i literally feel so stupid

[healthyhopes]

hello it's me again

 

to make it short i saw this guy very briefly last semester and it ended bc he said he wasn't over his ex. He said maybe he would see me around when he was all over the whole thing. I said sure. The whole thing ended nicely.

Now that i am back in school from break i literally can't stop thinking about the whole thing and i literally feel so stupid about all of it. I don't want to contact him bc i don't wanna be a rebound and i don't wanna come off as desperate but the whole situation makes me feel insecure and dumb. I really did like him and I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time and I was excited for one I guess. I really had the impression that it was going somewhere. I don't know why i'm thinking about this again but I guess I have a very strong urge to contact him when I know that it's a really bad idea bc it would be breaking down his boundaries and it would also be breaking down mine. I guess it's because I know he won't contact me.

 

Whatever, I just wanted to vent. I promise I won't do anything. I just feel really stupid.

[gcp]

Take it from me, you will feel a lot more dumb and insecure being the rebound. Don't be anyones second choice. You deserve someone who wants you as much as you want them. Stay NC, give it time, meet new people. Sounds like you are in college, you'll be just fine

 

Be thankful he was upfront and honest with you about his ex. That probably saved you a great deal of heart ache in the long run. Him not being over his ex has NOTHING to do with you and what you have to offer. He just needs time to either detox from her or they will try to work things out. Again, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him and her, I wouldn't take it to personal.

Edited January 29, 2019 by gcp

[healthyhopes]

Take it from me, you will feel a lot more dumb and insecure being the rebound. Don't be anyones second choice. You deserve someone who wants you as much as you want them. Stay NC, give it time, meet new people. Sounds like you are in college, you'll be just fine

 

Be thankful he was upfront and honest with you about his ex. That probably saved you a great deal of heart ache in the long run. Him not being over his ex has NOTHING to do with you and what you have to offer. He just needs time to either detox from her or they will try to work things out. Again, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him and her, I wouldn't take it to personal.

 

Thank you so much, that's what I've been telling myself too. I guess I just feel weird because I honestly liked him and kinda wanna see him in the future when it's all over and he's healed? But I shouldn't think about that because it's very unlikely that that will happen + I really don't wanna wait that long. I also don't wanna reach out bc I don't wanna be annoying and pester someone who's going through a breakup. And once again, I really don't wanna wait around for someone who said no to me, lol. Which means we'll probably never talk or see each other again haha.

 

Yeah that's true. I had a very bad breakup like 3 years ago and I completely understand. I really do feel for him. He seemed really torn up bout it, in retrospect.

Edited January 29, 2019 by healthyhopes

[d0nnivain]

You are not stupid. Just pretend he doesn't exist because to you he doesn't. He is not available for you to date. It's a whole big campus filled with thousands of other students. Get involved in campus life & meet somebody else. Seriously getting a date on a college campus is like shooting fish in a barrel.

[healthyhopes]

You are not stupid. Just pretend he doesn't exist because to you he doesn't. He is not available for you to date. It's a whole big campus filled with thousands of other students. Get involved in campus life & meet somebody else. Seriously getting a date on a college campus is like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

 

I know, but I really don't feel like dating right now. I think I need to be alone for a little bit longer. A lot of things have happened in my life lately in terms of family, another guy, some friend drama and maybe that's why I've been thinking so much about this lately...

[healthyhopes]

I guess a bigger question that I have, is how do I deal better with rejection and insecurity that stems from it? Typically I am a very confident person in all aspects of my life, and i'm genuinely really successful both in academics and socially, but romantic rejection really hurts me and I think I spend longer than the average person reeling from it. At my worst (and this is in general, not just this guy --- and this isn't all the time, just at my worst) I think about how I'm always the rebound and how no guy has ever really liked me or how i've never been in a real relationship, or how right after the quick and disappointing stint with me the guy typically finds a girl that he really likes and they are together for YEARS. And on and on and on. Eventually the feelings leaves and it's like nothing has happened. But sometimes I just feel so low and lonely. I feel really embarrassed to admit all of this.

[Morello]

I guess a bigger question that I have, is how do I deal better with rejection and insecurity that stems from it? Typically I am a very confident person in all aspects of my life, and i'm genuinely really successful both in academics and socially, but romantic rejection really hurts me and I think I spend longer than the average person reeling from it. At my worst (and this is in general, not just this guy --- and this isn't all the time, just at my worst) I think about how I'm always the rebound and how no guy has ever really liked me or how i've never been in a real relationship, or how right after the quick and disappointing stint with me the guy typically finds a girl that he really likes and they are together for YEARS. And on and on and on. Eventually, the feelings leaves and it's like nothing has happened. But sometimes I just feel so low and lonely. I feel really embarrassed to admit all of this.

 

Maybe you just try to hard? Too worried about getting into a relationship because you think the relationship will give you what you need to be happy. But it turns out you need to be happy first in order to attract a healthy relationship.

 

You can see that the ones who 'force' the hand, try too hard, and are a bit desperate to find love are the ones who never find it. The ones who don't give it too much attention end up in long-lasting healthy relationships. Trust me, if you really start giving least attention to finding love (and the reasons why you have or have not found it yet), the better your results will be. It takes long to change your mindset but I guarantee it's possible.

[d0nnivain]

I know, but I really don't feel like dating right now. I think I need to be alone for a little bit longer. A lot of things have happened in my life lately in terms of family, another guy, some friend drama and maybe that's why I've been thinking so much about this lately...

 

Being alone as in not dating is OK. Isolating yourself from others all together will do more harm then good.

 

Make a plan & a schedule. Class, studying, some extra curricular activity, some down time. Make lists of things you would like to accomplish -- getting better grades, padding your resume, eating healthier & then break those down into smaller goals & work on them. As you bring balance into your life, things will feel more positive.

[stillafool]

Also don't look at this guy telling you he is not over his ex as a rejection of you. He simply was not over his ex and was the wrong guy to expect to date. I agree that dating in college is like shooting fish in a barrel; it's too easy. There are so many other guys to meet and get to know. You have plenty of time to get a bf.