introverted1 Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 1 hour ago, thr1986 said: Why was she so quick to respond to me when we weren’t speaking but now that I’ve expressed an interest in seeing her and fixing things she’s not responsive Because this is part of how she manipulates you. Ignoring you creates doubt and anxiety in you, further advancing her control. I am surprised you are not examining all this with your therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 15 hours ago, S2B said: Very bad intentions. every person here has told you that. And then you make plans to see her Monday. Love doesn’t look this way. Figure out what’s wrong with your way of thinking and your lack of seeing all of her crap realistically. How Does real lasting love look and feel in these stages of a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 I told her I wanted to talk about fixing things. She said “I don’t know what I want” do you think she will get back together with me if I decide that what I want to do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 She's fake and she's been fake from the beginning. She's a good enough actress to fool you and manipulate you. she keeps you feeling that you've done something wrong so that she could get what she wants out of you. She's a scam artist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 so what is her end goal? im not agreeing to pay for her ivf and her attempt at transferring an embryo failed. she has no eggs left nor sperm to create an embryo. what is she going to try to get out of me if i get back together with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 4 minutes ago, thr1986 said: so what is her end goal? im not agreeing to pay for her ivf and her attempt at transferring an embryo failed. she has no eggs left nor sperm to create an embryo. what is she going to try to get out of me if i get back together with her? More of the same. Around the 14th page of this thread, you were going to move on...ugh. What happened? You need to get away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 so lets say her and i get back together and we figure out a way to have a baby in the next 2 years lets say. perhaps we split the costs. what do you think her end goal is? does she stay with me? if so, then we basically are happy together and we have a baby together. or is everyones anticipation that she would leave me after the baby comes? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 1 hour ago, thr1986 said: so lets say her and i get back together and we figure out a way to have a baby in the next 2 years lets say. perhaps we split the costs. what do you think her end goal is? does she stay with me? if so, then we basically are happy together and we have a baby together. or is everyones anticipation that she would leave me after the baby comes? Wow. You are a mess. You didn't answer my previous post. NO ONE KNOWS what is going to happen in 2 years with any certainty. Hypothetical. You need to look at the here and now. You asked for advice and perspective from strangers and you ignore them. Ok. That's fine as it is your decision in the end. Has she agreed to splitting the cost? Have you ever had a stable relationship with her where the issue of child-bearing was not the foremost important concern for her? Ask her how she feels about YOU. Really, what does she see in YOU? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 8 hours ago, thr1986 said: I told her I wanted to talk about fixing things. She said “I don’t know what I want” do you think she will get back together with me if I decide that what I want to do? You should stay well away from her. Her saying 'I don't know' is yet ANOTHER form of manipulation. She is making you work to get her back so you will think you are privalleged and lucky when she finally agrees, thus having full control from then on. It's very sad that you cannot see what she is doing. If you get back with her, you are in for a world of misery. If that's what you want, go ahead. 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 She wants your sperm...thrn later getting money from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 Sounds like you’re going to learn the hard way and unfortunately it’ll be a long lasting one. at this time you are your biggest problem 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 8 hours ago, Marc878 said: Sounds like you’re going to learn the hard way and unfortunately it’ll be a long lasting one. at this time you are your biggest problem What will the long lasting hardship be though? We’re not having a baby. Shes infertile and has no Frozen eggs left. If we have a baby we will have to agree to do it together via some other method like using a donor egg and my sperm or something along those lines- I have control over that as I can simply not agree to do it until I’m ready. I mean, right? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 49 minutes ago, thr1986 said: What will the long lasting hardship be though? We’re not having a baby. Shes infertile and has no Frozen eggs left. If we have a baby we will have to agree to do it together via some other method like using a donor egg and my sperm or something along those lines- I have control over that as I can simply not agree to do it until I’m ready. I mean, right? Wrong. She won't stick around with you if she has to wait. She wants this now. The long standing hardship is when she dumps you once she got the baby she wants then stick you for child support for the next 18 years. Wake up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 3 hours ago, JTSW said: Wrong. She won't stick around with you if she has to wait. She wants this now. The long standing hardship is when she dumps you once she got the baby she wants then stick you for child support for the next 18 years. Wake up. Why am I so blind to this?? i spoke to her on the phone today regarding our planned hang out this evening to talk about things. The whole time we spoke on the phone she talked about how I left her when she was grieving over the loss of her chance to have a baby (referring you her miscarriage) and I just kept saying we’re going to fix this and she acted like maybe we will maybe we won’t- like she’s unsure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 I established contact with a great therapist about a month and a half ago but I haven’t had time to go. I’m going to talk to that therapist tomorrow evening. I just feel these strong feelings of love for this girl and I empathize with her for the pain she’s going through regarding her inability to get pregnant and the sadness associated with that. I loved hanging out with her and going places with her. I felt proud of her and her love and attention made me feel so good. How do I leave that? It feels wrong. So wrong that maybe I don’t see the risks that you all are kindly pointing out Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 1 hour ago, thr1986 said: Why am I so blind to this?? The whole time we spoke on the phone she talked about how I left her when she was grieving over the loss of her chance to have a baby (referring you her miscarriage) and I just kept saying we’re going to fix this and she acted like maybe we will maybe we won’t- like she’s unsure. She's still going with the manipulation. It wasn't a miscarriage, it just didn't work. She hadn't lost anything. She's still trying to make you feel guilty for nothing. You say she made you feel good and that's because she's a master manipulator and knows how to suck men in. This will never go the way you want it. Once she got what she wants, you're dust. Please, wake up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 Why does she even need me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 She just wants to marry me and tie me to her legally so I have to help support her and the baby forever? I mean this just seems like so much work for that Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 She was married once before. She’s still close friends with that ex. Does she really want to get another divorce? And she has been so consistent our whole relationship so far. I’ve always been the one with one foot out the door and she guilts me for that. You think she will really just leave me after we’ve gotten married and everything 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) Wait, now you’re thinking of marrying her? How does this in any way match the current reality that you are broken up (for very good reasons, I might add) and have been since September? I’m afraid your rumination has spiraled out of control. 😕 Why not give the counselor, a qualified professional, a chance before meeting with your ex? What’s the rush? Edited January 6, 2020 by Minneloa 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 If we were to get back together it would be with the intention of getting married eventually I’m 33 I already feel behind Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 Can you see how that might strike the average poster here as a huge and inexplicable leap given what you have told us about your relationship for the past 18 pages? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 More gently, I am myself a ruminator with a tendency to get stuck in cyclical patterns of thought. One of the tools that helped me manage this part of my psychological makeup was counseling (specifically, CBT). Again, why not give the counselor a shot before rushing into a premature and ill-advised reconciliation? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 9 hours ago, thr1986 said: Why does she even need me? Money and sperm. She doesn't need you for anything else. Trust me, it wont end well. She will marry you, then take you for everything you have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 9 hours ago, thr1986 said: She just wants to marry me and tie me to her legally so I have to help support her and the baby forever? I mean this just seems like so much work for that Not really. She's a manipulator and by the sounds of it, it's easy for her. She has already blinded you to what she is doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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