Author iamCAROL Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 I’ve been thinking about stopping to talk to him. You put things bluntly and I’m grateful for that. Thank you so much for your advice. I'm assuming you're very very young, or an extremely naive young adult. In either event, when someone CONS you and pretends to be someone else, and continually lies to you, misleads you, deceives you and tricks you until YOU have to find out the truth, what does that say about this degenerate???? You know how I know you're naive? Because you aren't looking at the BIG picture. And the BIG pictures is that if this guy were looking for an 'innocent' friend to chat with online, he wouldn't have LIED TO YOU about his age and he wouldn't have LIED TO YOU about being married and he wouldn't have LIED TO YOU about having kids, and he wouldn't have LIED TO YOU about how his marriage is just a roommate situation because they have to raise their kids. This is the same steaming manure all married men pull on the internet when they go online hoping to find naive women like you who'll believe their bull**** so they can eventually get their jollies with you. You act as though he's freakin' Doctor Phil or something and that his advice is worth it's weight in gold. Please. I'm sure whatever oh so profound earth-shattering 'advice' he gave you can be found on Google. Stop being naive and more so, stop REWARDING a slimy liar for conning you and tricking you for his OWN selfish benefit. Jeez, would you invite the guy who mugged you to your house for dinner? Would you go to the movies with the guy who stole your car? It's the same principle!!!! He lied to you and conned you and you REWARD him by acting like you owe him something. Stop being naive. My friends say I have a rotten finger pointing at the wrong people to like. Maybe I’m naive. I was in a very fragile state when he found me. Actually I was in a social media app to seek advice and meet friends my age. He contacted me to give me advice if I remember correctly. I have decided to stop talking to him. I’m doing a few questions to him and then I’ll be gone. Thank you, Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 IamCarol, think of it this way. If you got great advice from a man over the internet and he seemed really caring, then you found out it was David Berkowitz ("Son of Sam") the notorious serial killer who was pretending to be a young, available guy on online dating, and he was texting you from his prison cell, would you say, "Well I do owe him, he gave me so much support earlier when I thought he was a good guy..."?? Now, I know cheating on your spouse is not the same as killing people, but maybe that will drive home the point. Anyone can be nice SOME of the time. He is NOT A NICE GUY if he is texting girls on a dating site behind his wife's back. I realize how dumb I have been. Sometimes I need a reality check. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Not dumb but naive. It’s okay to have pen pals in life, just don’t expect them to save you from yourself nor ever develop romantic feelings for a total stranger you have no idea about who they are in real life. And, you owe him nothing. I realize how dumb I have been. Sometimes I need a reality check. Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 I personally don’t think he is interested in anything sexual. He never asked for photos and I have never given those to him. He never talked to me in a sexual way. At all. However I still think it’s wrong because the emotion he is giving me should not be given to me. Look, most guys don't EVEN want female friends who are just friends. They nearly always want something sexual, sexting, photos, or even just a face to put with their sexual fantasy. He's limited what he can do because he's married, but he's working up to it. You should quit before it gets any more complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 Look, most guys don't EVEN want female friends who are just friends. They nearly always want something sexual, sexting, photos, or even just a face to put with their sexual fantasy. He's limited what he can do because he's married, but he's working up to it. You should quit before it gets any more complicated. I already quit and I still think he didn’t want anything sexual. We were talking for a long time before I found out his real life and in the time after that that was no reference whatsoever of anything of that sort. I quit because I considered the emotion he was given to me should have been direct elsewhere. He was not naughty or interested in sex and despite my naivety that is something I am very sure about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 Not dumb but naive. It’s okay to have pen pals in life, just don’t expect them to save you from yourself nor ever develop romantic feelings for a total stranger you have no idea about who they are in real life. And, you owe him nothing. We had feelings for each other but I had no clue of his real life. And after I found out I spent so much time thinking about what I should do. I feel like I should have asked this advice sooner but thankfully I finally did. He was unlike any guy I met. He just wanted to talk. That was it. I said goodbye to him today but I wish I could understand some of the messages he sent me. I’m still very confused about the whole situation. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 We had feelings for each other but I had no clue of his real life. And after I found out I spent so much time thinking about what I should do. I feel like I should have asked this advice sooner but thankfully I finally did. He was unlike any guy I met. He just wanted to talk. That was it. I said goodbye to him today but I wish I could understand some of the messages he sent me. I’m still very confused about the whole situation. I thought you said there were no feelings involved he just gave you life changing advice? I'm confused as well. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 His behaviour amounts to grooming really. I highly doubt he intends to meet up if he is so far away. He is probably looking for some 'naughty chat' online. He has lied to you about his age and omitted to mention his status. The guy is not honest and I would not allow him to manipulate you into anything. If you feel uncomfortable with the way he is trying to make things go between you, then opt out. You do not owe him anything, despite his sweet words. I might have more sympathy for him if he had been honest about his status and age from the start, but the fact that he wasn't shows you what kind of guy he is. You have every right to walk away from this and not even bother with friendship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Sounds like classic "catfish" throw him back and don't waste your time. I dumped my ex because he was "catfishing" some 19 year old. He is 59 and was passing himself off as a 31 year old music producer. Oh yeah.. and he is married...so classic serial cheater too. I am pretty sure of it.... why else would he be pretending to be something he is not? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I know it’s hard to lose daily contact when we’re used to it, but I have a feeling that with some distance from the situation, in time you will actually realize it was not sustainable or healthy and perhaps even get angry that he kinda used you emotionally and was careless with your feelings and your time. I hope you find peace soon, don’t overthink it, your time should be spent trying to meet people who will give you real love, affection and their real-life time - which is what you deserve. I’m still very confused about the whole situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 I thought you said there were no feelings involved he just gave you life changing advice? I'm confused as well. Where did I say that there were no feelings? There’s a difference between feelings and acting. I started talking to the guy and I connected to him on what I thought to be a deep level. However, that happened while I didn’t know about his real life. So I developed feelings for someone I thought was single and young like me. When I did find the truth, my feelings did not disappear but I was unsure if the person I felt connected to was just his creation or if it had been real at all. Nonetheless, despite the initial feelings I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him the same way anymore because I could not stand contributing in any way to drama or because I didn’t want to have anything to do with someone’s marriage. My whole point with the post was figure out what I should do since he was not respecting completely the limits drawn by me for a friendship. I ended up cutting ties with him but I hope I’ve cleared your doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 His behaviour amounts to grooming really. I highly doubt he intends to meet up if he is so far away. He is probably looking for some 'naughty chat' online. He has lied to you about his age and omitted to mention his status. The guy is not honest and I would not allow him to manipulate you into anything. If you feel uncomfortable with the way he is trying to make things go between you, then opt out. You do not owe him anything, despite his sweet words. I might have more sympathy for him if he had been honest about his status and age from the start, but the fact that he wasn't shows you what kind of guy he is. You have every right to walk away from this and not even bother with friendship. I may be quite innocent but I honestly do not think he was interested in anything sexual. In my eyes, he is lonely loveless guy looking for something to fill the void of his life. And that does not entail anything sexual, at least not online. The total duration of our interaction was a couple of months (counting the time I did not know about his real life and the time I did) and in that time he did not ask me for a single photo or video and nor did he talk to me in a sexual way. What I thought was wrong was the emotion that he was given to me, not the naughty messages because those were non existent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 Sounds like classic "catfish" throw him back and don't waste your time. I dumped my ex because he was "catfishing" some 19 year old. He is 59 and was passing himself off as a 31 year old music producer. Oh yeah.. and he is married...so classic serial cheater too. I am pretty sure of it.... why else would he be pretending to be something he is not? I don’t know. I would personally not talk with a guy like he talked to me if I had a boyfriend. It was by putting myself in other people’s shoes that I decided I wanted to leave this situation. I just know that he did really seem like he was struggling in life, and that’s no excuse for trying to defy the boundaries of marriage and loyalty of course, but it always makes me feel crappy to leave people by themselves in that state. I guess that’s why it took me a bit to make up my mind. Also, I’m sorry that happened to you. I didn’t want to interfere with no one’s life like what happened to you. That’s why I left. I was cheated on once too. Not a good feeling. I hope you’re with someone loyal or alone and happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 I know it’s hard to lose daily contact when we’re used to it, but I have a feeling that with some distance from the situation, in time you will actually realize it was not sustainable or healthy and perhaps even get angry that he kinda used you emotionally and was careless with your feelings and your time. I hope you find peace soon, don’t overthink it, your time should be spent trying to meet people who will give you real love, affection and their real-life time - which is what you deserve. Thank you. I hope that happens and I hope this served me as a lesson. Sometimes I feel guilty for not supporting someone that could benefit from my help or are in need of healing. I always attract people that need me badly. I feel like this situation taught me something valuable about not sacrificing my values to compensate for someone’s life chaos. Thank you so much for your advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 You’re extremely naive and, frankly, quite silly. And this guy knows that. It doesn’t matter what his agenda is, he has flat out lied to you. That should’ve been the point where you cut all ties with him. What you don’t know is that these types of men know the art of manipulation and they are VERY smooth at that game. You’re just a victim waiting to happen. He’ll reel you in, make you think he’s your friend, get you hooked on him, and then he’ll do whatever he’s planning to do when you’re so deeply attached that you’ll put up with anything. You’ve already shown him that you’ll tolerate lying and you’re ok with him being married. It’s just a matter of time before he convinces you to do yet more things that are detrimental to you but beneficial to him. You’re making the same mistake that most women make — you’re underestimating him and are fooled by the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 You’re extremely naive and, frankly, quite silly. And this guy knows that. It doesn’t matter what his agenda is, he has flat out lied to you. That should’ve been the point where you cut all ties with him. What you don’t know is that these types of men know the art of manipulation and they are VERY smooth at that game. You’re just a victim waiting to happen. He’ll reel you in, make you think he’s your friend, get you hooked on him, and then he’ll do whatever he’s planning to do when you’re so deeply attached that you’ll put up with anything. You’ve already shown him that you’ll tolerate lying and you’re ok with him being married. It’s just a matter of time before he convinces you to do yet more things that are detrimental to you but beneficial to him. You’re making the same mistake that most women make — you’re underestimating him and are fooled by the wolf in sheep’s clothing. I did not forgive him unconditionally. I set clear friendship boundaries with no romantic or passionate communication involved since I WAS CERTAINLY NOT OKAY WITH HIM BEING MARRIED. He did not respect them and I will never ever have something of a romantic nature with someone taken. And that’s why I cut ties with him. Maybe I’m naive, foolish and silly but I wanted to make the right decision and not contribute to any drama or suffering. That’s why I asked for advice. Thanks for yours. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 Yeah. I know that word. I have been trying to disengage from his flirt attempts because I don’t want to have any part in that. I think he is not respecting his wife which I hate because I have been cheated on and I know how much it hurts. I’m torn between how I should behave. A part of me wants to shake the hell out of him for his wrong doings and the other part of me wants to thank him because 2018 was a hard year for me and he listened to everything and gave me life changing advice. I have made my mind and I’m going to cut ties with him. I realize how naive I have been now that I’m reading the answers to my post. I had no idea how to deal with the situation, how to think or react. I know now. Thanks you and thanks all. Not only is he not respecting his wife but he has no respect for you. Married men who think women have morals don't try to lead them into sex. I would be insulted if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 5, 2019 Author Share Posted February 5, 2019 Not only is he not respecting his wife but he has no respect for you. Married men who think women have morals don't try to lead them into sex. I would be insulted if I were you. I’m a little bit tired of saying this but he never mentioned sex or said anything sexual to me during the whole time I spoke to him. Ever. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 I’m a little bit tired of saying this but he never mentioned sex or said anything sexual to me during the whole time I spoke to him. Ever. I think everyone believes you about that but it's kind of like reverse engineering. He knows that not talking about sex, even saying he's not interested in it, will draw you to him. It's part of the manipulation. Men who do that kind of thing understand the psychology behind it. As I said, they're very good at the manipulation. Whatever his game was, I can guarantee you it would've ended badly for you in one way or another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 5, 2019 Author Share Posted February 5, 2019 I think everyone believes you about that but it's kind of like reverse engineering. He knows that not talking about sex, even saying he's not interested in it, will draw you to him. It's part of the manipulation. Men who do that kind of thing understand the psychology behind it. As I said, they're very good at the manipulation. Whatever his game was, I can guarantee you it would've ended badly for you in one way or another. Lol I would never give anything of that nature to a married man. That would be utterly ridiculous. ? Well... only he knows his intentions. I don’t talk to him anymore so I should be alright. Thanks everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 (edited) GUYS, just one day after I stopped talking to him he has found another person. I am young but She looks really underage. I’m honestly really disturbed. Should I warn her or stay away? One day and that girl has already posted love dedications for him. I’m shocked at what he’s doing. Why would a guy go after a teen like her? Should I do something? Please help!! Edited February 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Remove bolding Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 (edited) I think everyone believes you about that but it's kind of like reverse engineering. <snip> You seem like you’re experience. Please read the text in bold in page 4 of this thread. It’s alarmind and I have no clue what to do. Edited February 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact superfluous quotes and truncate duplicate of prior quote Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 No question, he’s a predator. Yes, if you can warn the girl, then do so. If there’s a way to do it anonymously, then do it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Go ahead and warn her but it isn't going to stop him from going after extremely young women. That is what he likes. I hope you aren't just telling her this out of bitterness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamCAROL Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 You seem like you’re experience. Please read the text in bold in page 4 of this thread. It’s alarmind and I have no clue what to do. I already quit and I still think he didn’t want anything sexual. We were talking for a long time before I found out his real life and in the time after that that was no reference whatsoever of anything of that sort. I quit because I considered the emotion he was given to me should have been direct elsewhere. He was not naughty or interested in sex and despite my naivety that is something I am very sure about. Go ahead and warn her but it isn't going to stop him from going after extremely young women. That is what he likes. I hope you aren't just telling her this out of bitterness. No I’m not. I’m really disturbed. I tried to warn another girl once and she was mad at me and only engaged with him more. They are both online. I wonder if he is trying to descrédito my point. I contacted the administrators of the platform. He has been a member for over 551 days. I wonder how many times he did this. Link to post Share on other sites
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