Live alone or stay with mom * Update* mom kicked me out

[Kristine]

I live with my mom. I'm 44 have a mental health disability. And just got word a subsidized apartment has opened for me. I scared to live alone but want my independence. My mom wants me to stay living with her. My therapist case manager etc think I'll be fine on my own. I work part time and want to keep my job. I'm in two group therapies and one individual. I worry about relapsing. I hear voices when I'm too isolated. Thoughts?

[amaysngrace]

It’s a tough call but if your mental health could deteriorate by being all alone and your mom will gladly have you then I’d say it’s probably best if you stay where you are.

[Wallysbears]

Perhaps a good intermediate step would be to live with a roommate?

[Simple Logic]

The reality is you mom will not be alive to help you throughout your life. Working to an independent situation with her help now may be your best chance at independence.

[d0nnivain]

Living all alone is not what it's cracked up to be. Especially if you hear voices when you are too isolated, I don't think you should risk it.

 

Instead set up some ground rules with mom to preserve & maintain your independence but continue living with her . . . just live your life as you see fit while maintaining the same address as her. There will be plenty of time for you to live alone after she passes on. Then you will regret not spending more time with her. My own mother died 8 years ago this month & I miss her dearly.

 

Granted when you were trying to distance yourself from that bad guy you were dating you were waiting for this living situation to open up. I suppose you could try it but make sure you can move home again if he doesn't work out.

 

Do have a plan in place to fill the loneliness.

[alphamale]

have a trial period living independently of 1 to 3 months and see how it goes....

[basil67]

Talk with your therapist about putting strategies in place to manage becoming too isolated. Among other things, perhaps your mom could visit you twice a week?

[alphamale]

baby steps, baby steps

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Take the apartment, but stay over at mom's a couple nights a week if you feel too lonely?

[Mr. Lucky]

Thoughts?

 

Without knowing the specifics of your history and diagnosis, this isn't a decision strangers on the Internet can help you with.

 

If you have a good relationship with your team of Therapist, Case Manager, etc., you should voice your concerns to them and trust their guidance...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Kristine]

The reality is you mom will not be alive to help you throughout your life. Working to an independent situation with her help now may be your best chance at independence.

That is my thinking. She had a heart attack 2 years ago. My dad died of heart disease 14 years ago, that's what started my mental illness.

 

My therapist, case manager, group friends all say I can live alone. I just have fears. I've built up my life, I don't want to tear it down again. I do plan to visit her regularly, but I didn't think of the overnight, I like that idea.

[BaileyB]

That is my thinking. She had a heart attack 2 years ago. My dad died of heart disease 14 years ago, that's what started my mental illness.

 

My therapist, case manager, group friends all say I can live alone. I just have fears. I've built up my life, I don't want to tear it down again. I do plan to visit her regularly, but I didn't think of the overnight, I like that idea.

 

You just need to have a plan in place so that you know who to call/when to go and visit your mother when you feel isolated. Find things to do during the day to keep you productive and engaged. Work is good. Therapy is good. Hobbies would be good... talk to your therapist and make a plan. Good luck.

[Happy Lemming]

Your mom isn't going to be around forever. I'd give a try and see how you do.

 

As far as the voices in your head, what do they say?? Do they tell you to do evil things or go have another cookie??

[alphamale]

As far as the voices in your head, what do they say?? Do they tell you to do evil things or go have another cookie??

 

don't make fun of her HL :augh:

[Kristine]

Your mom isn't going to be around forever. I'd give a try and see how you do.

 

As far as the voices in your head, what do they say?? Do they tell you to do evil things or go have another cookie??

 

I was hearing my dad's voice. Than it expanded. I read the bible a lot during a break and pray more. Hoping God would make it stop. I exercise more and eat less. Because I'm told certain foods don't work with my body. I have photos showing spirits around me. They tell me all kinds of things that help me write lyrics. Meds stop the voices, and no I haven't been told to hurt and I don't always listen to them.

[Happy Lemming]

... and no I haven't been told to hurt

 

Well that is good news.

 

If the meds keep the voices at bay, keep taking the meds.

 

I still say move out and give it a try!! You can do it!!

 

“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

[preraph]

I think you should try it. You can always go back. You can leave the tv on!

[whichwayisup]

It'll be a huge confidence booster and could actually help your anxiety and fears by living on your own. That doesn't mean you'll "be alone" though! You have friends and of course your mom, your therapist to help you when you need it. You can do dinners and sleep overs with your mom a few times a week so you won't feel isolated.

[Kristine]

I've basically decided to move. It's a great opportunity. Mom would rather I stay living with her. She likes the money and the help. I need some independence. I went and picked up dishes off craigslist $30. Its fancy stuff but it's plain enough I can use for every day. My brother has said she can come live with him. She likes having the upper hand. So she has refused that offer.

[TintedChrome]

I went through the same experience about 15 years ago. I lived with my parents until I was about 32 when I bought my condo and moved. The first day and night things were fine. Next day was fine, but the second night a had a big mood crash. My mind was telling me that this was a mistake, that I should move back with my parents.

 

 

 

Normally psychiatrists and therapists don't tell you what to do or not do, but my psychiatrist strongly advised me to not move back in with my parents. What I did was sleep overnight at my parents' house Sunday through Thursday and stay in my condo on the weekend. That helped me adjust a lot.

 

 

 

After a few months I started staying more nights at the condo and fewer with my parents. I still visited them a lot. Eventually I would stay overnight only on Sundays at my parents' house, as a sociable visit to keep them company more than for my benefit.

 

 

 

6 or 12 months after moving, I remember it was a hot summer day and I was lying on my bed with the air conditioning running and I was thinking to myself Damn, I love this place. I had great fun living alone. Do what I want, go where I want when I want, eat what I want...decorate my place however I want, it was a lot of fun. If I was visiting my parents and my mom got crabby and started busting my balls over something, I could say Gee mom, sorry, I gotta go vacuum/wash dishes/uh, rearrange my furniture, yeah that's it....see ya!

 

 

 

What a huge mistake it would have been if I sold my condo and moved back in with my parents.

[Kristine]

The latest drama that is affecting me is.

 

My mom threatened with a plan suicide if she cannot afford the bills, and says if I move out she cannot afford the bills. She also listed a room to rent, intending it to be my room, though she has a guest room. Someone is coming today to look at it (edited because shocker).

 

I tell my brother who later in the evening says he's considering a move to the south and my mom asks if she can come he says sure she can live with him. He's offered her to live with him before she always said no, now she says yes.

 

Now if I move I have more bills, less money than before because I have to reduce my work hours, and my family support system is gone. They are against my moving out at this time.

 

If I don't move, I may be whisked away to the south where I've always wanted to go, before my daughter graduates high school, still have 2 years of visitation to manage.

 

I know I need therapy, calling tomorrow to see when I can be seen current appointment is 3 weeks out.

Edited March 3, 2019 by Kristine

[preraph]

I think you'd be better off alone than tied to a woman who would be so crazy as to threaten suicide if you don't stay there to help her pay the bills. You're grown. You deserve your own life. Your mother sounds very controlling. Again, if you hate it, you can find another situation, but I think that given who you're putting up with, this will make you feel lighter and happier and stronger and more confident. Your mother isn't a great role model. She's making you feel like SHE can't survive, but that's her sick mindset. Don't think that way! You sound like you're going great.

[alphamale]

I think you'd be better off alone than tied to a woman who would be so crazy as to threaten suicide if you don't stay there to help her pay the bills. You're grown. You deserve your own life. Your mother sounds very controlling. Again, if you hate it, you can find another situation, but I think that given who you're putting up with, this will make you feel lighter and happier and stronger and more confident. Your mother isn't a great role model. She's making you feel like SHE can't survive, but that's her sick mindset. Don't think that way! You sound like you're going great.

 

unfortunately in western society senior citizens are thrown out with the weeks trash on Tuesday mornings

[preraph]

The mother had her own life to live as she chose. This young person doesn't have to live her mother's life instead of her own. The mother has a place to go.

[Kristine]

I'm still planning to move. It's a huge step for me. I meet with the housing person tomorrow.