BettyDraper Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Not buying it....he had no problem with her going for a year, no problem with her wearing a two piece. Now he does. Reading between the lines, and what she isnt saying is something changed, something happened that created this insecurity that hasn't been there the year before. I agree. Something in the milk ain't clean.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Not buying it....he had no problem with her going for a year, no problem with her wearing a two piece. Now he does. Reading between the lines, and what she isnt saying is something changed, something happened that created this insecurity that hasn't been there the year before. what changed is her female friend stopped going 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Can you get him to join and go with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Why did ALL the other females quit? Why have you put yourself in a situation that is causing problems in your marriage? Your husband was find with it when it was an activity that you were doing with your bff. It has now become an activity that you are doing with a group of guys your husband doesn’t know. I have done group activities in the past. Even back then some in the group had no problems changing in front of everyone else. Has this happened in your group sense all the other females have quit? If you cannot understand why your husband wants you to quit you are extremely naïve or cheating with members of the group. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 On the flipside, I dont know that many if any of the women commenting or even the OP would see this the same if their boyfriend/husband was doing activities in a banana hammock with a group of woman...let's get real. That stuff makes most uncomfortable. I assume you've never swum competitively or trained laps in the pool for fitness. Speedos a perfectly reasonable garment to wear when you're training or racing. Why a woman would be uncomfortable with this is beyond me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Most are saying that the OP should do as he directs her. But my spidey senses are concerned about whether or not he's controlling in other parts of her life. The fact that he feels it's OK to dictate what she does in this situation makes me think it could be in other parts of the marriage too. I'd like to know more about the marriage in general before I give an opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Were you never a teenaged girl? You buy the one piece & you wear the shorts out of the house but then take them off in the water. I would appear that I was never a teenaged girl, nor was was my 19yo daughter ...and all the teenaged girls at the beach Do teenagers not wear fabulous bikinis where you are? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I don't think she should do as directed. I dont understand why this is an issue. why is it so important she wear a cleavage showing bikini to snorkel in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 (edited) why is it so important she wear a cleavage showing bikini to snorkel in. What makes you assume she has cleavage. Many can only dream of having it. DKT3, I can't remember if you're male or female, but if you're a man you probably don't know that wearing a one piece is nowhere near as pleasant as a bikini. Or at least, those of us who love the feel of water on our skin feel that way. Edited February 2, 2019 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 What makes you assume the OP has cleavage? Lots of women don't One piece swimsuits can be very sexy too. Truth is there is no burkha equivalent if you take up snorkelling or any other water sport. It is all figure hugging stuff that exposes a large amount of flesh, there is no getting over that Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 I would appear that I was never a teenaged girl, nor was was my 19yo daughter ...and all the teenaged girls at the beach Do teenagers not wear fabulous bikinis where you are? You misunderstood. When I was a teenaged girl & my parents forbid me to wear something I'd wear something else out of the house & change. The big one was I went to Catholic school, walking out of the house & into school, my skirt hem came down to my knee. As soon as I got on that bus or out of my parents' sight the skirt got rolled at the waist to a much shorter length. lol If the husband's objection was to the bikini but he wanted shorts over the 1 piece too, my advice was to buy the 1 piece & wear the shorts as she left the house, then ditch the shorts. But when the husband started with other women have to be there & he was going to scour the social media. . . that all became too controlling & unacceptable. Her style of bathing suit alone should not cause a fight or bust up a marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Thanks for the clarification D0nni. I now see where you're coming from and quite agree 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Cleavage? Because she said he complains about it. Soo ..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Jeez, compromise. Not only is he not way off base being a little jealous, he is within his rights to be a little worried about you off in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of guys! Your stubborn determination to wear a bikini belies your intentions here! Ask him if it would help if you wear a nonrevealing full swimsuit. Let him help pick it out in a catalog or whatever. If I were him, I'd still be worried about you being somewhere with a group of guys like that, honestly. It's not like bowling where there's other people around, you know. All it takes is one bad one. Your husband knows how horny guys are and how some will take advantage of an opportunity, even if you don't want them to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 why did all the other woman quit the club? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beccawife32 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 why did all the other woman quit the club? The core members quit but There are some that join us once in a while My bff quit because she got pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Your husband knows how horny guys are and how some will take advantage of an opportunity, even if you don't want them to. So a conservative swimsuit will prevent rape? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 I'm wondering why the original post only included information about the requested dress code (no bikini) and not about the other stipulations, which are way more serious....a female must be present and he'll be watching for evidence on FB posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beccawife32 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 I'm wondering why the original post only included information about the requested dress code (no bikini) and not about the other stipulations, which are way more serious....a female must be present and he'll be watching for evidence on FB posts. Because as I was trying to compromise as some of you suggested, he started to throw in those stipulations. I suggested a one piece but he did not think that was enough. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Because as I was trying to compromise as some of you suggested, he started to throw in those stipulations. I suggested a one piece but he did not think that was enough. When he proposed the one piece what did you say? Were you in agreement about it? Has there ever been an instance in the marriage where he felt like you couldn't be trusted? Have you cheated? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rubix Cubed Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Have you ever given him any reason to question your intentions with a mostly male snorkeling club or had an inappropriate relationship w/ another man since you've been together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 You could buy a one piece. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 You could buy a one piece. She already suggested that but he came back at her with his other stipulations... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beccawife32 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 On the flipside, I dont know that many if any of the women commenting or even the OP would see this the same if their boyfriend/husband was doing activities in a banana hammock with a group of woman...let's get real. That stuff makes most uncomfortable. True, but a compromise would be he need to wear swim trunks...not to demand he wear a shirt, trunks longer than knee length, another guy has to go along and so forth... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 OP, you've been asked several times if you have done anything inappropriate that would have created his insecurities and you have yet to answer. The none reply suggests that you have indeed done so. If true then it tips the scale of compromise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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