Author thr1986 Posted November 19, 2019 Author Share Posted November 19, 2019 It makes me feel devalued and not desirable that she was trying to use me Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 19, 2019 Author Share Posted November 19, 2019 Like as if I’m not desirable unless I’m providing money or whatever it is she was after Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 Why are you personalising the actions of a scammer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 I know, I sensed dangerous motifs but just never had or got any “proof” of it. There’s an anecdote former President Obama relates in his book: “There's a wonderful story that people tell about Daniel Patrick Moynihan, the late senator from New York. Apparently, Moynihan was in a heated argument with one of his colleagues over an issue, and the other senator, sensing he was on the losing side of the argument, blurted out: 'Well, you may disagree with me, Pat, I'm entitled to my own opinion." To which Moynihan frostily replied, "You are entitled to you own opinion, but you are not entitled to you own facts.” So thr1986, you can spin this all you want based on your interpretation. But none of that changes the facts - she made not one, but two completely unreasonable and self-serving requests very early on in a relatively new relationship. No caring person would ask this, no rational person would accept. The rest is just noise... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 So wait you spoke to her today??? WTF. Sorry, "leaving an item behind and needing it back" is the oldest trick in the book. Why not have her fedex it back? You don't need to see her tomorrow. You want to see her tomorrow. Sorry you are doing this to yourself at this point. She may be a sh*tty person but you are playing into it. I know you feel devalued that's why i keep saying to get therapy. You are trying to "fix" it by getting back together with her or figure out all the whys in your head (and on this thread) rather that learning to value yourself. When is your therapy appt? I find it stupid that you have an appt to pick up something from her that can't be that important instead of spending tomorrow night at a therapy appt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 Therapist is next week. When I finally left her (end of September) it was shortly after she tried to transfer the embryo and miscarried. She kept saying I left her at her lowest and most vunerable time. She kept saying, I never left you. You kept vacillating between wanting to be with me and wanting to leave. I feel a little bad about it and I just want to clear the air and say goodbye in a calm setting Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 Can of worms reopened.....in 3...2...1 Sorry, it's the truth. This is a weak thing to do and you are fooling yourself to say that you want to say goodbye in a calm manner. First of all, you broke up in September??? Yet for all I can see you basically talk, communicate and see each other regularly all of the last 2-3 months that since you "left" her. You are torturing yourself. She is allowing it because she thinks she will eventually get what she wants. All i can say is at least you admitted to us that the real purpose is not to pick up some forgotten item. Where is the roll eye emoji?? Sorry you are acting quite lovesick and i can only imagine what will happen next. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 I won’t let myself become engaged with her in any way other than a calm conversation and retrieval of my belongings. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 Like as if I’m not desirable unless I’m providing money or whatever it is she was after Right, but that's only with her. Other women are mostly not that way at all. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 Stop trying to make HER feel better. You're the one being scammed here. Have her mail your stuff. This is ridiculous. You're just begging for more manipulation from her. This time, it's YOU going back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 When I met her in October 2018 she had done 5 rounds of egg harvesting. She was able to harvest 4 eggs total (so few because of her condition). She was able to make 1 embryo. So, she had 1 embryo and 3 unused frozen eggs. When she asked me to harvest eggs with her and create an embryo (in January) she wanted to try to harvest more eggs and create an embryo with me for us to freeze and use later in life. She said her time was running out and wanted to do that. She could have asked me to try to fertilize one of her 3 frozen eggs, but I guess she just wanted to get more eggs - which to me is the suspicious part- maybe she just wanted me to help pay for her to get more eggs. In September she transferred that one embryo she had. I was there. She really transferred it. She actually became pregnant- I was at the doctor with her when she found out. But then a week later she went back for bloodwork (I was there then also) and she was no longer pregnant. Things were really hard, she was angry. She started talking about doing the whole process again OR she said she would not do it again BUT I would have to agree to have a baby with her with my sperm and her egg in 2 years. This is when I said I can’t do this, our whole relationship is about you getting a baby and I just want it to be about us. I told her let’s focus on US and when it’s time for us to have a baby we can adopt or choose the best option available when we are ready. She wouldn’t go for this idea. She said “this is part of being with me” basically saying I had to agree to her propositions regarding the baby or it won’t work. It just seems selfish and like she doesn’t care about me or how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 Sometimes people just don’t use the good sense that God gave them. Don’t contact this woman. For goodness sake, let it go and move on with your life. I hope you get yourself some counselling... Link to post Share on other sites
GuitarGuy7 Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 Desperation can make you do things that you would normally consider to be irrational or even unethical. But when you're in a desperate mindset, you don't necessarily think about what's considered rational or ethical. It seems like the woman you're dealing with is desperate to have kids and unfortunately, no matter how much you try and convince her otherwise, your words will have no impact on her wants and desires. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 I gave so much though. The entire act of being with her was inherintly me giving in. I’m with someone who is trying to have a baby on the side. It just seems selfish on her end. And when I say this to her - when I say “I gave so much and mended so much to your needs” she won’t acknowledge this. There was one time when I said that and her response was “you did your best” - such a rude response. And most recently when I said that to her, she responded by saying “are you kidding me? You left me at my most vunerable time” Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 (edited) I gave so much though. The entire act of being with her was inherintly me giving in. The fact that you didn’t enforce healthy boundaries isn’t her fault. It’s your responsibility to be sure that when you invest in a relationship, you get something in return and the other person does not take advantage. At some point, when you know that she is attempting to take advantage and you still go back for more, you stop being the victim and you become a volunteer. You are at that point if you contact her again, my friend. You know that what she has done is not right and it’s not reasonable, but you continue to go back for more... It just seems selfish on her end. And when I say this to her - when I say “I gave so much and mended so much to your needs” she won’t acknowledge this. If you are waiting for someone who attempted to scam you and shows no remorse to validate your feelings... well, you are going to waiting a very long time. Edited November 20, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 She said “this is part of being with me” basically saying I had to agree to her propositions regarding the baby or it won’t work. She was right - you didn't agree and it didn't work. thr1986, you know what happened and why. Why the continued gnashing of teeth and tearing of clothes? Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 Dude, either stop the tantruming and pay for her treatments or just quit talking to her. She's not going to consider anything you have to say until you spend some Benjamins. Why is that so hard for you to understand? and are you reading any of the responses people are taking the time here to write, or nah? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 it's oddly quiet on this thread after thr going over the other night to "retrieve" his belongings and have some "closure". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 26, 2019 Author Share Posted November 26, 2019 I went over to retrieve my belongings. She of course wanted to talk. I got the impression that she would definitely get back together if I desired. I’ve felt this thing with her where when I am pursuing her she will play hard to get and string me along but when I’m not expressing interest, which I wasn’t really when I went to see her, she opens her stance some. She tried to ask me a couple of times explicitly how I’m feeling, if I wanted her or if I didn’t. I didn’t give her a straight answer. Sadly, I do want her but I can’t pursue her because she was dishonest with me regarding her intentions and we can’t be together because of it. It’s really a shame. I don’t say that directly to her because if I make that accusation, she flips out as we saw last time I did. So, I just walk away unable to ever even explain this to her. We can’t be together because she was trying to use me. She left town for a week. She tried texting me asking me “what I want” and I told her “I want you to be happy as I always have” - it’s just exhausting. The feeling I have is that she is just lurking around and will take me back if I want to get back but honestly it doesn’t feel so genuine. It’s just sad that people feel the need to operate like this in the world. It’s sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Oh, yeah, when you back off, she tries reeling you back in, but when you move in, she tries to act hard to get. Because she is trying to coerce you into giving her lots of money. What they call in the business "working" you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 26, 2019 Author Share Posted November 26, 2019 The whole dynamic just feels like this weird game where she holds her cards close and speaks only when necessary while trying to get me to talk and feel as much as possible. She somehow expresses that she wants to get back together but she does so without ever opening her arms and saying “I love you and I want you can we please work it out?” She would never say that because she’s full of **** 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 I'm afraid that's correct. She's trying to manipulate you to crawl back under her terms only. When are you going to end this and just block her? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Why on earth do you want her to be happy? The fact that she's not Nigerian doesn't make her any less of a love scammer. When she asks what you want, the correct answer should be "to never see or contact you again" Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 27, 2019 Author Share Posted November 27, 2019 I know- I hate that she feels she can manipulate me like she has that over me. What a sad terrible person Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 27, 2019 Author Share Posted November 27, 2019 Help me catch up with this thread. How much money have you given her so far? You can round to the nearest thousand. I haven’t given her any money. She asked me to get involved by using my sperm to create an embryo and help her pay for egg harvesting so we can create said embryo- but I declined and she didn’t ask me again. This was back in January. Then, in March, she was preparing to transfer a donor embryo she had frozen and she asked me if I would sign the birth certificate at the time of birth- I also declined. To catch you up: we broke up in September because of my uncertainty around her intentions. We have continued to have contact, NOT physical. We have been discussing said contact on this thread. I do not plan to get back together with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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