Dating for 4 months and she asked me for money. [Updated at 10 months]

[vla1120]

This woman, while she has done these things like ask me to create an embryo with her at 3 months of dating, ask me to become the legal father of her baby when she does have one- she has also made me feel so loved.

 

I tried texting her yesterday. I said “no matter how hard I resist, my heart still hurts”. She didn’t respond to me. She’s acting so incredibly angry because I told her on Sunday I felt manipulated by her because she asked me at 3 months to give her money for IVF and be a biological part of it

 

She is a master manipulator! When you confront her, she becomes defensive. The lady doth protest too much, methinks!

 

Every time you have ANY type of contact with this woman, you run the risk of getting caught in her web. Be happy that you dodged a bullet and move on! There IS a woman out there who is sincere and genuine who will also make you feel loved (but not manipulated and used.) This woman is not the one for you.

[Lisa_Lisa]

You need to stop texting her/reaching out to her. You keep overanalzying things in your head. You may need Individual Counseling to help you understand your emotions about this. You're not going to get answers from her and you shouldn't reach out to her to say you're still hurting. She doesn't care right now. Stop asking questions...and think about yourself.

 

 

Distract yourself...or talk to a professional.

[thr1986]

I just want to be loved genuinely and honestly the way I am willing to love I hate that I can be manipulated like this. I was so accommodating and willing with her about everything. It makes me feel like life is not worth living and love is just a complete sham

[Lisa_Lisa]

I just want to be loved genuinely and honestly the way I am willing to love I hate that I can be manipulated like this. I was so accommodating and willing with her about everything. It makes me feel like life is not worth living and love is just a complete sham

 

 

Listen unless you meet your clone, no woman is going to love you the same way you are willing to love them because whatever woman comes into your life, she is an individual with her own mind, heart, and emotions.

 

 

My advice: don't be a doormat. Women do not respect men they can walk all over (this goes for women too).People fall in love with other people when they respect and admire them.

 

 

 

I can't give you much advice when it comes to her because she is straight up manipulating you and you know this and we all know this, but you like putting your hand in the fire thinking it won't burn you. It will.

 

 

You need to work on your confidence and self-esteem. Believe me, it all comes down to that because you'll meet another women who will turn out the same way...you don't want that do you? You want to be loved...to be loved you have to love yourself first.

 

 

Tell yourself you're the ****, the man, smart, intelligent, and sexy. Tell yourself that even if you don't believe it. People think "this person should treat me right because I do x,y, and z." Sorry, not true. You need to have boundaries and have an abundance mentality. So it didn't work out with her, who cares, you'll meet someone else. Tell yourself this.

 

 

 

Stop lamenting, stop analyzing, stop whining, and tell yourself you're great because you are and you are someone a woman will one day respect and admire and love with all she's got.

[kendahke]

I just want to be loved genuinely and honestly the way I am willing to love I hate that I can be manipulated like this. I was so accommodating and willing with her about everything. It makes me feel like life is not worth living and love is just a complete sham

 

Life is worth living and love isn't a sham.

You got taken in by a master manipulator, but that doesn't mean every woman you meet is like her nor would it be fair to treat subsequent women as if they're this chick's clone.

[thr1986]

I need to work on confidence. You’re right. This relationship has distracted me from my own life and my own goals. Everything became about her, her goals, her needs and desires. I loved her and put her first too much before myself. She has been married once already and then divorced the guy after cheating on him. She told me all of this. It’s ridiculous that I’m even caring about her what so ever

[Lisa_Lisa]

I need to work on confidence. You’re right. This relationship has distracted me from my own life and my own goals. Everything became about her, her goals, her needs and desires. I loved her and put her first too much before myself. She has been married once already and then divorced the guy after cheating on him. She told me all of this. It’s ridiculous that I’m even caring about her what so ever

 

 

You put her first, mistake number 1. There's no way any women will respect a man who puts her first (I'm being cheeky, but it's true). A woman will respect you when you say what you want, what you need, what you desire.

 

Don't be a lump of clay, be a hard rock. Walk around the streets like you own them, you are the sexy, smart, wonderful guy any woman would love to have. Pick up the collar of your button down shirts and smile cause you're looking good. Walk down the street and smile at a woman, just do it, just once, just to see..believe me you'll have one smiling back...it's all about confidence...you get that and you'll be fighting woman off...

[vla1120]

I just want to be loved genuinely and honestly the way I am willing to love I hate that I can be manipulated like this. I was so accommodating and willing with her about everything. It makes me feel like life is not worth living and love is just a complete sham

 

You just need to practice more self-preservation. Don't fall so quickly for the next one. Take your time. Really listen to all of the signs that are put in front of you, especially the red flags. No sensible person asks someone with whom they've been acquainted for 3-4 months to bank roll a procedure in the tens of thousands, especially one that would leave that person financially responsible for the outcome for the rest of their life!

 

Put yourself first for awhile.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Well, be on your guard because now that you've texted her and told her you're hurting she believes she's more in power than she realized before.

 

Now that she knows you're hurting she sees you as more vulnerable to her machinations than she did before. And she sees that, even though your last convo ended as a goodbye you're still willing to go back for more.

 

Listen, you wrote you're good looking and well employed. There are tons of women out there who would love to have a relationship with a guy like you. You just need to wait until you find the one YOU want, not the one who wants to hook you in and use you.

 

I do think you may need counseling so that you don't throw out your shingle again as a guy who can be used.

 

You've got it all going for you. If this chick gets what she wants from you, you'll end up with huge financial loss and a child who is yours (legally or biologically) that she uses to manipulate you for the rest of your life.

 

Plus the child will be messed up and you'll be paying for its counseling long after child support is ended at the age of 18. And the child will have learned the ways of a manipulator from his/her mom and you'll have two manipulators in your life to contend with.

 

Do you see what a cliff you're standing on? You're ready to fall into the grand canyon and the boogey woman is right there ready to push you over the edge!

 

Btw, of course your sister tells you it's your choice. Good for her. Ultimately you're going to have to learn to stand on your own two feet and not budge when someone is messing with you. It seems to me you're close to getting to that point now.

[thr1986]

I think its the fear of loneliness that gets me. we were broken up, but talking basically every day via text and sometimes verbally up until sunday. when we had that conversation sunday and I expressed that I felt manipulated when she asked for my involvement as I said she completely flipped out and hung up. She called me emotionally abusive. then I tried to get back in touch with her and she ignored me but eventually called me back after i basically begged her to via text. She was furious and I asked her if we would have any contact. She said "i dont know". Then I texted her yesterday with no response. As I consider how i feel about this now, Its the lonliness that bothers me. I miss having her to talk to, just knowing that shes there and will pick up if i call and will be compassionate towards me. As i think back about the bickering we went through, all of our fights usually originated with her being "upset" about something. She would not be angry really but more just closed off and act angry which always would result in me asking her what is wrong. Then when i ask her what is wrong she usually would string me along a little bit until im trying to fix whatever the problem is. She didnt like to split things financially. For example, we went out to eat dinner with a big group of people. mostly single people, one other couple and when her and I's bill came I quietly suggested we split the cost and she got so passive agressive and angry with me when we left. I just sort of felt like i had to walk on eggshells. I always had to pay more and if things ever fell into my favor in that a perod of time went by and she felt like she spent more money than I on things we shared, she would become angry and act weird, i would ask her whats wrong and then she would go on about how I didnt "gesture" enough. she would accuse me of "nickle and diming her" when I never even brought up finances. Shes the one who was watching every dollar spent and computing who was spending more. it just felt weird. I did worry about how she may behave regarding money if I were to marry her. Were both working professionals. I make great money but honestly this city (NYC) is very expensive and i do want to save some. so i felt like i needed to at least ask her to split meals and stuff like that. I cant just buy everything for us.

[LivingWaterPlease]

The fear of loneliness probably keeps a lot of couples together who should go their separate ways. And I think many of us have experienced being in a relationship that provides comfort yet knowing we need to get out of it.

 

There's nothing abnormal or wrong with feeling that way, t.

 

As far as the spending money for eating out goes, that's something a couple needs to work out on their own. Thoughts on that vary. I've never had a guy accept me paying for a meal we've eaten together (accept in college when I dated a guy who was very poor and I paid for everything!) though I've offered to pay. because that's the set up I'm accustomed to I'd probably not date someone who didn't also function that way. However, I'd be sure to do other things that would balance it off.

 

But, the big red financial flag is that she asked for money. I'd never ask someone I'm dating for money for any reason. And the astronomical amount she asked for is unheard of.

 

I doubt she's out of your life for good. My guess is that she's pouting and you probably will hear from her at some point.

 

Like the rest of us who've been in a relationship that is somewhat comfortable

you need to decide if the disaster you're looking at down the road is worth a little bit of comfort now and act accordingly.

 

For me, the thing that has given me courage to get out of a R that was comfortable but obviously wrong for me is my relationship with Jesus Christ through prayer and reading the Bible. You would be amazed at the companionship, comfort and excitement God will bring into your life when you get to know Him.

 

In fact, I've gotten out of a couple of R's I thought I couldn't bear to live without only to find life had gotten dull and arduous in them and the life and companionship God brought to me through various avenues was downright invigorating! I don't mean to preach to you but if you tell Him you need His help with this and want to get to know Him you'll be amazed at how He'll work in your life!

[Lisa_Lisa]

I'm in nyc too so I know how expensive the city is.

 

 

Yes, you are operating from a place of weakness, lack, and scarcity. This is why she treated you so badly because she knows you will crawl on your knees just to please her and bow to her will. That makes you look pathetic and desperate in her eyes. Remember what I said? A woman loves a man she can respect, and if you don't stand up for yourself, she'll never respect you. Nor will any woman on planet earth.

 

 

 

You make people respect you by standing your ground, saying how you feel, and showing others how you expect to be treated. She hangs up the phone, you call back, she doesn't answer? You leave a message and say, "don't you ever hang up on the phone on me again, do you understand?" Believe me, she'll be trembling in her boots and will be turned on by your sudden masculinity.

[Ruby Slippers]

The best thing that comes out of a failed relationship is insight into the weaknesses that are tripping you up. In other words, if you lose, don't lose a lesson.

[fishlips]

You are torturing yourself by talking to her. The best thing to do is just to cut off contact. Delete her number and move on. If she has you on the hook, she is just going to continue to make you feel guilty and use you.

 

I can't imagine someone asking a man they only knew for three months to father a child. That is insane. Think of it this way. If you had a son, would you want him fathering a child with a woman he barely knew? Not to mention, taking on a huge financial burden to make it happen?

[thr1986]

I doubt she's out of your life for good. My guess is that she's pouting and you probably will hear from her at some point.

 

It just seems strange if she’s out of my life for good, after everything. What makes you say she’s not gone for good?

Edited November 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[LivingWaterPlease]

I can't say she's not gone for good. It's just that because of the way she's tried to manipulate you in the past it's possible her cutting you off is just another form of manipulation.

 

Cutting a person off, the 180, going no contact, often tends to cause the person who's been cut off to feel a need of the other. She wants you to feel needy of her. The more needy of her you feel, the more power she has to manipulate you.

 

She's a psychotherapist. She knows this. She might do this to get you to further grovel, then she'd have you where she wants you and you may be willing to give her the money/become the father of her desired child if she can cause you to feel desperate enough.

 

I don't know that that's her plan. She could be gone for good, as you think she is. But, given her past behavior she's a wild card and anything is possible.

 

IMO, your best bet in every way for every possible scenario of how this could develop would be to do the 180.

 

You'll have a much better future without this woman in your life.

Edited November 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[thr1986]

It just bothers me that she’s ignoring me. It’s unlike her.

[kendahke]

What makes you say she’s not gone for good?

 

This:

I texted her yesterday

and this:

It just bothers me that she’s ignoring me. It’s unlike her.

 

It is like her--it's in her arsenal of manipulative stunts. She's trained to manipulate. The sooner you get with that, the sooner you can put this behind you and move on.

 

You keep reeling her back in thinking a few days apart will flip her into someone she's not and getting continually surprised that she's behaving exactly the way she has and always will behave--as the victim.

 

As long as you refuse to see what's fallen out in experience at your feet, you're going to be stuck in this morass.

 

Look, nothing is spinning the earth backward to before the moment you met for a do-over. It is what it is and that's all it's going to be: a manipulative therapist who never managed her money correctly so she could fund her baby-crazy fantasies and instead, she's shopping for "Daddy Warbucks" to underwrite her existence so she can lounge around the house playing mommy to a baby that's not yours, but you will be legally responsible for until they're financially self sufficient on their own and even past then.

 

Like I've said earlier, if this is too much for you to bear, then submit yourself to her plans, keep your opinions about your money to yourself and deal with her without any hint of acrimony. That's all that's left to you if you can't leave her alone.

[thr1986]

Look, nothing is spinning the earth backward to before the moment you met for a do-over. It is what it is and that's all it's going to be: a manipulative therapist who never managed her money correctly so she could fund her baby-crazy fantasies and instead, she's shopping for "Daddy Warbucks" to underwrite her existence so she can lounge around the house playing mommy to a baby that's not yours, but you will be legally responsible for until they're financially self sufficient on their own and even past then.

 

Do you think she’s purposefully not reaching out to manipulate me? If she is doing that, then her plan must be to at some point establish contact with me again, right?

 

On Sunday in our last call, she said “is the grief of me losing my baby yours, do you even consider it your own grief?” (She tried to transfer an embryo but it didn’t take). I told her I did consider it mine also. And Then I asked her if we would have contact. She said “I don’t know, I have to go”

 

Do you think I’ll hear from her again?

Edited November 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[thr1986]

The toughest thing is coming to grips with that. She wrote me so many letters and said so many deeply emotional and serious things to me. It’s sort of heart breaking that it all could have been a scam

[vla1120]

The toughest thing is coming to grips with that. She wrote me so many letters and said so many deeply emotional and serious things to me. It’s sort of heart breaking that it all could have been a scam

 

That is exactly why/how scammers are successful! They pick their targets carefully. If they catch someone who is suspicious from the beginning, they won't waste time on them. They'll move to the next target immediately. She got her hook into you and thought she had you.

 

She may STILL have you if you insist on continuing to try to understand this situation because at whatever point she decides maybe you're still a good target (because of your inability to let it go), she may go back to manipulating your emotions to get what she wants out of you.

 

Face it. There are some really diabolical people in the world. You can either continue this walk on the tight-wire with her and risk losing, or you can accept that she's manipulative and deceiving and move on with your life!

[thr1986]

It’s just heartbreaking that she may not have even meant what she was saying to me

[kendahke]

Do you think she’s purposefully not reaching out to manipulate me?

 

Yes.

 

If she is doing that, then her plan must be to at some point establish contact with me again, right?

 

No--her plan is to use her tractor beam to lure you back in and it's working, if one goes by all the posts you keeping posting.

 

On Sunday in our last call, she said “is the grief of me losing my baby yours, do you even consider it your own grief?” I told her I did consider it mine also.

 

Manipulative. How does some other man's sperm make this your baby? It never was and it will never be. And if it's "her" baby, she can pay for it and raise it herself.

 

And Then I asked her if we would have contact

 

Why? This is why you're going to keep contacting her despite what a myriad of objective people here have told you because you keep meddling with her. What exactly is the point here? You know what being with her requires and you have stated time and time again that you've got a problem with funding her baby quest. Has something changed in this vein?

 

Do you think I’ll hear from her again?

 

If you block her, you won't. Problem solved.

 

Are you afraid of being by yourself until a far more suitable woman comes into your life? Like I've said earlier, if this is too much for you to bear, then submit yourself to her plans, keep your opinions about your money to yourself and deal with her without any hint of acrimony. That's all that's left to you if you can't leave her alone. Otherwise, you and your treasury are going to be on the hook for the rest of your life for this kid, even if she dumps you once she decides to leave you for some other man who has more money than you. That's how this type operates.

Edited November 15, 2019 by kendahke

[thr1986]

I think my problem is mostly that I moved to nyc alone for work and I just never made a huge group of friends so without her I’m feeling lonely now.

[thr1986]

And I HATE that our last interaction was her accusing me of being a bad person for accusing her of manipulating me with the embryo inquiry. It just hurts. After everything, I make that accusation and she cuts me off. It’s just horrible and I wish I could talk to her to at least clear the air