Rayce Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 (edited) So I've been a member on Zoosk for a couple of years now without any luck. Most of the time the guys that contact me are just sending me hearts or flowers or canned questions. I never respond to these. If they send me an actual message then I will actually respond. So this week I have one on the hook that is sending me actual messages that didn't get very far and now he is at canned questions. The fact that it is taking days to just get a few things said...drives me crazy! ugg... I am looking for a conversation that I want him to start. Below is a transcript of messages so far. Sent 1/18 Him: I'm looking for a serious relationship. If you're interested let me know. Didn't see till 1/25 when I replied Day 1 Me: Hi my name is ….. What's yours? Day 2 Him: I'm …, nice to meet you. Day 3 Him: Good morning what are you up to on Sunday? Me: Hi …, Nice to meet you too. So Sunday's I usually go to the gym and workout... then I just hand out at home. Him: nice, how do you spend your free time relaxing? --------------- So I want to answer but not the question. I want to have a conversation with the guy not be bombarded with a bunch of questions. What would be a tactful way of saying that? tks! Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Sounds like day 3 was a weak attempt by him to ask you on a date. My response? I hate these online dating platforms. My number is 12345678. Give me a call if you want to talk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 He's trying. I think you answering him back as you did was fine. Why not ask him a little more about himself, like what are his hobbies. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I don't think there is any way to avoid questions, just general "hi how are you" and "how is your day" type questions. If they are asking nasty stuff about your sex life then you know what this person is all about. You can also tell about this person by the type of questions they ask you. Once I let a guy with a clear MO, he posted these things on his blog in the MySpace days which I later read when he was looking for other women rather than me. But to answer as to get to who this person is or is not? That just comes with time and I don't think you can avoid things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 27, 2019 Author Share Posted January 27, 2019 Sure I don't mind the questions but mix it up with some conversation and provide me with some information. I'm going to hold off for another half hour and see what other ideas I get. I don't want to keep him hanging too long. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Some guys aren't that creative (doesn't make them bad) and to be able to get a conversation going you may have to at first do initial introductions and get to know questions. I would use his interview style questions as a jump off point for more conversational. For example he may ask what do you like to do. You tell him and then in return you ask him the same. He tells you. Well you can use the things he like to break away from interview style and get conversational. If he says he likes to cook you can give a response like "a man that likes to cook huh? I'm a woman that likes to eat! I'd say we are a match" that gives him something to bounce off you. He says he likes movies and you may say "I saw Aqua man the other day. D.C. Is trying to step up their game. But they just don't hold a candle to marvel". So use the interview style questions and responses as a jump off to more fun, humorous, witty, interesting conversation. Many men will oblige. Of course if he doesn't seem to bite and is still very bland then you can always just choose to not continue conversation with that dud and focus on other suitors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Jeez, poor guy. I would suck so hard at this sort of thing. I'm reasonably smart and funny, but I don't see how I could engage in this sort of thing without sounding all stilted and lame. I'd probably be trying too hard which would make it even worse, a lot like I suspect this guy's doing. He's interested, so yeah, maybe cut to the chase and just meet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 A sharper guy would just come out and say, "Can you get together today?" or "I'd love to see you today." He's not doing that ... and I get why you find his messages unsatisfying. He's being pretty wimpy in asking you "what are you doing today?" Which ... at this point is really NONE of his business. He needs to ask you out or not ask you out. And yes, you can say to him, "Look, I'd rather talk in person than answer questions through messaging." Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 And for all the guys here - this is a good example of how NOT to talk with someone on first messages. Mega yawn!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 Ok I got some back and forth conversation going about gardening and going to concerts. Let's see how long it takes for him to ask for my phone number. I am still old fashion like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 This is the last message I got from him that sounds interesting, like to hear more on that or even see...hey jot this number down, my zoosker membership runs out tomorrow he then provides his # not exactly what I was hoping for... I'll jot it down but I am not sure if I will call. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 It’s kinda hard to have an interesting conversation over messaging when they know nothing about you. I think your expectations are a little high. The only way to really get the conversation going is to do it in person. Throw the guy a bone and suggest you meet up for a coffee. Don’t you think Conversations come more naturally when you can see their reactions and body language? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 For sure… in person is the way to go. Ok... Telling me his membership is expiring in hours... talk about putting pressure on me. I've been chatting all afternoon with him but if the guy doesn't have the guts to ask for my number or ask me out for coffee?... I don't think my standards are too high. I am not doing the chasing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 I was thinking of responding back with my number so the ball would be back in his court...I suppose I have till midnight to decide... before his sub runs out. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 oops... I think this should of been in the transition area and not the dating area: So I've been a member on Zoosk for a couple of years now without any luck. Most of the time the guys that contact me are just sending me hearts or flowers or canned questions. I never respond to these. If they send me an actual message then I will actually respond. So this week I have one on the hook that is sending me actual messages that didn't get very far and now he is at canned questions. The fact that it is taking days to just get a few things said...drives me crazy! ugg... I am looking for a conversation that I want him to start. Below is a transcript of messages so far. Sent 1/18 Him: I'm looking for a serious relationship. If you're interested let me know. Didn't see till 1/25 when I replied Day 1 Me: Hi my name is ….. What's yours? Day 2 Him: I'm …, nice to meet you. Day 3 Him: Good morning what are you up to on Sunday? Me: Hi …, Nice to meet you too. So Sunday's I usually go to the gym and workout... then I just hand out at home. Him: nice, how do you spend your free time relaxing? --------------- So I want to answer but not the question. I want to have a conversation with the guy not be bombarded with a bunch of questions. What would be a tactful way of saying that? tks! Rayce, your messages to him are similar to his messages to you, imo. Why not start the conversation yourself. For instance with the last message you sent if you'd wanted more conversation you could have said something like, "Nice to meet you, too! So Sunday's I usually go to the gym and workout...then I just hang out at home. For me hanging out means watching a little tv, while doing the laundry, maybe trying a new recipe, etc. What do you usually do when you hang out and do you have much time for that or are you working all the time?" Get chatty with him if you expect him to be chatty with you. If you do so and he doesn't follow up with chat, give him a little time. And, yes, maybe suggest a phone call. Also, research shows females use a lot more words during their days than males do. If you get conversational, he very well may do so, too! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Sounds like day 3 was a weak attempt by him to ask you on a date. My response? I hate these online dating platforms. My number is 12345678. Give me a call if you want to talk. ^^This. As a guy, I would never engage in this boring small talk that means nothing. I would essentially say something along the lines of, "Hi, I'm interested, and I'd like to meet you for a coffee, my treat. Would you be up for that?" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) I am still old fashion in that I want the guy to have the balls to ask me for my number and to ask me out for a date... when I am out with him I want him to have the balls to lean in a make the first kiss. I want the whole experience of being courted. Maybe next time I will try to engage a bit more but I think my response was ok. We did chat back and forth yesterday about garden and going to concerts but he just couldn't get around to asking me out. I agree with Highndry that it would of been better if he had just cut to the chase after my first message back to him and asked me for coffee but instead he tried to carry on a conversation with me via the internet. What I find really funny is his screen name: Women like it when... lol... Edited January 28, 2019 by Rayce Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 I get sometimes my own communications skills are lacking and I really want to improve so I am not going to let this just pass bye... I think I will text him something along with Highndry suggestion to his number later this afternoon. If anything it would be good practice and I would hate to miss out on a great guy just cause his IM skills need help. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 give your number, 867-5309, and ask him to call you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 I am going to do that after I get back from the workshop I'm attending this afternoon. I am waiting because I am disappointed that he didn't ask. I would feel a whole lot better if had... He lost the momentane. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 I just got home from my workshop and he left a message saying he would like to go out with me. I responded back that would be nice and gave him my number. So now I am just waiting for him to call. Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I am still old fashion in that I want the guy to have the balls to ask me for my number and to ask me out for a date... when I am out with him I want him to have the balls to lean in a make the first kiss. I want the whole experience of being courted. . And how well has this been working for you? Times have changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 So far its worked pretty good for me. This guy must of thought about it and decided he really wanted to go out with me so there he is on the phone now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 Coffee date tomorrow at 7 pm 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Coffee date tomorrow at 7 pm way to go rayce Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts