have wanted you to go on and live your life. It sounds that way from the way you described him. Hugs to you, Sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 I'm going to have to set off soon. I'll be honest I really don't want to. I don't know if K will be there or if anyone will turn up. I feel it will be a disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Wishing the best for you. I'm sure Ste would have wanted you to go on and live your life. It sounds that way from the way you described him. Hugs to you, Sweetie. He did write in a letter that if I want to remarry or even forget about him as soon as the funeral has finished he is fine with that. K said she had something similar, that if she wants to walk away he won't mind. Then he said thanks to both of us and he understands if we walk away Don't know why he could even suggest me forgetting about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Its time to go. Shauna must be brave. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 Its time to go. Shauna must be brave. I know you will be very strong for Ste. Sending you my love! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 I'm back. There was about 16 of us there. My parents, Ste's parents, K (Who kept herself to herself except at the end where she was Ste's parents) She walked next to me behind the coffin. One of Ste's friends who organised people coming over apologised and said the flights are booked for this evening for those coming tomorrow. We had the service and people started heading off. K disappeared very quickly. Its as if she is upset at me. I get she is upset at whats happening, but I'd hate to think I've upset her. Then I had this old gentleman come up to me. Introduced himself as Jaap, said we needed a little talk. We chatted about Ste and his fond memories, He had to get back to his hotel, He said we will speak more tomorrow. However I need to come out to Lelystad very soon. He needs to go through somethings. I said "Do you want me to call you?" He just replied "My wife has a phone in the house. I have no need to use it. I have smartphone for work, it annoys me. I need you to come and see me. Very soon" I really want to speak to K, make sure she is OK. I'm scared too. I'm also too upset and feel very alone. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 Jaap sounds like he's being needlessly covert. You'd think someone would just say on what subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 (edited) Jaap sounds like he's being needlessly covert. You'd think someone would just say on what subject. Apparently this is how he is. I asked one of Ste's other friends and he was apparently really talkative. They reckon He wants to show me something. Going through the post, need to keep occupied. There is so much paperwork to do. Edited May 6, 2019 by ShaunaN Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 I'm not with it but I guess this is a good thing from a credit card "We have received notification of the passing of Ste..... We would like to extend our sincere condolences. In relation to this credit card account. We would like to extend all the benefits including credit limit to yourself. There is no outstanding balance and we will issue a new card in the next 5 working days" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fishlips Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 It sounds like he is still taking care of you, even though he's not here. I think it's a good idea to visit his friend in person, if you can. It's so much more comforting than talking on the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 7, 2019 Author Share Posted May 7, 2019 So I'm on my own now. Today went alright. K seemed distant, like something was up. A lot of people turned up, Lots and lots of people. They had a meeting at who was going to carry ste out. loads of the engineers wanted to do it, So Ste had different people at every stage. He is at rest now. The cemetery is under the flight path. Ste will love that, At the wake, Me, K and his parents had such a long meet and greet, meeting everyone. I'm on my own now. Mum and dad have popped out to give me space. Its quiet here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 I’m glad everything went well. It sounds like you handled all the arrangements perfectly. Are you going to visit with Jaap or was he able to attend the service? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 7, 2019 Author Share Posted May 7, 2019 I’m glad everything went well. It sounds like you handled all the arrangements perfectly. Are you going to visit with Jaap or was he able to attend the service? He attended but wants me to visit, He said he has something to show me. It was hard. Its so final. I feel I'm a bad person Link to post Share on other sites
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