Date in hospital/after hospital

[ShaunaN]

I hope you have a restful sleep Shauna.

 

Just take it one day at a time...

 

I am, Its very hard when I'm on the other side of Europe. They say missing someone makes the heart grow fonder.

[ShaunaN]

Its hard to write this

 

As I was flying back, Ste had a massive seizure and died.

 

I'm broken. I was not there,

[JuneL]

Its hard to write this

 

As I was flying back, Ste had a massive seizure and died.

 

I'm broken. I was not there,

 

I am deeply sorry to hear this. Please accept my condolences.

[BaileyB]

Oh Shauna, I’m so sorry.

 

My heart breaks for you. There are no other words...

[FMW]

I'm so very sorry. He knew you loved him and you made him happy. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing how important you were to him.

[BaileyB]

He knew you loved him and you made him happy. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing how important you were to him.

 

Absolutely true. Just as some people say “I didn’t get to say goodbye...” You lived it everyday. He knew how much you loved him. You brought great happiness and comfort to him in these last few months. Never forget that.

 

It’s no comfort, but palliative care doctors often warn family that it’s quite common for people who are terminally ill to go when their family are not present. The doctors warned us that people will sit with loved ones for days, only to have their loved one pass away when they leave to go to the washroom... Doctors believe that some people actually chose when to go, and they tend to chose times when their family are not present because it is too difficult to leave when their loved ones are present... They also believe those who pass choose these times because they love their family so much, they hope to spare their loved ones the pain...

[amaysngrace]

I’m so so very sorry, Shauna xo

[nospam99]

My sympathies as well, Shauna

 

I see that there are many people here on LS who have followed your story and wished happiness for you. My guess is that now you must take time to grieve and to do so with other people who loved him in the offline world.

 

But if there comes a time when you feel ready, know that you can return, even briefly, to LS and the people here who care.

[ShaunaN]

Thank you everyone.

 

It sounds weird but I do think he had an idea. We spoke before my flight. He said he had upgraded me to Business class. He ended the call with "I'll love you for ever."

 

I'll never forget landing in Amsterdam (I had to change planes there) turning my phone on and getting a lot of missed calls and texts. I found out at the gate waiting for my flight to the UK. I broke down. Some random woman from KLM was hugging me.

 

When I got to the hospital, I sat with Ste for a bit. Talked to him and said my goodbye there.

 

I packed up his stuff, there was a letter for me and his best friend. Mine talked about a lot of personal things. Ste said I am young, if I want to remarry or even move on and forget about him. He won't be mad or it won't be disrespecting him in any way. He ends it with how much he loves me.

 

There is another letter with his wishes for the funeral. I'm not sure if I have to give that to his solicitor to confirm its OK to proceed with or I can just do it. He talks about who I need to let know what has happened. He talks about Jaap an old man in Holland "He has a phone but he won't answer it as he says he has no need to". Ste also said when I go to tell him. I will feel very close to Ste because of where I am.

 

I lay in bed last night (not going to lie wearing one of Ste's tshirts). Crying.

 

They have said they are not releasing Ste because it needs to be investigated by the coroner. I don't want them hurting Ste anymore!

 

I can't even do anything practical except read this https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death It says I'm obligated to register Ste's death within 5 days but I need permission to?

 

Sorry if I rant or go on.

[JuneL]

You were such an amazing gift to Ste’s life. How are his parents coping? Would you be able to ask your mother or someone close to come stay with you for a week or so? Please take care!

[BaileyB]

Indeed, your mother or your best friend or his best friend - gather some supper because there is a lot to do and you will be going through so many emotions.

 

I too believe that he knew what would happen, maybe not this weekend but I think he knew the end was near. He was prepared, he had said his goodbyes, and he had made his plans. It is remarkable that he did this, but it should bring some small comfort to you that he had found peace.

 

I’m so sorry that you heard during your layover. That must have been so hard. But, very glad that you were able to see him.

 

Hugs to you Shauna. This is the beginning of a new journey. Grief will take you in so many directions. Be kind to yourself, keep posting if you need, and know that you are not alone on this new path...

[amaysngrace]

It’s truly remarkable that those were the last words he spoke to you. He was so blessed to be loved by you, and you by him. You gave him the greatest gift in this world by loving him so deeply. You’ll always have the memories and he’ll stay forever young.

 

And now I believe you have an angel who will love you forever, just as he said.

[ShaunaN]

Ste's best friend is working this weekend at a show so she can't be here but we've texted each other about things.

 

As for Ste planning, he wrote these letters a while ago. Before the operation because he talks about the operation and other things. He had one of these funeral payment plans that predated his operation.

 

I have Ste's plane log book. Its every flight he has ever taken, I took it and got it filled in for him on my flights, I've been looking through it. Some of the flights he has taken all over the world, Theres some pictures of him with captains. It really does gives me an insight into his life and journeys. I don't remember the last flight leg but the captain and crew signed the book.

 

There was this message from the captain "Mijn oprechte medeleven. Ik wens je veel sterkte in deze moeilijke tijd! Je bent in mijn gebeden." He then signed it.

 

I cried at this, I had to translate it. Its a nice message I felt.

 

His mum and dad are gutted. Said If I want to go round I can do if I don't want to be alone. At the minute I'm just reading his flight log. Looking at his pictures.

 

Ste wanted me to go tell Jaap, I really can't bring myself too. I've been telling people. He knows a lot of guys over in Holland I want to ask one of them to go see him, but I've read it as Ste wants me to go. I don't know.

 

Does anyone know. If I can speak to an undertaker now before I get the papers? I'm not sure when I'll get the papers to register his death.

 

I've spoke to my mum and dad they said they will try and get over as soon as they can.

[amaysngrace]

According to this you’ll need to bring the green card to the funeral director once you’ve registered.

 

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/what-to-do-after-a-death/

 

I’m not sure about there but here in the United States you can meet with the funeral director to begin making arrangements before you get your documents. Did he have a place in mind to handle the arrangements because that’s who I’d reach out to.

 

And about Jaap, it sounds as though Ste wanted you to go see him someday but not necessarily immediately. Or was he clear that he wanted Jaap to know right away?

[ShaunaN]

According to this you’ll need to bring the green card to the funeral director once you’ve registered.

 

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/what-to-do-after-a-death/

 

I’m not sure about there but here in the United States you can meet with the funeral director to begin making arrangements before you get your documents. Did he have a place in mind to handle the arrangements because that’s who I’d reach out to.

 

And about Jaap, it sounds as though Ste wanted you to go see him someday but not necessarily immediately. Or was he clear that he wanted Jaap to know right away?

 

There is one near to where we live. I'm going to give them a call shortly. I'm not sure how I'll even get the papers I'll ring the hospital and ask.

 

I read it as Ste wants me to go ASAP. I'll ask some people Ste knows as they seem to know each other in that circle.

 

I feel so lonely.

[amaysngrace]

I’m so sorry, Shauna. Hopefully your parents will get in soon.

 

So you think you’re meant to go to holland before the service? I took it as you going there to spend a little time since Ste said you’ll feel close to him there.

[ShaunaN]

I’m so sorry, Shauna. Hopefully your parents will get in soon.

 

So you think you’re meant to go to holland before the service? I took it as you going there to spend a little time since Ste said you’ll feel close to him there.

 

I'm really not sure what to think

 

I rang a funeral director. He said he would pop round tomorrow afternoon to discuss basic details and tell me what I need to do.

 

I really don't think I should plan this without Stes best friend. She was a massive part of his life.

 

His mum and dad have asked for a church service and if possible to bury him.

[ShaunaN]

I've not slept since Thursday night. I'm feeling sleepy but I physically cannot sleep. I've also not eaten since Yesterday lunch.

[JuneL]

I've not slept since Thursday night. I'm feeling sleepy but I physically cannot sleep. I've also not eaten since Yesterday lunch.

 

Can you take a couple of benadryls (drowsy mild meds for allergies) to help you sleep? Can you eat for Ste’s sake? He would want you to order Chinese and charge on his card.

[ShaunaN]

Can you take a couple of benadryls (drowsy mild meds for allergies) to help you sleep? Can you eat for Ste’s sake? He would want you to order Chinese and charge on his card.

 

I wouldnt feel right charging to Stes accounts. Plus when the will is sorted and they see the charges I might get in trouble.

 

I really don't want to surrender his picture debit and credit cards. nor do I want to surrender his passport because of the stamps he has. He was proud of them.

 

I would try a Chinese I'll find my debit card and order one.

 

I've been speaking with Frido a friend of his in Amsterdam. He said he would speak to Jaap, He is an old man who is part of their aviation group, but I do need to go and see him after the funeral I've been told.

[JuneL]

I wouldnt feel right charging to Stes accounts. Plus when the will is sorted and they see the charges I might get in trouble.

 

I really don't want to surrender his picture debit and credit cards. nor do I want to surrender his passport because of the stamps he has. He was proud of them.

 

I would try a Chinese I'll find my debit card and order one.

 

I've been speaking with Frido a friend of his in Amsterdam. He said he would speak to Jaap, He is an old man who is part of their aviation group, but I do need to go and see him after the funeral I've been told.

 

The “charging to Ste’s card” part was meant to be a metaphor. Glad you’re ordering Chinese. It sounds like Jaap was an important figure in his life.

[Veronica73]

I’m so so sorry, Shauna. I’ve never replied to this thread, but have followed it and read the whole thing. I have tears running down my face right now. You two were so lucky to have found each other and loved each other so much, even though you both wanted much more time together.

[ShaunaN]

Thank you.

 

Ive not ordered anything yet. I asked Ste what he wanted, then I remember he isn't here

 

Jaap seems to mean a lot to the whole group.

[josi334]

I am very sorry Shauna - My heart breaks for you. Find peace and comfort in the love he had you! I didn't reply often but I've been reading your thread. You two had a beautiful love story!

[ShaunaN]

I went to the park last night, sat there and just watched the city, thinking. Ste would have told me off for sitting there all night as "Its dangerous". I never did get that Chinese.

 

Had a lot of Ste's friends talk last night on Whatsapp/facebook and they all want to come for his funeral. One said and I cried at this statement/comment "He was the best airman this airline never had. Anything computer or systems related he knew about and he took the time to learn the aircraft. He was very popular so expect a lot of people attending. I know this is a big ask, and you might already have people lined up but me and the rest of the guys. would like the honour of carrying Stephen's coffin. He did so much for us, Even a few days ago we were speaking and he was helping me."

 

I asked about Jaap. I learnt alot. Apparently they have told him and passed my number on to him.

 

I went to the airport viewing park, watched the one plane Ste always wanted to see. It felt like a bit of Ste disappeared with that flight, I felt very close to Ste there. I thought I'd speak to the bank about Ste's accounts. They were lovely. They said that I can keep Ste's cards and Ste owed nothing but they said they can wait until I'm ready and sort everything.

 

I have the undertaker coming this afternoon