Date in hospital/after hospital

[ShaunaN]

Hey Shauna,

 

I usually don’t really write much here but I just wanted to say that you sound like a wonderful person and loving girlfriend. I can not even imagine how difficult this time must be for you and also of course for your boyfriend. I hope you heard from him by now? I wish you both a lot of strength!!!

 

It is really good that you have family coming over soon to support you, I have also lived abroad for many years and I know how it is to not have your close family members around.

 

I also read your other threat about your aunt talking badly about your boyfriend, I am married to a wonderful Indian man and we live in Europe but especially his family in India was very much against our relationship and he had to endure similar talk from his relatives. It was truly aweful but it is basically just ignorance talking and please try to not let it get to you.

 

I wish you all the best

Double helix

 

Thank you. I'll be glad when today is over as this assignment will be over and I've now got tomorrow/friday off. My mum and aunt are now flying over tomorrow so that will help.

 

I've not heard from my boyfriend yet. Its 0720 here. I don't think he is awake but I am worried

[Lotsgoingon]

I really don't think you can read anything into his lack of a response--other than he probably isn't feeling great and he just is taking quiet time ... and what the nurses say, he's sleeping.

 

He might act a little strange in the next few days ... My ex really thought I was going to dump her (totally feared that) after she got diagnosed with cancer.

 

Great call.

 

Great job to ring up his best friend ... and to bring your mum and aunt.

 

The more the merrier ... and others feel good at helping like this ... because in the backs of our minds we know that one day, we're going to need people to visit us in the hospital.

[ShaunaN]

I really don't think you can read anything into his lack of a response--other than he probably isn't feeling great and he just is taking quiet time ... and what the nurses say, he's sleeping.

 

He might act a little strange in the next few days ... My ex really thought I was going to dump her (totally feared that) after she got diagnosed with cancer.

 

Great call.

 

Great job to ring up his best friend ... and to bring your mum and aunt.

 

The more the merrier ... and others feel good at helping like this ... because in the backs of our minds we know that one day, we're going to need people to visit us in the hospital.

 

He messaged once today. Just said "Down day" I'm home now and its too late to go so I'll do the stuff I need to and go spend the day with him before my mum and aunt come.

 

I'm thinking of going to see his mum and dad tomorrow see how they are and such.

 

I do feel the bad girlfriend though

[ShaunaN]

Today has been a crazy day.

 

I was at the hospital. My Mum come and my aunt stayed at my boyfriends to do my washing and other chores.

 

The specialist come to discuss the results of his biopsy. My mum said she'd give us some space to talk to the specialist. He confirmed it is CNS Lymphoma. However they have a treatment plan and they want to start straight away. They said there was a small possibility they may need to operate but want to try chemotherapy first.

 

The doctor talked more about what will happen and we asked a lot of questions. I just held his hand. I asked the survival rates. The specialist said they are getting better and to remain positive. He said he would give me and my boyfriend space and time to talk over things. My mum said the doctor said to her to leave us a lone for a bit.

 

I admit I cried a lot. My boyfriend said "Look if things do wrong, I've made sure you are looked after." Hands me an envelope and tells me to keep it safe and only open it if the worst happens. I cried some more and we talked about things.

 

I say I'll go get us some coffee the nurse asks if I'm ok I say yeah, come back and the nurse asks to speak to me privately. She says after the meeting she's concerned about me I said got checked the other night and she replies "We need to look after you too. Heres the doctor lets make sure" and they start asking me all sorts of stuff.

 

The Macmillian nurse did come to see us. Talked about finances, treatments, emotions and such. She suggested I might be able to claim government assistance, but I feel its wrong of me to even think of claiming it.

 

My mum says we should go this evening, and we are back here she made me eat and have a bath to try and relax.

 

I'm going to be honest I don't know how I'm keeping going and such.

 

I feel I'm a bad girlfriend like I'm not doing enough

[FMW]

It sounds to me that you are a great girlfriend. This is a really terrible position to be in. You have to take care of yourself, and that includes maintaining your ability to support yourself so you aren't free to be with him 24/7. He knows that.

 

Take advantage of all the resources offered. Discuss it with your mother and anyone else you trust.

 

A cancer diagnosis for someone you love is shattering, it takes a while to come to terms with things. If there is any way to take a short break from your job without jeopardizing your position maybe you should consider that.

[ShaunaN]

It sounds to me that you are a great girlfriend. This is a really terrible position to be in. You have to take care of yourself, and that includes maintaining your ability to support yourself so you aren't free to be with him 24/7. He knows that.

 

Take advantage of all the resources offered. Discuss it with your mother and anyone else you trust.

 

A cancer diagnosis for someone you love is shattering, it takes a while to come to terms with things. If there is any way to take a short break from your job without jeopardizing your position maybe you should consider that.

 

Thank you. I know I need to take care of myself. I just have so much running my mind and going on it anything I need kind of gets ignored. I really want to go to the hairdressers. Mum says I should just go. My boyfriend tells me I should go out with my mum and aunt and relax. I just don't want him being on his own, He does say he'll be ok.

 

As for holidays, I can take some leave or work from home jobs. However my dispatcher will try and ignore working from home and send me to client sites. I'll have a chat with my manager see what we can do.

 

I know my boyfriends work are asking him to come back because he isn't being fair on his colleagues.

[ShaunaN]

So I had a chat with my boyfriend about things and how I want to get my hair done and such. He thinks its a good idea gets me to book in to a hairdressers and to get my hair done and some other treatments. He paid for it too. I feel really really bad he has done this.

 

My mum suggested that we go out for food and a few drinks tonight. Help me take my mind off things. He said to put it on his card as he wants to treat me.

 

He is generous but this is very generous of him

 

I feel really bad! I'm worried he will be all alone tonight. He said is fixing a laptop for one of the nurses.

[FMW]

It probably makes him feel better knowing you're out taking care of yourself, having a good meal, visiting with your mother. And it probably makes him feel good to pay for some things for you, to treat you.

 

So look at it as letting him feel good about doing something for you and maybe not worrying so much about how you are holding up. It's good for both of you.

[ShaunaN]

It probably makes him feel better knowing you're out taking care of yourself, having a good meal, visiting with your mother. And it probably makes him feel good to pay for some things for you, to treat you.

 

So look at it as letting him feel good about doing something for you and maybe not worrying so much about how you are holding up. It's good for both of you.

 

I get that I just feel bad spending his money. Of course he will see me after the hair dressers/treatments but what else will he benefit from this.

 

Im just really worried about everything and him. I wish he wasn't in the hospital

 

I did have a nice sleep though and eating breakfast was good. I suppose thats a plus, I wish I could have spent my night with him.

 

I'm also a bit upset about valentines day. I want to be able to do something that isn't limited to the hospital grounds.

 

Do I sound bad?

[JuneL]

Just chiming in to give a few words of support. Have you looked into support groups for those with the same condition? I think it would lessen your anxiety if you’re more knowledgeable about what to expect in each stage. You can also also learn some helpful tips from their experiences.

 

(((Hug)))

[Lotsgoingon]

Hang in there Shauna.

 

I'm not sure why you're feeling guilty that bf offered to pay for your haircut.

 

And if you feel THAT guilty, why did you accept?

 

I do not mean to give you a hard time ... But as a partner of a former cancer patient, I'll be blunt: you can't tie yourself in knots over a haircut and expect to emotionally survive the ordeal of cancer.

 

Either accept a wonderful generous gift ... and feel good and loved ... or don't accept a gift. Please ... please ... for your own wellbeing ... please don't put yourself in some no-win situation. If you turn a gift into a losing situation, you're just weakening yourself before the ordeal has really begun.

 

I'm thinking you have unrealistic expectations of yourself ... as if you're supposed to be some all-giving superwoman who can drop her life just to concentrate on him ... That's not a reasonable expectation ... You don't have to be a superhero ... and yes, you do want to let him take care of YOU during this period ... Strange as that seems, he's feeling very powerless right now ... probably like he's not holding up his part of the relationship. Giving you a gift makes him feel good ... and strong! ...It's one of the few ways he can exert some control over what is happening to him.

 

You don't have to be a super-hero ... Just show up and maintain contact and you're being heroic ...

 

And yes get your hair done, get some sleep, go out with friends ... If he's going to get chemo, that will be a major ordeal ... With a focus on taking care of yourself, you're still going to be overwhelmed.

 

So enjoy every little break you can take ... every little good thing you can do for yourself ... the stuff is going to hit the fan soon.

[ShaunaN]

I feel guilty because he wasn't there to enjoy himself with us. If you get me? I get why he did it. I took it because I know it meant a lot to him.

 

I know I can't be a super hero, My body is saying that to me. I've popped up to see him. He told me to get some wine and have time with my aunt/mum. I think its doing me alot of good to be honest.

 

I just want to be strong for him, I know he is struggling I just want to be that strong force for him to help him through. The doctor did say about chemo being a challenge, The MacMillian nurse talked about having to be careful kissing and cuddling. I think that will be hard for me.

 

I really want to do something nice for valentines day. Do I sound silly on that?

 

I guess I'm just really run down.

[Lotsgoingon]

Doing something for Valentine's is a great idea!

 

I'm aware of one really funny story of a couple when the guy had cancer. His wife came in ... they closed the curtains ... and ... got busy ... the nurses heard all this laughter behind the curtain and loved it ..... because they knew the husband was in pain ...

 

Depending on his own views ... hospitals often do have counselors for patients about to undergo grueling cancer treatment. A friend of mine is a retired cancer doctor ... and he used to hire Reiki practitioners ... even though he wasn't all that into Reiki ... but his patients undergoing chemo ... loved Reiki.

 

Tip: google and see if you can find an online cancer patients' community (that addresses partners) ... similar to this community.

 

I'll share that the times I was the most short with my ex ... were times when I was beyond exhausted ... running back and forth to the hospital ... for various surgeries ... And my ex had all her insecurities triggered by the cancer (understandably so from this perspective now) ...

 

Put on your oxygen mask ... you're doing great for him ...

[ShaunaN]

Doing something for Valentine's is a great idea!

 

I'm aware of one really funny story of a couple when the guy had cancer. His wife came in ... they closed the curtains ... and ... got busy ... the nurses heard all this laughter behind the curtain and loved it ..... because they knew the husband was in pain ...

 

Depending on his own views ... hospitals often do have counselors for patients about to undergo grueling cancer treatment. A friend of mine is a retired cancer doctor ... and he used to hire Reiki practitioners ... even though he wasn't all that into Reiki ... but his patients undergoing chemo ... loved Reiki.

 

Tip: google and see if you can find an online cancer patients' community (that addresses partners) ... similar to this community.

 

I'll share that the times I was the most short with my ex ... were times when I was beyond exhausted ... running back and forth to the hospital ... for various surgeries ... And my ex had all her insecurities triggered by the cancer (understandably so from this perspective now) ...

 

Put on your oxygen mask ... you're doing great for him ...

 

Have to admit sex in a hospital would be so bucket list!

 

I'm just going to organise something nice for valentines day, even if its a deliveroo and I get him a gift or a card. I know he won't have the opportunity to get me anything but for me just seeing him will be enough. I know his best friend is going up to see him today to give me a rest and I can go to the Irish centre and church with mum/my aunt. It gives me some peace praying and such. I also had a text saying some guys from one of his modelling groups is also going up to see him and talk model things.

 

Its all going to step up regarding treatment. I'm scared I know he is.

 

Thank you for saying I'm doing great for him. I'm just me, I try my best.

 

I'll have a look at other forums. I'm here for more relationship and just how to make it better during this time

[ShaunaN]

Todays been a good day. I've been given some paid leave to sort myself out. I spoke to the dispatch manager and he said I need to be with my boyfriend so he's given me a fortnight and will review after then, He said I need to be there for him.

 

He started his chemo today, hes been asleep after it, I'm resting up we both need to be as strong as we can be.

[Double Helix]

Hey Shauna,

 

How is your boyfriend coping with the chemotherapy treatment? How are you doing? Are your mum and aunt still there with you?

I am glad to hear that you got some time of work, the situation is already difficult enough as it is, without having to travel and worry about projects and clients.

I hope that despite the circumstances you and your boyfriend will have a nice Valentines Day.

 

Take care,

Double Helix

[Lotsgoingon]

Glad to hear about the dispatch manager giving you some time.

 

Hoping you are good. Update us when you can.

[ShaunaN]

Hey Shauna,

 

How is your boyfriend coping with the chemotherapy treatment? How are you doing? Are your mum and aunt still there with you?

I am glad to hear that you got some time of work, the situation is already difficult enough as it is, without having to travel and worry about projects and clients.

I hope that despite the circumstances you and your boyfriend will have a nice Valentines Day.

 

Take care,

Double Helix

 

Hey,

 

He is putting a brave face on things, I don't think he is coping well. We talk and he puts a brave front on.

 

I'm worried, tired and I don't know. The doctors and nurses are great. They are caring and they seem to look after me too. They did get a bit worried about me, I was late and they checked me over. turned out to be stress. I'm not really sleeping either. He has had a few major fits.

 

My dispatch manager was actually alright. Said he understood and he was shocked that I wasn't given time off. He text me asking if I'm ok today which was nice.

 

Glad to hear about the dispatch manager giving you some time.

 

Hoping you are good. Update us when you can.

 

Thank you, Valentines day has been alright so far. I got him some plane things, he was telling me about them which was nice. I wasn't expecting anything and he got me a promise ring and a card, said I'll get something more when he gets out.I was more than shocked to get anything.

 

I got some non alcoholic wine (Nurses said it was ok) and I'm waiting for the deliveroo to arrive. I'm going to spend the night next to him and we can just watch tv

 

I truly do love him I hope he knows this.

 

Thank you everyone for checking on me

 

I'm waiting outside for a deliveroo. I got some

[ShaunaN]

Boyfriend is napping

 

Mum and my aunt are going back home next weekend they are keeping me sane and looking after me.

 

I had a nightmare last night that he died, I realised there was nothing keeping me in the UK and I went back to Ireland and was more miserable because I missed him, plus not being close to his grave.

[ShaunaN]

Todays a bad day. He has a major fit today. When he come round, he asked who I was and he didn't recognise me.

 

Later on he started remembering but was upsetting.

[FMW]

Hang in there Shauna. I'm glad he snapped out of it later, I'm sure his temporary blank on who you were was hard to deal with.

[ShaunaN]

Hang in there Shauna. I'm glad he snapped out of it later, I'm sure his temporary blank on who you were was hard to deal with.

 

Thank you. I am trying to hang in there it is really hard. Doctor explained after the fit it was like his brain was resetting and reloading all the data back and that would explain why he forgot who I was.

 

Its really upsetting to see. When he is him he is amazing. He asked if it was a bad one. He wanted the truth and I told him and he apologised.

 

I just feel really helpless.

[ShaunaN]

This will sound really selfish and I apologise if it does.

 

I really want my boyfriend out of hospital by the 15th March, There is a St Patricks dinner dance and the parade on the Sunday. It sounds selfish yes but I just want him home now and start looking forward to things and I want to show him my world and my heritage I know he has a heritage too and we can explore it too but I just want him out and we can start doing things together again.

 

The hospital have said they will discharge him once his fits are under control. I just can't see the light.

[elaine567]

I know you want to see the light, but making fixed dates regarding his condition is not realistic and putting pressure on yourself, him and the medical staff is helping no-one.

 

The brain can take a long time to sort itself out, so even if he was tumour free tomorrow, he may not be "better" for a long time.

[ShaunaN]

I know you want to see the light, but making fixed dates regarding his condition is not realistic and putting pressure on yourself, him and the medical staff is helping no-one.

 

The brain can take a long time to sort itself out, so even if he was tumour free tomorrow, he may not be "better" for a long time.

 

I really just want him out of the hospital now, at least at home its all familiar to him and its not clinical.

 

I know fixed dates aren't helpful. A girl can dream though. Plus I want to show him "my world" he always asks about Ireland and such, so I just wanted him to see some of Ireland in the UK.