Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 Why does she even need me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 She just wants to marry me and tie me to her legally so I have to help support her and the baby forever? I mean this just seems like so much work for that Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 She was married once before. She’s still close friends with that ex. Does she really want to get another divorce? And she has been so consistent our whole relationship so far. I’ve always been the one with one foot out the door and she guilts me for that. You think she will really just leave me after we’ve gotten married and everything 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) Wait, now you’re thinking of marrying her? How does this in any way match the current reality that you are broken up (for very good reasons, I might add) and have been since September? I’m afraid your rumination has spiraled out of control. 😕 Why not give the counselor, a qualified professional, a chance before meeting with your ex? What’s the rush? Edited January 6, 2020 by Minneloa 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 If we were to get back together it would be with the intention of getting married eventually I’m 33 I already feel behind Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 Can you see how that might strike the average poster here as a huge and inexplicable leap given what you have told us about your relationship for the past 18 pages? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 More gently, I am myself a ruminator with a tendency to get stuck in cyclical patterns of thought. One of the tools that helped me manage this part of my psychological makeup was counseling (specifically, CBT). Again, why not give the counselor a shot before rushing into a premature and ill-advised reconciliation? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 9 hours ago, thr1986 said: Why does she even need me? Money and sperm. She doesn't need you for anything else. Trust me, it wont end well. She will marry you, then take you for everything you have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 9 hours ago, thr1986 said: She just wants to marry me and tie me to her legally so I have to help support her and the baby forever? I mean this just seems like so much work for that Not really. She's a manipulator and by the sounds of it, it's easy for her. She has already blinded you to what she is doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 7, 2020 Author Share Posted January 7, 2020 So, I went to see her last night. I brought her roses. I brought her a small gift, nothing expensive or impressive. Just something small that made me think of her that I knew she would like. We hugged. Kissed one another on the foreheads etc. showed some general affection. I told her I missed her and loved her. She motioned that she felt the same but didn’t say anything. She set the tone of the conversation right away as we started to talk. She was heartbroken that I left. I broke up with her shortly after she attempted to transfer the embryo and became pregnant for just a couple of days and then leaned she wasn’t pregnant anymore at her first checkup. She was devistated. I was struggling to keep up with all the pregnancy needs and I too was so sad and grieving I think that I couldn’t be there for her. She brought all of this up. I made it clear that I wanted to repair things and get back together. She listened. We started to get intimate after about an hour or so. We had sex, but didn’t finish. She said she felt things were too complicated. She said she couldn’t get back together because she just couldn’t trust me. She said she couldn’t trust me to stay. She said I would leave again. I cried. She was sweet and consoled me. I told her how sorry I was. I told her I wouldn’t leave again. I explained how I’ve worked through this stuff in my head during the past 3 month. I told her the truth, that she’s always on my mind that I can’t move on and that I love her and I want to fix things. I told her how I felt things blew up with all the disappointment regarding the pregnancy loss. I told her how I felt a little used in the beginning with the inquiry for me to be involved and help pay. She said she never wanted me to pay for everything, just contribute so I would take it seriously. She’s already paid off all of her debt from the treatments. We talked more about how she said she couldn’t do it again because of the trust issue and the fear that I would leave again. Then the conversation took a turn. She seemed open to us getting back together or at least thinking about it but she said I would need to see a therapist for a few months and work on myself so I am more emotionally stable and don’t leave when things get so hard. We made love again. We cried. I stayed the night. As we were laying there about to go to sleep I told her I loved her and we were cuddling. She said “we’re not back together”. I asked her if I could take her to dinner Saturday. She said she didn’t know and we would talk about it later. We fell asleep together. I woke up a few hours later. She was laying on my chest with her face against mine like we used to do when we were together. I fell back asleep. I woke up to my alarm this morning at 6:00am. I held her again and told her I loved her and we were going to fix all of this. I asked about dinner again on Saturday and she said she didn’t know. I told her I wasn’t making plans. I kissed her goodbye and told her I would talk to her later today. She said during this time we needed to have strong boundaries. I told her I loved her and I wanted to fix everything. She didn’t really answer and then I kissed her again and left. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 Oh she's good. She's very good. She's got you grovelling and begging and crying lol She's got you dangling on the end of a piece of string. This is exactly what she wanted. She's got you feeling desperate to have her back, and when she gets back with you she'll have you doing anything she wants. Read what you just wrote slowly. The intense manipulation is almost unbearable. You've played right into her hands. Oh well, we tried to warn you. You are walking into a disaster but you have refused to listen. Come back when you've given her the baby she wants and she has dumped you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 7, 2020 Author Share Posted January 7, 2020 She’s not going to get back together with me. The only available option was 6 months of therapy and MAYBE then there could be a discussion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 7, 2020 Author Share Posted January 7, 2020 So, it’s just not going to happen anyways 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 7, 2020 Author Share Posted January 7, 2020 She seems sure she won’t try again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 She suggested therapy because she wants to put you in a false sense of security. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 7, 2020 Author Share Posted January 7, 2020 39 minutes ago, JTSW said: She suggested therapy because she wants to put you in a false sense of security. What do you mean by that? What do you think her intention is? Are you saying she wants to lead me on and she doesn’t intend on getting back with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 Sounds like an ideal situation to bring a baby into. *facepalm* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 7, 2020 Author Share Posted January 7, 2020 Or do you mean she wants me to go to therapy and convince myself being with her is safe and then she will get back with me? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 1 hour ago, thr1986 said: What do you mean by that? What do you think her intention is? Are you saying she wants to lead me on and she doesn’t intend on getting back with me? She wants you believe that you are weak and that you need her. She wants to call the shots. When she gets what she wants from you, you'll be indespensable to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 1 hour ago, JTSW said: When she gets what she wants from you, you'll be indespensable to her. Disagree. Once she gets what she wants, she'll discard him and move on to the next victim. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 19 minutes ago, introverted1 said: Disagree. Once she gets what she wants, she'll discard him and move on to the next victim. My bad, that's what I meant lol Autocorrect got me lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Man, come on... What are you doing? You really want to hurt yourself and screw your life up, don't you? Are you that desperate for companionship? Get a dog, please, please, do not go back with her. You are begging and looking pathetic. She is playing you perfectly and you are going right along. She can see how desperate you are begging for her to get back together and she is now making it hard so you will beg more, try more so she can get exactly what she wants. You will be so desperate at some point just so she agrees to getting back together you will agree to things you will regret the rest of your life. You are and can do so much better than her. Being alone is better. Please get out of your head and think much more about this situation. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Regardless of what has transpired (and I must say, I thought this relationship was completely over and you were moving on 😕), I don't think you are ready to be in a relationship right now - certainly not with this woman! I understand the urgency you feel, thinking you are "behind." However, I don't think you can be in a healthy relationship until you've done some work on yourself, mainly to recognize when someone is trying to take advantage of or manipulate you. Someone who loves you doesn't treat you the way she has treated you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Her and I spoke on the phone tonight. I asked why she is even talking to me. She said “you know why” and I said “because you love me” she said “yes”. she keeps saying she mad at me for leaving when I did and that she can’t trust me again. Also, she’s told me she’s seeing someone but is completely adamant that he is NOTHING serious and it’s just sex (bad sex she said) and dinner that they do roughly once a week. I asked her again tonight on the phone if she will get back together. I said let’s fix this. She said “you want me to decide right now?” And I said yeah, she said “no I can’t then” what do you think she is doing!? It’s so frustrating Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Is she not going to get back with me???? If not why is she talking to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts