cherrysoduh Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Okay here is some background info on my H and I. We have been married for almost 4 years. No affairs on either on either of our parts. We are young only 23 and are just now really becoming adults. We have had very bad communication for the last 2 years and all of our fights are confrontational. Neither one of us really can control our tempers. Our main problem is we know how to push each others buttons and we do it. We have split up before and have gotten back together, it has been alittle over a year since the last time we split up for like a week. Three weeks ago we got in a huge fight b/c he said he was going out with his friends and when I asked him what time he would be home he said "whenever he got home." He knew that would tick me off and I told him to get the heck out and I kicked him out. About a week ago we were going to try and work things out again. But now he has changed his mind and said that it will never work. He says that he loves me and he wants it to work but we will never e able to get along. And that he doesn't want to come home and get divorced in 5 years. We haev a beautiful 8 month old daughter. I want him to try the counseling but he says he doesn't believe in all the Psychology stuff. But deep down I know that it could really save our marriage if we learned how to deal with our fights in more respectful ways. I have asked him to try and go to 3 classes and if he still wants to call it quits he can, but he is refusing. I have asked him to do it for a daughter, b/c he is the greatest father ever. When I see him with her all my anger and hurt just goes away. He is coming this weekend to get some stuff out of the house and he is trying to get his our place with a friend of his. I can't stand this friend....he is no good. And I'm not just saying that b/c I'm bitter the friend is a pot head, perscription pill popping idiot, who doesn't have anything to show for the decent amount of money he makes. I know that if my H moves in with this guy, he will fall into a bad lifestyle and he will never come back to me. I really do not know what to do. He tells me I am making things worse by calling him and asking him to come home. What does that mean? Anyone have any advice? I think I really blew it this time, and I didn't want him to leave in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 If you did not want him to leave you shouldn't have kicked him out. It sounds like you two are too young for marriage but that is water over the dam right now. Look after your daughter and give her the life she deserves--even if that means being divorced. My youngest daughter was three when I divorced and she is very well adjusted and does not even remember life before two homes. Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 There a large problem with kicking someone out or threatening divorce: when and if you get back together it hangs over the relationship. I know it's too late for you now to take it back, but maybe others reading this can learn from it. Do not go into the divorce talk unless you absolutely mean it. I knew someone who threatened divorce all of the time. When she was losing an argument she'd pull out the divorce card. Well, one day her husband had enough and said "Fine. I'm leaving". When asked by friends exactly why he left he said "I couldn't have her holding that over for the rest of my life." Once it's out there, it ruins things. If you apologize you must include that you'll stop with these trial separations in your marriage. The prospect of leaving is what is tearing marriage apart not your arguments. All couples fight. And stop pushing, you know you're doing it, so there's no excuse. Oh and lastly, if it's just that he's a good father that's keeping the realtionship together. He can be a good father in a joint custody situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cherrysoduh Posted September 19, 2005 Author Share Posted September 19, 2005 Thanks for the advice Roxy. You said pretty much exactly what he told me. That he isn't going to wait for me to make up my mind for the next 10 years. Which is totally understandable. I pull out the D card when he hurts me b/c I know it hurts him. I know its not right but I do it anyways. I am going to a counslor on Thurday to see how I can improve myself before I try and work things out with him. Because I know I am a big part of the problem. Thanks again guys for all the advice:love: Link to post Share on other sites
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