preraph Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Since talking dates aren't working, why not suggest "active" first dates. You might even put it in your profile. Nowhere isolated, obviously, but the zoo, an aquarium, bowling, golf, a high school game if you both like sports, dog park, something where you can focus on the activity AND talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 I disagree. She sounds like a rational person. Some men get intimidated by that, but it doesn't mean there isn't a niche of men for her. Do you know your Myers Briggs personality type, Lorenza? Yeah, I'm the ISFP type though I'm not completely sold on all descriptions of it, feels like I might have traits of ISFJ also. I've met some INTJ guys, they were always too dry for me, but these are usually the only ones who have their MB personlity types written down in their profiles Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Since talking dates aren't working, why not suggest "active" first dates. You might even put it in your profile. Nowhere isolated, obviously, but the zoo, an aquarium, bowling, golf, a high school game if you both like sports, dog park, something where you can focus on the activity AND talk. But how will that help building emotional connection? I want talking, but just not about the prices and job markets.. Chatting for a little while would maybe help with that, but "prefer not to chat for too long, lets go on a date" is the main trend here Link to post Share on other sites
Osho Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 (edited) I'm already doing the things I love, don't think that will get me closer to finding someone since the things I love doing are solitary I love macro photography. Mostly solo just like landscape photography. But it gets me outside walking around. I can also take classes at local places that further my passion for it while getting me around other people. I love reading books. Mostly a solo thing. But I go to the library or to the same places I shoot photos at. Sky views and public parks. Plenty of things can be done out and about. But my point was for you to distract yourself from thinking something is wrong with you. All of the best relationships you’ll ever have, usually begin without the intention of anything at all. Zero expectations, zero judgement and zero planning. I can look back on all of my best friends and my longest relationships and they all share the same. Months into them or even years later I considered them to be someone I value highly in my life. You don’t meet a person and think “man I can’t be your best friend because you have this flaw or that flaw” or even because there isn’t that immediate spark or chemistry. Most don’t intend to become best friends with anyone it just happens. It’s only till after getting to know them better and after some time of them being in your life do you form a strong connection. And the reason that is possible is the lack of expectation, lack of searching for it. My best intimate relationships all have been by surprise in exactly the way you’re looking for. I’m so focused on learning something or whatever I’m into at that time that I don’t have time to focus on who’s next or finding them. Then what I’m not looking for shows up and can’t be overlooked. You say you’re doing the things you love? But it doesn’t sound like you love going on dates? And by the thread title it doesn’t sound like looking for a relationship is something you love doing either. So why not give yourself a vacation from finding anyone and fill that time with stuff you do love. Let your next relationship find you. Edited February 2, 2019 by Osho 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 (edited) Oh interesting so you’re F = feeler. I thought you’d be T = rational. Not sure why I felt you were T. I forgot to say I think Myers Briggs is a great way to find compatible partners. INTJs are the best type for me (ENFP - it’s like magic for me with them!) but I don’t think they’d be good to you. - If you’re ISFP the best ones for you would be ESFJ, or ENFJ. - If you’re ISFJ - good ones are ESTP or ESFP. Basically mostly Sensors as you although there’s one N thrown in there. N and S don’t match well together. That’s why you think INTJs are dry Keep in mind that ISFx people need emotional connection, someone who listens to them. So perhaps look for guys who seems compassionate and who know how to listen. One of my sisters is ISFJ and she loathed going on dates before she found her boyfriend. Yeah, I'm the ISFP type though I'm not completely sold on all descriptions of it, feels like I might have traits of ISFJ also. I've met some INTJ guys, they were always too dry for me, but these are usually the only ones who have their MB personlity types written down in their profiles Edited February 2, 2019 by edgygirl Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Maybe stop being so rigid with who you are choosing to meet and try some men who are outside your set criteria... You may be surprised... I have seen this same thing with some of my friends, they have a rigid list of criteria of what they want and keep getting disappointed... I myself am sick of dating also for different reasons though... I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 If you are an intellectual type, you will find it more difficult meeting other intellectual types or anyone like yourself IMO. I myself am intellectual and it is or was not an asset or advantage dating. Just the opposite in fact. Everyone is looking to have fun and talking about interest rates or an academic subject is not fun. It must be a combination of looks, chemistry and talkable subjects. You may be writing off some of the dates too soon. Maybe a second date or third would be needed for you, to give the benefit of the doubt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 I'm trying to change my approach and date outside the box. So I'm talking to a couple of my countrymen (which was usually a no go), and they aren't scientists for a change. In fact both physical workers. I would usually never go out with someone who doesn't have a degree, which is maybe stupid and rigid. One of those guys sometimes makes spelling mistakes in our mother tongue, which I would normally never forgive, but he seems like a sweet person who dares to write a bit more romantic things (that doesn't exist with all those scientists and phD students I would normally go on dates with). Also, pictures are somewhat attractive, and I usually choose not so very handsome ones, thinking they would anyway charm me with their intellect. That never happens. Another guy I'm talking to and it's getting closer to booking in a date is someone I would never think swiping right on. But he seems very attractive in his pictures, even though he's not my type. Unfortunately, a scientist (but I only found out much later into conversation). Can't seem to get too far away from that kind of men but this one seems to be a bit more relaxed and maybe the date won't feel like an interview. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Funny you say this Lorenza. My ISFJ sister is NOT into intellectuals. She dated a couple in the past, but ended up with a guy who also doesn't have a graduate degree, more on the blue collar side, and is romantic, sweet, emotional, cares about her, musician. Maybe that could go better with you as well? Link to post Share on other sites
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