Author ShaunaN Posted May 7, 2019 Author Posted May 7, 2019 Would Ste marry a bad person? Most would say no. But I feel like I am a bad bad person K was really down, I should have sat with her and talked but we were swept off our feet. I don't know what to do now. I suppose I do the legal closure of his affairs then its just me.
amaysngrace Posted May 7, 2019 Posted May 7, 2019 Would you want K along when you go to Amsterdam? She may find peace visiting there as well.
Author ShaunaN Posted May 7, 2019 Author Posted May 7, 2019 Would you want K along when you go to Amsterdam? She may find peace visiting there as well. I would. I think it would do her good. I would like to visit the places Ste did. 1
Author ShaunaN Posted May 7, 2019 Author Posted May 7, 2019 I've just text K asking if she wanted to stay over, So she isn't alone. 1
Author ShaunaN Posted May 8, 2019 Author Posted May 8, 2019 Mum and dad headed back today. I'm on my own, its a very very empty house. K replied this morning. Said she is alright, she has to be now. I said to come round for dinner. I do feel very lonely here.
amaysngrace Posted May 8, 2019 Posted May 8, 2019 I’m so sorry Shauna. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, it just seems so unfair that he was taken from you so young. I hope you’ll soon realize how fortunate you are in having him in your life in his short time here on earth. Hugs to you xo
Author ShaunaN Posted May 8, 2019 Author Posted May 8, 2019 I’m so sorry Shauna. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, it just seems so unfair that he was taken from you so young. I hope you’ll soon realize how fortunate you are in having him in your life in his short time here on earth. Hugs to you xo I want to know what I've done to make me lose him so young. I feel so lonely. I actually feel worthless.
Author ShaunaN Posted May 8, 2019 Author Posted May 8, 2019 I really want to go Amsterdam and feel close to Ste, I've been trying to talk to him and it feels like he isn't replying.
amaysngrace Posted May 8, 2019 Posted May 8, 2019 Maybe he’s too busy taking it all in. I know I would be.
Author ShaunaN Posted May 9, 2019 Author Posted May 9, 2019 Maybe he’s too busy taking it all in. I know I would be. Ste? I always imagined him being there.
fishlips Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 I want to know what I've done to make me lose him so young. I feel so lonely. I actually feel worthless. It's not your fault. At least know that you were there for him at the end. I'm sure he appreciated it very much. You enjoyed precious time together before you lost him, and no one can take that away.
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 Ste? I always imagined him being there. I believe you get in after a day or two, sometimes a few days longer, and you don’t get your angelic wings for about a week or two later. You’re only in that state for a year or two and then you cross over to the other side and the “presence” you’ve felt drastically reduces. I’m only going on my own personal experiences. It’s probably only partially right, although I did use to talk to my imaginary playmate when I was little who I’m certain now was my big brother in angel form since my playmate was a boy and I was all girl. I’m sure there are experts out there who could give a better timeline. All I know is if I first got in I’d probably be way too in awe to be thinking of the ones I’ve left behind for at least a day or two.
Author ShaunaN Posted May 10, 2019 Author Posted May 10, 2019 I believe you get in after a day or two, sometimes a few days longer, and you don’t get your angelic wings for about a week or two later. You’re only in that state for a year or two and then you cross over to the other side and the “presence” you’ve felt drastically reduces. I’m only going on my own personal experiences. It’s probably only partially right, although I did use to talk to my imaginary playmate when I was little who I’m certain now was my big brother in angel form since my playmate was a boy and I was all girl. I’m sure there are experts out there who could give a better timeline. All I know is if I first got in I’d probably be way too in awe to be thinking of the ones I’ve left behind for at least a day or two. This is sweet, Me and K decided to go Amsterdam this weekend, Tomorrow we are going to Lelystad. We felt very close to Ste at the airport. 2
Author ShaunaN Posted May 12, 2019 Author Posted May 12, 2019 Back from Amsterdam Me and K went to Lelystad yesterday. I felt very close to Ste yesterday, It felt like he was talking to me. It was very emotional. When we got to the museum, Jaap took us for a tour, showing us the stuff Ste donated, helped restore and took us to see a plane Ste had been helping to restore and it had been finished. We was inside and I felt like Ste was talking to me and he said "Well you found me". It felt like I was having a conversation with him, which helped. Ste said he was always there for me and I ever needed him then the 4 special places he told me about or took me too is where I will find him. He also said that if I want to move on or forget about him, he wont't be mad We also ate at Stes favourite places. Love Dutch pancakes now. On the flight. We were treated so well. They knew who we were and made sure me and K were well looked after Still feel worthless though
BaileyB Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 Still feel worthless though Someday when you are in a stronger place, you will need to think about why your go to response to everything is negative self talk... That said, I’m glad you had a good trip. It’s nice when there is something that helps you to feel close to the person who has passed. Take care.
FMW Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 I'm happy for you that you were able to feel that connection with Ste. Things really will be easier in time, be patient with yourself.
Author ShaunaN Posted May 12, 2019 Author Posted May 12, 2019 Reason I'm being negative at the minute is I feel I have nothing anymore.
BaileyB Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 Reason I'm being negative at the minute is I feel I have nothing anymore. That is very different than feeling worthless... You are the beginning of what will be a long road... grief. It’s a long, dark, lonely, and sad road... Try to be kind to yourself, it will get better.
JuneL Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 Can you join a support group for those grieving the loss of their loved ones, especially those who left us at a young age?
Author ShaunaN Posted May 12, 2019 Author Posted May 12, 2019 That is very different than feeling worthless... You are the beginning of what will be a long road... grief. It’s a long, dark, lonely, and sad road... Try to be kind to yourself, it will get better. Way I feel at the minute it won't get better literally it is just me now. I've got no one here. This house feels very empty Can you join a support group for those grieving the loss of their loved ones, especially those who left us at a young age? I don't want to do a group just yet.
BaileyB Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 Way I feel at the minute it won't get better literally it is just me now. I've got no one here. This house feels very empty. I’ve been there. Done that. Not in exactly the same way, but I have felt those same feelings. No, it doesn’t feel like it will get better right now. But, trust me. It does get better. It’s just going to take a really, really long time...
JuneL Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 Do you think if it might be a good idea to move to a different/smaller place? It must be depressing to be by yourself in an empty place that reminds you of the loss.
Author ShaunaN Posted May 13, 2019 Author Posted May 13, 2019 Do you think if it might be a good idea to move to a different/smaller place? It must be depressing to be by yourself in an empty place that reminds you of the loss. I really don't want to sell Ste's house. I just want Ste back. My heart is so broken.
Author ShaunaN Posted May 18, 2019 Author Posted May 18, 2019 Took a few days away, Doctor has given me a sick note for 3 months. Given me some tablets. I still feel bleh. I've really got nothing except for Ste's grave keeping me in the UK. I'm thinking of moving back home.
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