Ironona23 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 This is crazy. It’s still so difficult to accept, and I’m sure like many other people, I never thought that this would happen to me. Long story - short, my wife wants space. She needs time to re-evaluate our relationship and figure out what she wants. She thinks it will do us some good, but I disagree. I think it will push her further away from me. I think she’ll begin to enjoy her freedom as a single woman and ultimately request a divorce. (Additional Info.) we have 3-kids and have been married for 3-years. Believe me when I say that MY KIDS ARE MY LIFE. I cannot go a day without seeing their beautiful faces, so dividing custody would be too gut wrenching. I don’t believe that I have the strength to handle it, so it’s safe to say that all my decision making is centered around them. Here’s where the story gets worse. I’m sure I’m just being naive but I saw some pictures of her and another guy being very close, holding each other in ways that only a couple would do. Needles to say, I was devastated. When I confronted her, she apologized and promised to be better for our relationship. Fast forward to today (6-months later) and I happen to come across pictures of her doing the same thing with a few other men. The pictures are dated 8-10 months ago so time has certainly passed since these second round of photos have been discovered. Here’s where the story gets even worse. She doesn’t even seem sorry that she’s broken my heart. I haven’t completely confronted her about the other guys because it seems pointless. She’ll wind up leaving the conversation and walking away. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m willing to forgive her recent encounters with other men and give her another chance to re-build our marriage MAINLY for the sake of me being able to see my children every single day. I definitely want to repair our marriage but instead she’s asking for space so I’ve been reduced to the beggar when she’s the one who’s become promiscuous. I know it’s foolish to want to be with her but I love my kids more than anyone can imagine and I want the woman that I married back. By the way, if you’re thinking maybe I’m not doing my part. That could always be possible, but I do cook twice a week, clean every day, work 40-45 hours a week, don’t drink, don’t hang out late at night, make attempts to be sexual with her, and I spend all my free time with her and the kids. Your advice and insight are greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) You've lost all your masculinity and aren't attractive to her any longer. Because it was a marriage it take a LOT of the bad stuff to get her to this point because women tend to hang on until there are just no feelings left inside them. I see a lot of hints in the things you say and your actions but I'm not pointing them out unless you honestly want to know. Otherwise you will just get ticked off and not listen to me. I can give you this link,...but it you get bent out of share and "offended" over the title of the video, then your' making my point about me not telling you what I see in your post. The title of the video comes from the letter that the wife wrote in and how she described the situation. Edited January 28, 2019 by PRW 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 it's really hard to glean from you what you wrote what exactly you saw in the photos that were upsetting. In some cultures, it's very common to be affectionate, even with people of the opposite sex, it's not sexual, just being warm and friendly. so, what exactly were in the pics to make you think she's crossed boundaries? Link to post Share on other sites
The Dude Abides Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Hello You get top marks for doing everything right: work hard to support your family, spend all your free time at home, hold your kids as your top priority, etc. That is what ALL men should be doing, IMO. Your wife, however, chooses to live another lifestyle. She isn’t dedicating herself to her children and husband because is she were doing that she wouldn’t have the time nor the interest to fool around with other men. Unless she has some miraculous bout of soul-searching and truly devotes herself to you and the kids (Because she wants to, not because she thinks that is what she should do), AND makes amends to your for being unfaithful, then it sounds like this is a broken situation. I never feel it’s best for two people to stay together under the guise of “that is what is best for the kids”. Nor do I think YOU will be better off in the long run by living in a sham marriage just so you can see your kids more. Your kids will be best-off by being with a happy father who does what he needs to do to be a good father. You do deserve to be happy and to find a woman who will love you. Your kids will be better served having a father who isn’t living with them everyday but who is HAPPY versus a father who is miserable but is living with them everyday. And just imagine what it will do to them when they get old enough to sense what their mother is doing with other men? Best wishes as you decide what to do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Her behavior shows she is not fully committed to you or this marriage. She will always be unfaithful & she will never respect you. If you divorce, you can retain your dignity & teach your children about self respect & the consequences of failing to honor their commitments. Don't throw your W under the bus to the little ones; blame does not help this but be faithful to yourself. If she's not even remorseful you can't fix this by wishing she was different & more in love with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Long story - short, my wife wants space. I’m sure I’m just being naive but I saw some pictures of her and another guy being very close, holding each other in ways that only a couple would do...Fast forward to today (6-months later) and I happen to come across pictures of her doing the same thing with a few other men. Now you know what she wants to do with her "space". Plan accordingly... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 OP, as unhappy as you are about this, I fear you will decide to sacrifice you own well-being for the hypothetical benefit of your kids. Here's a radical idea: sacrifice your wife and marriage for the sake of the kids, and yourself. Be the ethical, present parent, not the disaster she's presenting them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ironona23 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Share Posted January 31, 2019 That’s crazy. I never really looked at it that way. Thank you for the link. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 She wAnts space to be single and free... that’s fine as long as she signs over 100% custody to you. Use that as a bargaining tool since she’s so insistent about having space. Your wife has told you the marriageis over - act accordingly to protect you and the kids. They shouldn’t see what she’s doing anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Think of your situation like this OP: Do you want your children to grow up believing that a marriage is about infidelity and disrespect? You may not have told them the truth but children can easily pick up on tension. If you have sons, I'm sure you wouldn't want them to be pushed around by cruel women when they start dating. Daughters should not learn that it is acceptable for women to cheat on their husbands either. Another strong possibility is your children could end up losing respect for YOU because of what you're tolerating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 (edited) Here is the problem. You played the choose me game instead of getting mad and showing her the door and filling for divorce. So in these photos, what are the differences between you and the men she shows that she is attracted too? As for your question, give her all the space she wants and file for divorce. Don’t say a word about the divorce until you hand her the papers. Talk with a lawyer and follow their advice. Do your homework when finding a lawyer. Edited February 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 When someone tell me they want space, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is. If they take too long, they will not have a place to land their craft. In this case, however, I would tell her that she can have all the space she wants but you will not sit idly by while SHE decides what will happen with your life or your children's lives. While she is taking her time to figure things out for herself and then circles back with you, show her the space on the divorce papers where her signature goes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 When someone tell me they want space, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is. If they take too long, they will not have a place to land their craft. While she is taking her time to figure things out for herself and then circles back with you, show her the space on the divorce papers where her signature goes. My thought exactly. Unfortunately, there is only one person committed to this marriage, and a marriage is not sustainable long term when this is the case. My partner left his marriage and he shares custody of his son with his ex wife. Although he does not see his son everyday, he would say that they have grown closer since the divorce. It was not an easy adjustment for all to make, but their relationship is stronger now because they are devoted to spending quality time when they are together. Furthermore, my partner has his self respect and he has found happiness in another relationship. And, his son gets to see his father be happy in a relationship that is healthy and built on mutual love and respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Using your kids as an excuse to be your wayward wifes doormat is going to get you what exactly? Kids should respect their father. How do you want them to perceive you? Kids also learn most from their parents. If they are faced with this situation what would be in their best interest? What action would you want them to take? Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 OP, I've been in your shoes and waited to long to act. You are in DANGER. You need to file for divorce so you can preserve your relationship with your children and preserve the assets you need to care for them. Filing the complaint will make your time with the children a legally enforceable requirement. It will also put a restraining order in place that might protect you if she is actually using this space to screw you over financially. Women don't take "space" they take leave when they already have something else in the works. Do get sad - get ANGRY. Get angry enough to be the man who will stand up for his relationship with his children. DO NOT place your fate in the hands of a person who just walked out on you. Your life and your children's future is your responsibility. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 You've lost all your masculinity and aren't attractive to her any longer. Because it was a marriage it take a LOT of the bad stuff to get her to this point because women tend to hang on until there are just no feelings left inside them. I see a lot of hints in the things you say and your actions but I'm not pointing them out unless you honestly want to know. Otherwise you will just get ticked off and not listen to me. I can give you this link,...but it you get bent out of share and "offended" over the title of the video, then your' making my point about me not telling you what I see in your post. The title of the video comes from the letter that the wife wrote in and how she described the situation. Of course, this just happens to ignore that alpha males get dumped by women just as often. Selfishness & opportunism are equal opportunity personality flaws popularized and reinforced by modern culture and media. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 This is crazy. "Wife messed around and wants space".The harsh but real news is that this means she has already ended your marriage. Unless you wrote your original post with significant missing information, or a really skewed tone which is different than how she would see it, she is not asking you how to make the marriage better or even how to tolerate it. She has informed you both in word and action that she has already left the marriage. Once you see it from that perspective, ask a lawyer in person how you should proceed with the divorce. 2% chance she will move heaven and earth to reconcile and make this a good scenario. You need to show her clearly that you have heard and understand what she told you. I don't see another way to do this than by having divorce papers written up. I'm really sorry you and your kids are here, but you are their father, and you need to find a way to see the reality of where you 4 now are. Best Wishes, Sunlight Link to post Share on other sites
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