Date in hospital/after hospital

[JuneL]

Do these friends mostly live in other countries? I remember that you’re complaining Ste’s friends wouldn’t come visit him at the hospital.

 

Did you sleep and eat?

[ShaunaN]

Do these friends mostly live in other countries? I remember that you’re complaining Ste’s friends wouldn’t come visit him at the hospital.

 

Did you sleep and eat?

 

All the ones who have said they will come to the funeral are all coming from Holland and some from America. In his industry they say its a small planet.

 

His UK friends are not so responsive, one even said "If I can make time I'll come".

 

I've had a cup of coffee thats it.

[JuneL]

All the ones who have said they will come to the funeral are all coming from Holland and some from America. In his industry they say its a small planet.

 

His UK friends are not so responsive, one even said "If I can make time I'll come".

 

I've had a cup of coffee thats it.

 

Give me your address by PM, and I’ll order you Chinese

[ShaunaN]

Give me your address by PM, and I’ll order you Chinese

 

Its okay. I'll eat something later, but thank you anway

[ShaunaN]

Undertaken has been, we discussed a few things. He will call the hospital tomorrow and find out when he can collect Ste and he'll let me know so I can go see him.

 

He also explained where I get the paperwork to take to the council and the number for the council.

 

He said he would pop back when Ste's best friend and mum/dad are here so we can discuss finer points. I know its my job to arrange the funeral but She has been a major part of his life I thought why shouldn't she have an input.

[ShaunaN]

Text from my cousin, she said she's going to take me out for dinner tonight so we can chat. I don't feel like a restaurant

[FMW]

To the extent possible, I'm sure Ste would want his parents and best friend to be there to support and help you during this time, even though the final decisions are yours to make.

 

If you don't feel like going out in public to eat with your cousin, suggest that you get takeout. If the weather is nice maybe you could take it to a park and get some fresh air.

[bene]

I haven’t commented here before but I followed your thread.

 

I’m so sorry that it ended this way, my deepest condolences to you.

 

And you were there for him.

[ShaunaN]

To the extent possible, I'm sure Ste would want his parents and best friend to be there to support and help you during this time, even though the final decisions are yours to make.

 

If you don't feel like going out in public to eat with your cousin, suggest that you get takeout. If the weather is nice maybe you could take it to a park and get some fresh air.

 

I want them involved. I was apart of his life for a few years. His best friend (Kay) has known him for 20 years. His parents for 15 years, so their opinions are just as valid.

 

I just want to be on my own, she's being quite insistent as "it'll do me good". When I was at the airport earlier I heard Ste say in my head "I never did make it to Seattle did I?". It was Ste's dream to get to the Boeing factory. Kay said he would talk for hours about Renton and Everett. (I guess they have aircraft factories?) I suspect he would have been like a kid in a sweets store if ever visited Seattle.

 

I feel like when things have calmed down that maybe it will give me some peace if I go out to Lelystad (as Ste wanted me to) and make the trip to Seattle for him.

 

I'm sure he is there already watching the planes being made

[FMW]

I completely understand wanting to be on your own, that's my usual response to stress and grief. But unless your cousin is unpleasant or unsettling to you in some way it really might be good for you to have someone to talk to, whether about Ste or whatever other topic might come up.

 

Seattle is a beautiful place, you definitely need to go. Taking the trips in Ste's honor sound like a wonderful way to help you deal with your grief.

[mark clemson]

Shauna, my sincere condolences. Be very glad that you made the best of the time you and Ste had. In a very real way that's all any of us can do. You will always know that you handled such a difficult situation with genuine grace, love, and compassion.

[ShaunaN]

I completely understand wanting to be on your own, that's my usual response to stress and grief. But unless your cousin is unpleasant or unsettling to you in some way it really might be good for you to have someone to talk to, whether about Ste or whatever other topic might come up.

 

Seattle is a beautiful place, you definitely need to go. Taking the trips in Ste's honor sound like a wonderful way to help you deal with your grief.

 

I guess Seattle is the main home of Boeing? What significance is Everett and Renton? Ste had this love for Boeing. Our first "proper" date he wore a t-shirt that said something about if its not a boeing he isn't going. I did wonder what I let myself in for.

 

She isn't nasty or anything, just trying to be nice. When I feel low, Ste would always know what to say or do

 

I miss him so much.

[FMW]

Boeing was founded in Seattle. The Boeing assembly plant in Mukilteo, just outside Everett, about 25 miles North of Seattle, offers tours. There is also an assembly plant in Renton, but I don't think they have a tour. Each plant assembles different models.

[ShaunaN]

Boeing was founded in Seattle. The Boeing assembly plant in Mukilteo, just outside Everett, about 25 miles North of Seattle, offers tours. There is also an assembly plant in Renton, but I don't think they have a tour. Each plant assembles different models.

 

Thank you. So Everett is the place for a tour. If I do go I think it will be more emotional than plane related.

 

I also remember that Ste talked about a museum there and about the first jumbo also being there?

 

This has been making me think. Maybe Ste wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered either in Seattle or Amsterdam/Lelystad. These were his favourite places on earth, but then I feel selfish that I won't have anywhere to go to mourn.

 

Had something to eat, the place we went to was amazing, She kept going on about her wedding and partner. I left after an hour.

[BaileyB]

Had something to eat, the place we went to was amazing, She kept going on about her wedding and partner. I left after an hour.

 

Did she not realize that your husband passed away this weekend? I was thinking that she was very kind to visit and take you out to get something to eat... but, that’s pretty insensitive.

[ShaunaN]

Did she not realize that your husband passed away this weekend? I was thinking that she was very kind to visit and take you out to get something to eat... but, that’s pretty insensitive.

 

She did but she is so self centred, she said "Oh thats sad but lets talk about me"

[Lotsgoingon]

Shauna, I've been away from your thread for a week or so ... haven't been on the site as much.

 

So sorry to hear of Steve's death. OMG! So sorry to hear of that ... and that you heard in an airport.

 

My heart goes out to you ... but can I say how proud I am and honored I feel to have been able to talk to you online during this time. I am so proud of the way you guys WENT FOR IT! ... and got married. That was extraordinary ... so smart and so healthy. I still remember the day you posted your wedding dress choices and a number of us weighed in. That felt so right! Really thanks for sharing your journey with us.

 

Your man is truly classy and loved you ... doesn't matter that you weren't "there" at the end. Being there at the end of overrated. What's important is to have been there throughout the ordeal ... Love with someone is not greater because you're there when you take their last breath. Death is death. It's devastating and brutal ... being there at the end doesn't lessen your pain.

 

Please consider recruiting a friend to help you with all these details in the next few weeks ... or one of his friends, someone really organized ... for whom taking care of details isn't exhausting.

 

My heart goes out to you, but I am inspired that you were able to find a voice and to share .. even though of course, you're Shauna--really hard of yourself--even so, you shared and opened up ... and got the benefit of support and feedback.Magnificent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm absolutely sure that all your sharing and venting here made you a stronger person when you spent time with Steve. I see your thread as a model for how we don't have to hide and isolate when facing some impossible situation.

 

Bravo to you. Of course, you being you, Shauna ... you're going to say you weren't all that great and you feel guilty about this ... and you know what? ... it's all wonderful ... because all of you went into taking this chance and going for love right when it counted.

[ShaunaN]

Shauna, I've been away from your thread for a week or so ... haven't been on the site as much.

 

So sorry to hear of Steve's death. OMG! So sorry to hear of that ... and that you heard in an airport.

 

My heart goes out to you ... but can I say how proud I am and honored I feel to have been able to talk to you online during this time. I am so proud of the way you guys WENT FOR IT! ... and got married. That was extraordinary ... so smart and so healthy. I still remember the day you posted your wedding dress choices and a number of us weighed in. That felt so right! Really thanks for sharing your journey with us.

 

Your man is truly classy and loved you ... doesn't matter that you weren't "there" at the end. Being there at the end of overrated. What's important is to have been there throughout the ordeal ... Love with someone is not greater because you're there when you take their last breath. Death is death. It's devastating and brutal ... being there at the end doesn't lessen your pain.

 

Please consider recruiting a friend to help you with all these details in the next few weeks ... or one of his friends, someone really organized ... for whom taking care of details isn't exhausting.

 

My heart goes out to you, but I am inspired that you were able to find a voice and to share .. even though of course, you're Shauna--really hard of yourself--even so, you shared and opened up ... and got the benefit of support and feedback.Magnificent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm absolutely sure that all your sharing and venting here made you a stronger person when you spent time with Steve. I see your thread as a model for how we don't have to hide and isolate when facing some impossible situation.

 

Bravo to you. Of course, you being you, Shauna ... you're going to say you weren't all that great and you feel guilty about this ... and you know what? ... it's all wonderful ... because all of you went into taking this chance and going for love right when it counted.

 

It was horrible. I got off the plane. I was walking to the next gate and I had my phone switched off. I thought I'd get Ste something, because every friday he would go to Amsterdam for work (Sometimes more during the week) and he would always get me something from the airport or he'd travel into the city. If he was staying the weekend he'd get me something "Bigger" as he would say. So I saw these model planes and I was genuinely excited to pick one or two. I paid for them, put them in my bag. Turned my phone on to all this. I was at the gate when I actually heard and burst out crying. An airline woman come over and she was hugging me, then next thing I know I was sat on a plane. I don't even remember asking for Ste's log to be signed but the captain wrote a message and the whole crew signed the page.

 

I really did nothing. I feel I didn't do enough I should have told work I didn't want to go.

 

There really is no one to assist in planning. Kay (Ste's best friend) she was at a show and has disappeared. Its really hit her hard.

 

I've still not slept. I really can't sleep

[fishlips]

Its hard to write this

 

As I was flying back, Ste had a massive seizure and died.

 

I'm broken. I was not there,

 

OMG I'm so sorry to hear this. You were a wonderful wife to him. Hugs.

 

By the way, I know how you feel. My father passed away when I was on the way to see him. I never got to say goodbye, and it's hard. But it was obvious that Ste loved you and appreciated you. My condolences for your loss.

Edited April 29, 2019 by fishlips

[ShaunaN]

Thank you.

 

The funeral director rang, told me I can collect the papers from midday, and he'll be collecting Ste this afternoon. He said I can go and see him from tomorrow. I ring the town hall and got an appointment early this afternoon.

 

I take everything. I get there and I'm sat in the Births Marriages and Deaths registry office. I was here no too long ago getting the permits to get married to Ste. I see babies and happy parents and I'm sat here with my world crumbling around me.

 

I get taken in to the room. The registrar takes all the papers and starts asking me a load of questions about Ste, Asked about his occupation. I went completely blank. She asks me to explain what he did and I told her. She records it as "Aircraft Engineer" I think Ste would have liked that to be honest.

 

I get a death certificate. This piece of paper sums up Ste's life. One thing that does make me so proud is it has my name and Relationship to deceased: WIFE"

 

Ive got lots to arrange and As much as K helps. theres lots to do. One of Ste's mates has offered to come over and help from Holland. Can't ask him to do that.

 

I've got to start searching for a plot and set a date.

 

Still not eaten, spent some time in the bath thinking.

[FMW]

I think you should accept all offers for help right now. Especially offers coming from Ste's friends because they are in part offered as a way for them to honor Ste. So don't feel guilty. This is a very difficult time, don't try and go it alone.

 

I'm sorry the dinner with your cousin turned out that way:(

[ShaunaN]

I think you should accept all offers for help right now. Especially offers coming from Ste's friends because they are in part offered as a way for them to honor Ste. So don't feel guilty. This is a very difficult time, don't try and go it alone.

 

I'm sorry the dinner with your cousin turned out that way:(

 

I can't ask his friend to come over from Holland that would be unfair.

 

She has just been going on still. I've not eaten today either.

[FMW]

If his mates offered, then you are not asking.

 

As far as eating, at some point your body will force the issue - it will stop functioning properly. Sometimes eating (or not eating) is the one thing we feel we have power over when we feel powerless with everything else. It's also a natural reaction to the situation. My mother lost a lot of weight during the final days of my father's life and the period immediately following. Try not to stress over whether you eat or not - just pay attention to your body. It will tell you when you can't go without any longer.

[ShaunaN]

If his mates offered, then you are not asking.

 

As far as eating, at some point your body will force the issue - it will stop functioning properly. Sometimes eating (or not eating) is the one thing we feel we have power over when we feel powerless with everything else. It's also a natural reaction to the situation. My mother lost a lot of weight during the final days of my father's life and the period immediately following. Try not to stress over whether you eat or not - just pay attention to your body. It will tell you when you can't go without any longer.

 

True, I know I should sleep too. I just can't. I don't feel in control anymore.

 

I'll have a talk with his friend tomorrow. I just want me and K to pick the plot.

[BaileyB]

Shauna, is there a reason why you are not including his parents in the planning? I know they are older but if anyone should be included, perhaps it’s them...

 

And please, either you eat something and try to get some sleep or your body will force you to do it. I know it’s hard, but there are some things that can not be ignored... get some takeout and some sleeping medication from a doctor, if needed.