Versacehottie Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 Yeah to meet up to go shopping???? Wow, she is a manipulator and you are ripe for it. If you are broken up, there is no reason to meet for something so insignificant--it's just an excuse and you fell for it easily. It's just a way in to see you in person and manipulate you in person. Wow. Wow. Why are you hanging on? Um, no she does not make sense. She makes excuses. Why in the world do you need to be MORE invested or involved? IMO, you'd be better off just giving her the money but not having a parental responsibility. She is looking for both: a dad and an ATM. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. You are being super naive and not responsible. You should either be in or be out. Ridiculous. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 So what all did she ask you to buy her on the shopping trip? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 She the spoke to how I was the one who left and always seemed skidish and untrusting in bed regarding the baby and her intentions. Well of course you were. None of this baby-crazy talk should have been taking place at 4 months into a new relationship. Ask her this: would she still love you if you told her up front that you weren't interested in creating children for another 5-8 years? I'm guessing that that "love" of hers would dry up like a desert river bed and she would have ended things. She explained that she has always been there to support and love me and talk things through with me. Wow, that is bald faced manipulation on her part. So what she is saying is that she was giving to get--she was front loading the "love" on her part because she was working an agenda. This relationship wasn't developing organically like you were led to believe it was. Truthfully, she has usually been very open to talk things through with me. The intimacy and love I do miss. And when she explains herself- it always makes sense. She's a therapist. And just like with a lawyer, she's trained in how to corral a conversation and worm her way into people's vulnerabilities. I hate giving up on people Does that include you, too? You are letting a manipulator go to find someone else to do this baby mess with since it makes you feel uncomfortable. If that is no longer the case with you, break out the check book and do her bidding. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 Handing over $20K should be the least of your worries, when a woman who is unstable about having a baby and her timetable is trying to trick and manipulate you into having commitment & responsibility i.e. for fathering a baby. Like was said just above, this coming from a person who is savvy because of her line of work about how to extract things from others and get them to agree in small increments (forgot what it's called but therapists are trained to do it--though surely 99% of them do it with good intentions and so their patients discover and learn how to do their own rational thinking). To be honest, i'm shocked that someone who should in theory be trained to do good things with the skill set she has uses it for these bad intentioned things and to mess with another person's life. At this point, any more participation from your end, when you've already broken up, know her agenda and have a SUCH reservations about being involved with her, makes you an equal participant in this mess. You certainly won't be able to say she tricked you or that you didn't see it coming. Be honest--each time you move forward with her in any way or have any contact with her, you are playing russian roulette with these life decisions. It takes two--one of which you are. You know and are a willing participant going forward. It's not that hard. You don't want these things to happen then don't see her, break it off for good. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 ... she asked me if I would be the father of the baby when it’s born, as in sign the birth certificate at the birth. It just seemed like she was trying to get me to become involved in this legally. It’s hard to see that she was trying to take advantage of me because she was also very loving and flooded me with love. I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable with this now. It’s disappointing But you DO see. That's what's important. I agree with prior suggestions to block her and be done with this. I'm only suggesting this because I think if you don't you may regret if for the rest of your life if she manages to con you into this. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 Prostitutes ARE very loving and flood you with love for money. That's what they're paid for. This woman is a con artist playing you for money. There's plenty of women out there who get pregnant as a source of income. So maybe you can change my mind. What is her profession and what kind of money does she make and how many hours does she work? If she has a career, why is she willing to ditch that for a guy she barely knows? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 What is her profession and what kind of money does she make and how many hours does she work? message #142: Yes, my gut has told me numerous times she’s manipulating me. She’s also a professional therapist, so she knows how to read people and manipulate them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 (edited) Is she a real psychologist or psychologist or does she just call herself a therapist? Have you confirmed that she actually works somewhere? how do we know she's not a cold girl who's calling herself a therapist? also how do we know she's not already pregnant by someone else and just looking for someone who will pay up? You need to keep it in your pants with this woman because she is a very high risk to entrap you Edited October 29, 2019 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 She’s a “psychoanalyst”- I’ve been to her office before- she definitely is a working psychoanalyst. But - I don’t think she makes a lot of money. Enough to pay her rent, pay off most of her debt. She’s still on her ex husbands cell phone plan and definitely tries to take whatever she can as far as meals, favors, etc. She may be a call girl. Who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 It just makes me angry. She didn’t offer to pay for anything for the first 4 months or so when we started dating. She was obviously taking as much as she could. She’s a cold manipulator. I was and always have been warm and giving with her. How can you treat someone like that? It makes me sick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Hmmm well i guess it's good that your thoughts are swinging the other way (with the hate) but i'd just be careful of that wildly swinging spectrum. People can have both good and bad sides. If you stay concentrated on the bad in order to get through the rough time and when she is still pulling on your heartstrings it's ok. After that you need to let it go and make peace with how she was to you and what type of person she is in order to move on. I think reality is: a lot of a pushy manipulator with some good parts that drew you in. If you stay stuck in hating, you stay STUCK on that person. I think also you need to ask yourself at some point what it is about you that let it happen to the extent that it has. Maybe you see only the best in people, maybe you don't have much boundaries in how you conduct your life, maybe you are generous, maybe you try to win people over with what you can buy, maybe you were lonely. The reason I say you should do this because working on those areas or what you can do to shore them up next time helps you work through what you are going through productively. And it's less about putting blame but more about a constructive understanding. Things are rarely black and white. A lot of therapists don't make very much money. Maybe you live where it is expensive too. Like I've said which is one of things you should concentrate on IMO: Desperate people do desperate things. Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 I get that. I shouldn’t stay angry. And I won’t. It just makes me sad. I hope I’m able to meet a woman with normal temperament. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Hey if anger is what you need to get over the hump that's a good thing. But after that once you have no chance of going back, try to get unangry so you can move on healthily and learn and not be bitter. You got this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fishlips Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Just hang in there. You are young, and you seem like a nice guy. Someday you'll meet a nice woman with no drama, and then you'll be glad you didn't get involved in her mess. I know it probably sucks right now, but we've all been there. Go out with your friends and family, or stay in and read if that's your preference. But don't keep talking to this woman. It will just keep you in limbo. You have to go through the pain and the anger to heal, but in time you will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 2, 2019 Author Share Posted November 2, 2019 There just can’t be any other explanation for asking me to become involved with that after 3.5/4 months of knowing me. Right? It makes me sad that I was so loving towards her and she was calculated in return Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 There just can’t be any other explanation for asking me to become involved with that after 3.5/4 months of knowing me. Right? It makes me sad that I was so loving towards her and she was calculated in return Well, I'm a big believer in the theory that people are rarely black and white. However, let's say they are probably on a spectrum. She probably pushes toward the calculated, pushy side and you were an easy target to make her agenda come true. The bottom line is it's not good for you to keep ruminating about it. It's not allowing you to move on. Sometimes we can "do all the right things and act admirably" but will still encounter people who take our kindness for weakness and misuse it. You need to take the positive: YOU are a kind and loving person. You misdirected that for the last 10 months or so of your life but now have a chance to redirect it toward the best person for you with good intentions for you as a couple and whatever kids you bring into this life. You are not as weak as she calculated. I don't see much point in continuing to wallow or figure her out. Also bottom line is that she wants and is dominant into pressuring you about something that you don't want. I keep going back to--it would be easier to just hand her the money, but you and I both know it won't stop there and then there will be a little human there that needs care and support that she is not capable of providing--so then you would be back on the hook. Also how weird is it to want to stay in her life when her number one goal is to have a kid right now and you are not about that right now. How precisely would dating a person with a new baby if you have no intention of being involved go? So back to the on the spectrum of people things--I do think she is one of the more calculated out there and has messed you up real good. Idk, but i also think you need to snap out of it and consider yourself lucky. Right now you are wallowing in being a victim--that's a powerless place and perhaps part of the reason you can't move on. Continued contact with her is doing the same to you. I mean at a certain point you have to take responsibility--it's you that CONTINUED despite hearing that at 4 months; it's you that saw her the other day for shopping and allows contact with her; it's you that has the power to set yourself in another direction away from this woman. You are almost at one year of wasting time with and about her when your goals don't align and she has shown you major character flaws. What are you going to do about it to help yourself productively? If you continue on the current path of churning it in your head, seeing her etc, then i would start to believe that perhaps your own emotions have played a part in stringing her along, giving her hope that you are up for this plan and just weird about the money (i.e. some kind of stingy). I don't think that's who you are but it has crossed my mind a couple of times. Like i keep saying, most of the guys I know would be out of there so fast, 6 months ago with this red flag, so there is concern there that you are playing a role in the back and forth. At least we can all agree, you are ALLOWING it. Hang in there. Take active steps in the direction you want. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Share Posted November 11, 2019 I spoke to her yesterday again. The embryo topic came up and I told her how I felt a little manipulated. She flipped out and said she was only asking me because she felt love for me and wanted to include me. I asked her how she could have possibly have known that at least than 3 months of dating. We agreed to stop contact. It’s over for good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Share Posted November 11, 2019 The way she gets so wildly defensive when I bring up that topic really makes me understand her true motives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Share Posted November 12, 2019 Just wanted to thank everyone for your patience and support while I worked though this. I’ve cut all contact with her and I’m trying to move on. I appreciate you reading and responding to my endless ambivalent posts about her and the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 13, 2019 Author Share Posted November 13, 2019 Can I ask one last question to you all? I mentioned that her and I spoke on Sunday which I honestly think may be our last conversation. In the conversation the embryo proposition came up and I expressed that I felt she was being manipulative by asking me to be involved and financially contribute to that at only 3 months of knowing me. She FLIPPED out and yelled at me and told me I was “emotionally abusive”, told me I was an *******, she started saying that someone else may have felt honored to be included in that and that I was ridiculous to think she would be manipulative regarding it. Then she hung up on me, texted me “I need space right now” and she hasn’t responded to me since. Why do you think she behaved like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 13, 2019 Share Posted November 13, 2019 She FLIPPED out and yelled at me and told me I was “emotionally abusive”, told me I was an *******, she started saying that someone else may have felt honored to be included in that and that I was ridiculous to think she would be manipulative regarding it. Then she hung up on me, texted me “I need space right now” and she hasn’t responded to me since. Why do you think she behaved like this? She's obviously been desperate and irrational throughout this process. If she had behaved in a more reasonable, loving way, it might have all worked out. Instead, she's allowed her desperation to drive this increasingly crazy behavior. Only a guy with no common sense or self-respect, a guy who's just as desperate and irrational as she is, would respond to her insanity. I'd consider this a bullet dodged. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 13, 2019 Share Posted November 13, 2019 Why do you think she behaved like this? People don’t generally like to be called out when they are doing something that is not appropriate. Unfortunately for her, you called her bluff and she knew it. And, the best defence is a good offence - she knew what she asked was not a reasonable or responsible thing to ask a person in a new relationship - but rather than admit that, she became defensive and unleashed on you in a very inappropriate way. What does this tell you about this woman and what does it make you think about the possibility of a future relationship with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 Can I ask one last question to you all? Why do you think she behaved like this? Sounds like a tantrum...like kids have when they don't get their way or yeah when someone is getting called out. Idk, if i was ever in the same position as her (never would be because i wouldn't ask someone to do that but I digress), I would feel really bad if my partner told me he felt a little manipulated. To me, that's an opening statement where you can build understanding and communication. And if you don't want to be misunderstood, even though, it's after the fact, you can rectify and repair the feeling and your intention. Not flip the f*ck out and turn it back on you. I know you said you appreciate the thread for sticking by you as you go back and forth in your decisions and over this time but I do think you are playing a part with that too. Two days ago you said done for good and now you're ruminating over it and re-opening the wound. You both seem to be giving it space not "done". but done it needs to be. 100%. She, btw, is manipulating you right now with the last conversation. She has done a real number on your but your natural tendency to go back and forth is playing a role in all of this too. It's the dynamic you two have--and it's not good. Anyway I'm rooting for you. Stay strong with not talking to her. The reasons ultimately don't matter. As you can see, she is not going to give up her wishes, her side of the argument--and to be fair, neither are you, though you go about it more gently. You two are not aligned in your goals. Goodluck Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 This woman has some kind of emotional hook in you and if you don't stay away from her she's going to ruin your life. Her obsession with having a child and continuing to try to involve you is nuts. And her efforts to continue to get money from you for the project are also nuts. She's in no mental health condition to have a child. It would be a disaster for the child to have a mom like her. From what I can tell from your posts this woman is a disaster for whomever she gets involved with at this point. Either she's extremely immature or she's not a good person because of her blatant manipulation of you. If you won't make yourself go NC with her, then you need to at least get some help, some counseling to help you get through this. Are you close with your family? I can't recall? What would help you is to explain to close friends and family this situation and tell them you need support to break off ties with her. You say you're done but your post where you say, "I think that could be our last conversation..." sounds to me as if it's not your last conversation. The key is that you write "think." You need to decided point blank you will not talk to her again. And get some help to make that decision stick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted November 14, 2019 Author Share Posted November 14, 2019 My father is horrible at talking to me about things. I can’t go to him with anything. He cuts me off, he gets agitated quickly, he is very impatient. Every time I try to speak to him about something bothering me it usually makes me feel worse about it. My mom is patient and will listen but is older and honestly just can’t give great advice. She’s too nieve and sort of in her own world. My sister is the best person in my family to speak to about this. She will give advice but always ends it with “it’s your decision though”- she won’t give rigid advice. This woman, while she has done these things like ask me to create an embryo with her at 3 months of dating, ask me to become the legal father of her baby when she does have one- she has also made me feel so loved. She’s made me feel like our connection is so unique, special, irreplaceable, etc. I’m a handsome, tall, well employed guy. I think there’s a lot about me that is desirable. However, I am very kind and generous emotionally. I’m not a “dick”. If that makes sense. I usually put my partners satisfaction before mine. I think in the eyes of a manipulator I am immediately an easy target. I’m aware of this, but honestly I don’t know how to act any differently. It’s hard to change your personality. I’ve felt like I’m too nice and accommodating a lot in relationships in the past. This woman saw this in me. I know she did because she told me she saw this in me and she praised me for it. She made me feel like I could be myself with her and “myself” was desirable. We talked about how many women like guys that are “dicks” and that being nice is not always a sexy or attractive quality. She made me feel like with her, I can be the nice loving man that I am and I can be desired. This is what’s so difficult for me to let go of. I tried texting her yesterday. I said “no matter how hard I resist, my heart still hurts”. She didn’t respond to me. She’s acting so incredibly angry because I told her on Sunday I felt manipulated by her because she asked me at 3 months to give her money for IVF and be a biological part of it Link to post Share on other sites
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