Maddie82 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Yes, I’ll limit contact. When we see one another we still tell each other we love each other and usually cry about missing one another some. I need to not see her anymore so this doesn’t happen. No, don't limit contact. Cut it off completely. Don't talk and cry with her. You need a clean break or you never be able to move on from this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 Agreed. I made the mistake of talking to her this morning on the phone. She makes it seem like she was just feeling so rushed and sad about her inability to become pregnant. She says she loves me so much and was falling in love with me and she wanted to retain the ability for us to actually have a baby together someday and that’s why she asked me. I still feel like it’s weird that the very next comment after she asked me that was if I would help pay for it since I’ll be involved. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 She says she loves me so much and was falling in love with me and she wanted to retain the ability for us to actually have a baby together someday and that’s why she asked me. Yeah--someday in the future after you two took the time to figure out if you can even stand to be in the same room with one another and can be fine together without this baby in the mix. I still feel like it’s weird that the very next comment after she asked me that was if I would help pay for it since I’ll be involved. this is a conversation that can happen after you two have spent way longer than 4 months knowing one another. What line of employment is she in? Why can't she afford to pay for a fertility clinic? If you weren't there, what would she be doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 What could possibly go wrong? A lot !!!!! Let's hope you wake up to reality before you learn the hard way. With a kid involved that could not only be a hard lesson learned but a costly and long term one too. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Agreed. I made the mistake of talking to her this morning on the phone. She makes it seem like she was just feeling so rushed and sad about her inability to become pregnant. She says she loves me so much and was falling in love with me and she wanted to retain the ability for us to actually have a baby together someday and that’s why she asked me. I still feel like it’s weird that the very next comment after she asked me that was if I would help pay for it since I’ll be involved. Do you notice it’s all about HER getting a baby AND making sure she doesn’t pay for the IVF? She obviously tried this trick on another man already. And —-> anyone telling you they love you that quickly is suspect. Then add her asking you to pay for ANYTHING that’s more than $100 that early on is definitely just using you. She just wanted to test you early on to see if you would be the type she could use. Just tell her goodbye! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Let's be real, it's more than just paying for the IVF. More importantly, you would have two new dependents. A newborn and a mother who needs to not work in order to take care of him/her. On the off chance that you two don't work out (sarcasm), you will be stuck paying child support and possibly alimony when or make that IF she convinces you to marry her for sake of the baby or health insurance or something. You will be so far backed into a corner you would probably do anything to stop the bleeding. The IVF, while expensive, is just the tip of the iceberg. She is acting like you are some sort of patsy. Manipulator extraordinare! Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Agreed. I made the mistake of talking to her this morning on the phone. She makes it seem like she was just feeling so rushed and sad about her inability to become pregnant. She says she loves me so much and was falling in love with me and she wanted to retain the ability for us to actually have a baby together someday and that’s why she asked me. I still feel like it’s weird that the very next comment after she asked me that was if I would help pay for it since I’ll be involved. Then she could freeze her eggs and back off putting pressure on you. In an earlier post you wrote that she wanted you to sign up as the father on the IVF with sperm from another man. Then, of course, you'd be on the hook whether or not you stayed married to her to finance her (and another man's) child's life until he's/she's eighteen-years-old. Even if she loves you and all she's telling you is genuine, this is at the very least a woman with very poor judgement which will manifest in other ways throughout her life. This is not someone who is balanced and will make a good life companion, even without the baby business stuff. Find someone who is stable and mature. This lady has some deep issues that will affect all areas of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 totally agree with LivingWater about the character flaws that will manifest in many other ways if you stay connected to this woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 It’s difficult because she’s very loving towards me. Always writing me notes and being sweet to me. But then yes this inquiry to help pay for IVF after knowing me for 4 months gave me an odd feeling. So, when you take a step back and look at what she actually asked, it’s hard to hold it against her because she otherwise seems perfect. And, when confronted about it, she always has such a believable and understandable explanation as to why she asked me to do that. And when I said I wasn’t ok with it, she let it go. But the fact that she asked in the first place makes me uneasy about what her intentions are/were. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Think about it - you haven’t been dating her very long... and it’s SO easy for anyone to be all sweet and loving for any short period of time. She can freeze her eggs - and she can pay for that herself IF it’s such a priority for her. Also - once she’s gots her name on your sperm - she owns it... and I don’t know any guy who would be ok with that! She has a HUGE agenda. I’m glad you decided to lake her to fully understand it’s not ok - just be careful - she may not be above taking your sperm from a condom. Flush it after - if you use them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 19, 2019 Author Share Posted October 19, 2019 (edited) Also, she sends me messages that clearly are to try and get me to second guess myself. Like this message today where she’s referring to the breakup: “I can’t tell which is more heartbreaking: the beginning or the point where the memories have started to fade and the solitude starts to normalize” Edited October 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Why haven’t you just blocked her? She is still trying to manipulate you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 It’s difficult because she’s very loving towards me. Always writing me notes and being sweet to me. But then yes this inquiry to help pay for IVF after knowing me for 4 months gave me an odd feeling. So, when you take a step back and look at what she actually asked, it’s hard to hold it against her because she otherwise seems perfect. And, when confronted about it, she always has such a believable and understandable explanation... Oh yeah. It's love love love until she gets her free baby. And you get to pay for it now AND for the next 18 years. And meanwhile, should she happen to fall back out of love with you, oh what a shame. Of course, she can then go do whatever she wants and screw whoever she wants without worry (being infertile). And you get to watch from the sidelines while she screws around and pay for a kid and feel sucky and used about the whole thing. For 18+ years. And be unable to fully leave the situation due to parental responsibilities, but probably be unable to bond properly with the kid because of it. AND, of course, left with permanent trust issues after going through all this. Yeah, sweet lady and real sweet deal you're getting here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Honestly, if she can't have kids, she can't have kids. She has no business dragging you with her just because she is in a hurry, if it is meant to be, it is meant to be, she just looks desperate and pathetic now looking for a baby daddy at all cost. Does she even love you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 It’s difficult because she’s very loving towards me. Always writing me notes and being sweet to me.. Sweet talking you. She doesn't mean it so don't fall for it. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 It’s difficult because she’s very loving towards me. Always writing me notes and being sweet to me. But then yes this inquiry to help pay for IVF after knowing me for 4 months gave me an odd feeling. So, when you take a step back and look at what she actually asked, it’s hard to hold it against her because she otherwise seems perfect. And, when confronted about it, she always has such a believable and understandable explanation as to why she asked me to do that. And when I said I wasn’t ok with it, she let it go. But the fact that she asked in the first place makes me uneasy about what her intentions are/were. Always trust your gut. And your gut is screaming at you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 19, 2019 Author Share Posted October 19, 2019 Yes, my gut has told me numerous times she’s manipulating me. She’s also a professional therapist, so she knows how to read people and manipulate them. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Also - once she’s gots her name on your sperm - she owns it... Exactly. Google " ex wife impregnated with sperm after divorce who pays " So if you two broke up before she had baby #2 (yes, that's on the agenda, too), she could impregnate herself with the sperm and guess who else you have to feed? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 “I can’t tell which is more heartbreaking: the beginning or the point where the memories have started to fade and the solitude starts to normalize” "and I can't tell which is more desperate: someone who barely knows me hitting me up for tens of thousands of dollars to impregnate her* like I'm an ATM/ stud service machine or me going along with someone I barely know hitting me up for tens of thousands of dollars to impregnate her. It would seem that I'm only loved and wanted in exchange for performing a function." Makes me fear for her patients... *she isn't making minimum wage. Average rate in NY these days is around $250/hr out of pocket, so what's up? Why hasn't she handled this on her own yet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Yes, my gut has told me numerous times she’s manipulating me. She’s also a professional therapist, so she knows how to read people and manipulate them. You really need to block her and delete her contact info, understand that you making this decision was ultimately a good, responsible and healthy decision you made and stop second guessing yourself. Read what you wrote in this thread, she was just using you.. the love may have been real from her but in the end she was still using you and the love wouldn't have been enough to compensate for that. Take care of yourself, stay strong and stop talking to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 19, 2019 Author Share Posted October 19, 2019 Thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 A very serious question... Why hasn’t she just used a sperm bank? She really is looking for sperm. Is it that she doesn’t intend to pay herself? If so, it makes it way worse - meaning she’s a total user and opportunist. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Sorry, I haven’t read the whole thread so if I am repeating something already said , my apologies. If fertility is an issue for her , she will have already had eggs harvested and frozen , right? So, now the pressure is off, her biological clock is no longer ticking. ,it’s frozen. If you were still together in 3 yrs time and both wanted a child, eggs are frozen and you donate sperm then. If she is with another guy in 3 yrs time , then clearly he would be the donor. It makes absolutely no sense to me as a female , for her to fertilise those eggs and freeze for the future , since the future might be that she will be with another partner who would love to have a child with her yet not happy to have her ex bfs child with her? Because he already fertilised her eggs? She is trying to trick you into becoming a father of her child , because she wants child support for the future! She Doesn’t want a random donor , she wants a name to the father. At this point , that’s all you are to her. Sperm with a name and a bank balance attached. She doesn’t love you , she loves her idea. Sorry!! Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Hi Maggie, she wants him to pay for the ivf treatment which is like £15-£20,000 of not more. She wants his money and sperm only. She wants a baby now so it's obvious she is just manipulating him. Yes, I totally agree she doesn't love him. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Personally, I’m surprised that she has kept you around this long when you obviously haven’t given her what she wants. She doesn’t have any time to waste... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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