Author thr1986 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 I just keep wondering if I’m leaving her for a reason that’s not real. Like, her asking me to create an embryo with her and then after I said no, asking me a month later to be the baby’s father legally at the time of birth - all within 6 months of meeting me are bad signs right? And if they are bad signs, what are her intentions? Like what does she get out of getting me involved. She has no idea if I have money or anything. I mean I did pay for everything for us in the first few months until I brought it up to her. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Don’t doubt yourself. You got out and now you aren’t tied to her anymore. If you had a child together you’d be tied to her for life! Count your blessings and move on. Go see a counselor if that’ll help you with your self-doubt. Maybe you just need to talk it out with somebody. But you did yourself a really big favor. You should be proud of yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 I went to see her this evening because she needed help setting up a speaker at her apartment. We talked some. I brought up my uneasiness with her asking me to create an embryo so early with her and also her asking me to be the father of her hypothetical ivf baby. She said she asked that of me Because she loved me and she wanted to define my place in the relationship with her expecting a baby. Her explanation makes sense. I’m just so uncertain about what the right thing to do is. I fear leaving behind someone I love and loves me back. I’m so horrible at being decisive over love. It’s tricky and painful. I’m in a lot of emotional turmoil over this. Trying to stay positive at work, etc. I’m lonely and don’t know who I can talk to. It’s so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 You love her and she loves you back? If it were true then what are you afraid of? Being scammed for 18 yrs child support? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lavenderandvelvet Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I went to see her this evening because she needed help setting up a speaker at her apartment. We talked some. I brought up my uneasiness with her asking me to create an embryo so early with her and also her asking me to be the father of her hypothetical ivf baby. She said she asked that of me Because she loved me and she wanted to define my place in the relationship with her expecting a baby. Her explanation makes sense. I’m just so uncertain about what the right thing to do is. I fear leaving behind someone I love and loves me back. I’m so horrible at being decisive over love. It’s tricky and painful. I’m in a lot of emotional turmoil over this. Trying to stay positive at work, etc. I’m lonely and don’t know who I can talk to. It’s so hard. Way too many red flags. You are doing the right thing. She is rushing you into decisions you aren’t ready for. And she refuses to let up. She sounds manipulative. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 What do you mean you need someone to talk to? You have her and all that big responsible lurve. Go talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 My feeling about everything is this. In the moment, when she was asking me if I would fertilize one of her harvested eggs and then asking if I would be part of it in a financial way, it felt OFF. We were 4 months into knowing one another. My feeling in the moment was “how can she be so sure about me” also, if it was something she really wants genuinely, why would she so immediately also ask me to help pay for it, wouldn’t she just be relieved and happy for me to agree to do it at all? It’s the conversations that take place well after that event where she has the opportunity to justify and defend what she was doing where I become skeptical of myself and my decisions. She makes it seem like she’s in a difficult position and she fell in love with me and she didn’t want to lose the chance for us to create an embryo. The part that throws me off is how after she asked me to fertilize an egg and I declined, about a month later she asked me if I would sign the birth certificate at the time of birth of her future ivf baby (of donor sperm). Why would she be so worried about me doing that? She wasn’t even pregnant yet. Wouldn’t she want to be more focused on herself and becoming pregnant rather than what I am doing and what my legal involvement would be? I told her I would be there for her and live with her and help with the baby. But it’s like that’s not what she wanted to hear, it seemed like her true satisfaction would come from only me agreeing to be the father, at the time of birth, in a legal way. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 You make it all sound so mechanical l can barely stand reading it , your talking about having a baby, bringing a child into the world. lt all sounds so just wrong. But you also said you love her and she loves you , so did you have marriage plans, a life together, a a family together, look at houses and talk about 20yrs from now and growing old together, like normal in love couples about to start a family do , or what. Haven't read the whole lot but all l hear is a laboratory so if that's all there is between you then yeah, you better stay out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 Yes, we also did discuss building a lasting relationship and marrying one another. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I don’t know why she’s coming on so strong. What if you wanted to travel, go sailing someplace, even go to sports events and concerts? Are you suppose to put your whole life on hold so that she gets a baby? I think that you’re even considering it seems like you have an impairment of some sort because that’s just not what normal people do, rush you to have a kid with them and expect for you to pay for it. So what’s going on with you that you’re still even discussing it with her? Do you have a hard time telling people no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 (edited) I perhaps do have trouble saying no. I think the bigger issue is that I’m 33 and just want to find the right woman so I end up accepting more BS than I should because I’m eager to be with someone long term. I just don’t love being alone. This particular woman has done a great job at making me feel loved and optimistic for the future which has led me to overlook the obvious weird details like accepting raising a child that’s not mine. Or even dating someone who is trying to become pregnant via ivf. How do I even explain that to friends, right? It just sounds strange Edited October 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 You made the right decision to end this relationship, but your next step to to go no contact and delete her from your life or she's going to keep manipulating you, confusing you, and giving you doubts. Cut her off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 Thank you. My family has told me the same thing. It’s the proper way to move forward. I just need to keep focused and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Apart from THE obvious sign that she wants the security of having you around as financial support for a baby, perhaps she also is the type who is worried about the stigma of being a single unwed mom. She sounds like she likes things in little neat boxes and likes to plan. Comes on like a steamroller and you are just an accessory in her life plan. I stand by what i said before (i need to reread it because i don't exactly remember what it said before haha) but I'm sure i must have said to run and drop this woman. She is treating you like a pushover and this is a business arrangement disguised to look a touch like there are real feelings for you there. I'm not saying that they are not but if she is not taking your feelings into consideration then that is not love. It's selfish of her regarding you AND regarding any future baby. This plan is designed to blow up in your face. It's adversarial on the decision about having a baby and will only create resentment on both sides. I am positive about this. You have nearly wasted a year of your life with this pushy woman--why are you wasting another second thinking or debating in your head about her??? Consider yourself VERY lucky if you've broken up--you should feel a weight lifted and NEVER reopen that door. At this point, it would be selfish of you to be such a pushover that you agree to bring a baby into this world without two willing parents and a loving relationship that is more equal. I don't care if you aren't the biological father, any of the scenarios she is putting forth make you a co-signer to this b*llsh*t. If she wants to do it alone, that's on her. DO NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 Thank you. I’m feeling more confident about the decision to leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I went to see her this evening because she needed help setting up a speaker at her apartment. We talked some. I brought up my uneasiness with her asking me to create an embryo so early with her and also her asking me to be the father of her hypothetical ivf baby. She said she asked that of me Because she loved me and she wanted to define my place in the relationship with her expecting a baby. Her explanation makes sense. I’m just so uncertain about what the right thing to do is. I fear leaving behind someone I love and loves me back. I’m so horrible at being decisive over love. It’s tricky and painful. I’m in a lot of emotional turmoil over this. Trying to stay positive at work, etc. I’m lonely and don’t know who I can talk to. It’s so hard. Man, she was waxing you to a high gloss and you can't even see it. That chick wants a baby by any means possible. At 4 months, NO ONE should be asking you for IVF money or to put your name on a legally binding document for the rest of your life. If you're in emotional turmoil, then you need to step away from the source of said turmoil until your head clears because she's going to lead you into your life's misery and you won't be able to offload her without the state being dragged into it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I perhaps do have trouble saying no. I think the bigger issue is that IÂ’m 33 and just want to find the right woman so I end up accepting more BS than I should because IÂ’m eager to be with someone long term. I just donÂ’t love being alone. No one does--but it feels even worse to be taken advantage of -- and not be able to easily offload the manipulator -- because you want to love someone so badly that anyone will do. This particular woman has done a great job at making me feel loved and optimistic for the future which has led me to overlook the obvious weird details like accepting raising a child thatÂ’s not mine. Or even dating someone who is trying to become pregnant via ivf. How do I even explain that to friends, right? It just sounds strange That woman is a master manipulator. Why is she so thirsty for a stranger to go in this deep for her? What is the rush that she's desperately trying to get something over on you before you become wise to what's up and can't get out? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 You better stop talking or seeing her altogether or you'll end up in bed and she might put a hole in your condom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 Yes, I’ll limit contact. When we see one another we still tell each other we love each other and usually cry about missing one another some. I need to not see her anymore so this doesn’t happen. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I brought up my uneasiness with her asking me to create an embryo so early with her and also her asking me to be the father of her hypothetical ivf baby. She said she asked that of me Because she loved me and she wanted to define my place in the relationship with her expecting a baby. Her explanation makes sense. No, this does not make sense. You can be in her and the baby's lives without being named as the father on the birth certificate. The former actions give you a place in the relationship. The latter simply ensures that you are legally and financially on the hook for this child. There is zero reason to rush this. That she wants to, that she guilts you for being reasonable about the situation, should have alarm bells ringing in your ears. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IslandSanctuary Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Run man. She can't expect you to do that now. It's the way she has reacted to your not being immediately keen that is a huge red flag to me. She's using you. Seems like textbook narcissistic behaviour trying to manipulate you, then the whole dinner line is probably designed to make you feel jealous and like you need to act on this or you will lose her. Childish and ridiculous. Maybe she's a great person? lol who knows. Cut her loose anyway, put yourself first, you dont need this ****. Show some backbone or you will regret it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Whoa, stay far away from her! And you mentioned “another round of IVF” what happened on the other one (prior one)? Who paid for that? Which man donated the sperm? Seems she just wants a baby AND wants someone else to find that surgery! She is USING you! Stay far away!!! Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 At 4 months?! Dude, run like the wind. Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 I perhaps do have trouble saying no. I think the bigger issue is that I’m 33 and just want to find the right woman so I end up accepting more BS than I should because I’m eager to be with someone long term. Your eagerness to find someone has clouded your judgment. You said it yourself. When making a decision that is irreversible, I'd rather follow the rule and not the exception. She needs to decide if she is willing to give your relationship the time it needs to mature. There is a compromise... Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Bottom line here is that she doesn't want you. She just wants your money and your sperm. Don't do it, because down the line you will just find your self single and paying child maintenance for a child she will not allow you to see. Walk away now. Link to post Share on other sites
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