Wallysbears Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Who here as embarked on major home renovations together as a couple? Any advice? We are going to be knocking down a few walls, doing a reno of the current kitchen/dining room (turning it into an open style large kitchen) and then finishing out our basement. You know...because life isn't busy enough with a toddler and having a senior citizen mother live with us. Any suggestions from folks that have done this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 One room at a time, if practical. And show each other a lot of patience and grace. More than usual, I mean. It's stressful having your house all ****ed up for what will seem like forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wallysbears Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 I was also planning on lots of wine (for me) so as not to kill my perfectionist husband LOL 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Do it a room at a time, or in clear stages, if possible. Make sure you have the money, time, and health to complete a plan in a reasonable time. I have friends who started a major renovation project, and there is still an unfinished gap in the living room walls, and the kitchen is not quite complete. This is after 30 years! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Have a food plan & a budget, especially with the kitchen. We were lucky in that we were able to move the 'fridge, the kitchen table & the microwave into the living room. I was able to make meals in the crock pot too but we ate a lot of sandwiches, take out, & things I could heat up in the microwave. When doing your actual construction / reno budget round up by at least 25% & plan for cost overages that inevitably happen. If you have money left over great horray for you, go on vacation or splurge on a fixture but it's better then being caught short. Patience & kindness are key here. Our "6 week" kitchen reno ended up taking 4 months because so many unexpected problems were discovered. It turned into making structural repairs to about 1/3 of our house & tripled our budget. It was a nightmare. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 You know...because life isn't busy enough with a toddler and having a senior citizen mother live with us. Things will go much more smoothly if you add a puppy to the mix. (JK....I do not recommend this.....I'm in the middle of housebreaking a puppy in an arctic blast and it is the exact opposite of fun). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wallysbears Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 Ha! We have 3 dogs. One is *just* past the puppy phase. I have zero desire to have any more "things" in my house that I have to take care of or that require me to clean up after them! And OMG a 6 week renovation taking 4 months? I would cry! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 And OMG a 6 week renovation taking 4 months? I would cry! I did . . . a lot. There was no insulation in the walls. The kitchen is on the main floor. The joists under it separating the kitchen from the basement were cut into & therefore not code. We had to have all the floors rejoisted & metal support beams installed downstairs. The main structural beam that runs the length of the house & keep the 2nd floor upstairs was cracked & bowed. It cost $7k just to have that beam replaced. When they tried to install my heated floors they realized how screwed up my entire HVAC system was & that plus all the duct work had to be replaced. Nightmare! It was horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 If you find it hard to agree with each other, then consider hiring a decorator to help find a design that pleases you both. Don't get the whole house torn up at once. One thing at a time, and realize workmen have to work in a certain order not to get in your or other workman's way, so read up on that. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 I'm no help. We did a massive build last year and our teenage daughter had to sit hubby and I down and give us a firm talking to about how unpleasant and snippy we were being with each other during it. Stress does not bring out the best in either of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Do it a room at a time, or in clear stages, if possible. The road to hell is paved with just these kinds of good ideas and intentions. We started out with that approach on our 25-year old home, until we found that, unless we wanted to breathe a known carcinogen in silica dust, tile removal called for a special machine and process available through only one vendor within 500 miles. So it all had to be done in one shot. If I had do it all over again, the budget for a major remodel (new floors, paint/wallpaper, walls moved, kitchen/bath OOS, etc.) would include us AirB&B'ing it nearby or staying at a monthly rental like a Renaissance Inn. At the very least, consider scheduling a few weekend getaways while this is going on so you can decompress. I'd say the end result is worth it, but that's not much comfort while it's going on. Are you and your husband on the same page as far as scope of work, colors, budget, timeline, contractor selection, etc.? The only smart thing I did was letting my wife make most of the decisions... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wallysbears Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 Are you and your husband on the same page as far as scope of work, colors, budget, timeline, contractor selection, etc.? The only smart thing I did was letting my wife make most of the decisions... Mr. Lucky I've picked what I want in regards to colors, style, finishes, etc - basically what I want the finished product to look like. He's handling the contractors, budget, timelines, etc. because he's better with that sort of thing than I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 We are going to be knocking down a few walls... Please check that the walls you are knocking down are NOT load bearing walls!! Many years ago, a friend of mine was thinking about removing a wall. His wife wanted a more open floor plan. I took one look and knew the wall they wanted to remove was load bearing and advised them against it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Moving or removing walls & plumbing is very expensive. Anything you can do to avoid that will keep your costs down. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 It might be easier and cheaper to just get a divorce at this point My wife and I could never remodel a home together, she can't make decisions but has to have her way, as soon as she mentions something I know it will be done. This last weekend I put crown molding is one of the basement bedrooms that we are converting into a tween room and she wanted to paint the walls first then put the crown molding in, I said you can't do that as you have to paint the crown after it's chalked in.. she got her way and I had to install crown with chalking on finished paint.. fun fun... Good luck... I can't give any advice as I wouldn't try such an endeavor with my wife and would buy a new home before losing my sanity thru a remodeling process. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 It can create alot of stress , try to keep it light and fun. We tried, but my wife is a right now kinda woman. Couple days in I hired some people. We did one years ago before kids and it just led to alot of paint covered sex...haha took us almost a year, but its was pretty much a gut job. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Oh God. My husband and I bought a gut job (rowhome built in 1910, last owned by hoarders, complete with rats and fleas and bugs everywhere) and did the bulk of the renovations in six months while living there. His father was a GC and he grew up doing all kinds of construction and electrical work, so he was up for the challenge. I was...less so, and had I known how much crying would be involved, I'm not sure I would have agreed. But it was absolutely worth it. Some tips: 1) Set aside date nights where House Talk is strictly off-limits. No looking around at things where you are and saying "hey, that's a good idea for the (whatever) room". Just don't do it. 2) Create safe zones in the house: places set aside for YOUR needs, whether that means a spot to knit or read books, or cuddle, or whatever. No teleworking or eating or house discussions should occur here. It sounds dumb but it's another way to get rid of the feeling that you have no escape from the house. 3) Do not shove your spouse out the window. (This is the hard part.) 4) When you find yourself raising your voice or getting snitty about paint colors/tile/etc, immediately take a step back and de-escalate. Count to ten and ask if you really care that much about what direction the tile is going, or if you're just stressed about other things. 5) Remember you're on the same team. This can be hard when you have so many differences in opinion on things. In the end, you have to back each other up and recognize that sometimes he will have better ideas than you, and vice-versa, and that's fine. You're both working towards the same end. I remember the first time I casually mentioned to a co-worker that I was just starting a gut job with my husband. His response was "What?! I redid a bathroom and a kitchen with my wife and we wanted to kill each other after five days!" I thought maybe he just had a bad marriage or something but, yeah, it's tough. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 3) Do not shove your spouse out the window. (This is the hard part.) Should be amended to read "no higher than the second floor window". Wallysbears, what's missing from all our doom-and-gloom predictions is, when all said and done, you'll have a beautiful "new" home. We've gotten compliments from everyone who's seen our renovation and the lighter, open feel makes it a nicer place to live. I'll also be watching the Super Bowl this Sunday on a 150" diagonal screen in our dedicated home theater, used 4-5 nights a week by us or our son. Just keep your eye on the prize... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 It might be easier and cheaper to just get a divorce at this point Made me laugh :lmao: I actually built most of mine and the missus home. I'd say have set 'down tools' times - and stick to it!! I'm so bad for just wanting to work every second until the jobs done, but then your putting your relationship on a backburner, luckily the OH is good at making me stop. We used to work on different things tbh, she'd help me out, I'd help her out, but most of the time we'd be in the same space working on our own thing (unless its something simple like painting/panelling), otherwise it brings out my stressy militarian leader side :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 We knew what to do when we redid our entire house. Live elsewhere! However that is not an option for many. My business is involved with projects like this and I do feel for folks, I call it living in a war zone. Tensions do elevate be mindful to remember you do love your family. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 We’ve been renovating for about four years now... yes, four years! We started with outside/strcutural and have taken many “breaks” throughout the process - both to financially and emotionally recover. It’s also been a mix of contractors and do-it- yourself. Here would be some of my advice: 1) Its great to think about the beautiful, new kitchen or floors, but do things in order and take care of the structural, not-so-fun stuff first. We started with geothermal heat (needed a new heating system anyway) and a new roof, siding and improved insulation. Then moved onto solar panels - cause that’s how we roll. Once these were taken care of, we could do aesthetic stuff guilt- free. 2) Set realistic budgets and add a 20% contingency. Yep, if you are doing it in cash, it means you won’t do it all right away, but a hidden issue doesn’t become a game changer. 3) If you are doing a long-term renovation, give yourselves “breaks” of when the house is put back together. Otherwise, the chaos can get overwhelming. 4) It always takes longer than expected. My kitchen - a total guy job back to the studs with new wiring and insulation took nine weeks. I was at the end of my rope and we had an amazing contractor. It’s hard to be patient when you just want it to be over. 5) We are doing a whole house and whole property renovation. So, we had to sit down and establish priorities. Try and stick to that list. Every once in awhile a “new” project comes up or we want to leapfrog a project forward. Our ground rules are that we both have to agree. 6) Get the right equipment for the job. We actually bought a small backhoe. I have spent more on tools than I earned my first years out of college. But, when you go to do a project yourself, having the right tools makes it all worth it. Also, take care of those tools. Keeping them in good working order is essential. 7) Clean the jobsite every day. Yes, it shortens the “workday” by about an hour but you will thank yourself. It reduces the chance of injury, that something gets broken or lost and that the next day runs more smoothly and efficiently. Now for the relationship part... 1) Work to incorporate both of your ideas. Left to my own devices, I would have made different choices at times but the end result of it being a shared vision makes it so much more satisfying to both of us. 2) Communicate regularly, particularly about your stress levels. Also, try to make working together fun. My husband and I joke around quite a bit while working together and it makes the job easier. When we get snarky, we know it’s time to stop for the day. 3) Understand you both have different barometers of completion. I am a “we’re not building a church” kind of girl and my husband is an absolute perfectionist. We strive to balance ourselves. 4) Have fun. It’s a privilege that you can afford to do it. Appreciate that and enjoy the process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 We’ve been renovating for about four years now... I stopped reading right there and went out to the garage to find enough rope for a noose... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 I stopped reading right there and went out to the garage to find enough rope for a noose... Mr. Lucky It’s not that bad actually. We take frequent breaks and put the house back together. And we actually enjoy the process. Yes, it can get stressful - particularly when we both had high-stress jobs. But nothing beats the sense of seeing something come together. Plus, now all the structural is done and it’s all cosmetic. Link to post Share on other sites
firemanq Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Good Luck! My girlfriend had major back surgery. She did not want to use the upstairs bath, with the tub. Up and down the stairs was not a good idea. The theory was the remodel was to take a month. The budget was $5,000.00. The cost was closer to $15,000.00, and 3 months. Home Cheapo did not have the cabinets in stock. The shower took 3 tries before we got one that was not damaged. The plumber took 2 weeks off to ride his Harley around Arizona, w/o letting the general know. I decided I wanted a copy of the original 1895 molding. We finally found a shop in Eugene that could replicate the original pattern. The original doors looked terrible, so new doors were ordered and installed. The General had other jobs scheduled, based upon our original time frame. But, it is all done now, lath and plaster is gone, walls insulated, sheet rock on the walls and ceiling, rotten floor replaced by new plywood and tile. The only thing that was not replaced was the toilet, I had already changed it. We did not learn our lesson. In April, the contractor will start on the kitchen/pantry. We will set up the hunting camp kitchen in the garage. The camp port-potty will be on the garage apron. The kitchen sink/cabinet will be in the garage. The estimated time frame is 2 months, and $30,000.00. The lath and plaster will come out, 2 new windows will be installed. I may have some of the siding replaced around the new windows, but now, I know who can make the siding. I am sure some of the wiring will be replaced. Knob & tube does not meet code anymore. I will remove the old 3/8 piping for the non-existant gas lights. We have a leak in the upstairs bathtub. I will pull the kitchen ceiling so the plumber can run a new drain pipe. Next project, I have a guy who specializes in stone foundations. At present, he is waiting for nicer weather, so he can re-point the County Courthouse stone work. I am next in line. Then the front porch and rear porch need to be fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 To OP: If I can offer one more bit of advice. If you are re-painting any interior walls, whatever color you pick, have the next shade lighter mixed at the paint store. I recently repainted a bedroom in my house, my girlfriend told me the paint I selected was too light. I told her wait & see. After I finished the room she said the color was just slightly too dark. I told her imagine if I had painted it the darker color you wanted... No, I've learned that lesson the hard way. Always, go lighter when using color!! Link to post Share on other sites
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