dupedforreal123 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 I have often thought about this question and wonder what everyone’s definition of this is. OW often told me that she loved DH but was not in love with him - which often confused me. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 For me, loving someone is caring about their well-being and having tender feelings for them. Being "in love" is much stronger and includes romantic feelings that might include a little jealousy and possessiveness. They are in my thoughts most of the time. I'm much more vulnerable to being hurt by them. It's a more consuming emotion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Pretty much what Finding my way said. I think that feeling passion for the person makes the difference between love and 'in love' Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 I love my dog but I am not "in love" with my dog as that would be a bit weird... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 its the same thing elaine Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 They're a different love and to ask would mean you haven't been in love. ln love and you know allllll about it. We love our family , well some of them , maybe even the cat , we love all kinds of shyt . But one angle with it all l have wondered , if if we would be happy in marriage or whatever forever, just loving the person , but never having been in love with them as such. Personally l think there's a lot of couples out there like that even one of my brothers who seems to be the only marriage that's survived . Probably around 35yrs at a guess. Call it whatever you like but way back when he actually rebounded onto her when the real love of his life didn't work out butttt, they've out survived everyone. You can see a def' love and respect in them , but l wouldn't call it an in love. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I love my dog but I am not "in love" with my dog as that would be a bit weird... We really need a haha response here like FB has. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I love my dog but I am not "in love" with my dog as that would be a bit weird... I don’t know. I kiss my dog good morning and good night. I carry her like a baby in my arms around the house, and I watch her sleep via remote camera when I’m at work. And I make sure to tell her I love her every day. I don’t want to have sex with her, but I would say that qualifies for “in love” I can’t think of a human woman for whom I felt the same, but I do like having sex with them. Op - I think when women say it, it usually means they at one point had strong romantic feelings. But now, they no longer do, but don’t want anything bad to happen to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I have often thought about this question and wonder what everyone’s definition of this is. OW often told me that she loved DH but was not in love with him - which often confused me. Thoughts? Sorry what does DH mean? Something Husband? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Its impossible to be in love with someone for 3 or 4 decades. It comes and goes of the course of a long relationship. Passion is a result of effort, where one decides to put that effort. If you love someone and you decide to make the effort you will also be in love with that person. Personally, I think the difference is someone looking for an excuse to explain some behavior that is contradictory to loving someone. IE, reallly only loving themselves. People love to say it isnt black or white but really it is. Love is an action, so if you love someone in a caring way then you must want the best for them. I simply dont believe that as many people are capable of truly loving in a romantic way as they believe. Or their loving someone is connected to what they get out of it. Thus really only loving themselves. Since we are talking romantic love I would say there is no difference only a lack of effort. The other option is you simply don't love that person and just benefit from the union. Truth is, we all have to make the choice to be in love with someone, it doesn't just happen nor can it sustain without effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Sorry what does DH mean? Something Husband? This usually means Dear Husband in the interwebs . When I'm talking about my ex I drop the "D" and just said exH.....he's certainly not dear to me. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 My parents were still head over heals in love after 57yrs and dad was still grabbing her ass at 80, But they did go through many cycles over those years and back again. like a marriage does only these days they divorce instead. l remember mum sayin to dad once , but why didn't you choose my sister she was much better looking, he said because l loved you the minute l walked into that bank. mum worked in a bank. Pretty cool stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I love my cat and I think I am also in love with my cat. I kiss and cuddle him all day. I also carry him around and tell him "I love you". When he is seriously ill, I can't sleep or eat and I cry all the time. I never got a second cat because that will make our bond less special. I only have no desire to have sex with him. Everything else, I feel more than I have felt for any human man. I have had many pets in my life, but this cat is "the one" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 My parents were married 52 years and were crazy about each other - they were "in love" to the end. You could see it in the way they looked at each other. Each of them frequently told the other how beautiful/handsome they were and touched each other (appropriately!) in public. They would have little spats, but even those to me showed they still had passion for each other. My dad died a few years ago but my mom still talks about how he was the most handsome man she had ever seen, and what a good and honorable man he was. She says she has no interest in ever dating because it wouldn't be fair to any other man because no one would ever measure up to my father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 It’s semantics. Plain and simple. “I love XYZ but I’m not in love with them” has only, in my experience, ever been used as a justification or explanation for not being forthright and completely honest. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 My parents were married 52 years and were crazy about each other - they were "in love" to the end. You could see it in the way they looked at each other. Each of them frequently told the other how beautiful/handsome they were and touched each other (appropriately!) in public. They would have little spats, but even those to me showed they still had passion for each other. My dad died a few years ago but my mom still talks about how he was the most handsome man she had ever seen, and what a good and honorable man he was. She says she has no interest in ever dating because it wouldn't be fair to any other man because no one would ever measure up to my father. that's a beautiful story Fmw 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I think people in general don't know what love is and normally the people who differentiate between loving someone and being in love is one of those people in my opinion Many say I love you. But to many it's just a feeling. Like right now I feel good about you or right now your making me feel so good. So in an infatuated state they say "I love you" or "I love this person" or "I am in love". Well if it's a feeling you will get I am in love or I have fallen out of love. Meaning I really liked you but now I don't lol. Or I love you but I'm not in love with you lol. Meaning I care about you but I don't feel those infatuated romantic feelings anymore. My view on love is very simplistic. I personally don't believe love is a feeling. I believe love is action. A choice. A decision. People who truly love are people who choose to do "loving" actions. They do things that are "lovely". Being kind, giving, showing concern, not trying to harm, protection, taking care of, not being negligent, etc. now the reasons they choose to love can be based on positive feelings or it can be based on a decision despite feelings. But I don't believe love is a feeling. In my view a person who is not acting loving towards me does not love me or is not loving me (or not loving me the way I want to be loved at least). They may have positive enough feelings towards me to even say it and believe it themselves but if their actions are not loving then it's not love (to me). Now the actions are very subjective and people do love in different ways which can be argued I guess. My narc ex said if I really loved him I wouldn't leave him. And I replied I am leaving because your not loving me. and now that I think about it choosing to leave him and not burn his house down with him in it is the best love I can leave him with I say lmao 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 ^^^^This Love is an action, you dont willingly, knowingly and continually take actions that hurt someone you love. Don't matter if you dont feel IN LOVE with them or not. I think many mistake loving someone with losing the benefits of have that person involved in thier life. How that person makes thier lives easier on some level. Lots of comments about loving animals on this thread, yet how often would one do something to hurt that animal with no benefit for that animal. That is usually what someone who says LYNILWY are doing. Its really a copout, a way of justifying or excusing actions or lack of honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 My boyfriend and I had a similar talk yesterday. It was said on the radio that in a relationship, one usually loves the other more. We then talked about how you can’t really quantify love and that love means different things to people. He gave me the example of us living together and me cooking, cleaning and making sure he didn’t need anything as me showing him I love him. But him not doing those things isn’t equivalent if him not loving me, because he shows his love in other ways. It was a pretty interesting discussion because I told him how I show love through my actions and he dis the same. So if he ever stops doing those, I know something’s wrong, and same goes for me. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 In love = lusty, butterflies feelings you feel for someone in the beginning of relationships. Scientists say it lasts an average of 9 months and was "designed" so we can keep being together for the production and taking care of a baby. I'm curious to know if you can go back to feeling that after you've achieved the "love" stage. Love = calm, long term kind of love. You feel secure in it. Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I guess people call being in love infatuation, and loving someone - the companionship based deeper connection that develops later. I've been with my boyfriend a little over a year, and I'm both loving him and in love with him. Over that time we went through so many life events, losing relatives, births of new ones, starting a new career, car accidents, new pets... You name it. Love was there all the time. In good and bad I knew he is there so life goes on, and more exciting stuff is ahead. I think that's what love is. But in the same time, from day 1 to now, I've been in love with him, getting the butterflies when I hear his car coming home or when I see a new good morning text from him. I can't separate both feelings... It's what makes our connection so multifaceted and so real. I have often thought about this question and wonder what everyone’s definition of this is. OW often told me that she loved DH but was not in love with him - which often confused me. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I don't think you can go back to it (if you lose it) - but it can certainly last longer than 9 months IME. I feel secure with my BF but still very much feel the butterflies every time I see him or think about him... It has been over a year....Some people said it can last a lifetime, I guess we'll wait and see if it's true I'm curious to know if you can go back to feeling that after you've achieved the "love" stage. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I don't think you can go back to it (if you lose it) - but it can certainly last longer than 9 months IME. I feel secure with my BF but still very much feel the butterflies every time I see him or think about him... It has been over a year....Some people said it can last a lifetime, I guess we'll wait and see if it's true those of us who have been in 20 plus year relationships will disagree with this. That in love feeling comes and goes over a long relationship as long as you maintain respect and communication, add in the effort and desire. I've been with my wife since we were 17 years old. Over those 28 years there were times I could barely stand to hear her voice and other times I could barely keep my hands off of her...haha sometimes in the same week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 In love = lusty, butterflies feelings you feel for someone in the beginning of relationships. Scientists say it lasts an average of 9 months and was "designed" so we can keep being together for the production and taking care of a baby. I'm curious to know if you can go back to feeling that after you've achieved the "love" stage. Love = calm, long term kind of love. You feel secure in it. How insane is the world these days that they should need scientists to explain in love, right. Link to post Share on other sites
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