Author ShaunaN Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 Last night was nice, I stayed the night, He joked about our honeymoon being at Hotel NHS My husbands best friend I know will be there as much as she can. She works away a lot and I know she visits a lot. I just don't want to ask her if she wants to be there, She is private in her emotions and it might upset her. I can't ask my parents as they need to work and my best friend has practically said we can be friends by skype/whatsapp and she'll come over every so often but taking an hours flight at €20 is too much for her. Even though I said I don't want to ask her thinking it though, My husbands best friend is probably the best person to ask. We can support each other. We both got served breakfast in bed (technically I was on his bed when it was served) the nurses said to think of it as a honeymoon breakfast. Whats strange is I emailed a few of his friends in Holland about what happening. A few have replied saying they are looking at coming over as they want to see him before the surgery. One said that my husband flew over to help him when he was in time of need and its time for him to repay that. We got talking about Holland and he summed it up with "Amsterdam, the first place a group of people have accepted me for me without question or hesitation." I'm sorry for going on, I remember at the Christmas markets he took me to this stall called "The Dutch cookie man" It was a windmill style. He got speaking to a man and it turns out everytime my husband was in Amsterdam he would go there for "texels and pancakes" and he had been telling everyone about me and I should go over with him sometime. My husband just saying "I'd love to take you and let you in to that part of my life". He was genuinely all excited about that. Then this happened. My husband then told me a story he was due to be in Amsterdam for work on the Monday for a week. He flew out friday evening. When he got there he said he realised when he went for some cans of coke and orange juice it was cheaper to drink Amstel so he just drank amstel instead, The hotel cleaner apparently commented at the 3 crates of beer he had in his room. He is telling me stories from his past, actually quite nice to hear. Sorry if I'm boring you Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I’m not bored listening to you. This may just be the most beautiful love story I’ve ever known. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 I’m not bored listening to you. This may just be the most beautiful love story I’ve ever known. Thank you. I said to my husband if he isn't up for going out tomorrow we can stay at the hospital as it has to be on his terms. He said he will be wanting a trip out as he knows how much it would mean to me and how much I want to go to the parade with him. I don't know why he is trying to make me happy when should be me making him happy. He has asked to go back home as he wants to look at his models. I do have to admit I bought him a t-shirt for tomorrow and for wednesday (Something plane related is happening). I know I shouldn't be "controlling" in that way but I saw it and knew he'd love it. Hopefully when he wears it he can feel close to me when I'm not there https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1193/5506/products/110010011029_navyheather_b_1024x1024.jpg?v=1526693784 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 You are both so thoughtful of each other. He wants to take care of you as much as you would like to take care of him. Allow him to do for you without feeling selfish or guilty about it. He probably feels like a major taker and just wants to give back. You really should graciously let him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 You are both so thoughtful of each other. He wants to take care of you as much as you would like to take care of him. Allow him to do for you without feeling selfish or guilty about it. He probably feels like a major taker and just wants to give back. You really should graciously let him. I know but its my time to look after him. He needs me now and when I need him later he can be there for me. What a partnership is. I have to admit I'm really excited for tomorrow. It will be nice doing something outside of the hospital. If he gets uncomfortable or wants to go we can go. Plus I really want to show my brave hubby off to the world. I think us just being a normal couple for a few hours will be AMAZING and will do us the world of good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Wow, to read Shauna write "my husband ..." ... How many threads do I get to read where the relationship status changes so quickly. Part of the reason he wanted to marry you is so he can give to you ... That doesn't change just because he's sick ... He's gonna give to you ... until his last breath ... and let's hope that's in 50 years ... Receiving his gifts and love are as much an act of love as giving to him. He's not a baby. Baby's can't return love. Full adults want to return love. Parents will fight through the worst pain to give love to their children. And spouses will fight through the worst pain and agony to give love to their partners. When you know the other person has your back, there is literally as much fun in giving as there is in receiving--perhaps more. Reading about him makes me know how I want to be as a person if and when I'm in the situation he's in. Your man is showing all kinds of strength and courage and love. So great to read ... Shauna is going to spend a day away from the hospital with her "husband"!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Wow, to read Shauna write "my husband ..." ... How many threads do I get to read where the relationship status changes so quickly. Part of the reason he wanted to marry you is so he can give to you ... That doesn't change just because he's sick ... He's gonna give to you ... until his last breath ... and let's hope that's in 50 years ... Receiving his gifts and love are as much an act of love as giving to him. He's not a baby. Baby's can't return love. Full adults want to return love. Parents will fight through the worst pain to give love to their children. And spouses will fight through the worst pain and agony to give love to their partners. When you know the other person has your back, there is literally as much fun in giving as there is in receiving--perhaps more. Reading about him makes me know how I want to be as a person if and when I'm in the situation he's in. Your man is showing all kinds of strength and courage and love. So great to read ... Shauna is going to spend a day away from the hospital with her "husband"!!!!!! Thank you. I've been up for nearly 2 hour so far. Thinking today is a dream. I've packed the car with blankets in case he gets cold. Water in case we get thirsty. Its as if I'm going for a road trip somewhere. I've also been thinking that if the days events are not great that it won't matter as I'm with him. Nothing about the events matter. He matters the most and it has to be all on his terms. I was thinking of taking him somewhere where we can watch a few planes from as I know he will love that. But then I don't want to upset him by taking him there. With everything that is going on. I am trying to make this day amazing in case it is one of his last. I hope his last memory/thought would be "That day has Shauna and Aircraft. Best day ever" (Sorry I sound so self centred there). Now today, Nothing can spoil it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 I hope all goes well Shauna. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Update so far. We went for a coffee when I picked him up from the hospital, then he wanted to visit the house. We did and he looked a bit sad, he said he is missing home. We went to watch the parade. Now we are at the airport watching the planes. He seems to be like a kid in a sweet shop. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Love your husband's clarity about what he wants to do ... watching airplanes ... so cool!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 So I dropped him back at the hospital. We had snow and rain this morning. The parade was amazing I didn't think we'd get to see it, I don't know why I was having doubts this morning. We went for a coffee and a chat away from the hospital. We talked about us. whats going on and what we are expecting. Then the parade. I loved it, and we went to the Irish centre for some food. The lady who is like my mammy in England met my husband and she really looked after him, we ate and saw the end bit of the parade. We talked a lot, Seemed like we talked about a lot more being away from the hospital than we did. He kept asking how I am doing and if I'm okay. He seemed more bothered about me than himself. I was truthful and talked about how I feel. He asked if his best mate was helping. I said she was but others were not. He cuddled me and said if I need time away I'm to take it and not to worry about him. I'm no good to him if I'm ill. He also knew I wasn't eating properly, I found it a bit funny, he is the one seriously ill and he is lecturing me on looking after myself. It felt really good being taken car of, I sound selfish I know. I talked about the massages and he made me book some. He agreed with anyone who told me it is a good idea. I explained about money, he said not to worry. We then went to the airport as I wanted to do something he would enjoy. We got to the viewing park, he seemed really happy, explaining the different planes. I saw the massive plane Emirates I think it said. He explained all about it. Lots of people in the shop there knew him and asked after him. We had coffee and cake at the viewing park. Talked some more. We held hands for most of the day. People looked at us funny don't know why. I don't care. We watched the KLM departure. I recorded it so he could view it later or after the op we could watch it together and I took some planes as I hope they will calm him down after the op. I also took some pictures. His operation is on Wednesday and Boeing are doing some announcement on Wednesday. I haven't a clue what its about so help? Is it something I can get off YouTube? Today was a really good day. We escaped from the situation for a little while. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Boeing 777X debut to the world on March 13th. https://www.aerotime.aero/aerotime.team/22429-boeing-777x-is-coming-manufacturer-sets-launch-date and Boeing: 777X Reveal Glad you had a great day!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 My man!... Made you book some massages ... This guy is a gem ... and it is his job to take care of you (and let you take care of him) to his last days. This is gonna sound crazy, but your situation (worrying about an ill spouse) is in some ways more disorienting than being the ill person. He's ill ... so all his reflexes are that he has to take care of himself. You get a guilt-free pass when you're facing major surgery with difficult odds. You on the other hand ... all your reflexes are to worry about him ... and thinking about yourself seems odd ... So be easy ... Let him take care of you ... You're not having him do anything dangerous! ... Get those massages ... watch some of that tension be released ... and find some really nice restaurant ... You might even need to eat some junk food for a bit ... to kick start your appetite. Wednesday is the big day, huh? ... Get the massages before then if you can! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Boeing 777X debut to the world on March 13th. https://www.aerotime.aero/aerotime.team/22429-boeing-777x-is-coming-manufacturer-sets-launch-date and Boeing: 777X Reveal Glad you had a great day!!! Thank you. I really want to buy hubby the model in the first link. He would LOVE that. I hope it some Youtube thing that he can watch later. He was upset when he cancelled his Paris airshow tickets. He was telling me it would have been his first air show, so when he is up to it We can watch this debut together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 My man!... Made you book some massages ... This guy is a gem ... and it is his job to take care of you (and let you take care of him) to his last days. This is gonna sound crazy, but your situation (worrying about an ill spouse) is in some ways more disorienting than being the ill person. He's ill ... so all his reflexes are that he has to take care of himself. You get a guilt-free pass when you're facing major surgery with difficult odds. You on the other hand ... all your reflexes are to worry about him ... and thinking about yourself seems odd ... So be easy ... Let him take care of you ... You're not having him do anything dangerous! ... Get those massages ... watch some of that tension be released ... and find some really nice restaurant ... You might even need to eat some junk food for a bit ... to kick start your appetite. Wednesday is the big day, huh? ... Get the massages before then if you can! He has said I book as many massages and other treatments as I need on his credit card and he will pay the bill. I feel bad doing that but he was quite insistent. Said he might be ill but I'm suffering too. I just feel bad taking off people. He said my lack of eating does worry him and he has ordered me a take out on uber eats for tonight and he wants me to go food shopping for myself tomorrow. I'm feeling very upbeat in the circumstances. The nurses have asked me to get him a cotton t-shirt for after the operation, So I need to order one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 So much food. He had ordered my favourites from the local Chinese on Uber eats. Not ate this much in a while. He did ask me today if I've gone off him. I said "Of course not" I'm really surprised he asked. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 He did ask me today if I've gone off him. I said "Of course not" I'm really surprised he asked. I guess it was a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 I’m so glad that you had a beautiful day together. The memories will be with you both forever... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 11, 2019 Author Share Posted March 11, 2019 I guess it was a joke. I guess that too. I’m so glad that you had a beautiful day together. The memories will be with you both forever... They will Hopefully there will be many more. I ordered this on Next day delivery so he has a cotton t-shirt for wednesday https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1193/5506/products/543a1dc1b7d9d81f5cb0649ab2a39bfe_1024x1024.jpg?v=1511361062 Link to post Share on other sites
Terrior Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 Hi Shauna I've been watching your story unfold with bated breath from the other side of the world and I think you are both amazing. I really feel for you as it can make you feel powerless when you can't fix it. There is one thing that you might want to discuss with your husband. In some countries, and I think this might include England, if you make a Will, and later get married, the Will is no longer valid. I know you must have so much on your mind with the surgery soon, but I strongly suggest you find out if this applies in England so that if the worst happens you are saved more problems. May the surgery go well and happy plane watching! Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 Wow, I hadn't heard of a will being canceled at marriage ... great information!!!!! I think Shauna is good because I assume the canceling of the will is for purposes of making sure the marriage partner and the children are the primary beneficiaries ... not someone's cousin Joe ... who got listed years earlier way before the person got married. Shauna, definitely check on this ... A phone call to the lawyer he used should solve this in like one minute. The lawyer will know if he needs to resign the will and all of that. But I'm thinking you're covered. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 11, 2019 Author Share Posted March 11, 2019 Hi Shauna I've been watching your story unfold with bated breath from the other side of the world and I think you are both amazing. I really feel for you as it can make you feel powerless when you can't fix it. There is one thing that you might want to discuss with your husband. In some countries, and I think this might include England, if you make a Will, and later get married, the Will is no longer valid. I know you must have so much on your mind with the surgery soon, but I strongly suggest you find out if this applies in England so that if the worst happens you are saved more problems. May the surgery go well and happy plane watching! Thank you. As for the will. Its not void as there is a provision if we was to get married. I have to admit I am not amazing or anything. I'm just me. There was times I wanted to give up, walk away or disappear. Times I felt so lonely. Don't get me wrong. His best friend is amazing, She is there as much as she can. We've done shifts so he wasn't alone during his bad times. His mum and dad come as much as they can. They are not well themselves so I understand why they don't come and its fine. I have questioned why his friends have not come. These people who seem to only want to be his friend when they want something. One even texted him asking him asking to borrow money last week. Today was a lot of "Admin for Shauna" I can work or not as I please as I get compassionate pay, which is really helpful, I have to admit if I had to work I would have been in a melt down. I did a food shop to fill the cupboards up to make sure I have snacks and food in. I also got a massage. I felt so relaxed after. I apparently had a lot of tension. I felt guilty because I was looking out for myself. I rang my husband to see how he was. He actually had visitors. I got a bit teary. I got to the hospital and his friends from Holland had come over. Just for a few hours, They wanted some last time in case it was the last time The nurse took a picture of them and it looks nice. He has a what I can describe as a towel with the airlines name written on it full of well wishes. On a side note the boiler appears to be broke. The repair company won't talk to me as they want authorisation from my husband. He did all this for everyone weeks ago. I really don't want to tell him I'm sat here cold because the gas company won't send someone to fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 11, 2019 Author Share Posted March 11, 2019 I know I shouldn't let this get to me or anything but it has. I just wanted to do something nice for after his op. I hope its all a mistake and it arrives tomorrow. I know its only a t-shirt, I just wanted it there so he could wear it after the op. I ordered it last night. I got a tracking number. On the website for the carrier it said We've received your order details and we are expecting your parcel shortly. I just checked it now expecting some movement and to plan my day tomorrow We're sorry we've not received your parcel this evening. As soon as we do receive it we'll let you know and that it's on it's way to you I was looking forward to getting it so I could get it in the hospital ready tomorrow. I hope its a mistake and it does come. It is a t-shirt I know but this is one thing I thought I could leave and it wouldn't need me to sort it out. I'm also at the stage that if the gas company doesn't talk to me about fixing the boiler, I'll pay another gas man to just come and fix it Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 I have hardly slept all night. I'm been anxious with worry about everything. More so than usual Link to post Share on other sites
Terrior Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 I'm so glad to hear the Will was done "in contemplation of marriage" or whatever it is called in the UK. Congratulations on your marriage by the way. One of the hard things about this situation is the constant roller coaster - up one minute down the next. It's exhausting. The surgery sounds like it is a very important thing - no wonder you cannot sleep. Sending good wishes to you across a couple of oceans. Link to post Share on other sites
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